My Sweet Grace: A Pre-Tribe Jay Story
by emeraldeyes83
Summary: Feelings of nostalgia brought me here to upload this old UBB story. My version of Jay's pre-tribe from the POV of the girl we saw his his flashback.
1. Chapter 1

_I wish I could say something..._

Grace Owen ran her pretty-blue eyes back over what she had just written, and then crossed it out with a flourish.

She sighed, looking out of her window onto the sandy beach and turquoise lace-topped water. Everything that had happened in the last year had happened so quickly, so feverishly - so wonderfully! - that she found herself, suddenly, in the middle of the night, wishing that she could tell someone – anyone – what she was going through.

The water glowed in the sunset, a burnt orange flame that streaked across the sky, reminding her how much she loved the place she lived in, how grateful she was for the chance to have a loving home in the middle of such a wonderful setting. The scenes around her were like those from a wonderful book or movie, something arty, all angles and magnificent views.

She sighed as she thought about her favourite place in the world; the beach. And then her mind flicked to him, and stopped dead in its tracks as a warm blush coloured her cheeks. Grace shook her head, he was the last person who could know what she was going through.

With a determined sigh, Grace picked up her pencil and in neat loopy handwriting began again…

 _In the summer I was fifteen my parents changed my life forever._

 _At the time it upset me, I was angry with them for taking me away from my home, my friends and a city I loved. I was a teenager – the world was against me…but lately, as I see my parents getting older and sicker, I begin to feel sorry for all the bad things I said back then – things I don't even remember now._

 _We moved here, to the beach, mum, dad, Sara and I, to a pretty little house on the shore, and over the long, hot summer that followed I couldn't help but fall in love with The Little Valley just as my parents said I would._

 _I tried to fight it at first, made regular trips back to the city to see my friends and locked myself in my room and away from the glorious surroundings. The only problem with this was that being so far away from my old gang, made me see just how little we all had in common, they were selfish and conceited and if I was perfectly honest with myself, none of them were real friends to me._

After this starkly honest realisation Grace pulled back from the leather-bound diary and furrowed her brow in concentration, struggling to conjure up the memory.

But it was lost.

 _I don't even remember how I know that they weren't my real friends, it was just one of those feelings, a deep down voice which told me I wasn't fitting in anymore – moving away from the city opened my eyes._

The pencil hovered above the pages for a brief moment, long enough for a re-reading of that paragraph.

 _Jay was one of those guys that you look at and think 'wow' even at fifteen. When we first met I couldn't take my eyes off him…and when he looked at me with warm eyes and smiled shivers ran icy fingers up and down my spine._

Grace blushed at what she had written and was half-tempted to cross it out, but the urge to continue writing was stronger than she had anticipated and took over.

 _It was autumn when we first met, and I remember thinking that there would be no way on this Earth that the gorgeous boy from the beach with the bleached-blond hair would ever want anything to do with me._

 _I was fifteen, a girl and shy…innocent…untouched…by anything or anyone…_

 _That morning I remember having one of those wonderful dreams, where you are weightless, and everything is made of chocolate and marshmallows, when my mother's voice swam into my thoughts…_

 _"_ _Grace?" She was tapping lightly on my bedroom door, urging me awake. "Gracey sweetie – it's time to get up…"_

 _"_ _Mmmm.." I turned over and pulled the warm duvet back over my head. "Five more minutes." I whispered softly. "Just five more minutes…"_

 _The tapping came again though and louder. "Grace, you've had five more minutes –" Her tone wasn't angry, just firm "I'm off to work in two, and Sara's playing downstairs, I don't want her left on her own."_

 _The concern dripping from my mother's voice pulled me out of bed and forced me to get ready._

 _Sara was my younger sister and for her age she seemed unaffected by the move. Sara liked it as much as any of us, as far as we could tell - she didn't say much but still I saw the happiness deep in her eyes when she looked at the waves crashing on the sand. She was four and a sickly child, she'd been in and out of hospital about a million times – more times in two months than I'd been in my whole life - but no one really knew what was wrong with her…or if they did they never said._

 _I feared that she was getting sicker every day; she seemed to drain of colour with every moment that passed. I knew my mother thought living by the seaside would help her to somehow get through it and I hoped with all my heart that she was right because I loved Sara more than anything._


	2. Special Sisters

**_Special sisters_**

 _As I reached the bottom of the stairs my mother pulled me into her arms kissed me lightly on both cheeks in her breezy European manner._

 _I paused for a second just to look at her. She smiled and pushed her long dark hair behind her ears catching me in another light embrace, and it was at that moment I knew just how much I loved her._

 _Okay it sounds like a cliché, but I have no other way to explain how I felt in that split second. I've always loved my mother, don't get me wrong, loved her with a passion that ran through my veins – she was my creator, and to her I was precious._

 _But it was on that day, so many months ago, that I realised how just how much that meant – she was more than I'd ever thought she'd be. My greatest friend._

 _I tried to say 'I love you' but as I looked into her honest brown eyes – eyes that Sara had inherited – the words caught in my throat and for once I couldn't manage it._

 _She held there for perhaps a moment longer than usual and then spoke in a soft voice heavily accented with Spanish overtures._

 _"_ _I love you Gracey…take care – if you need me you know where I am." A final kiss on my forehead and she was gone, leaving me to wish forever more that I hadn't missed the chance to say how much I cared for her._

 _After that it just got harder and harder to say how I felt, I regret that now, but it doesn't make it any easier to say the words. Words that just won't come, a sentence that chokes in the back of my throat. Sometimes I feel so cold and heartless, but I guess it's just the fear of opening my heart, taking the chance on someone else's feelings…_

 _It's different with Sara, I know she can't say it back so I feel free to love her as much as I can._

 _I grabbed the glass of milk and green apple that mum had left on the worktop for me and padded barefoot into Sara's playroom._

 _She didn't even look up as I entered and watched her for a few moments, nor did she flinch when I sat cross-legged beside her and touched her arm gently._

 _Her dark hair was braided tightly away from her face and she was wearing her favourite dungarees and pink t-shirt. As Sara babbled away to herself and her dolls; Anne-Marie, Laura and Sophie, I listened carefully in the same way I did every time I was with her. She didn't make much sense though – it was just the few muffled words she did know mixed with sounds and hums…_

 _After a few minutes of playing – finishing her game, a tea party – she turned her attention and full-of-life eyes onto me. I smiled and she reached up to touch the silver necklace I was wearing with small, perfect fingers._

 _"_ _Es nice…" She giggled all to herself._

 _"_ _Sara." I whispered stroking her hair gently. "I love you."_

 _She watched me now, intently, knowing I had said her name, said something familiar, and perhaps she knew, somewhere deep down, that it was loving._

 _"_ _Grraac-ey.." She mumbled before putting her thumb in her mouth and working on it._

 _I caught the tiny creature in a tight embrace and held her for a few long minutes. Hearing her say my name always touched something deep inside, but it hurt me and broke my heart to know that her development was not even close to how it should be at four. She tried hard, and she loved life, loved her life because she knew no better – smiled and giggled at every opportunity._

 _And the worse thing about it is that other people, the perfectly fine and healthy ones always find a way to be sad about their own lives, and I'm no exception. It's human not to be happy…it's normal._

 _But if that's true what was Sara?_

 _Sara was special. And she always would be._

Grace dropped the pencil onto the paper and raised her eyes to stop the tears that were already stinging her eyelids. She blinked and then dashed the single tear away with that back of her hand, but she was determined not to stop – this writing was helping her no matter how sad it made her feel she was finally facing things she'd been hiding.

With a long shaky sigh Grace picked up the pencil and began again…


	3. Playmates

**_Playmates_**

 _I took Sara into our airy living room, with huge bay windows and polished wooden floors, letting her sit on my lap in the creamy coloured sofa. She giggled playfully and twisted strands of my long dark hair around her fingers._

 _We were watching cartoons, as we always did, and this time it was one of her favourites – something about a blue puppy and a pink rabbit…? I forget what it's called._

 _On mornings when it was just Sara and I, we did whatever she wanted. She was always as good-as-gold for me and I loved to spoil her rotten. Mum never let her watch cartoons for longer than half an hour at a time and she always made us tidy up the toys straight away. But when it was just Sara and I we did whatever we wanted and both of us loved it._

 _When the credits rolled in a colourful blur Sara hopped from my lap and sped out of the room for a moment. I listened for her singing to herself, but couldn't hear anything. I waited for another moment trying not to be over protective but it worried me when I couldn't see or hear what she was doing…_

 _"_ _Sara?" The name jumped out of my throat before I had the chance to stop it._

 _The tiny girl came bounding back instantly carrying a pair of her trainers – pink and covered in glitter, the one's I'd given her for her birthday – and a pair of my own sneakers._

 _I grinned from ear to ear as she sat on the floor and stuck her leg in the air, pulling the shoes clumsily onto her feet._

 _"_ _I take it you want to go out somewhere to play?" I smiled happily; she was so full of energy…hard work for mum I knew that, but I figured if I took her out to play it would make her sleepier this evening._

 _She looked at me, telling me 'yes' with her soft eyes._

 _"_ _Okay you." I declared touching the tip of her nose playfully with my finger. "Out it is!"_

Grace rubbed her tired eyes with the back of her right hand and let her writing hand – her left – rest a while. The sunset was no longer streaming into her lemon bedroom or onto the pine bureau; it had changed to a cool silvery moonlight that made the entire sea shimmer.

The girl leaned forward and flicked the switch of her table lamp and it immediately filled the room with a warm, but harshly artificial light that caused her eyes to blink hard a few times before they adjusted.

On the floor by her feet were Sara's trainers, the pink ones with the glitter, taken off, lovingly abandoned but left untouched and next to them a doll, Sophie, dressed for outdoors, wrapped up warm with tiny tufts of hair missing from the back.

It was a vision to her sore eyes, a loving memory and sweet reminder of that day, even though the shoes had been worn many times since and Sophie had drank countless cups of invisible tea in the months – year – that had passed.

Grace pulled the long dark hair that all three of the Owen females had, out of her face. Although she had the Spanish darkness of her mother, Grace also shared her father's sparkly blue eyes and perfectly formed nose.

She was a pretty girl, not striking in her own mind, not particularly beautiful, but a nice girl and sweet. She went to school and did all of her work, loved English and hated science, had a few friends – a close circle who she was grateful for – and walked through life taking it as it came. Grace was good-natured and it radiated through her amazing smile.

A smile she couldn't help but smile as she continued to think about playtime with her baby sister.

 _Sara's cheeks were flushed and her eyes gleamed as she tugged at my sleeve, willing me forward, wishing me faster. We walked along the path beside the beach – it was a warm, slightly breezy day but there weren't many people playing in the sand, surprising considering it was a weekend._

 _As we walked I once again thought about how much I loved it – it was so much calmer and safer than the city – I felt so at ease in the streets that I never wanted to go back again._

 _On hot summer nights I would take long lingering strolls along the shore, letting the cool sand stroke my feet and dipping my toes in the foamy water. I'd hum and sing under the watchful gaze of a milky moon – I was smitten with my new home then and am even more so now._

 _As we turned a familiar corner I realised we were heading towards the only place Sara knew the way to – and not on some wild goose-chase as I'd first imagined._

 _When she saw it in sight Sara broke from my grasp and darted across the yellow-tipped summer grass towards brightly painted red and blue swings._

 _"_ _Push, Push!" She yelled, laughing and pulling herself on it. I laughed back and ran to join her, helping her get settled on the seat._

 _I pushed her on the swings, gently at first, knowing my mother came home from work past the park, and knowing also that she'd kill me if Sara fell off the thing._

 _"_ _High…high!" Sara demanded recklessly, in the way that little kids always do; cheeks red, eyes sparkling, breathless._

 _So I pushed a little harder – enough so that she'd be happy but not so much that it was dangerous. I know it sounds boring, but because of Sara being the way she is…you can never be too careful with her. I gave the swing a final push, before letting it settle on its own as Sara sung a ditty in her broken language…_

Grace paused for a minute, another rest, and looked over what she was writing. It was getting harder all the time as her memories became more distant and more mixed with her present feelings. She wondered if the words she wrote even made sense anymore.

 _Sara had worn me out in the space of about thirty-minutes, playing chase around the slide and sandpit, but now we had both settled onto the warm grass, watching the clouds and making long daisy chains._

 _"_ _What animals can you see in the clouds Sara?" I asked referring to a game we often played on days like these.._

 _She looked up to the sky, her eyes crinkling against the brightness of the sun and giggled. "Ho…s…" She waited a second. "Hor..or..ee.." She struggled to stutter out the word that she wanted to say, and I watched patiently. "Ho..r..e..y.." She glanced at me for help with slightly teary eyes, they way she did when struggling with words she knew she knew…_

 _I grabbed her and tickled her playfully. "Was it a…..DOG?" I asked as she squirmed, and she nodded her head, no. "What about a…erm…aeroplane?" This brought more laughter from the little girl._

 _"_ _Am-in-al…" Sara reminded me, it had to be an animal._

 _"_ _Oh I see…" I said slowly. "Was it a…a…a big pink elephant jumping up and down in custard!" Sara screeched with laughter and pulled out of my grasp shaking her head, no, so that her dark hair started coming loose from the braids._

 _I let her laughter die down before asking her again. "What animal was it?"_

 _Sara bit her lip and took a deep breath. "Ha…rrr…Hor..se..hors..ee"_

 _I grinned. "A horse? Well done!"_

 _I leaned forward and place my daisy chain around her as a necklace. "Now you look like a princess…"_

 _With a small smile Sara place hers onto my head, like a crown. "…pincess…"_

 _Then we hugged and I remember feeling so loved by this tiny creature that my heart ached. I promised myself then that I'd do anything to protect her…make her better if I could…and I'd never, ever let_ _anything or anyone hurt her_

Grace looked up as a knock came at the door. "Yes?" She closed the diary shut.

Grace's mother poked her head around the door. "I was just coming to say goodnight sweetie." She entered and crossed to the desk. "You're not working are you? It's late Gracey…"

"No mum I'm nearly finished." She glanced at the clock and her eyes widened at the time – she'd been writing for hours. "Has Sara gone to bed then? She didn't come in and say 'night." There was disappointment in her voice, Sara always said her good nights.

"I know hon, she fell asleep earlier – I put her straight to bed…she's not well again…" Her mothers eyes were slightly teary and bloodshot…from crying? "She's getting weaker…" She coughed harshly.

Grace tried to smile reassuringly. "It'll be okay mum. Sara's a fighter, she'll get better – she always does.." She paused her concerned eyes for her mother now. "Are you alright? You don't look well."

She smiled, her breathtaking smile, and for a second Grace wondered if she'd imagined the paler, sicker, woman standing next to her. "I'm fine." She stroked Grace's hair softly, then kissed her cheek. "Don't stay up too late."

Grace smiled again. "I won't."

 _We walked home via the beach, I carried my sister in a piggy-back, bouncing her up and down so she'd laugh, because I needed to hear her laughter in my head – it made everything alright._

 _"_ _Mon-ster! Chase!" Sara said as I let her onto the sand._

 _I knew this meant our game of chase, where I was on my knees to give her a better chance of getting away…_

 _As I sunk onto the sand I didn't even look around to see if anyone was watching, it never occurred to me anyone would care what I was doing – because all I cared about was Sara and I having fun._

 _She screeched and tittered as I chased her making "scary noises" and reaching to grab her but always missing – I never even noticed she had darted behind a pair of legs until my face was almost touching them._

Grace felt herself blushing as she remembered, and wondered once again how she had managed _not_ to see him standing there…

 _I paused at the bare feet – they were nice feet as far as they could be – and wet-suit clad ankles so one thought came to my mind – surfer?_

 _I closed my eyes, embarrassed, and opened them again hoping the legs had vanished, but no avail. They were still there and as real as ever. Still I couldn't bear to look up and I just stayed there for a moment hoping everything would sort itself out. Looking back I realise that this probably only made it look worse…!_

 _"_ _Do ya' need a hand there?" His voice touched me and not just lightly – it grabbed hold of me and touched so deep it forced my head up causing my eyes to collide with his._

 _I couldn't breathe and as I slowly got to my feet we didn't break our gaze – not even for a moment – eyes silently engaged in some sort of duel._

 _He was taller than me, about 5ft 8inches and still growing - (he's well over 6ft now) - messy brown hair, with bleached tips that was damp from the sea and gentle hazel coloured eyes, shining as he gave me that amused grin._

 _Much to my embarrassment I recognised him, he was cute. His name was Jay…something… and I think I sat in front of him in English class…_

 _Neither one of us knew what to say, at least I know I didn't, so we just stood there. It was strange and it sounds stupid, but as I stood there watching him grin at me in that way I felt butterflies start swarming around the pit of my stomach and excited goose bumps broke out on my arms._

 _Then he started to laugh – more of a low chuckle really – but he wasn't laughing_ _ **at**_ _me, that was the funny thing, it felt as though his laughter was_ _ **for**_ _me, and I wondered if he saw the same things in me that I saw in him…_

 _"_ _Well…" The corner of his eyes crinkled as he smiled wider. "What a way to break the ice?"_

 _I grinned, hoping I didn't look too stupid. "Yeah, I guess."_

 _"_ _I'm Jay." He offered._

 _"_ _I know!" I spat, and then instantly regretted it. Why should I know his name? It made me sound like a crazed stalker-girl or something._

 _"_ _And you're Grace, right?" I raised my eyebrows; I guess there wasn't a real reason for him to know my name either. I must have looked surprised because the next thing to come was… "English class. You're three rows forward – I never forget a face. You're new?" He threw me a perfectly-straight toothed grin and smoothed the situation over with ease._

 _I nodded again; stupidly, unable to do anything but think how much I liked his smile "Yes. We just moved over the summer – it's nice here."_

 _"_ _Nice? Hmmm…Not boring then?" He teased raising his eyebrows. "Compared to the 'big city'?"_

 _Sara tugged on my trouser-leg and I jumped slightly – I couldn't believe I'd been in such a daze with this guy I never even knew that I'd forgotten she was there. I picked her up. "Okay sweetie – I know you're hungry – we'll make some lunch huh?" I spun her full-circle to make her smile then turned back to Jay. "Nice to meet you." I said. "Maybe I'll see you around?"_

 _Jay nodded. "You can count on it."_

 _I laughed putting Sara back onto the floor, then hand-in-hand, my beloved sister and I danced our way up the beach._


	4. Jay

**_Jay looks at Grace_**

 **Against my better judgement I'd just been surfing. My younger brother Ved who, as well as being a self-titled "computer expert" is also a "skilled surfer", had decided to "show me how it was done" – and of course, little brother hadn't expected me to be better than him! Not lots better mind, I liked sport, but surfing wasn't really my thing…just good enough – and probably only by luck – but Ved was getting a little too big for his boots these days.**

 **It was warm, but the beach was quiet, I guess with us all just getting back to school after a long hot summer, it was the last place people wanted to be.**

 **As I strolled up the sand after Ved I noticed them. A young girl six or seven screeched with laughter as an older girl chased and tickled her playfully. I smiled and squinted to get a better look, it was something interesting to watch and something about them enchanted me, it was almost as if I was glued to the spot.**

 **As they came closer I began to recognise the older girl. she was in my English class…three rows in front…on Friday she'd worn her hair knotted back into two long pigtails…**

 **Grace.**

 **I said the name in my head and liked the way it sounded…liked it enough that it drew a smile from my lips. As they got closer the resemblance between the girls told me they were sisters – and pretty ones at that.**

 **The tiny girl, on noticing me darted behind my legs as I held back a laugh, Grace however didn't notice me until she was almost touching my legs…**

 **I looked down at the sweet girl in warm amusement.**

 **I waited for a few moments as she seemed to freeze at my ankles and spoke finally.**

 **"** **Do ya' need a hand there?" I said as lightly as I could, trying hard so that it didn't come out like one of Ved's cheesy chat-up lines.**

 **She looked up at me then, with those large pretty-blue eyes, eyes so open and honest I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.**

 **Slowly she stood never breaking our gaze as I took her in. I was taller than her – but then I'm taller than a lot of people – still, Grace was about 5ft 6inches or so, slim, wearing blue flared jeans and a white hooded-top, her long dark hair tumbled carelessly over her shoulders and her cheeks were slightly flushed.**

 **I stood there as she held me with her eyes and for once in my life I didn't know what to say – or even what I should say.**

 **And then, without knowing quite why I started to laugh gently. I wasn't laughing at her – don't think that – it was just…if you knew Grace you'd know what I mean…there was just something about her that made me smile, perhaps it was the daisies that decorated her hair impulsively…or her spell-binding innocence…or the fact that from that first moment I had…**

 **"** **Well…" I spoke up suddenly without thought. "What a way to break the ice huh?"**

 **Grace smiled, so lovely a smile that I immediately committed it to memory forever.**

 **"** **Yeah, I guess."**

 **I shrugged. "I'm Jay." I offered helpfully.**

 **"** **I know!" She said quickly, then looked at though she regretted admitting it.**

 **"** **And you're Grace right?" Grace raised her eyebrows, looking slightly worried for a moment. "English class." I explained. "You're three rows forward…You're new?"**

 **She nodded, looking relieved that I wasn't her personal stalker. "Yes. We just moved over the summer – it's nice here…"**

 **I know I didn't know her, but I couldn't help but tease her playfully. "Nice? Hmmm…Not boring then? Compared to the 'big city'?"**

 **I didn't get an answer to this question, because her attention had turned back to the little girl. "Okay sweetie…" She cooed affectionately. "I know you're hungry – we'll go make some lunch huh?" Grace scooped her sister up in her arms and spun her full circle until she giggled again. "It was nice to meet you." She told me softly putting the girl back to the ground and then adding softly. "Maybe I'll see you around?"**

 **Instantly I realised I did want to see her again, I was disappointed our moment together was ending…so in true 'Ved-style' I couldn't help flirting…just a little. "You can count on it." I grinned.**

 **She laughed a silvery laugh and took the tiny girls hand and I turned and watched as they both danced into the distance, smiling all the way.**

 **"** **Jay?" Ved pulled at my shoulder, irritable from too much sun and losing the surfing contest. "Are we going or what?"**

 **I turned from Grace and ruffled his hair playfully, calling him a sore loser and mentioning that he shouldn't play games if he wasn't prepared to lose.**

 **My brother rolled his eyes "You only won because you cheated. I don't know why you don't just admit it…" He pouted.**

 **I laughed aloud and shook my head at this suggestion "We stated the rules before we started little brother, it's not my fault you can't keep to them…"**

 **Ved scoffed "Just because you've got the rules printed and laminated above your bed doesn't mean they'll work in practise…"**

 **I grabbed at him and a playful scuffled ensued, me calling him a sore loser and him calling me anal and we chuckled and fought our way home…**

 **And as we walked my mind turned back to Grace. I dodn't know how, or why, but for some unexplainable reason, from that meeting onwards I was under her spell…**

 _When Sara and I got back mum was already in the kitchen making us dinner. Sara sped to her and she bent down to pick her up fondly._

 _I watched for a moment then turned and ran all the way upstairs to my bedroom, slamming the door shut and resting my back against it._

 _It was all I could do to keep myself from screaming or laughing, my heart was still racing and I couldn't wipe the stupid grin from my face…_

 _I sighed closing my eyes, no one had ever made me feel as giddy as he just had. His smile…those eyes…I felt the goose bumps on my arms and realised I was kind of shaking…he seemed really nice – and he wanted to see me around again, he said so – could it be possible he was feeling like this?_

 _It was so strange, I didn't even know him and he was making me crazy…_

 _"_ _Oh God…" I whispered to myself. "Grace, calm down…" I instructed._

 _With a slight laugh I pushed my fingers nervously through my hair, the daisy chain falling into my hands. I held it before my face in disbelief, the daisies were in my hair all the time? I was such a loser…_

 _I dropped the flowers to the floor and closed my eyes again, there was no way on this earth that someone like Jay would want someone like me._

 _He never would._

Grace rubbed her eyes and shook her head that was the worst realisation of them all.


	5. Daddy's Girl

**_Daddy's Girl_**

 _After that first brief meeting with Jay something changed deep inside me, something stirred and woke. So subtly though that in the beginning I didn't even notice, but looking back now I know._

 _I saw Jay around quite a lot after the day on the beach and I wondered if it was on purpose…or only because he was one of the few faces I recognised in the sea of students._

 _As it turned out, girl from school, Bethany Williams, who I'd fallen in with, knew Jay really well and as I became a bigger part of her group I started to hang out with Jay much more too…_

 _Beth was funny and smart and outgoing in a way that sometimes scared people or made them back away from her, but I liked her happy-go-lucky attitude – and we got on really well._

 _She was very obviously pretty, the kind of girl who you'd hate if she wasn't so much fun – and the kind of girl that other girls would kill to look like. She had large green eyes and dead-straight shoulder length dark blond hair that swished when she spoke. Her and Jay went back a long way and for a while I was so scared to ask her about them…perhaps I was worried what I might hear – I didn't want to know that the one guy that made me tingle all over without even touching me was in love with this blonde would-be model…_

 _It's funny how things work out though, it was as if all these vital coincidences were fixed or planned and I couldn't help feeling then – and still do now - that Jay and I were meant to be friends._

 _We were similar, liked to laugh; but not at the expense of others, loved the beach and the sea…tried our hardest to be kind and helpful…but in other ways we were poles apart. I was quieter than Jay – only speaking when I felt it was needed, but he was the natural leader of our group. Whenever there was a problem Jay had an idea or an answer, a lot of us looked to Jay for guidance and he was always the voice of logic._

 _Because he was part of the same friendship group as me, and because of something I felt I had no control over, we became…_

"Grace…" She was shook gently. "Gracey…?"

Grace jumped lifting her head from the desk and instinctively shutting the diary. "Dad?" She blinked sleepy eyes adjusting to the light again. "What time is it?"

"2 a.m…I've just got back from work. What are you doing up so late? Not waiting to greet me I hope?!" He laughed crinkling up his eyes.

Grace smiled and held his hand for a moment, looking up to his eyes. He looked sick, older and frail…but still his bright eyes shone on.

Her stomach suddenly turned with fear. "Dad…" She whispered.

"Yes love?" He stroked her hair softly.

Grace's eyes stung with sleep and tears. "Dad…you and mum…ya' know I love you don't you?"

He didn't stop smiling. "Of course we know Grace – we can see it in your eyes – it your smile. And we love you. I love you." He kissed her cheek.

Grace lurched forward and wrapped her arms around his legs, squeezing away tears. "Thank-you…"

"Hey pet, what's all this?" Her father lifted up her tear-streaked face. "What's wrong?"

Grace shook her head, and strands of hair fell from her messy-bun. "I don't know dad…I'm just scared."

"There's nothing to be afraid of." His voice eased her suddenly. "I'll always be here if you need me kid. Now try and get some sleep, it's too late to be writing – you'll strain your eyes…"

Grace looked at him and nodded as he left the room whispering a gentle 'good-night'.

When he was gone, Grace picked up the diary and crept into bed – she **had** to keep writing…

She put her walkman on and hummed to her favourite song…" _You Look Wonderful Tonight_ "…as she picked up the pen and carried on.

 _We became close_ , she finished with another flourish as a-million-and-one thoughts came rushing into her mind.


	6. Best Friends

**_Best Friends_**

 _I guess you could say we've become more than just simply close, I feel closer to Jay than I've ever been to anyone who wasn't my family and back then it was a shock to my system, and I think it was for him too._

 _We became such good friends in only a number of weeks and were constantly together. After a few months the light teasing started, people started passing comment on us and judging everything we did and this made me want to back away from Jay for a while – but for some reason I never could._

 _Beth picked up on our familiarity and pulled me aside after math one day about six months ago._

 _"_ _Can I ask you something Grace?" She wondered in her confident style, leaning casually against the water fountain as I drunk a little._

 _"_ _Sure…" I smiled._

 _"_ _What's going on between you and Jay?" She blurted in a manner that was unlike her._

 _"_ _Erm…I…what do you mean exactly?" I stuttered, shocked._

 _"_ _Are you getting together or something?"_

 _I pushed my hair behind my ears nervously; I didn't think my feelings for him were as obvious as she was making out. "We're just good friends." I said firmly._

 _Beth laughed softly. "Friends? C'mon Grace…I've known Jay for years – Jay and I are 'just good friends' and he's never looked at me the way he looks at you."_

 _I felt myself blushing but laughed it off. "Beth! Your imagination is too overactive!" I giggled walking away from her down the hall._

 _I paused and looked back. "Well?" I asked. "You coming?"_

 _Jay was never anything other than friendly towards me and I think in some ways that gave me a vain optimism that he had feelings for me too, and Beth telling me what she thought only added to that hope._

 _I liked Jay, a lot, and if the truth were known he made me horny._

 _C'mon! I was nearly sixteen and my hormones were far too overactive, and as much as I tried not to think about him in that way I couldn't stop myself. I'd liked guys before – but no one had ever made me feel half the way I did when Jay looked at me with those smirking eyes._

 _I wondered if he knew what I thought about him, and even if he thought about me in the lonely dark. I wondered if he needed someone too, someone's gentle touch when he was afraid – if he needed me in the same way I felt I needed him._

 _It was a few months ago when I finally realised just how deep my feelings for Jay ran. We'd been friendly for well over a year, I was no longer the 'new girl' and I really felt as though I finally fitted in somewhere._

 _It was a Wednesday afternoon and I, feeling in a rather reflective mood had crept off to the school's library. I had a study period but studying was far from my mind as I found myself in the place I loved most – after the beach. The library was all dark wood and tall bookshelves, and smelled of knowledge and secrets and imagination. Tall wall-length glass windows spilled the afternoon sun all over the floor in a pool of golden as I made my way to the end of the room and curled up at the corner desk with my favourite book "The Bell Jar". The copy I was reading from was tattered and well thumbed and even though it wasn't a happy novel I felt happiest when I was reading it._

 _"_ _Grace…" I didn't register the voice at first and just took it as another of the libraries comforting noises – until it came again. "Grace?"_

 _I jumped and nearly dropped my book with a clatter._

 _"_ _Jay?" I whispered looking up. "You nearly scared the hell out of me!"_

 _Jay smirked and the corners of his eyes crinkled a little. "Sorry." He shrugged. "I was looking for you in the study-hall, but you weren't there. I figured you'd be here." He sat down next to me._

 _I felt a tiny bit of trepidation and placed my book on the table. "What's wrong?" I asked the concern in my voice scaring me even more._

 _"_ _I didn't know who else to come to Gracey…" I closed my eyes for a second as he called me that and tried to stop the butterflies swarming in the pit of my stomach – this was serious. "Everyone else…they always come to me with their problems but I don't have anyone do I?"_

 _I touched his shoulder a little awkwardly – I shouldn't be having sexual thoughts about him right now, something terrible had happened and I…- "You've got me Jay. Whenever you need me."_

 _His eyes collided with mine and I had to catch my breath. "It's my dad."_

 _The librarian's head snapped up and she hushed us very loudly._

 _Both of us averted our eyes and I could feel myself blushing._

 _Jay moved his chair closer so that my thigh and side were brushing against his. "He's sick Grace. He says it's nothing – but I can tell he's lying – he's trying to keep something from us, I know it. I just don't know what to do about Ved – it'll crush him if dad dies." He looked so sad I felt tears well up in my eyes. "Him especially." He amended._

 _I struggled to think of everything I knew about Jay's dad. He was a scientist – genetic I think – worked for the government…Pandorax?_

 _Even now I'm not sure what that means._

 _I reached for Jay's hand. "It's gonna be fine Jay." I whispered as softly as I could. "Your dad wouldn't lie to you if it was important." I wanted to believe this SO much. "He loves you all too much for that."_

 _We were so close I could feel him breathing – our noses were almost touching as we whispered. I looked into his eyes and told him again that I'd be there for him if he ever needed me, and as I did so I prayed that he couldn't feel my trembling from being so close to him._

 _And then he said something I wasn't expecting._

 _"_ _You're my best friend Grace." He said so softly I almost didn't hear it._

 _I put my arms around him as tears pricked my eyelids and held him for a second. "Your mine too Jay. And everything's going to work out – I promise."_

 _Then I pulled back and smiled through blurry eyes. "Let's get out of here – I think we need to go walking on the beach."_

 _And that was that._

 _He was, and still is, one of my best friends…the best friend I've ever had._

Grace closed her eyes for a moment to hold in tears.

 _Which is why I can never tell him how I really feel. He trusts me so much and I don't think he really has a clue what I'm feeling._

 _Right now I suppose that even though I don't have him how I'd like – I still have something. I'm afraid that if I ever told him how I felt I'd lose him, and us, forever. We have something that I never want to lose…_

 _A mutual friendship._

 _We can hug and play fight and walk along the beach; he can hold my hand and tell me I'm wonderful and we can both feel safe in the knowledge that it's nothing more than friendship._

Tears dropped onto the paper as Grace scribbled hard with the pencil.

 _And sometimes I feel so ashamed, because he thinks that I'm honest with him._

 _And I'm not, because if I were honest I'd tell him something that neither of us wants to hear._

 _I'd tell him that I think I'm in love with him._


	7. A Day at The Beach

**_A day at the Seaside_**

Grace was sleeping, diary in hand, as her eyelids twitched slightly and her mouth whispered her silent secrets. She was peaceful as the sunlight streamed through the window making her hair glow radiantly.

 _"…_ _and then she asks me 'Do I look alright?'_

 _And I say 'Yes. You look wonderful tonight.'"_

Grace became suddenly aware of the music still playing on her Walkman, as you do when you are in that distant place between sleeping and waking, and jumped awake with a start. The vivid light made her eyes sting for a moment before she rubbed sleep from them and stretched like a cat making quiet murmuring noises as she did so.

The diary fell to the floor with a grotesque thud, and for a second she just looked at it solemnly. It was her newest – and only - confidante, a book that was filled with her dreams, wishes and secrets.

Secrets.

Thinking of what she'd written about Jay, Grace scooped up the leather-bound book and pushed it hastily underneath her mattress. It could stay there for now.

The pretty girl glanced at her wall-clock and furrowed her brow – should she be doing something this morning…? Whatever it was slipped from her grasp…

It was nearly eleven, on a Sunday morning and already her house was alive with laughter and noise – it was the same every week as her mother and Sara made pancakes, and her dad read the paper or mowed the lawn. Grace almost laughed as this image entered her mind – when did her family become the Brady Bunch?

A light tap came at her door, and for a moment she froze.

"Grace?" Her mother's voice whispered through the hard wood. "Breakfasts ready. What time you going to the beach this morning?"

The beach! Of course! Grace jumped out of bed and opened the door with a radiant smile.

"In about half an hour." She grinned at her mother, but she wasn't quite sure why – and of course it had nothing to do with meeting a certain someone at the beach that afternoon... "Could you keep my pancakes warm while I shower?"

Her mother laughed as Grace kissed her on the cheek and fled down the hall.

"Morning dad." Grace smiled and kissed her father's cheek as she picked a glass of orange juice from the table and gulped it down thirstily.

"I hope you didn't stay up too late last night." It wasn't a question, but a warning, and Grace didn't answer it as she sat beside him.

Her father coughed gently, trying to hide it with the newspaper.

He didn't succeed.

"Dad? Are you sick again?" Grace asked suddenly dreading the answer.

Her parents exchanged worried looks. "No, sweetie – I'm just a little run down – I'm so busy at work…"

Grace pushed the pancakes away from her, she couldn't eat, not now, she felt sick to the stomach. Don't lie to me! She wanted to shout at the top of her lungs, don't tell me everything's going to be all right when I know something's wrong. Grace bit her lip, didn't they care enough for her and Sara to tell them the truth? Prepare them for…for whatever was happening in this crazy world?

"Gra…cey!" Sara called her name with such forceful excitement all bad thoughts were lost.

"Morning you." Grace grinned as her sister ran towards her. Smiling she pulled Sara onto her lap making her erupt in giggles.

They cuddled and chatted amongst themselves as their mother watched with pale, but loving eyes.

Grace had grown up so much over the two years that they'd lived in this new house; she was rapidly approaching her seventeenth birthday and had blossomed into a beautiful young woman. She was so wonderful with her younger sister, she'd do all right on her own, and she'd look after her well…

"Right then," Grace announced putting Sara back on the floor. "I'm off to the beach. I said I'd meet Malaika in a few minutes…" As she picked up her bag she noticed that Sara was looking at her with pouting lips.

"What's up with you girly-girl?" She joked.

"Beach." Sara said simply.

"Oh…Sazzy…I…" Grace wanted to take her, but a big part just wanted some time alone.

"Hey Sara – you can come out with mummy this morning huh?" Her mother tried to be encouraging.

Sara still didn't look happy.

Grace sighed a little reluctantly and then took the girls hand. "C'mon then Sara, me and you huh?" She remarked glancing back at her parents. "Just me and you against the world."

Sara danced beside her as they walked to the end of the tiny row of houses, as they got nearer Grace could make out a figure in the distance.

Grace put up her arm and waved, Sara seeing this, copied.

From not very far away an amused Malaika waved back. "What took you so long?" She wondered raising her eyebrows.

"Overslept –couldn't sleep last night, too many…thoughts."

"Well go steady huh? We don't want you worrying your head about nothing now do we?" Malaika looked concerned as she bent down to greet Sara. "Hey girl!" She laughed. "Do you want one?" She asked offering her a sweet from a paper bag.

Sara looked up at Grace for a moment. "Go ahead." She reassured her.

Sara quickly popped one in her mouth.

"What do you say?" Grace reminded her gently.

"Tankies.." Sara giggled.

"You want one?" Malaika turned to Grace who shook her head, no.

As they walked to the beach and across the warm sand, the girls talked. Malaika talking in her outgoing, but reflective way made Grace smile radiantly.

Grace had met Malaika – or Mali as she sometimes shortened it to when she was feeling lazy – about a year back, when both were sweet sixteen, and about a year after Grace first met Jay. It was a coincidental meeting really, Grace's mother was doing a photo shoot for the small fashion magazine company she worked for and Mali's mother was the professional model. It seemed far-fetched when she thought about it – a coincidence that it had been 'take your daughter to work day' and even that both women had brought along their girls. But that's the way it happened, far-fetched; yes; but true.

They'd spent the day talking and discussing their mother's careers and what they wanted to do when they 'grew-up'. Malaika had said she loved the idea of her mother's job – the thrills and excitement, but that it took up a lot of her time…she'd probably opt for something just as fun, but what allowed her to keep her feet on the ground. Grace laughed and, as ever, took the dreamers option declaring that she wanted to paint or write…

"So what's all this not sleeping about?" Malaika turned her attention and her knowing brown eyes to her friend.

Grace looked at her and took her in without saying a word for a moment. There she was, the girl with the beautiful, yet somewhat unusual name, standing before her long dark hair pulled up into a silky ponytail, dressed in jean-coloured trousers and a casual black strappy top. Malaika knew her well, and even if she didn't say it she knew more about Grace than Beth or even Jay - there was an air of trust between them.

Grace opened her mouth to speak but sighed instead. "I don't know Mali…I started writing this diary – a stupid thing I was given last Christmas but never dared to use. I guess my heads been so messed up lately I just wanted to make some sense of things…"

"Jay-shaped things?" Malaika asked this softly, in a way that told Grace she needed no answer. The others may tease them both about liking each other – but Malaika didn't do that, she was just making sure Grace knew she was here for her if she ever needed to talk.

"Lots of things…mum, dad – Sara…my past I guess."

"And this kept you up huh? You and your writing obsession!" She laughed, lightening the mood.

"Yeh. Once I'd started…" Grace glanced ahead and noticed they were nearing a group of familiar figures.

She stopped. "How are things at home now?" She asked, knowing that Mali's mothers job was becoming a bit of a strain on the family – especially because her dad was a politician and away a lot too. Malaika and her two brothers had to cope a lot on their own.

Malaika shrugged. "We've seen quite a bit of them both lately. Dad's off sick and mom's lookin' after him."

Grace's heart jumped. "Sick? How?"

Malaika shrugged again. "Coughing and that. He's looking a lot older too…guess it must be the strain or something – they say it's nothing though. Dad says it should pass in a few days, he just needs to wait for a shipping of antidote..? Nope that can't be right…antibiotics I think he said. There's something going round, so that's why he has to wait for the drugs."

"JAY!" Sara's screech broke the conversation as she bounded across the sand towards him.

Grace shielded her eyes from the sun and watched as he scooped the tiny girl from the sand.

"Hey kiddo." He grinned at her. "Where's that sister of yours…?"

Sara pointed to Malaika and Grace as they approached.

"Hey." Jay smiled, but as only Malaika noticed, his smile was for Grace and Grace alone.

"Hey yourself." Grace knew the greeting by heart. "Hows things?"

"Great – now!" He winked putting Sara back to the sand. "What kept you?"

"Lack of sleep huh Grace?" Malaika gave her a smile, which said she'd leave them to it, and walked over to a group of guys. Grace watched as she planted a kiss softly on Luke's cheek and smiled. As far as everyone was concerned they were boyfriend and girlfriend although both liked to keep it more open then that…

"It's a nice day huh?" Grace felt awkward talking to Jay as she led her green beach towel out on the sand. It matched the striped turquoise halter neck top she was wearing and blue cotton knee shorts.

"Yeah. The summers seem to get hotter and hotter…" Jay almost whispered as he watched her dab sun lotion onto her nose and cheeks – although she was tanned, Grace always made sure she went through the ritual of putting on her sun block.

Grace looked up from the task and grinned. "What?" She giggled sitting on the towel. "What you looking at?"

Jay sunk to the sand and shrugged. "Nothing really, just you. All summery."

Grace kicked off her sandals and pushed her toes into the warm soft sand as she reached into her beach bag and pulled out Sara's pink bucket and spade. "Sara!" She called as Sara tried running in and out of the edge of the water without getting her feet wet. "Sara, come here and take your shoes off!"

Sara looked up, forgetting about the sea just as it lapped up, over and into her shoes! All three giggled and Sara ran back up the beach covering them with sand.

"That was your fault!" Jay laughed at Grace. "You distracted her…"

Grace pushed him playfully, and then helped Sara out of her wet shoes. "Here you are." She handed her the bucket and spade. "Build us a pretty castle to live in huh?" Grace smiled absently. "Just you and me…"

"And Jay." Sara murmured filling the bucket clumsily.

"Yes." He smiled his eyes fixed on Grace as she looked out to sea. "And Jay."

That sat together for a while in silence and for the first time Grace felt just the tiniest bit of unease. She supposed this was because of the dairy. Seeing her feelings right there in front of her, in black and white, in her own loopy handwriting made things all too real, and all too impossible.

"What's going on in that busy head of yours Gracey?" Jay touched her hand delicately.

Grace jumped a little and looked at him. "Nothing…nothing much."

He looked worried and a little lost. "But whatever it is it's keeping you awake?"

Grace shrugged. "How's your dad Jay?"

Jay shrugged back. "He got better for a bit – but now he's back to how he was again. Not any worse." He sighed. "But no better either."

Grace contemplated this. "Don't you think it's strange? Our parents are all getting sick…for no good reason."

"Yeah I do. But when they tell us that nothings wrong what can we do about it?"

Grace smiled. "You're right. We're just kids. And we're meant to be having fun remember?"

Both laughed and Grace led back on the towel resting her hands on her stomach.

"Cheer up!" Jay demanded. "And smile more – you look nicer when you smile."

"I'm cheered…I'm cheee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!" Grace squealed with laughter as Jay grabbed her and tickled her forcefully. "JAY!" She gasped between shrieks and giggles. "Jay – STOP! Stop it!" Grace wriggled out of his grasp and kneeled on the sand a little way away from him. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes gleaming – she was out of breath and grinning from ear to ear.

"You're terrible!" She announced. "You know how much I hate that…"

"Oh? Then why do you look so happy?" He threw back.

Because I love it when you touch me… Grace shook her head. "I'm just a good actress!" She replied haughtily, and then added a grin so he'd know she was joking. "I am happy."

Jay opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off. "Jay mate!" Luke called from a little bit away. "Put her down, and come and play volleyball!"

Grace felt herself blushing as all eyes were on them. "Watch?" Jay asked standing and pulling his t-shirt off over his head, and all she could do was watch.

Watch him, in only shorts, standing above her and smiling down. He held his hand out to pull her to her feet and as they touched her insides melted away to nothing.

God, he's gorgeous… Grace knew her eyes were all over him, soaking up every inch of his bare flesh and binding it to memory – but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't pull her eyes off him…He was tall and athletic – but not bulky…slim and, she thought for a moment, taut. Grace squeezed her eyes shut for a moment to stop the dirty thoughts that were beginning to swell in her mind…

She smiled to herself as she felt a warm blush rise up her neck.

"Hey Grace!"

Grace jumped. "Beth? I didn't realise you were here!"

Beth smiled cattishly. "Nope. You were far too busy…"

Grace's stomach turned uneasily. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Beth sighed as if everything she was talking about was all too obvious. "You and Jay? So…When you gonna kiss him Grace?" She teased a little too meanly. "Or have you already?"

"Leave it out Beth!" Malaika snapped, coming to Grace's defence. "What Grace and Jay do is their own business, besides can't a guy and girl just be friends?"

No… Grace whispered inside her head …I don't just want to be his friend. I can't…

"If you ask me you're just jealous!" Malaika said finally.

"Jealous? Me?" Beth laughed. "Why would I be jealous? I'm pretty AND popular!"

With this all three girls started laughing, they knew Beth was only expressing her strange humours and Mali was playing her games.

"You're such an airhead!" Malaika laughed – but was cut off by the ringing of her mobile phone. "Ooops! I'm ringing!"

"Sorry guys!" She giggled as she ran over the volleyball pitch to grab her phone, which was on the other side of it.

For a moment everything came to a halt, the way things do when someone gets a call…secretly we were all listening.

"Hola!" Malaika called into the receiver grinning. "Mom?" Her face dropped…"W…wha…what is it? Speak slower…uh-huh…yeah I'm at the beach…no I…" Malaika went pale. "Daddy?" She whispered. "I'm coming!" Hanging up she picked up her things and fled down the beach.

"Mali!" I called starting after her, but I was grabbed by the arm. I looked up to see Luke looking at me with saddened eyes.

"Let me go Grace – I'll get her to call you." He whispered. "I'll go…"


	8. The Truth

**_The Truth_**

 _Everything turned sour from there._

 _A silence settled over the group, a feeling no one could've enjoyed, and I didn't want to be near anyone, not Jay, not Sara, not anyone because I knew deep down inside something terrible had happened that was only the beginning of our troubles._

 _I must have looked as though I was going to faint or cry or something because Jay took me by the arm and led me away from the group._

 _"_ _Sit down Grace…" He commanded._

 _"_ _I'm fine." I said back._

 _"_ _Grace, please. You look awful…like you've just seen a ghost."_

 _Maybe I have, I thought, my mind was spinning and nothing made sense for long moments as I took deep breaths to please Jay._

 _And then finally I said. "I think I'm going to go home."_

 _"_ _It might not be anything bad…" Jay tried to reassure me. "It could've been anything.."_

 _"_ _Don't ask me how I know this Jay but it is something bad." I walked away and began hastily piling all my things back into my beach bag, throwing handfuls of sand in too no doubt._

Grace glanced at the bag. It was still sitting there a week later, but she didn't know why she hadn't unpacked it, she just knew that something was keeping her from recalling the happy memories that had come before the phone call.

 _"_ _Grace…" Jay followed me. "Let's go for a walk – or a coke or something? You're acting really strange…"_

 _I looked into his eyes and for a moment all I wanted to do was fall into his arms and have him tell me everything was going to be okay. I waited for a few more moments and when that didn't happen, then I knew: there wasn't going to be a happy ending._

 _I just had to get home, and see my dad, make sure he was alright, pretend I was as young as Sara so that I could curl myself up in his lap and doze whilst he combed my hair with his fingers. I wished I didn't think these things – that my mind hadn't put two and two together…_

 _I don't know how I know._

 _I just do._

Grace felt a small tear fall onto the paper, but it was alone.

 _Luke's mother died a week ago, but they kept it quiet – he didn't want everyone to give him sympathy – that's why he did what he did. He was trying to keep it away from me, from us all. Stop the worry, stop the panic._

 _Malaika's dad's dead…_ Grace wrote slowly her writing become distractedly loopy.

 _I cried._

 _I hardly even know him but I still cried. I cried for Mali, and her mother and her brothers – his beloved sons, daughter and wife. I cried because I know something's up._

 _He wasn't the first. And I can't help thinking that he wont be the last._

Grace put her pencil down and sighed as if the weight of the whole world were on her shoulders. She flicked her eyes to her wall clock.

One p.m.

It was nearly time.

She had told Malaika that she'd visit today…she needed to make sure her friend was okay but right now all she wanted to do was curl up and pretend nothing was happening. Pretend that she couldn't see the sickness and infection that was slowly creeping up on them all, seeing Mali would make it all too real.

Grace pulled herself from the desk and reached for her light-blue hoddie. It was getting colder, she noted without realising it, Autumn was approaching bringing it's glorious sunshine mixed with a cold breeze.

She could hardly believe it had only been a week since she was sitting out in the scorching sun with Jay and the others…She could hardly believe anything anymore.

The walk to Malaika's house took a while as Grace walked with heavy feet and stopped outside to compose herself. Mali and her family had moved in only a few months ago – when they'd first met Mali lived on the other side of town and she still went to school there.

Grace tapped lightly on the door and waited, gently scuffing her trainer against the porch floor.

"Grace?" Malaika sounded surprised to see her friend and Grace couldn't help but wonder why.

"You sound surprised?" Grace said lightly, not knowing what else to say. "I said I'd come…"

Malaika nodded. "A lot of people said they'd come. A lot of people haven't."

Grace smiled slightly she could understand that. People never knew what to say or do in the face of death – and especially in the face of fear.

"Come in." Malaika shut the door behind her. "It's a bit bleak here at the moment though."

Grace didn't say anything to that; she just followed down the hallway.

Everything looked different.

She been down this hall a million-and-one times before and thought she knew it by heart, but now it all looked alien, like it was missing something…

Someone.

Grace thought that perhaps the house was grieving for its loss too.

As they passed through the living room a small voice hailed her. "Hello Grace."

Grace's eyes searched in the semi-darkness until she fell upon Mali's mother sitting in the corner armchair – it was all she could do to stop herself gasping – she looked awful.

Her long, usually well-groomed hair was lank and messy, her face was pale and eyes were bloodshot from crying. She looked nothing like the glamorous model Grace had first met all those months ago.

"Hello Mrs Hassan." Grace smiled. "It's nice to see you again."

 _Nice_? Grace cursed herself… _what a stupid thing to say_ …

"You too Grace, how's your mother?" Her voice sounded exactly like her – frail and lifeless.

Grace nodded. "She's fine."

Malaika led Grace hastily away, through the kitchen and into the conservatory.

"She looks awful doesn't she?" Mali spat without thinking as her friend sat. "She's taken it the worst I think."

Grace looked at Mali for a moment and realised that she didn't look as awful as she thought she might. "How are you Mali?"

"I'm fine…" She smiled to reassure her friend. "You don't have to be quiet or walk on egg-shells around me. My dad died Gracey, but people do. That's life." She laughed at this ironic statement. "I miss him – but its almost as if he's not really…gone. Like he's just away on business or something…"

Grace fidgeted; Mali seemed to be taking it all so well…

"I know, I know." Malaika shrugged. "I'm taking everything really well. Luke says the same, because he's still devastated about his mother. But I've cried Grace – I cried for two days straight, but I can't do that forever. I'm putting things into perspective. My dad achieved great things and was a great man – God, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him! And I'm trying to be happy for his life, not sad for his death."

 _Mali is so wise and brave – the kind of girl I can only wish to be like. Her dark eyes see everything, and make you feel calm in an instant but I can't help but wonder still if she's taking things all too well…_

 _It was only there for a second, but I'm sure I saw the tiniest gleam of a lie in her eyes as she told me everything was okay. How could it be? Nothings alright in this world anymore – it's messed up; and we made it that way…_


	9. A Night to Remember?

**_A Night to Remember?_**

"Did you see the news last night?" Jay said finally, one of them had to say it or else they'd just sit there in silence.

Grace looked up from the black waves. "Yeah. I saw it." She added nothing more as they sat there on the cool sand. It was late evening and both had come to get out of the house and away from whatever was happening to their families.

Jay sighed.

"I just don't want to talk about that Jay." Grace amended. "I think about it far too much already…I just want to sit here with you and be happy for a while."

Jay looked at her, hardly able to make out her features in the almost-darkness, but even so he could see that her usually smiling lips were pressed into a straight line.

Neutral. Grace wasn't giving anything away and was, as always, a mystery to him.

Grace's eyes flicked over the lapping water watching it push it's way over the sand and then skulk away elegantly. She shivered it was getting colder now.

"You cold?" Jay asked softly reaching for the chequered fleecy blanket he'd brought with him.

"A little…" Grace admitted bringing her eyes up to meet his, as they did so both recognised what they saw in the others': fear.

"Come here…" Jay told her and she shuffled towards him, gently he placed the blanket over her shoulders leaving his arm around her for a minute as he did so. "Everything's going to be okay," He whispered. "One way or another, it'll all turn out."

Grace closed her eyes and shut out everything but the sound of his voice and the warmth that spread from his touch. "We're all worried – but as long as we've got someone…each other…we'll make it alright." He paused for a second. "And you have got me Gracey…I'll always be here for you."

Grace opened her eyes as though she couldn't believe what she was hearing, she looked up at him, heart pounding, but he was looking far out to sea…

"You're my friend Grace, and that's never going to change."

Grace lowered her gaze and felt her hopes crumble instantly; she buried her face into the warm blanket and gulped sadly.

She felt his warm lips kissing on top of her dark hair. "My best friend…" He reassured her, unaware that inside her chest her heart was sobbing silently…

 _I've turned into a cynic_. Grace wrote pressing the pencil hard onto the page.

 _I feel as though I can't believe anything or anyone anymore, no one's telling me the truth, nobody wants to admit what's happening, but I can see it; and if I can I'm sure others can too…_

 _My mother's getting sicker, but she's pretending that she's not. She took a couple of days off work this last week stayed in bed and drank hot lemon – hoping to make herself better._

 _It's been on the news a bit this week too…a mystery "illness" which is categorised by its coughing and making patients looking slightly older whilst they have it. Apparently there is "no need to panic" and hospitals are encouraging anyone with these symptoms to report to their local centre immediately to stop the spread of the virus._

 _As far as I know neither of my parents have been to the hospital. Mother insists she only has the 'flu, and there's no telling her. I've given up hope she'll go to the doctors and be all right. Things aren't going to be okay; not now._

 _It's too late._

 _I've not seen Jay for a while, not since that night on the beach and well…what can I say to that? He's been spending a lot of time at home, with his dad and Ved – I think its getting worse._

 _I sound selfish, but I miss him. I want him to come over and say hi, I want to meet him at the beach and just talk for hours – but I know he's busy with his dad and I can't blame him for that now can I? I'm busy with my parents too – except they refuse all my help, so these days I'm busier trying to avoid them._

 _I feel lost, and because we're on school holidays and I've got nothing to organize I sit here day after day listening to all of my favourite songs and praying – or maybe just hoping that everything's going to work out…_

 _It sounds silly I know, but what else do you do in a world that's falling apart?_

 _I sure as hell don't know._

Grace paused for a second and pressed the _play_ button on her stereo, a few moments passed, and then the music lulled softly out.

"Mmm..Mm-mm-um-mmm…" Grace hummed absently to the tune and turned her attention back to the dairy.

 _This has to be one of my favourite songs…She wrote without thinking…its Eric Clapton "You Look Wonderful Tonight". Okay so it's soppy and all those slushy things that make a song terrible, but I love it._

 _I like the way it makes me feel._

 _I know exactly what Jay would say if he could see me now, sat here writing a diary and listening to this song. He'd say 'Hey Gracey, when did you turn into such a stereotype?' then he's smile so I'd know he was only joking and tease me about the song some more. I don't think he understands why I like it. He knows it's my favourite bit of music ever…but I think he thinks it's rather strange why a nearly 17-year-old girl would like something like it…it is strange…_

Grace looked at the clock it was nearly midnight. She had her curtains open and also her window, outside the rain was pouring and desperately hammering cold fingers on the glass – trying to get in…

Grace shivered and pulled a warm blanket around her, she was dressed in a pair of tiny red 'bed-shorts' and a red and white vest-top – ready for bed, but she wasn't tired yet. She jumped as her mobile phone began ringing and clicked 'answer' as fast as she could before it woke the whole house.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Grace – it's me."

Her heart stopped. "Jay? What is it?"

"I was walking past and I saw your light was still on…" He sounded strange. "Can I come up?"

Grace nodded. "Of course. One sec – I'll come and open the door."

Grace crept down the stairs without making a sound, pulling the blanket tighter around her, when she opened the back door Jay stood there, in the black of night, rain pouring onto his hair and running down his face.

"Come in." Grace commanded. "Take off your shoes."

As he did so, Grace picked them up so her parents wouldn't see them and led Jay up to her bedroom without a word.

When they got there neither of them said a thing. They just starred at each other across the room, not daring to say anything for fear of what would be said.

"You're soaked." Grace whispered finally.

"It's raining." Jay offered.

Grace shook her head so that her dark unruly hair toppled onto her shoulders and fell playfully over her eyes. "You'd better take those wet clothes off…" She said reaching for a pair of her dad's tracksuit bottoms from a pile of washing sitting on her floor waiting to be ironed. "You can wear these…they're pretty bad but…we don't want you to get a cold now do we?"

Jay nodded his head sluggishly but didn't say a thing. His fingers were bright red from the cold and they shook and wobbled as he tried to unbutton his shirt. Grace watched with sad eyes…something was _so_ wrong…

"Here…" Grace whispered without thinking, as Jay got nowhere with his unresponsive fingers. "Let me help you…"

He watched, surprised, as the pretty girl ran her warm fingers down the middle of his shirt and slowly peeled the buttons apart. Grace felt herself blushing as he watched her undress him, as she got further down the front of the shirt her long fingers brushed gently against the bare skin of his chest which made her flush even more.

As she pushed the shirt from his chest and shoulders her palms touched over his damp skin and she felt her heart racing wildly. Their eyes met and Jay held her gaze for a long time…She could feel him drawing her in with his deep eyes…she held her breath not daring to move…frozen to the spot…

Jay shifted his weight slightly and Grace jumped, stepping back and turning to put the wet top on her radiator. "You can do the trousers yourself…" She laughed a little. "I'll keep facing this way."

She pulled the blanket tighter around her still as she waited – she was trembling…but it was definitely not from the cold weather.

"I'm done." Jay said simply.

Grace turned and went to him. "Here." She took the blanket from around herself and wrapped it around him, forgetting she was wearing little-to-nothing. She went across the room and stretched to reach into the top of her wardrobe to get a towel.

Jay watched with eyes that betrayed his feelings for her, especially there and then, her wearing so little, and having just helped undress him…

He thought he might…

"Sit down…" Grace motioned to the bed, and he sat as she stood above him and towelled his hair dry gently for a bit. Discarding the towel to the floor she sat on the bed by him and crossed her legs girlishly beneath her.

"Thanks." Jay managed. "I didn't know where else to go…I didn't want to go anywhere else…"

"It's okay Jay. I'm glad you came to me." She waited for a minute. "What's happened?"

Jay's eyes dulled slightly and filled with tears. "It's…just that I…"

Grace put her hand out to him and he took it, linking their fingers together. "It's okay…take your time."

"My aunts sitting with Ved – I just needed to get out of there… My dad…" He gulped, and the worst that Grace had feared were true. "He's dead Grace." This was almost too much for Jay and tears ran down his cheeks and his shoulders shook violently.

Grace felt sick…"I'm sorry Jay. I'm so sorry." She reached for him and they fell into each other's arms. Grace ran her hands up and down his back soothingly as he held onto her, tight, as if his life depended on it.

Everything really was crumbling around them – whatever it was, was out of control and there was nothing either of them could do to stop it…

Grace closed her eyes and held him wishing she could take away his pain, but she knew that not even his best friend could make this better. So together, and alone, in the haven of her bedroom they both sobbed and hugged, frightened for the future.


	10. The Morning After the Night Before

**_The Morning After the Night before…_**

He watched her.

Watched her sleeping, listened to her soft lips gently whispering, listening to hear something…Jay didn't want to admit it, but he was listening for his own name, wondering if somewhere, deep in her thoughts, she kept him in a secret place…

He hardly dared to move, fearing that it would wake her from her peaceful slumber. She was curled up to him and his arms were around her. He didn't remember how they'd gotten into that position or even when they'd fallen asleep, but right then he wasn't worrying about anything. Jay smiled, for the first time in a while he felt truly happy.

He woke her up.

Not literally, as in 'Grace – wake-up!' but someway very different. At first she felt a warm comfort, a safety wrapped in his arms that she'd never felt before then, next she heard his slow breathing and felt it tickling her cheek.

Grace smiled sleepily without opening her eyes and turned over so her back was pressed firmly up against him, it was the best dream she'd ever had…it felt so real…

And then all-at-once her memory kicked itself awake. Jay…in her room…undressing…no, nothing had happened, but she must have looked so stupid…Her eyes fluttered open and fell upon the bedside clock…

8 a.m.

 _Damn_!

Grace sat up with a start, and did a double take when she realised Jay was looking at her strangely.

"What?" He questioned.

"It's eight." Grace pointed out too frustrated to savour the moment they were sharing. She jumped out of bed and almost shrieked when she realised she was wearing nearly nothing. "You've gotta go Jay…" She said apologetically. "I'm sorry but my dad will kill you if he finds us like this – and my mum? She'll kill us both!"

Jay smiled slightly and nodded. "Do you want me to climb out of the window?" He joked with her.

"I don't think that'll be necessary thank-you!" She laughed passing him his clothes, as he took them their fingers touched and both looked away awkwardly. Things had happened last night that changed everything – if either realised this then they hid it well.

Jay dressed quickly and without another word, Grace tried not to watch him for fear she'd lose control of all of her senses. How she'd managed to keep purely platonic last night was anyone's guess, but this morning she didn't think she could do it.

"We'll stay quiet. Hopefully they won't be in the kitchen." Grace crossed her fingers and led Jay silently down the stairs…

 _My mother is so unreasonable! Sometimes she makes me so mad! How dare she – how DARE she talk to me like I'm some sort of whore!_

 _She was in the kitchen when I took Jay to the door – just my luck – but she seemed to be taking it really well, y'know treating me like an adult? She said hi to Jay and everything, well I decided to get out of there before she changed he mind, and I was just walking up the stairs when she dragged me back with her voice._

 _"_ _Not so fast young lady – I want a word with you."_

 _I turned back and tried to make eye contact. "Uh-huh?"_

 _"_ _Don't uh-huh me Grace! Since when did you start having boys sleep over? And were you ever going to mention it to me or your father?"_

 _"_ _Mum don't…" I searched for the word. "…start."_

 _"_ _Start?" She practically screamed and I knew I'd said the wrong thing. "Do you not think your father and I have enough to worry about without you…sleeping with boys under our noses? Gracey I thought you had more sense!"_

 _I felt the anger boiling inside of me and for once I wouldn't control it. "I'm not sleeping with boys! Jay stayed the night – nothing else – God mother you make me sound like some little slut who'll jump on top of any guy if she had the chance! He's my friend – and YOU are being so unreasonable!"_

 _I heard the crack! As her hand slapped across my face before I felt the deep burning spreading over my cheek._

 _I looked at her, tears welling up in my eyes…_

 _She looked back, equally as shocked and broke down into tears. I shuffled awkwardly and averted my eyes._

 _"_ _Grace I don't like it…" She whispered. "I thought you could tell me anything…"_

 _My voice sounded eerily still as I spoke calmly. "Jay's dad died yesterday. He was upset. He needed someone to talk to. I'm his best friend. Satisfied?" I turned and walked away and for once she didn't try to stop me._

Grace stopped as she heard the newsreader on her T.V mention something about the 'virus'.

 _"…_ _Government says there is nothing to fear and antibiotics will soon be made available to everyone. Patients are being advised to stay at home and get plenty of bed-rest. So far cases have only been in adults, scientists confirm today that the virus only attacks the immune systems of older generations. Adults. The evacuation of all large cities is to start tomorrow to reduce spread of infection and authorities are appealing for calm throughout the evacuation process…"_

Grace flicked the channel.

 _"…_ _Are being advised to stay at home and get plenty of bed-rest. So far cases have only been in adults, scientists confirm today that the virus…"_

And again.

 _"…_ _authorities are appealing for calm throughout the evacuation process…"_

She switched it off, was there nothing else going on in the world?

A light knocking came to her door.

She ignored it.

"Grace? Can I come in?" It was her mother's voice.

She closed her eyes and whispered. "Okay."

Her mother opened the door and closed it firmly behind her. She looked terrible. Her eyes were bloodshot and she looked older than ever before. She was followed by her husband, Grace's dad who seemed to hover by the door reluctantly.

"Grace…" She whispered patting the bed with her hand. "Come and sit by me on the bed for a moment."

Grace obeyed – after all she was her mum.

"I'm sorry. Gracey, I'm so sorry." Her voice was so clear. "I didn't mean to lose my temper…I just want you to be careful…"

Grace was quiet for a moment before she spoke. "I'm not a little girl anymore mum and…" She closed her eyes. "If I wanted to sleep with Jay I would…could…because I'm human. And I have rights." She could feel her parents' eyes burning into her, but she couldn't bring herself to face them.

"I know that sweetie, I do. You've grown up so fast – it seems like only yesterday you were the stroppy teenager who didn't want to live anywhere near the beach." Her coughing stopped her from continuing.

"You should go to the hospital and get that checked out." Grace said with meaning.

Her mother's eyes filled with tears again and this time Grace put her hand in hers. "I've already been." She said so quietly Grace strained to hear her. "I've already been…" She stroked Grace's hair and kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'm dying Gracey…we're dying…"

"We?" Grace pulled back startled her eyes flashing wildly from both parents.

"Your dad has it too, but we aren't in the late stages yet – we'll get the cure in a few days – I'm sure we will…The doctors – they're pretty confidant that we'll be okay."

Grace couldn't believe what she was hearing and jumped when her father put his hands lightly on her shoulders. "We had to tell you honey, you need to know what's going on…" His voice broke slightly. "Your mother and I've been talking…and we're sending you and Sara overseas for a while just until this is all over. You'll be staying with aunt Lydia – she's looking forward to seeing you both again…"

She broke from their grasp and moved as far away as she could. "No…" She whispered shakily. "No…"

"Grace…?" Her mother went to move towards her. "Gracey…"

"No!" She screamed with such a force they all jumped. Grace shook her head over and over and over and over, so violently that her hair lashed about her face. "You can't do this! It's not fair!" She sounded like a spoiled brat but she didn't care. "Why? Why send us away if you're going to be alright?"

"We're just being cautious.." Her mother cooed.

"Don't lie to me, not now…" Grace said bitterly. "…Just…don't."

Everything went deadly silent until Grace heard her mother sobbing gently.

"I'm not going."

"You're going Gracey if you like it or not." Her dad was firm.

"I'm NOT going." Grace's eyes flashed angrily. "I WON'T."

"Look what you're doing to your mother – can't you see she's upset enough as it is?" His eyes pleaded with her. "Don't be so selfish."

"Me?" Grace screeched.

"Think of Sara." Her mother sniffed. "Think of my poor baby…she's sick enough as it is…She needs looking after. She doesn't need this."

"You, THINK." Grace shot back. "What if it happens there too huh? We'll be alone and stuck somewhere we don't know. Mum…Dad…please…don't send us away…"

"We're sorry grace but as much as it hurts, its final." He fought tears. "The plane flies out in two weeks, and you and Sara WILL be on it whether you like it or not."

 _Can I fight it? I guess I can. I mean I could run away – but I haven't done anything like that since I was Sara's age, and besides, where would I go?_

 _The seats are booked, the tickets paid for, and I've promised myself I won't fight it._

 _I've done enough damage already._

 _I don't know what came over me…I was just so scared, so sad so frustrated that I couldn't help but snap at them…_

 _Mum's sobbing next door, I can hear her…she's trying to be brave, for Sara, but I can see the lies on her smiling face, and the channels worn into her skin from crying. She's not strong, she's afraid. Afraid of the one thing we all dread: death. The what-comes-after part - the overwhelming enormousness of it all._

 _I don't want to go overseas; I don't want to stay with my aunt Lydia and most of all I don't want to leave my life behind._

 _I had so much to live for here – and now it feels as though all of my hopes and dreams have been torn apart._

 _I don't want to leave, but I will. I will pack, I will kiss my mother, I will hug my father, I will take Sara's hand and I will look forward to the future. But I won't like it._

 _I want to make it clear now that I'm not happy._

 _I need someone, something, to know that I'm sadder than I've ever been before._

 _My parents are dying and I'm only a child. I thought about Luke's mum and Mali's dad and Jay's too and I felt guilty, guilty because I still had both of my parents - I've gone from being happy to guilty to depressed in a few hours._

 _For Sara and I to go abroad and be safe, that's my mother's final wish._

 _And how can I ignore the wish a dying woman?_

Grace put her head in her hands and fought tears as her shoulders shook violently.

But she couldn't fight her emotions…

A loud sob shot from her mouth and the tears streamed down her pale cheeks, her whole body shook – trembled – with fear…

She took deep lung-full's of air and gulped breathlessly – she couldn't breathe…

 _Oh God_ , she couldn't breathe…

She was suffocating…she was suffocating…

Grace jumped up from the desk knocking the wooden chair over with a _thud_ and ran from the room – she was suffocating and she just had to find a way out…


	11. An Alliance

**_An alliance_**

It was getting dark – the day had vanished so quickly…

Grace wrapped her arms around herself to keep her warm as she moved quickly along the water's edge. Her feet kicked up fistfuls of sand as she took long hard breaths.

The tears had dried onto her cheeks with the cold and her hair whipped about in the wind, getting into her mouth and eyes, but still she kept going, trudging forward as her feet sunk into the dry sand, battling her inner urges to give up and go home…

The thought of going back there right now made the tears come all over again, running over her pink cheeks and onto her lips, lips so cold they were blue.

Grace stopped for a moment as her legs faltered slightly but grinding her teeth she pushed one foot in front of the other and managed to continue onwards.

She didn't know where she was going, but frankly she didn't care…

Grace's stubbornness against the cold and her home was leading her along the beach slowly and she walked with her head down against the wind determined to reach somewhere safe where she could sit and rest for a while.

"Grace?" The wind distorted the voice before it reached her ears, so in her mind it only sounded like a faint hum against her brain, a small vibration of… "Grace!"

Something grabbed her arm and she jumped, breaking out of the trance she was consumed with.

"Grace…are you okay?" The voice was in warm contrast to the blustery weather, causing Grace to look up into familiar eyes.

"Mali?" She asked as if she didn't believe what she saw.

Malaika smiled and took the blanket she was carrying and wrapped it around her friend's shoulders. "Gracey you're freezing…"

Grace managed a weak smile and a small nod. "I'm fine…I'm good…"

"Where are you going?" Another voice asked, deeper, but as soft. Grace looked into the consuming hazel eyes and struggled to recognise the person… "Grace?"

She jumped to attention. "Scott?" It was a question, but also a realisation. The boy with the nice eyes was Mali's 18 year-old brother.

"C'mon you…" Mali demanded taking her arm. "You're coming with us."

Grace shook her head. "No, I'm okay – I'm just…walking…"

"Well walk with us." Scott coaxed said leading her forward.

Grace struggled with her footsteps as the continued towards the houses, away from the shore. She gasped sharply as her left knee buckled with exhaustion, she'd been walking for hours, in the cold with nothing to drink or eat. "Whoa!" Scott caught her quick-as-a-flash. "Careful…how long have you been out here?"

"Not long." Grace lied forcing herself out of Scott's grasp and onwards. "I'm fine."

Mali and Scott exchanged worried glances behind her departing back and followed her.

"Where are we going?" Grace asked, as she began to feel a little like her old self, she was warmer, slightly, and looking a little less ghostly than before.

Mali ran up the steps of an old and abandoned beach house and knocked loudly three times on the door. "In here." She answered beckoning them inside the unlocked door.

When they got inside there was a number of kids all about their age, sitting on various boxes, cushions and even a rickety old wicker sofa. Looking closely Grace realised they were all people she knew, people who greeted her with smiles. Sitting in the corner she noticed a boy, a younger, but almost mirror-like image of Jay.

It was Ved his younger – arrogant – brother, playing on some handheld computer game or something…

Luke got up from his chair and slowly came toward them, he looked at Mali for a moment before she sighed and put her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest. With a sad smile he closed his eyes and kissed her forehead.

"Hey, baby…it'll be okay, you're here now…you're safe." He whispered secretly in her ear.

Mali looked at him and smiled, Grace hadn't heard what he said, but the look on Malaika's face implied it was gospel. Luke and Scott nodded at each other and then Luke turned to Grace. "Glad you could make it Grace, Jay was worried you wouldn't."

"Jay?" Grace asked. "Jay's here?" Luke nodded. "What is this?"

"Patience Grace." He whispered with a smile, returning to his chair, Mali sat on the floor, at his feet and he stroked her hair.

Everyone was sat down talking except Grace who stood alone with the long blanket draped over her shoulders. She was scared and worrying about what was happening – they were acting like the Mafia…This was getting stranger by the second.

"Gracey…" The voice came into her mind and she jumped spinning around. "Where have you been? I've been trying to find you all day – I've been ringing, but didn't get any answer…" He sounded worried.

"Jay…" She whispered her eyes filling with tears and voice cracking slightly.

"Hey Jay! Are we starting this or what?" Scott called.

Jay nodded and put his arm around his best friend. "C'mon Grace…let's sit down." He led her to the sofa, the seats that had been saved for them and they sat.

"Well guys, I'm glad you all came." Jay smiled at Grace in particular. "I'm grateful – especially because it was such late notice." He leaned forward casually; he'd always had a voice that made people stop and listen.

This comment was greeted with a few murmurs of approval and agreement.

Scott continued taking the speech over. "Listen: I'll get to the point. This virus stuff is getting serious – out of hand. The adults don't know what they're doing or how to stop it – if they did it wouldn't have gotten this far. I know many of us have already lost loved ones – and to those who haven't? Expect it. Prepare for it."

"It's survival time." Jay took his turn. "We don't know how far this is going to go…but we need to be prepared. It might not get that far I know, but we need to think about what's going to happen if this doesn't stop…I guess we'll know in a few weeks, but until then we need to be prepared for the worst."

Grace began to stand, not able to listen to this anymore – they were planning the future…a future she wouldn't be part of. Jay put his hand on her leg to stop her rising. "What is it?"

"I shouldn't be here." She whispered shaking her head sadly.

"Why?" Mali asked. "Of course you should! Grace you a friend to every person here and you're going through this the same as everyone! Why shouldn't you be here?"

"Because…" The words choked in her throat as they looked at her expectantly. "Because…I'm leaving guys." She smiled through her tears. "I want to help so much but…they've booked us a flight overseas. Sara and me. We leave in 2 weeks."

Mali was silenced along with everyone else. Jay looked at her, cheeks flushed and tears flowing freely down her face. She dashed them away with the back of her hand and forced another smile. "But I'll be thinking of you all…every day. I promise I will."

Jay reached for her hand and tangled his fingers with hers; his hands were warm and made her suddenly feel dizzy.

Grace took a deep breath. "You should listen to Jay. And Scott. They're right, we need to prepare…"

"Gracey, you'll be all alone…" Mali whispered before she could stop herself.

Grace laughed suddenly. "I'll be okay. Everything's fine over at my aunt Lydia's, if the worst comes to the worst I've still got Sara. She's the most important thing in all of this, I want her to be safe…and if that means leaving…I guess I don't have much choice…"

He watched her, his best friend, so brave and caring - even in the face of such danger. A lump rose in the back of his throat and his stomach turned at the thought he was going to lose her.

Jay squeezed her hand and boldly pushed her dark hair out of her face and behind her ear. "You'll be missed…" He said it in a way that told her he needed to talk to her alone about this.

Grace nodded, so will you Jay, she told him with her eyes, so will you…

They looked at each other, knowing they were being watched but not able to pull away from the moment they were sharing. Their eyes were locked in a passionate clinch and both feared it would be their last and only chance to…

Grace could hardly breathe and was so scared to move she was shaking…

"Did I miss anything?!" Beth burst through the door dramatically grinning and carrying an armful of shopping bags.

Everyone turned to look at her except Grace and Jay. "What?" She paused. "Did someone die or something?"

Mali rolled her eyes. "Sensitive Beth, real sensitive."

Beth turned her attention to Grace as she flopped down onto a chair. "What's up Grace? You look terrible…"

Grace looked at Beth and looked back to him. "Not now huh?" She said to Beth but mostly to Jay.

Grace stood. "I'm going."

Scott took one look at Jay's face and nodded to himself, he and Grace needed this time; they needed the little time they had left together. "Perhaps we should call it a day for now huh? We'll meet up in a few days, same time same place. Then we'll get down to some proper business…"

"See you soon." Mali promised Grace. "Call me?"

Grace nodded and smiled a distant smile and left pulling the blanket around her as she walked away.

Jay paused for a second, but followed as soon as he saw Scott motioning for him to do so.

Beth frowned examining her nails and pouting. "But I only just got here!"

 _"_ _Grace! Grace – wait up!" Jay called after me and I turned around again to face him._

 _The wind tugged at the blanket and my hair pulling it tighter around me than I could, something had happened in there…something that couldn't happen, would never happen, especially not now I was going away. My heart couldn't take that – already it felt as though it was dying._

 _This beach, Jay, Mali, Sara's happiness…they were all things that had made me love being alive, but I had to face it, things were changing and I couldn't stop it._

 _"_ _What?" I struggled out slowly._

 _"_ _Why?" He asked. No, he pleaded._

 _I don't know which. I don't know anything anymore…_

 _I smiled. "Good question. Because my parents think it's a good idea – they're both dying Jay, the doctors said so and they want us to be safe…with a guardian."_

 _Jay smiled his lopsided smile and I watched it dissolve after a few seconds. "Will I see you before you go?"_

 _I laughed. "You're seeing me now aren't you?! Seriously though…of course! You're my best friend Jay, I wouldn't leave without…I've got two weeks, and we can see each other plenty in that time…"_

 _Jay shrugged. "It'd never be enough though would it?"_

 _I raised my eyebrows questioningly._

 _"_ _Enough time…" He explained. "Never be enough time to do all the things we haven't done yet…all the plans we made for Christmas and next summer and the future…"_

 _"_ _You'll get those things done, you'll live your dreams Jay, even if I can't watch you do that." I felt myself becoming emotional again so I tilted my face to the sky. "Keep dreaming Jay, make them happen. If there's one person who has the willpower and strength to do it it's you."_

 _Jay reached forward and placed his palm gently against my cheek. "Grace…"_

 _I looked at him confused and hopeful wishing what would happen next, but I knew deep down in my heart that I had to stop this right now. I wasn't a part of his future anymore; there wasn't any room for me or…us…in our lives._

 _Friendship. That's what we had. We couldn't do this to each other…I couldn't do this to him…_

 _"_ _Don't complicate things Jay." I pleaded quietly. "It's breaking my heart enough already…"_

 _Jay nodded and pulled me towards him and held me with everything he had. I closed my eyes as I felt his warm and gentle lips press themselves against my cold forehead, silently telling me he'd miss me._

 _We exchanged silent vows to care for each other forever, and then we walked home hand in hand as if the world was about to end…_

Grace slammed the book shut and threw it angrily against the far wall of her bedroom, frowning she pulled the covers over her head closing her eyes and covering her ears.

She wanted to shut out the whole world forever…she hated it…she just wanted to be alone…


	12. Is Everything Ending so Soon?

**_Is everything ending so soon?_**

 _The cold weather made me sick. I was stupid – I knew it would but still I carried on stubbornly. I sat in bed for a few days just nursing a cold and sore throat, avoiding my parents as much as I could. I was obeying them – it didn't mean I had to like it._

 _The time has flown past, fallen out of reach right before my very own eyes. It doesn't matter what I do now – I can't stop the seconds coming, one after the other, inevitably._

 _Haven't seen much of anyone in a while, I've been packing up and sorting out things I need to buy for the journey. Tapes, batteries, magazine…cross that off, I can get one at the airport…_

 _I'm taking it all very well don't you think? Being all calm and adult about it? Well it's only an act; believe me, a vain pretence to keep me from screaming and throwing a tantrum like some spoiled three-year-old._

 _I think perhaps the reason I haven't seen anyone is because things are getting worse, the death toll is at a high, hundreds of people everyday, and still my parents wait for the all-mighty antidote…_

 _I haven't heard anything of Beth. She probably doesn't care. She gets more b!tchy every day. I'll bet she can't wait for me to leave so she can have Jay back and all to herself...!_

 _Dads taken some time off work to be with mum and Sara…and me I guess, but he's spent most of his time sleeping. He looks awful…I can't even begin to describe it properly…almost as if he's aged dramatically overnight…_

 _The evacuation process hasn't reached us yet, but still everyone seems to be in turmoil – no one knows what to do with all these newly orphaned children who are to running wild in the streets and back alley's._

 _I'm scared._

 _Where will this all end…?_

 _Will Sara and I escape it or will we just end up trapped over there…_

 _The journey's coming quickly, like a bad omen…y'know what it's like when you're trying to put things off and they only come round even quicker – I've got barely enough time to breathe…I'll never be prepared for it._

 _I saw Jay yesterday; he came round with some flowers and a card… "Bon voyage" and "get well soon!"…Smiling and pretending that it was going to be a great experience…_

 _We sat on the bed, well he was sat, and I was lying looking at the pale ceiling hands folded on my tummy. As close as lovers, but far enough apart to be classed as nothing more than friends._

 _I closed my eyes and listened to the music, the soft floaty notes, this song had become my mantra:_

 _"…_ _It's late in the evening…She's wondering what clothes to wear?_

 _…_ _She puts on her make-up…and brushes her long blonde hair…_

 _…_ _And then she asks me… 'Do I look alright?'…_

 _…_ _And I say… 'Yes…you look wonderful tonight…'"_

 _"_ _I never liked this song." Jay commented after a long while of silence. "Before I met you I never even thought about it. Now I think it'll remind me of you forever."_

 _I laughed in spite of the melancholy mood that had settled over us. "Forever? Forever's a long time Jay…People forget…move on. You'll probably never hear this song again!"_

 _"_ _You never forget your best friend." He decided and I nodded in agreement._

 _"_ _Y'know I've not got a picture of us. Nothing to remind me. To put in my new room." I suddenly realised._

 _We were talking so casually I wanted to scream. We didn't mention the other day, it didn't even become a passing comment…I didn't tell him how much I'd wanted him to kiss me, still wanted it…in spite of everything I'd said._

 _He looked at me. "You're right." Was all he said._

 _And we sat in silence. Things had already changed between us; already he was preparing himself for me to leave, detaching his feelings for me…if he ever had any._

Grace sighed. What did she want? She'd practically told him to leave her alone – and now he was she was complaining? She'd never understand how her mind worked…

It was five days and counting until the plane departed, she hoped in that time one of her parents would've came to their senses and decide it had all been a terrible mistake! Grace knew that would never happen, so she focused her mind on what good fun she was going to have…a long holiday in a smoky town, no clean fresh sea air, no beach.

And most importantly, no Jay.

 _"_ _I'm going to miss you Jay." I admitted. "More than anything…I'll write to you every week…and maybe you could come and visit?" I paused hopefully – I was talking too much, the way I always did when I was nervous or upset... "And then I'll be back here before you know it and we can…" I put my hand in his and looked into his eyes. I searched them for something, a sign, a glimmer of hope, anything… "I don't want to go." I whispered breathily._

 _Jay nodded sadly but kept his face neutral. "I know you don't Grace – but it's for Sara right?" His eyes held me for a second._

 _"_ _Yes…" Was my reply._

 _"_ _Gra..cey!" Sara burst through the door, as if she had heard her name, breaking the sombre mood and leaped on top of me giggling._

 _I tickled her and kissed her hand. "Jay…J…Ja…Jay…" She sung as she climbed over me and onto Jay's lap. "Jay…Ja…Jay…J…Jay…"_

 _"_ _Hey kid…" He winked at her as she rested herself in his lap._

 _I smiled at them – he was so good with her, she cared about him so much…_

 _I wonder if she even realises what going away means…_

 _"_ _He Jay…" She tried to wink back clumsily twisting her face into a funny grin._

 _We both laughed at her pure cuteness and as I looked at Jay I realised something…_

 _He was still holding my hand._

"Come in!" Grace called, as there was a tap on her door. She closed the diary.

The girl walked through her door her long silky hair scraped out of her face and smiling. "Hey Grace!" Malaika moved to her friend and kissed her cheek breezily as they hugged briefly. "All packed?"

Grace looked at her and shrugged. "How can you pack your whole life into a suitcase?"

Mali grinned slightly. "You…"

"How are things anyway?" Grace asked quickly changing the subject.

Malaika's smile faded slightly and then returned. "Mum…she…a few days ago…"

"No…" She whispered her eyes stinging with tears. "Mali I'm sorry…"

"It's okay." She stopped her. "Really Gracey, I'm fine. Especially now the guys are talking about all sticking together – looking out for each other…and I have my brothers…and Luke…"

Grace looked at her for a moment and then realised her point, she still had someone to take care of her…

"Its chaos out there, we couldn't even have a proper funeral – the graves are all…Besides…" Malaika continued. "I've seen enough death in the past few weeks to prepare me for anything."

Grace nodded and they sat in silence for a while, they'd all seen more death in a few months than any person should have to in a life-time…

"I'm glad you have the guys to look after you…Jay'll look after you Mali, I'll make him promise…"

Mali eyed Grace sadly. "We won't forget you Grace…HE won't…"

"He?" She asked raising her eyebrows.

"Jay…he loves you too Gracey…he cares…"

"I don't…!" Grace protested. "He…you…don't know that, you can't possibly."

Malaika nodded. "Okay, you're right – I don't KNOW it." She paused. "But I feel it."

Tears filled Grace's pretty eyes and she blinked hard to rid them. "Don't Mali."

"I can't leave it Grace I'm sorry, I really am…you can't go…not now! What about you and Jay?"

"There is no me and Jay, remember?" Grace sighed. "I think I'm falling in…I think I'm going to regret leaving forever Mali. But I'm going – I'm really going."

"Grace don't."

"I have too don't I? It's my mother's wish – it may be her last."

This she couldn't deny and the friends sat facing each other in silence until Malaika took a small parcel from her bag. "Here." She whispered handing it to her friend. "It's not a going away present." She wanted to make sure Grace knew this. "It's just a friendship thing…to let you know we need you as much as you'll need us. And so you know we'll be thinking about you."

Grace slowly unwrapped the green tissue paper to reveal a beautiful handmade bracelet covered in tiny green stones and reflective glass… "It's lovely Mali…I'll always wear it." She promised slipping it onto her slim wrist. "Thank-you."

Mali fought tears this time. "Stay." She whispered hastily.

Grace shook her head. "I can't." She sighed as they embraced. "I'm sorry Mali. I just…can't."


	13. A Sad Goodbye

**_A sad goodbye_**

It was a beautiful night, an evening Grace would love to sit out in and watch the water, he thought.

Jay sighed to no one in particular and picked up the shopping bag that was rustling at his feet, it was telling him it was time to go home, he needed sleep.

 **Death is so powerful, bigger than anything else in the whole world so why do we try and fight it? Dad's death had been such a blow to both of us, Ved especially, and now my Aunt** …Jay's mind was spinning ad he began the trek home, walking alongside the beach but not on it. He hoped the milk he'd just bought would help him sleep a little better, but he doubted that. Nothing helped anymore. His peace at night was just another in the long list of things that had been stolen from him in the past weeks.

As he walked, he noticed a figure in the distance, sitting close to the waters edge knees pulled up under its chin, and he thought it strange for the evening. But as he got closer he recognised her, sitting, hair pulled messily from her pretty features barely visible in the dusk.

 **Grace?**

Jay felt light headed for a second but he shook it off, that's what she wants, he thought to himself, she needs me to let her go…

As he watched her transfixed – the one thing he noticed more than anything was how she looked. Grace looked lonely, truly lonesome for the first time since they'd met and he felt her emptiness as though it throbbed in his own veins.

Jay hurt. He didn't quite know that this was what it was, but it hurt him to see her for it would be one of the last times, and he didn't want to remember her like this, didn't want to remember these as the feelings she evoked in him.

 **I wanted to go to her, and tell her that everything was going to be alright – but I don't know if I believe that myself anymore…I want to promise that I'll look after her – and Sara, but how can I?**

 **I guess you could say it hurts too much, and I had other responsibilities.**

Jay gulped hard, and let thoughts of Ved, his little brother whom he had an obligation to, pull him away from the beach, and Grace.

Grace tapped lightly on her parent's door. "I'm home." She whispered so she wouldn't wake them if they were sleeping.

Then she padded quietly to her own room taking her coat off as she went. The light, as she opened the door, cast a triangle of light on the floor, but as Grace stood in the doorway she felt uneasy.

Something wasn't right.

Her eyes roamed the room and as they fell on the bed her cold lips broke into a radiant smile.

It was Sara. Tiny and silent, snuggled under her duvet fast asleep.

Grace let out a tiny trill of laughter; Sara was always doing something to make her smile, even in the worst of times.

Grace silently sat beside her and watched her sleeping, thumb in mouth face almost covered with hair that was usually braided – especially for bed – and eyes fluttering softly.

Grace made sure her fingers had warmed up before soothingly reaching forward and brushing the hair from Sara's face as salty tears fell from her gentle eyes…

Grace tapped lightly on her parent's door and pushed it open, Sara was still sleeping, but it was morning now and Grace was carrying a tray filled with tea and soup.

Her mother looked up from the bed and managed a smile. "Morning Gracey. What's all this?" She tried to sit up and it consumed most of her energy.

"Just a little brunch. I thought you could do with it…" She placed the tray on the bed and then sat softly.

"You're sweet pet." Her father looked at her with dulled eyes.

"How are you feeling?" She was trying hard for conversation something to give her hope.

"A little better."

"Really?" Grace sounded surprised.

"Uh-huh."

Her father's hair was grey, her mothers too; streaked with silver and both of them looked terribly old even in the darkened room.

"Are you looking forward to your trip?" Her mother wondered in a quiet voice. "All packed yet?"

"Mum let's not do this…" Grace cut in abruptly.

"Okay." Her attention was caught by the green glimmer on her daughter's wrist. "That's very pretty."

Grace followed her gaze and smiled. "Malaika got it for me." She paused sadly. "Her mother…passed…"

Her own mother took Grace's hand in her own frail ones. "It's going to be okay. We've been given our prescriptions for a few days time. It'll be fine. Once we've taken the course of tablets we'll fly you back Gracey. You and Sara, and then we can get on with living our lives."

This was almost too much for Grace and she felt sobs in her throat. "You know I love you…" She whispered. "You know I do…"

"Yes." Her dad sighed closing his eyes and almost slipping off to some far away place. "We love you too Grace. And Sara…"

 _I knew they loved me and they knew I loved them. It all seemed too perfect somehow and I can't help feeling something lurking around the corner._

 _Grace was writing in low light, as Sara sleeping in her bed seemed to have now become a familiar ritual._

 _It's a matter of days now, hours. Sometimes I lose track of the time, but I suppose when you don't have any, every precious moment counts._

 _Towards what I don't know, all I know is that it means something._

 _I feel so numb sitting here and not being able to do anything to control my own life. MY life for goodness sake! Not anyone else's…and I'm giving up without a fight, I'm just sitting back and letting my future be taken away from me._

 _But I suppose we all are in a way_ …

Grace's pencil hovered above the paper, she didn't think she could do this anymore, she had to move on, had to close the book and start a new chapter in the real world.

 _It's over, all over_. She scribbled so hard she nearly broke the pencil. _I'm stopping this diary here, where my life is finishing. In a few days I'll be in a new place and I'll need to start again. There's no point hanging onto a past I can't have. I'm a big girl now. There's not point in crying over spilt milk._

 _People die. People move on. And people make new friends – we'll make a new life, Sara and I, maybe not a better one – but a good life and I'm going to try my hardest._

 _So I guess this is it then? The end of an era._

 _No more fretting about Jay because it only ever complicated a beautiful friendship…no more worries and anger needlessly spilling onto these pages._

 _No more._

 _This is it. The end of the tale of Grace Owen._

 _Forever._

 _Gracey xoxox_

"GRACE!" Her mother's cry was so shrill and horrifying it brought Grace instantly to her feet, knocking over a glass of water as she did so. Grace, however, did not notice this as she was out of the room before the liquid touched the pages of her abandoned diary

"Mum?" She pushed open the door of the bedroom. "Mum what is…" The words stopped and caught in her throat at the sight before her.

Her mother sat, bolt upright in bed, eyes pale but wide staring hard at her husband.

Both were shaking in the dark.

No, Grace realised, not both. Her mother was the one shaking with hard sobs that moved her whole body into trembles. Her father was being held and this what was causing his movement.

"Mum…" Grace reached out with her voice in the dark room, her eyes stung with tears that wouldn't fall, moments before a voice cut over the stillness of the house.

"Don't just stand there!" Mother pleaded with daughter. "Do something Grace! Get someone! He's dying – he needs us…please help him…"

Their eyes caught across the room and for a brief moment there was nothing that passed between them but pure horror.

Grace broke the look and ran out and down the stairs her heels pounding almost as hard on the steps as the blood was in her ears. She picked up the phone and dialled harshly – emergency services, they'd know how to help.

It rang twice until a voice answered.

"Hello…"

"Hello?" Grace practically screamed. "You've got to help us…"

"…you have reached a pre-recorded message. Unfortunately the emergency services are temporarily unavailable, we are sorry for any inconvenience caused. Please try again. Hello you have reached a pre-recorded message…"

Grace dropped the phone to the floor and tried her hardest not to break down in a flurry of tears. "Then what the hell are we supposed to do in a bloody emergency?" She yelled bitterly before snatching up the phone and trying again.

This time nothing.

Not even a dial tone. The phone lines were dead; she had no way to contact anyone.

She'd said she'd go and get someone but Grace didn't know WHO to get. They were all dead…everyone was dead…slowly she sunk down the wall as tears streamed calmly down her face. Tears of sorrow for the whole population, a population she couldn't save…

"Mum…" She muttered to herself and the pulled herself to her feet. "MUM!" She ran as fast as her heavy feet would take her to that room of death…

The sight that greeted her was one of utter still. Her father led in her mothers' arms, both had closed eyes and didn't move. Peaceful…they were…they looked so…

The loving daughter stepped lightly to the bed and placed a hand on her mothers shoulder. "Mum…" She whispered gently. "…it's time to go now…Sara's sleeping, I'll look after her I promise. Find dad - you need him…everyone needs love." Grace gently checked both parents pulse and found a matching nothing. "Sara and Gracey'll be safe together, they're stronger than you can imagine." She spoke as thought this wasn't happening to her. "We are mum, we really are…" Grace spoke in a gentle coaxing now as the tears dried slowly. "I love you both you know that. Get a good night's sleep and then maybe we'll have a picnic tomorrow, like we used too…" Grace pulled the duvet around them both and tucked them in lovingly. She touched her dads grey hair curiously.

He was cold.

"Goodbye mum." Grace shook her head and amended it. "Goodnight mum." Her lips tenderly kissed her mother's warm forehead. "Sweet dreams."

Outside the room she paused for a moment. It hurt. It really did ache, but perhaps not as much as it should for the young girl had been wordlessly preparing herself for this for a long while now.

She wouldn't cry anymore, she'd shed her tears and now it was time to be strong for both of them.

"Gra-cey?" The tiny voice pulled her away from the melancholy and back into her own room.

Sara was sat up in bed now, hair a mess and sucking her thumb. "What…?"

Grace sighed, she was so tiny, she needed so much looking after and Grace right then didn't think she could look after anything. "Come on sweetheart. Back into bed now please…back to sleep…" Grace slid in next to her sister and pulled the girl into shaking arms. "Sara…" She whispered. "Mummy…and daddy have…" She struggled with the wording and hated how corny she sounded. "…they've gone to be with…with the…angels. Like nanna…"Grace bit her lip and pulled the child closer. "You understand don't you?"

Sara took her thumb out of her mouth. "Love yu…Grace…"

Grace choked back a sob and closed teary eyes. "I love you too…"

Wrapping Sara up so tight in the blankets and her arms Grace quietly sang her her mother's favourite song until they both fell into a deep sleep…

 _Little girl, don't you forget her face,_

 _Laughing away your tears:_

 _When she was the one who felt all the pain._

 _Little girl, never forget her eyes_

 _Keep them alive inside –_

 _I promise to try…_

 _Will she see me cry when I stumble and fall?_

 _Does she hear my voice in the night when I call?_

 _Wipe away your tears its gonna be alright._


	14. A New Beginning

**_A new Beginning_**

 _Will she see me cry when I stumble and fall?_

 _Does she hear my voice in the night when I call?_

 _Wipe away your tears it gonna be alright._

 _I fought to be so strong, I guess you knew:_

 _I was afraid you'd go away too…_

It was a dark morning, the first one Grace had seen in all the time she'd lived by the sea.

For a brief moment as she opened her eyes it dawned on her how strange the darkness was, and for a brief moment everything was the same as it always had been.

Until memory returned.

The feeling deep in the pit of her stomach, heavy and sickening, was back and she didn't know how they were going to make it through the day. But she got up regardless and went about the task of dressing and brushing her hair. She was in such a turmoil – what would she do first, what were they going to do?

Sara was still sleeping, so Grace closed the door behind her as she left the bedroom and glanced absently across the hall. What was she going to do with the corpses? The graves were all full…Hadn't Malaika said that? – But they had to be moved didn't they? She couldn't live in this house with two bodies upstairs…

Grace supposed she could bury them in the garden, and her and Sara could have their own funeral, private, secure…she wasn't strong enough to dig up the hard ground…but she knew someone who was.

Checking on Sara, who wouldn't be awake for a while yet, she closed the door and rushed downstairs and out of the house. She wasn't, however, prepared for the giddy sense of freedom, which took her over as she entered the cold air.

Barely stopping to catch her breath, the pretty girl began the brisk walk to the only person who would help her.

Grace's knock sounded feeble and weak on the glass door, so the second time she banged a little louder. "Jay?" She called her voice sounding funny and high-pitched. "Jay! Jay are you home?" Grace tapped again. "Please…?"

Her mind was spinning and nothing made any sense, where was he? He couldn't have…not already…Grace shook her head, no. Jay wouldn't leave without her; he wouldn't leave without saying a goodbye at least. Would he?

Yes, yes he would say goodbye. She knew him well enough to know this by heart…and yet he wasn't at home and neither, it seemed, was Ved.

She paced for a moment and stopped dead in her tracks. They were alone now. Her and Sara were on their own.

He'd let go; like she told him too and now she had to truly move on also. Without looking back Grace took the walk home slowly.

Ved groaned and turned over in his bed; he wished that damn girl would stop banging on the door!

Jay had gone out for a walk, he remembered reluctantly pulling himself out of bed to answer by looking out of the window.

He saw the retreating figure he recognised as Grace and shrugged, she'd be back – if Jay had given her enough of the right signals. And if he hadn't? Ved smirked over his shoulder at the random girl sleeping naked in his bed, there would always be another one willing to give him pleasure…!

She didn't feel much different today than she had yesterday, last week, two years ago! She still felt the same as she always had. Light and airy, happiness that was branded on her heart, a happiness that had come from such a loving childhood, slightly clumsy, a little awkward and, even though people told her she was pretty, Grace felt her simple plain self.

Poor Sara, Grace thought silently, being left in the hands of me! Her childhood was being cut short, as this death would cause her to grow up if the illness ever let her. Grace promised herself on that slow walk, that she would let Sara be a child for as long as she could, and she would do her best by the little girl, even if that meant sacrificing her own wants. Wants were only selfish anyway, Grace reasoned, it's the needs that are important.

Today was the beginning of the rest of their lives and it was up to her to decide what they were going to do next. The city seemed a logical place to go, more people, more food and supplies, but it was a frightening option for she didn't know what they might find there. Grace needed people and right now it looked as if she had none and perhaps she may find adults there in the city?

Yes that was what they'd do, and although it seemed crazy and reckless Grace knew they had no other choice.

"Sara!" Her voice echoed in the dark and almost empty house. Grace flicked a light switch but nothing happened. "What the…?" She tried another electrical appliance and again got nothing.

The electric had been switched off, damn it!

"Gra…" Sara stood at the top of the stairs rubbing sleepy eyes.

"Sara go and get dressed please – sensible trousers and shoes…from the bottom drawer…" Grace ushered her into her room and proceeded to go into her own.

Grace was wearing a fitted white shirt with ¾ length sleeves and a skirt and trainers for the pure fact it was the first clean thing she could find! Quickly she changed the skirt for a pair of green kick-flare trousers with huge turn-ups and re-laced her white trainers. The trousers were a comfy material and easy to move in and she figured that would be best.

Grace was surprised at how calm and sensible she was being as she began to pack her green side-bag. Clean underwear, pair of black trousers and red top were the first things she put her hands on – and they went in too, her tiny makeup bag (okay it wasn't essential but…!). And then more sensible things: soap, toothbrush and paste, shampoo and conditioner…(when the bag seemed to be filling up quickly she lost the conditioner…) a hairbrush and tiny mirror. Lip balm went in her pocket along with her cash card.

Was that it? She wondered as she tipped her bedside drawer out onto the bed and quickly scooped up her contraceptive pills and all the condoms she'd collected 'just in case…' She blushed and felt stupid, but she didn't remove them from the bag…

The she picked up a photo in a frame that sat on her bedside, a family photo and wrapped it in the red top…lastly she buried her diary and pencils under everything else and taking a last longing look around her ransacked bedroom, went to find Sara.

The young girl was dressed in denim dungarees and a pink long-sleeved top, on her feet were the glittery trainers and she was struggling to put on her pink fake-fur coat with the hood and gloves. "We going?" She asked softly standing still as Grace began pulling her hair into bunches

"Yes darling were going to the city for a while…so pick a favourite doll to bring with you huh?"

Sara didn't hesitate to pick up Sophie and gave the others a sorry glance.

"Okay." Grace said putting Sophie into Sara's pink backpack and fixing it on the child.

Taking Sara's hand she smiled weakly. "It's time to go…"

Both girls, sisters and friends, stood outside and looked up at their quaint house by the beach. It was supposed to be a miracle house, the house of dreams and although they'd had many happy times there they both felt cheated.

Living in this house had brought her Jay, a better friend than she could've wished for, and love. She didn't know if she was _in love_ with him, but he had taught her something about love, even if neither realised it.

Then there was Beth, someone who she genuinely liked but she'd become very distant when Grace and Jay started getting closer, threatened by the competition. _No_ _competition_ as far as Grace was concerned, Beth was a million times prettier than she was.

And Malaika, sweet Mali, her kindred spirit – her soulmate – she somehow knew what Grace was thinking before she knew it herself and their bond had been so strong so priceless.

Grace sighed and patted her sisters pigtailed head gently giving them both only another minute or so to say their goodbyes and commit this place forever to memory.

Grace pulled her mother's coat tighter around her body and inhaled, closing her eyes she breathing in her warm Spanish scent. The coat was a dark rich green leather, fitted and floor-length, which was always saved for special occasions like going to the theatre. Well, Grace supposed pulling the collar up against the wind, the beginning of a new life is as special an occasion as ever…

"Come on then girly-girl." Her smile and voice were as warm as ever on the cold day as she willed Sara away from the house by taking her gloved hand in her own.

With one last glance back to the house, Grace turned her back on the past and walked into the future.


	15. Look in to the Future

**_Look into the Future_**

 _Look into the Future, what do you see?_

 _I really need to know now, is there a place for me?_

 _Tell me where do we go from here?_

 _Baby will you hold me when I'm afraid?_

 _See me through the danger, till the break of day?_

 _If there's love, there's a chance for me:_

 _Just believe in yourself – you'll see…_

Grace, although looked hopeful for the future as they walked, was scared right down to her core.

The graves were full, the streets empty, and in the far, far distance she could her screaming and wailing of sirens.

Sara held on tightly to her sisters' hand as if her life depended on it and looked ahead with wide, frightened eyes as they moved quickly along the street.

Even though those streets were as familiar as their home had been, all-of-a-sudden they seemed alien and different.

They were nearing Jay's house, Grace realised, and there was no other way to the city she knew but past it. Grace gritted her teeth and tried not to think about him as they trundled past, her with a bowed head.

"Wait…" Sara whispered, stopping dead in her tracks and tugging at Grace's coat trying to make her go in the opposite direction.

Grace sighed impatiently and stopped. "What Sara? What is it?"

Sara looked up at her sister in awe, but also with a confused expression on her face. "Ja…Jay…?" She asked softly her huge eyes blinking hard.

"No Sara, no Jay. He's not there." Grace gulped forcing a smile and holding out her hand to the tiny girl. "Come on now…" Her tone was coaxing but still Sara stood her ground and for a moment Grace was filled with admiration, because for someone so small she seemed so tough.

"Ja…J…" Sara continued holding her ground and folding stubborn arms.

"Sara, no." Grace shook her head as something caught Sara's eyes.

"JAY!" Sara screeched pushing past her sibling and running to the tall blonde-headed figure who was now coming out of the house. "Jay…" Her arms clung around his legs and she held on tight and closed her eyes.

Jay laughed in sweet-surprise and scooped up Sara; words passed between them that Grace didn't see or register.

Grace turned around and blinked as though she couldn't believe her eyes.[I]Jay?[/I] She closed her eyes, and opened them again.

He was still there.

She smiled. A smile that took Jay's breath away and did similar things to Ved who was stood closely behind his brother.

He hadn't left her…Grace felt those familiar butterflies return as he got closer and held her with those amused eyes, he hadn't left her…

"Hey." He offered.

"Hey yourself." Grace whispered.

He smiled at the familiar greeting. "What's going on? Where are you going?"

Grace looked guiltily at her feet. "I came to find you this morning, but you weren't in – I thought…our parents have gone Jay. We thought we'd go to the city, find more food, more people – safety in numbers and all?" She spoke very quickly and avoided eye contact, feeling bad for not trying once more to see if he was home.

Jay looked at her for a second, he couldn't believe it – she was leaving of her own free will? It didn't seem to make sense no matter how hard he tried in his mind.

"What about you? It's hard isn't it? It seems to have happened so fast." Grace struggled for conversation, because things were funny between them now, nothing was stopping her kissing him, stopping them being together, and yet she stood almost as far away as she could.

"We're gonna head the other way, said we'd meet up with some of the others, gather a few kids – try and make something." Jay, always sticking to the plan for the good of everyone – of course he'd stay with the others but still Grace felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach – she hadn't expected it to feel like this – she didn't want him to go with her…but an offer to go with him…something so she didn't feel so alone.

They looked for a moment, long and hard neither able to break to strong hold they over each other.

"Come with us." He asked firmly. "I'll help you look after to Sara…" Jay cursed inside, that wasn't what he'd wanted to say…he wanted to take care of Grace too…"You're a friend Grace."

"Jay…I…"

"Grace if you don't want to…"

"I do, but Sara…"

Jay touched her shoulder lightly and she jumped at the touch. "I want you to be safe and looked after, I care about Sara too. You're my friend."

"You keep saying that." Grace pointed out flatly.

Bitterly.

"It's the truth."

She looked at him again for a few long moments. Life was always full of choices but Grace felt as though recently she'd made more than she ought and here was another – and possibly the hardest one she was ever going to make. Jay watched her. Grace sighed: there wasn't a choice here, because she knew from the moment she saw him, that it was Jay she chose a million times over.

Grace forced a smile that said she was glad about that and let them know she'd changed her mind and had decided to opt for the brothers. "Come on then! We don't want to keep the others waiting…" Grace started moving but Jay stayed still. "What?" She asked turning back to him with a smirk.

He smiled. "Just you."

Grace laughed finally and everything was okay. "Now, now Jay." She tousled his hair playfully. "Don't get all soppy on me!" She screeched as he tickled her in return, and they hugged briefly.

They truly were best friends.

The small group were now only waiting for two more members who were due any minute – then they would be complete and they could make their way to the country. The band of opposites was spread over the pavement and small bench, rather sombre and quiet.

"Is that them?" Beth asked happily standing from her place on the bench. "Is that Jay and Ved?"

Luke squinted and shrugged. "It's definitely someone…but there's more than two people there."

This caused a murmur to ripple through the group.

"Hang on a sec…" Scott dropped to his knees and rummaged through his backpack. "Aha!" He smiled pulling out a pair of binoculars.

Malaika laughed at her brother from where she was holding Luke's hand. "Why did you bring those?" She questioned.

"For an emergency just like this little sis'." Scott murmured putting them to his eyes…"Yep. That's Jay and Ved alright…"

"And the others?" Luke wanted to know.

Scott laughed and smiled. "Well it looks as though the planes aren't working either. You're not gonna believe this guys, but it's Grace and Sara!"

Beth's face dropped almost as much as Malaika's lit up. She jumped and threw her arms around Luke's neck happily. "She didn't go!" She cried over and over.

"Gracey!" Malaika screeched when the group were in ear-shot.

Grace stopped and suddenly felt another wave of guilt for not even thinking about saying goodbye…she'd figured it was too late to be guilty…"Mali." She whispered as her soulmate came speeding towards her throwing arms around her neck and squeezing her tightly. "Careful Mali!" Grace laughed almost toppling backwards. "Mali! Mali! I'm finding it hard to breathe here…"

Malaika pulled away, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You're wearing the bracelet."

Grace felt her eyes welling up. "Don't cry Mali, I'm here aren't I? That's a good thing right?"

"Yes!" Malaika grabbed Jay and hugged him too. "Thank-you." She whispered in his ear. "You did the right thing…" She then kissed Sara's forehead. "Oh kid, you're so sweet…" She smiled as Sara giggled.

And then, just for the heck of it Malaika grabbed Ved and kissed his forehead too. "How you doin' gorgeous?" She asked him. Malaika was one of the only people who ever made Ved blush and right at that moment his cheeks were scarlet as they approached the rest of the group who all looked equally happy to see them all, except Beth, who's glare Grace ignored.

Everyone was there, her and Sara, Jay and Ved, Luke, Beth, Malaika and her brother's Scott and Cooper…

"Cooper?!" Grace exclaimed at the nearly 17 year-old, god he'd grown up…he was taller than she remembered and his black hair was as tousled as she'd thought – only now the ends were tipped in red. "You've grown up…" She smiled reaching out for a quick hug.

"You're as beautiful as I remember." He teased her – a long-running joke – the corner of his almost black eyes crinkling as he smiled.

"Still a heartbreaker I see – and handsome with it." She winked playfully.

The group contained others she knew, some she recognised, but really Grace was far too overwhelmed to notice much.

"Well then people." Jay raised his voice above theirs. "I guess it's time to start going. I'd just want to warn you that we have no idea were we'll find somewhere suitable for us all – but one things for sure, staying here'll be no good – so it might be a long trek. And just remember…" His last words were the beginning of this newfound family. "…we-re only as fast or as strong as our weakest member, so no rushing on." Putting Sara on his shoulders he began to lead the group with Scott and Grace by his side.


	16. A Safe Place to Sleep

_**A Safe Place to Sleep.** _

In the area beyond _The Little Valley_ , past the scrublands, the straw-like grasses and tiny trees, over the cliff and down the other side, where you think you can still hear the faint swishing of the waves and cries of sea-birds is a seemingly tiny house hidden away in the lush green forest.

Since the fall of the adults the cottage and forest seems unoccupied, untouched by the hands of anyone, but for those who know how too see, rather than just look a tiny, freshly burnt out fire sits just away from the entrance to the cottage and candles flicker inside the windows…

It was late in the day when the weary group of travellers stumbled upon this uninhabited shelter and the cold weather had gotten much colder and the whole group were just about ready to give up with tiredness when…

"Good news!" Scott called down to his friends from a small incline the one girl in the group Grace didn't recognise quickly moving to be by his side. Both were waving their hands furiously. "Come on!" He beckoned them forward faster through the thick covering of trees.

Alls pace quickened with the prospect of getting a rest for their heavy feet and aching limbs. Jay was the one pulling them forward with encouraging murmurs as he led them firmly; the tiny Sara - sleeping – was cradled easily in his strong arms. Grace followed, her dark hair streaming behind her viciously in the wind, pressing on in the hope they would soon have a warm fire crackling and Sara could get some proper rest.

Malaika and Luke held hands firmly as he led her through the stuck-out branches of trees and over the uneven ground, every so often he would glance back at her and smile encouragingly. They were at the back of the group so it made no difference to their overall progress when Malaika suddenly lurched forward and grabbed Luke with her other hand to stop him going any further.

"Luke…" She whispered playfully, pulling him close so that her lips brushed against his ear and his lips gently bent to kiss her neck.

"Mmmm…" He breathed taking in the wonderful feel and smell of her as she held him so close. Even though they had never talked about their relationship and kept it casual he couldn't help but feeling that the virus had made all he wanted so clear. And he knew right at that moment that all he wanted was she.

"Luke I love you." She murmured closing her eyes. Finally opening her heart to him brought a suddenly lightness, it freed a lot of the fear and worry she'd be carrying around for a long time.

Truth was blessed.

"I love you too." He ran his lips softly over her skin, trailing them softly from her neck to her cheek, to her lips and held them there for a long moment.

Beth was struggling to walk in the completely insensible shoes she was wearing and was loudly complaining about the way they were going. All the way she kept flashing daggers forward and at Grace, scowling furiously when Jay grabbed hold of her as she toppled slightly, and both laughed happily. It wasn't supposed to be like this, it didn't go like this. Grace had ruined everything – and what made it worse was that however hard she tried Beth couldn't help but like her!

"Ouch!" Beth gasped and cursed as she caught her foot and tripped into the dirt.

From behind her Cooper jumped in to help her to her feet. "Are you okay?" He offered.

Beth scowled back at him, if she wasn't so angry she probably would've been happy to be helped by the handsome young man. "My Prada coat is filthy! Do you think that's okay?!" She pushed his hands from her and stalked off.

Cooper raised his eyebrows; she was pretty stunning, he thought to himself – if only she wouldn't scowl so much!

"I shouldn't even bother thinking about her." Ved pointed out joining him. "She's a stuck-up little princess who wouldn't give you the time of day, never mind anything else!" He laughed and winked.

Cooper nodded. "She seemed pretty sour." He stopped holding out his hand to the blonde boy. "I'm Cooper."

Ved took his hand and shook it firmly forming a friendship. "Ved."

The group quickly reached Scott and the girl and stood with them, following their gaze into a large clearing brought them to the picturesque vision of a quaint cottage with a tiny flower garden and a little path leading from the door into some kind of gathering area with log seats.

"It's beautiful." Grace sighed as her eyes soaked up the view. "Do you think…adults?"

The whole group felt uneasy as she said this, they'd put the thought of adults to the back of their minds, pretending that they were just going away to camp or something.

Scott shook his head. "It looks pretty uninhabited to me, like it was someone's summer house or something…Do you think it'll be a safe place to stay the night?"

Jay shifted Sara in his arms and made his decision. "There's only one way too find out." He passed Sara over to the arms of her sister. "I'll go ahead and see."

"I'll come." Scott offered, but, Jay realised, it wasn't to be questioned.

"I'm coming…" The unfamiliar girl with long dark and silver braids announced following after them.

The boys stopped. "No you're not Silver. Go back and stay with the others." Scott told her.

"As if." Silver rolled her eyes at him. "Anyhow, I don't trust you two – I want to see what's there for myself."

Jay shrugged and all three made their way down the hill and as they neared the cottage stealthily they were watched by not only by their friends but also by something else…

Silver let out the tiniest shriek as the dog started barking viciously rushing almost all the way towards them and growling with such a passion even the boys looked wary.

"What is it silly dog?" The female voice called from somewhere inside the home. "Ally! Go see what she wants would you?"

After a few moments the door flew open and a small girl of about fourteen appeared her short brown hair swishing. "Do this Ally – do that! Yes, sir, no, sir, three bags full-" She stopped still and starred, eyes wide, at the strangers. "Lou!" She called not taking her eyes of them. "You'd better get out here…" Ally narrowed her eyes. "What do you want?"

Jay took his eyes from the dog and turned them to the girl. "We…erm…we're…" He laughed. "Could you please call your dog away?"

"It's not my dog." Ally said simply and Silver snickered.

"Ally I was cooking…" Louisa's words cut off as she followed her friend's gaze. "Hey there!" She smiled friendlily, showing the fact that they didn't get visitors often. "Sssssshhhh girl!" She aimed at the still barking dog.

When it didn't let up Ally joined in. "Shut up Kuger! Shut UP! You stupid thing!"

All watched the dog as it did nothing but get louder and fiercer. "TAMMY!" Ally yelled at the top of her lungs – but she needn't, for Tammy stood close by in the dark shadows of the doorway. "Tell your stupid dog to be quiet!"

Tammy thought about this for a second and decided not doing it wouldn't be worth the hassle. "Kuger." One sound of her voice and the grey husky dog stopped dead and sat in guarding position.

"Well?" Ally asked referring to her previous question.

"We were looking for somewhere safe too sleep." Jay asked softly. "We come in peace – we're friends. There's quite a few of us, but we don't all need beds – we have a child amongst us…"

Lou laughed. "Honey, we're all children! But since you asked so nicely we'll think about it. Ally." She turned and walked into the house with a slight limp, Ally followed and finally so did Kuger.

The door closed and the three were left out in the cold.


	17. Tribal Instincts and War Paint

**Tribal Instincts and War paint**

"So what do you think?" Louisa opened the discussion breaking a deathly silence that had taken over the girls. All three were stood in the hallway of the house in a small formal circle and Kuger was faithfully wagging her tail by Tammy's side.

"Whatever." Ally shrugged rolling her brown eyes to the heavens. "What does one night matter?"

Louisa smiled. "It might be fun to have some new people to talk to – and that blonde guy was pretty cute.."

Tammy groaned, she couldn't believe what she was hearing, they were gonna invite total strangers into their… _home_ …because they were _cute_? "We don't have enough food and resources for us let alone a bunch of hungry travellers! What can they do for us: nothing."

"It's only one night Tams…chill…" Ally folded her arms casually showing the others – who knew her pretty well by now - that she was bored of this conversation already.

"Yep. One night. That's how it starts – or don't you remember? One day you look around and a months gone by…" Tammy's tone was a little harsher than she meant it to be as she referred to the two other girls and how they'd stumbled across her in the cottage.

"If you don't want us here Tams just say." Louisa looked hurt by that last comment. "You can live here all alone if you want y'know, no friends, bitter and twisted."

Tammy jumped on the defensive but tried to be soft, after all the three girls couldn't help but become friends after spending day and night together for over a month. "I'm not saying anything about you okay? I like having you both here you know that! Do what you want Lou, it's two votes against one remember? Looks like I have no choice, but I'll smile and act nice." She smirked slightly and briefly before heading away and up the stairs. "Come on girl…" She glanced behind and Kuger trundled beside her.

"Are you telling them or shall I?" Ally wondered stifling a yawn, she hadn't slept very well last night – unknown to anyone, she'd been having those nightmares again. She was sure that one night they'd hear the screams, which were so loud, they woke her from slumber on a regular basis, but because she lived in the attic neither of the other girls ever heard her and she was glad.

"I will." Louisa smiled. "And maybe after that, the cute blonde could show me his thanks…" She winked forgetting perhaps, that Ally was a couple of years younger than she was. "He is hot…and I haven't had a guy for so long!"

Ally screwed up her face in disgust. "Boyfriends? As if."

Louisa laughed. "I didn't say anything about getting attached honey, I just wanna have some fun!"

Both girls were laughing as they appeared in the doorway, and Jay, relieved, took this for a good sign.

"We've decided to let you stay, it's not a huge place but we can sleep about six of you in bedrooms, maybe more if you double-up. We don't have much food I'm afraid…oh and you can use the living room too…" Her eyes were fixed firmly on Jay as she spoke and when she smiled flirtatiously he returned the grin.

"Thank-you." Jay spoke; Silver had gone to get the rest of the group regardless of the outcome. "We have some food, you can have it as a payment for your hospitality…"

"No – you're alright, we don't need it."

Ally shot daggers at Lou – of course they needed it – these days they needed anything they could get!

"No." Jay shook his head firmly. "It's only right we should pay you for your kindness…"

"Well why don't we talk about that later huh?" Louisa's eyes were shining as she spoke. "Right now we'll show you all around and get you settled."

Ally shrugged tittering down the steps and off towards the stream, rushing in the background. "You'll have to do it in relays – there's a ton of them." She commented seeing the group making their way down and towards the house. "I'm going for a walk."

"Ally!" Louisa protested.

"I thought you'd be happy about that?" She flashed a look too Jay and winked at Louisa. "Have fun – I'll be back for tea!"

"Be careful!" Was Louisa's final comment as Ally dipped out of sight and Silver led the gang into the clearing.

For a few moments they stared at the house all eyes wide and longing for some comfort in the pretty cottage that looked so inviting. The were all standing close and showing a firm unity – even Beth stood with her friends, acting perhaps a little like her old self for a change.

Sara was now awake and holding Grace's hand, whilst sleepily rubbing her eyes with the other. Both girls watched the blonde boy they cared for immensely with hopeful eyes.

Jay's face broke into that familiar cheeky half-grin half-smirk as he shrugged his broad shoulders. "Get comfy guys, we've got somewhere too stay the night."

From where she was deeper into the woodland, Ally heard the happy cheers and laughter and she hated every second of it. It wasn't that she wanted them all to be sad, it was just one of those weeks when nothing you do is right. Tammy was mad coz she didn't want strangers in the house and Lou was too busy flirting to notice that her young friend wasn't her usual vibrant self.

Ally's parents had died almost three months ago now and still it was haunting her through the day and night, and that stupid argument she'd had with Dax…why was she so impulsive these days? Ally shrugged dipping her feet in the icy stream-water she supposed that was the way it went, lucky for her Louisa had found her before she'd gotten herself into any more trouble in the city, she obviously just couldn't keep herself to herself. But then again, she'd been so quiet before… _it_ had happened, such a doormat – but not anymore: Now she was fun and giddy and reckless – a danger-seeker. Nowadays no one sh!t on her, no one touched her, no one did anything but what she wanted.

Ally knew she could fight these nightmares if only she'd stop looking back and keep her eyes firmly focused on the future…but it was hard. Some days she thought she might return to the city, but it had been so bad in the last few weeks…these beach kids had no idea of what happened in the darkness of back alleyways, what it was like to be so scared you couldn't close your eyes to sleep at night, how you could scream and scream in a crowded street and no one would hear your cries for help…Ally sighed and continued further down the brook, she had to stop doing this to herself…

It was later when Ally returned to a supper of tinned stew and homemade bread lovingly prepared by Louisa. The picnic area, which was usually empty and desolate at this time of evening was full of life, chatter and laughter and the strangers filled their bellies and easily settled into this new way of life. She slipped, unseen, to where the stew-pot was still hovering over a small fire and dished herself a small helping, she wasn't that hungry anyways but it did taste good – even for Louisa's cooking.

"Ally!" Louisa beckoned her over to the large table. "Come and meet some of these guys – I've told them all about you!"

Ally smirked as she perched on the table. "Only good things I hope?"

"Why?" Ved grinned. "Are you a naughty girl really?"

Ally glanced at him – but she wasn't having any of it. "No. As long as you play nice I'm an angel." There was no hint of flirtation in her voice but something implied a hidden meaning.

Cooper also noticed this, with an interest; she was a funny little thing.

Mali and Luke were sitting on the steps in the shadowy dark holding hands totally engrossed in each other. They were kissing as Luke ran his fingers through her hair and gently down her spine pulling her closer and every so often he would whisper how much he loved her, fluttering his soft eyelashes against her cheeks and lips. This was so much more than either had realised, both had looked to each other for comfort in the darkest times, but right now Mali couldn't help but feeling a deep ache for him as every touch caused each nerve in her body to tingle.

"Luke…" Her brown pupils were dark and large as she opened her eyes and spoke breathily. "Let's go upstairs." Her voice lowered as she leaned in closer. "I want you."

So apparently unseen, the new lovers slipped upstairs in a flurry of passion…

Tammy watched from her seat slightly away from the rest of the group as she patted Kuger and fed her tiny pieces of bread. Tammy hadn't made a tremendous effort that evening to be inviting, but still she had felt different with these people here and not in a bad way.

She was dressed head-to-toe in black, coat, trousers, boots and top and looked very unapproachable with the husky by her side. However this was the image she aimed for and with her dark red hair scraped back into a high ponytail and her prominent cheekbones she looked like the ice queen. She had thawed out somewhat since meeting Lou and Ally, they were friends now and she looked out for them but she still maintained this image for the guests. She didn't want people analysing her the way they had her whole life, asking her questions and trying to find out how stable she was.

It was that who did this to me, she thought before cursing herself for even letting him have the tiniest space in her mind, and besides, social care hadn't been such a bad thing for her – it definitely toughened her up a lot.

Her black eyes caught Ved's across the picnic area for a brief second, but both looked away without a second thought about the other. Kuger growled lowly. "Hush, girl." Tammy smiled. "They're guests."

"…she was telling me about what it was like before she left the city – it spread quicker there see, her mother died five months ago and she said it was really bad…" Silver was retelling what Louisa had told her earlier in the evening, to an intrigued Grace as Jay entertained Sara. Silver sighed and admitted. "It was bad enough being in a big city before my parents sent me here y'know. All these kids running around, screaming, fighting, hunting each other – and any ill-looking adult, it was awful and by the sounds of it it's only got worse."

Grace shuddered slightly.

Silver continued. "Anyway…she says that it happened faster there than here…because of all the people in a big city I suppose? But big groups of kids are getting together and calling themselves Tribes, fighting for power. Some even wear war paint to warn off their rival tribes."

Grace almost couldn't believe what she was hearing – they must be crazy! Sooner or later the adults would come back….some of them anyway, from abroad, and boy would they get arrested for it or something!

"It sounds impossible I know. But it's been changing out there for a long time…" Silver noticed a faraway look in the other girls eyes as she watched Jay make her younger sister giggle, she was listening, just a little more distant than usual, but she looked happy.

"Maybe Scott and Jay need to be told?" Grace offered. "It's a scary thought, as though they've regressed back to the primitive times. No electric, no running water, no…anything."

Silver eyed the girl for a trace of something that would give away what she was thinking about – but since they'd only just introduced themselves to each other about twenty minutes previous it was pretty impossible.

Grace sighed and pulled herself to her feet. "It's good you know so much about the city Silver." She admitted. "It was nice to speak to you."

Silver nodded.

"I'm going to get Sara too bed – she'll be tired tomorrow otherwise and I don't think Jay'll be up for anymore carrying stunts!" The girls laughed and as Grace joined Jay Silver decided she would keep an eye on her, just for something to do…

Jay, Grace and Sara had been assigned the large living room to sleep in, as the other rooms were taken or unsuitable (the bathroom for example!). Grace had set up a make-shift bed for her sister who had dozed off as soon as her head touched the pillow and now the best friends sat in lazy candlelight as Grace searched her bag for a hairbrush.

"Glad to see you only packed essentials." Jay commented picking up the leather bound diary from the table and examining it.

"Hmmm?" Grace answered not glancing up from the bag she was rummaging through.

Jay inspected it, it didn't look like a normal book…a note-pad maybe or something similar and the pages were slightly crinkled from water perhaps…

"What's this?" He asked waving the diary casually as if it was a stone or something, totally unaware what was revealed inside.

Grace's eyes opened wide as she quickly snatched the book back into her arms. "A diary." She blushed. "It's private."

Jay smirked, interested. "What do you write about in there?"

Grace was surprised that she wasn't getting teased but still felt her cheeks flaming. "Stuff." She bit her lip shyly.

"Stuff…" Jay repeated slowly his own cheeks slightly flushed in the candlelight. "…About me?"

Grace dropped the diary in shock and felt glued to the spot by his heavy gaze. She forced a laugh, scooping up the diary and pushing it to the bottom of the bag. "You wish!" she exclaimed with such mock fury that it caused Jay to laugh too, and somewhere in the middle of all this the original subject was lost…

It was a little later, the candles had long burned out and the pair had thought they should probably save the rest for other times, so they continued to sit and talk in the darkness.

"You should sleep." Jay informed Grace softly, hearing her stifle a yawn.

"I'm not tired." She replied, wanting this comfort and safety never to end, afraid that when she woke up it'd be gone again.

"We could have another hard day of travelling tomorrow – Gracey, you'll wear yourself out." The concern dripping from his words was evident to both.

"I know."

A thick silence crept into the room and wrapped itself about the pair, as neither knew just what to say. Grace pulled the blanket closer to them both as they sat on the sofa.

"Jay?" She whispered turning to face him.

"Uh-huh?" As he did the same their noses brushed slightly.

"I…I'm…I'm glad I came." Her voice was as warm as honey as her soft breath tickled his lips.

"I know."

The moment dragged out as they sat only a fraction apart, the slightest movement being enough to close the gap. Grace closed her eyes as Jay carefully put his hand into hers.

"Jay?" Her voice was even softer this time.

"Yeah?" He spoke so gently his lips barely moved the air against hers.

"I like being with you." She admitted. "I like it here."

Jay closed his eyes and savoured her scent for a drawn-out while. "Me too Gracey." He breathed the gap becoming a fraction bigger as she moved slightly away, nervous. "Me too."


	18. Moonlight Misbehaviour

_**Moonlight and Misbehaviour** _

Jay flinched slightly as she moved away, was she trying to tell him something? Did this make her just a little bit too uncomfortable? He opened his mouth to speak, but when no sound came out closed it again.

Grace's lips parted themselves gently. She was ready for this kiss at long last, but something deep down was stopping her moving any closer, a feeling that perhaps this wasn't a perfect time for what she'd built up to be the perfect kiss. She wanted him to kiss her more than anything and she was shaking…God she was petrified…

Somewhere in the darkness that stretched in front of her, Jay let out the tiniest sigh, which made her almost shiver with anticipation.

"Jay…" She breathed shifting her weight slightly, which unknown to her knocked the table and caused her bag to spill with a thud. She jumped and moved to try and pick everything up but Jay groped for her arm and caught it.

"Grace…" Time slowed as Grace forgot all about her things and realised that she couldn't stop the inevitable. They were so very close, and she wanted it more than anything. God, this was really happening to her, they were finally, really going to…

"Gracey!" Sara's voice was petrified and piercing in this strange dark and regretfully Jay let her go as Grace went immediately to her sister, already living up to her promise

"I'm here Sara…Sssshhh now…" She carefully wrapped the girl back in the blankets and cooed her back to sleep.

Grace realised now that the moment had passed – why did he do this to her? And tomorrow it would all be forgotten and he'd go back to being Jay, the leader, the strength they all turned too and this would never be talked about again, the same way as always. And she'd be Gracey, the girl who he loved to tease with almost-kisses and friendliness…

"Bed then…?" She told Jay, taking a blanket ad curling up at the far end of the sofa.

Jay nodded. "Yeah." He replied his voice sounding strange now.

But Grace didn't ask him what was wrong. She just closed her eyes and wished she'd never fallen for her best friend.

Silver sat out in the cool night, even as time passed and the others went inside for warm drinks or to sleep. She leant against the table and fiddled with the thin silver bracelet on her arm, it was all she had left now, of times past and of her life in New York City. Not that she missed it there, it had been busy and dusty, but she was so confused about everything at the moment.

She didn't know if her parents were alive or dead – they'd sent her away before she knew for sure and she missed them all the more because they might still be alive.

The bracelet on her arm glinted in the moonlight, it was really important to her, and had been what had given her the name 'Silver'. She never took it off, hadn't since she'd been a young girl, but if she ever did you would see the names of her family engraved on the inside; John, her father, Cate, her mother and Chad, her brother.

Silver was determined that one day she'd find out the truth and be reunited with them, one way or another, and until then she was planning to make the best of her life here with these people, planning to be one of the leaders…

"What you doing?" She looked up to see Scott standing over her grinning.

"Nothing." She replied coolly, not now. "Nothing with you anyway."

He laughed. "As icy as ever eh?"

Silver narrowed her eyes. "I'm only icy with you because I think you're a loser." She snapped standing and stalking into the house. He thought he was so fantastic! She yelled in her head – he made her so mad! Trying to talk like her knew her – like he knew anything about who she was! Silver slammed the door open and then closed, scowling, she hated people who tried to joke with you and…and…she closed her eyes tightly, oh God why was she so edgy these days? She shrugged; perhaps she was getting her period…oh Silver you're such an idiot! That's not the way to make friends…

Luke sighed softly in a state somewhere between asleep, awake and heaven, eyes closed as the last of the candles were fading.

Mali look so beautiful in the hazy light with her dark hair let out of its usual ponytail and a glowing halo surrounding her as she stretched and murmured blissfully. It hadn't been either of their first times, but still it felt kind of special, to be that close to someone again – to have someone that close to you…

Luke pulled her gently closer and closer humming her name and holding her, breathless and exhausted. Any words or sounds that passed between them were soft and longing, but words were incidental as she brought her lips to his and they talked through touch.

"Hey there…" Louisa's voice was breathy as she came up behind Scott.

He spun round and came face to face with hazel eyes, which were smirking and dancing at him. "Hey."

"I couldn't help over hearing…" She whispered. "I was just over there and she was being pretty loud…"

Scott shrugged and took a seat on the bench. "Yeah well, for some reason I've gotten on the wrong side of that one." He grinned. "Strange really: I'm usually so well-liked."

Louisa straddled the bench and leaned forward in a way that she knew made her breasts look bigger in the tight t-shirt she was wearing. "I can tell." She smiled running her tongue over pink lips.

"Oh?" Scott shifted slightly uncomfortable. "Can you, now?"

Silver regretted being so horrible to Scott and decided to apologise but when she opened the door quietly this time, she wasn't expecting the sight that greeted her…

Louisa fluttered her eyelashes just the tiniest bit, she'd been watching Jay all night, but for some reason he'd not paid much attention back, guys didn't usually ignore Lou…Scott was foxy and seemed like a good way to make herself feel better: casual sex. "So Scott, do you like upfront girls?" She purred.

Scott ran his hand casually through the family trademark-dark hair and shrugged. "Well…" His voice was hoarse and made Louisa feel exceptionally turned-on. "I think you're sexy."

"Good." Was her only reply as she grabbed Scott and kissed him hard on soft lips, dragging her fingers through his hair and pushing her body closer to his.

Silver's eyes were wide – she gotten him all right: he was just another loser who jumped from girl to girl. She screwed up her pretty features, he made her sick! Spinning on her heel she went back inside the house.

Scott responded to Louisa's eagerness, expertly pushing his tongue gently into her mouth and running warm hands over her toned buttocks and legs as she stood slightly leaning forward, slowly unbuttoning his trousers.

This was stupid and reckless but at the same time extremely exciting, and Silver had gotten him pretty mad being all bitchy, he wasn't a loser…Lou obviously didn't think so!

And right now Louisa's warm hands were making him feel so great he didn't stop pushing his own fingers into her underwear as they continued the meaningless kiss…

Inside the quietly sleeping house a scared murmur filled the top floor and floated onto the landing as Ved slept soundly. From the floor Cooper turned in his half-sleep, unable to settle in the new surroundings.

In the next room Ally's tiny frame was struggling underneath the duvet and she slept and dreamed. "No….uh…e….I…don't….I'll make you sorry …Stop… please … ple…" She thrashed around in her sleep knocking over a glass that was sitting on her bedside table.

Cooper heard the smash and sat bolt right up in his provisional bed, what the hell…? His eyes were wide in the dark as his ears strained to hear the small voice wining in the night.

It had stopped.

Cooper frowned as listened again, for a moment he was sure he could hear sobbing…

Ally sat in bed; the covers pulled tightly around her as tears fell freely, running salty tracks down her cheeks. It still haunted her, even now. Now she was safe and cared for and happy…the nightmares had been as their worst tonight, she reasoned it was because there was strangers in the house, strangers that could hurt her.

Ally began to pick up the smashed glass from the floor; at least they'd all be gone by this time tomorrow.

After listening for a few minutes Cooper decided it must have been his imagination and tried to get more sleep…


	19. A Day of Promise

**_A Day of Promise?_**

It had been a night of revelations and discoveries, but now the light was tiptoeing it's way over the cottage and a few were already stirring.

In the airy kitchen, Tammy was boiling water so she could have some tea and as she pottered around Kuger circled her feet. "Go and lie down will you?" She told the dog as she almost tripped over her for about the fourteenth time. She was trying to be extra careful this morning because of the guests; she didn't want to wake them up – the reason? Not even Tammy wanted too admit…

"Morning Tams!" Louisa came into the kitchen sporting a breezy voice and smile. "Hey Kuger girl…" She patted the dog friendlily pulling faces at it.

"Morning." Tammy eyed her friend carefully as she pored the hot water into her cup and then filled one for Louisa and one for Ally. "What's put you in such a good mood?"

Louisa shrugged. "Nothing much…" A smile formed casually on her deep red lips.

"What? What is it?!" Tammy demanded. "Something's put that big dopey grin on your face and I want to know what!"

Louisa sipped at her hot tea and didn't attempt to answer the question although it spun around in her mind…It had been wild and daft last night, they could've been caught by anyone out there on the picnic table but just thinking about it made her delirious…Scott was about two years her elder, and pretty damn experienced, judging by some of his techniques…Louisa smiled to herself, he'd shown her things last night that made her knees buckle giddily and caused her to feel as though she might pass out with pleasure.

It was an experience, and that was all.

A one-night-stand, no strings, no romance, no kind words. That's not what either of them had wanted or needed. All they needed was sex. Plain, hot, sweaty, passionate…

"Are you listening to me?"

Louisa jumped and shrugged apologetically at her friend.

"Obviously not." Tammy sighed. "Geez Lou – I don't know what's gotten into you these days…"

Louisa cautiously sipped, looking at her friend with intent eyes. "I've been thinking…"

"Not too hard I hope?" Tammy joked.

Louisa wasn't sure how to word this exactly but she decided to say what was in her mind. "I like them here." She spoke slowly, as not to say anything she might regret. "I think we should…ask them to stay a little while longer…"

Tammy's face was neutral. "Please tell me you're joking."

"C'mon Tammy admit it! Having them here yesterday was nice wasn't it? It was fun – it felt normal again!"

Tammy eyed her excited friend and couldn't help but nod ruefully. "Okay, it was kinda…but you do realise everything we have will fall apart? It'll be disordered and disorganised with no rules, no helping – no food!"

"But…" Louisa fought for this, which struck Tammy as a little strange. "But more of us means less work right? C'mon Tammy please? Just a while longer…?"

Tammy nodded, yes, and exclaimed as Louisa caught her in a hug. "Thank-you thank-you! It's going to be so great!"

"Wait. What about Ally – what does she think?"

"She doesn't know – she wasn't in her room…but I'm sure she'll love the idea as much as me!" If it weren't for a few old sporting injuries Louisa would've jumped up and down in pleasure.

Tammy however seemed unmoved as she watched her friend beam. "Well don't tell anyone until Ally gets back or…well I suppose you'll have to tell them so they don't leave…erm…give it till noon huh?"

Louisa nodded. "Sure. Sure I'll tell them!"

Without another word Lou left leaving Tammy to think about what she'd just let herself in for. This changed everything, all the dynamics of the group…She saw this place as her house, but once they'd settled in she'd be out numbered and eventually faded out.

"Hey…um, Morning." His voice broke into her thoughts and she looked up at smirking eyes and a bare but toned chest.

Tammy jumped up from the chair she'd rested on and found that she was the same height as the stranger…this made her feel better. Her dark eyes held his, which were an attractive greeny-blue and for a moment nothing was said.

"Can I get a cup of tea or something?" Ved was usually a late-sleeper, but the strange surroundings had messed up his inner clock and he found himself one of the first awake; yawning sleepily and casually strolling about the house in just his trousers.

"Help yourself." She told him waving a hand dismissively. "Kuger…"

The dog followed the girl as she left the house, leaving Ved staring after her…bl0ody hell! He laughed to himself, was there really any point in being so indifferent? Laughing out loud to himself, he went to try and make tea…tribal style.

Jay had been awake long before either of the girls and he busied himself with picking up Grace's things that had fallen on the floor the previous evening. As his hands fell on the small diary they paused and for just a moment he was overwhelmed with curiosity – if only he could know what was going on in her mind, maybe that would help them both…

When Grace woke up, startled, until she knew where she was, Sara and Jay were whispering together as thick as thieves. "Morning sleepy head." Jay almost couldn't help himself flirting in his own way. If only I was more like Ved, he thought to himself, then I'd be able to do whatever I wanted.

Grace narrowed her eyes to herself; she might've guessed all would've been dismissed from last night. "Morning. Hey Sara!" She flashed a smile, which caused her sister to run into her arms for big cuddles.

The sisters laughed with each other as Jay watched on, unable to penetrate the strong bond between the girls, no matter what happened in the future, near or far, he would never mean more to Grace than her sister. Grace put Sara first; before every other thing in her life, even her own happiness – but this only made her more endearing…

Their eyes caught as Grace pulled Sara to her and Jay smiled.

Feeling tears well in her own, Grace closed her eyes and tried to block him from her mind whilst Sara buried her nose in her hair.

Silver finished applying the red and silver swirl on her forehead and smiled, it looked kinda pretty against her pale and pretty skin, matching her blood red lips, which in turn matched the red leather halter top she was wearing. If all the other kids in the city were marking them selves for recognition, why shouldn't she? It was actually a really cool idea.

She decided to go for a little wander before she packed up to leave, so she made her way to the stairs, grabbing her coat on the way.

"Good morning." Scott looked at her as they met in the middle of the stairs.

"Is it?" Silver asked. "Well I suppose that depends on what you got up too last night I guess…"

Scott looked slightly taken back by this at first, but composed himself quickly. "A lonely night for you was it Silver?" He shot back.

"That's the way I like it." She spat pushing past him.

"Hey!" Scott grabbed her arm and looked her up and down. "What's that on your face?"

Silver raised her chin confidently. "It's a tribal-marking. It let's people know who I am, and if you see lots of people with the same mark it means they're in the same gang…group…"

"Tribe?" Scott offered slightly interested by this idea.

"Yeah. All the city kids do it." She finally broke free of his grasp as fled down the stairs, out of sight.

As he watched he go, he thought of his brief encounter with Louisa, outside as the moment took them over. He couldn't believe he'd done that all because he was angry with Silver calling him names…it sounded so childish, but, he reasoned, it hadn't been a bad night…

Louisa was an attractive girl, but younger than him, like Silver, but so experienced for someone her age. She was…good…it was great, but experience had taught Scott that when it came to sex, it wasn't always _what_ you did but _who_ you did it with…it just hadn't felt right with Louisa, so that's why he felt a little let down as he went up stairs to get Cooper out of bed.

"Hey there…" Her soft breath tickled the back of his neck, as she stood close.

Jay turned around to meet Louisa and smiled slightly. "Hey. How are you?"

Louisa shrugged and grinned. "Good…- I can see you're looking great this morning."

Jay eyed her carefully. "Am I?" He asked cautiously. "I feel wiped out."

It was true that, dressed all in black showed off his toned body, standing tall with that bleached hair showing dark roots he did look exceptionally lovely, but it was obvious too that Louisa was trying her best to flirt with him.

She pouted. "Aww, poor Jay…you need looking after, someone to give you…" She touched her lips with the edge of her tongue. "A little TLC."

Jay wasn't watching her, rather the trees and the general view. "Yeah. Perhaps I do."

Louisa arched her eyebrows, what did he want her to do? Strip naked and throw herself at him? "Well…" The flirtation in her voice was heavy. "If you decide you do need it, you know where I am. Middle floor, first room on your left." She put her lips close to his ear. "Come at night, and I'll guarantee you'll feel a lot better." Louisa turned back to the house and smiled. "Hey Grace! Your hair looks great!"

Grace forced a smile; her hair was twisted into two long plaits, which were intentionally messy and unruly and although it looked cute on her they didn't look [I]great[/I] as Louisa had put it. Grace frowned she was so fake!

Jay was watching her now, obviously worried what she might have thought and what exactly she heard of that conversation. Grace acknowledged him with a nod of the head and walked passed him to sit on one of the tables, _I'm not playing nice anymore_ , she thought to herself, _it's up to him for a bit – I'm sick of being teased_ …

The news that they were being asked to stay for much longer spread like wildfire through the camp, and it was long before noon that everyone knew about this proposal.

Everyone that was, except Ally.

The mood was one of calm and as the group discussed this possibility it seemed obvious that all were more than happy to stick around in the cottage for a while longer, with no exception, no disagreement even from Beth; who had kept herself pretty separate from the group the preceding evening.

So the vote was taken, by Jay's insistence to keep things 'fair', and every person voted to stay. Tammy and Louisa watched this, intrigued; they must have done something right if they all loved the place. Tammy raised her eyebrows, but I wonder if they'll like it so much when they all have to do their own fair share of the work?

Ally returned to camp later on that afternoon expecting to find the outer area its usual quiet self but stopped abruptly when she saw it alive with people and loud with voices.

"What the…?"

Ved noticed the girl approach the campsite so he sauntered over. "Ally…we've missed you today." He flashed her his best smile.

"Have we now?" She couldn't resist the cheeky grin he wore and smiled back.

"Have you heard the good news?" Ved was a little too keen for her liking, but this amused her greatly.

"Hmmm?"

"We're all staying together for a while longer."

Ally's face dropped dramatically. "What?" She spoke slowly and carefully "You're joking…"

Ved shook his head, cursing, that wasn't the right thing to say…

Ally groaned in exasperation and stormed off to the house to find Louisa or Tammy…

"You alright Ally?" Louisa was washing up some dirty pots in the kitchen and she paused to speak with her friend but apparently didn't notice the scowl on Ally's face. "You'll never guess what…" Her voice lowered in confession. "Scott and I had sex last night. Mmmm…he was yummy – but not as good as Jay I'll bet!" She laughed but came to a halt when she noticed Ally's expression.

"When were you planning on telling me the news?" Ally spoke softly.

"News?" Louisa looked blankly at her until… "Oh gosh Ally I'm sorry! I've been so busy…and you weren't here when we decided…"

"So you decided for me?" Ally snapped, unable to hold back now. "Who died and made you my mother Louisa? When did you start making decisions for me?"

Louisa was scared slightly by the fourteen year old, worried by the fact that she was using her full name whilst she shouted at her. "I didn't think you…"

"No you're right! You _didn't_ think!" Ally's brown eyes were teary. "It starts again. Getting forgotten when something more interesting comes along. Cheers Lou. I thought you were a mate!"

"I am!"

"Then start treating me like one! You don't care about me – you pretend you do but all you want to do is shag every guy you meet! You shouldn't have helped me that day!" Tears found their way to her pale cheeks. "You should've just left me on the street to die!" She yelled before turning on her heel and running from the room.

"Ally! ALLY!" Louisa went after her, but not very quickly because of her slight limp. "Listen I'm sorry Ally – I really am…" Tears filled her own eyes and she threw the dishcloth angrily onto the floor – she'd been so awful to her friend. "I'm such a …" She muttered bitterly to herself. "I don't deserve a friend like Ally…"

"Whoa kid! Where's the fire?" Cooper caught Ally as she sped past and held her firmly as she struggled with tears. "What is it?" His tone was softer this time. "What's wrong?"

Ally looked up into his eyes as a sob escaped from her throat. "I'm not a kid!" She yelled at him, but he didn't let her go. "Let me go! Let me go!"

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Ally screamed and sobbed as she struggled in his grip. "Let me…please just…"

Cooper took his hands back but touched her hair softly. "Hey…sssshhh! It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you…"

"Then leave me alone!" She cried pushing past him and thumping her way all the way up the stairs leaving him a little dazed and very confused.

"So…?" Grace encouraged her friend to continue. "Spill!"

Malaika laughed and blushed slightly. "Luke and I…we made love for the first time last night…"

Grace stared open-eyed at her friend, how could she have not known that… "I thought…"

"What?" Mali jumped in. "That we already had?"

"Well you seem so close." Grace reasoned stealing a glance in Jay's direction, where he was talking to Beth.

Mali tutted playfully. "Careful Grace, don't jump to conclusions; what if people are thinking and saying the same about you and Jay?" She spoke with a smile. "Shared the cosy little living room last night did we?"

Grace felt her bottom lip begin to tremble. "Don't Mali."

"What is it?" She was genuinely concerned as she reached for her hand.

"I don't want to talk about him." Grace told her firmly. "I'm sick of feeling like he's the only guy in my life! He doesn't like me; if he did he'd have done something by now! It's not as if he hasn't had the chance!"

"Well guys are pretty slow about these things, why don't you do something?"

"I cant! What if I get rejected – it'd ruin _everything_. Everything we've ever done together would feel like a lie." Grace shook her head to knock away the tears. "He probably likes Beth anyway."

Malaika laughed loudly. "C'mon grace you don't believe that any more than I do!"

"Why not?" She frowned sourly. "She's blonde and… _perky_. What's not to like?"

"She's not been her cheerleading self for a while Grace; besides she's got an attitude lately and she's haughty-taughty princess." Mali was really trying to cheer her friend up best she could but it didn't seem to be working. She sighed. "What's he done Grace?"

Grace buried her head in her hands. "He's the only guy in my life and I can't have him." She muttered bitterly.

"Well then…" Malaika thought she might regret saying this, because everyone knew that Grace belonged with Jay, but she had to be fair to her… "Perhaps you should let other guys into your life…"


	20. Screams in the Night

**_Screams in the night_**

Grace's fingers shook uncontrollably as she held the pencil poised above the diary. Did she really want to start all this again…after she'd promised a fresh start and all? But something just wouldn't let her stop, and for the first time in a while she began to write again…

 _We've been staying at this tiny cottage in the woods for about six days now, I suppose it's the best thing for everyone, and finally I've plucked up the courage to write again. Sara loves it here and I wonder if she's forgotten them already…She's young, easily forgets, but for me it's not that effortless. I have so many years of memory which won't die easily. Perhaps its simpler to live if you can't remember – or if you try to forget – but I just can't let myself take the easy option, when Sara grows up I'll tell her all I can, all I know and I'll keep telling her to remind myself, and when I have children of my own – I'll tell them too…_

 _I'll tell them everything about my parents; my mothers Spanish origins her honey-sweet laugh, honest brown eyes and long dark unruly hair…my fathers sparkly inky-blue eyes, eyes like mine, and his soft manner…how he'd call me sweetheart or princess. And when I was a child I did feel like a princess, treated so kindly, so well – having the perfect parents who'd never leave me – who'd always be there – and that was also a time when I believed in happy endings. I believed that no matter what happened, I'd get it. The challenging job, the loving husband, a pretty house by the sea and then one day, when I was settled, I'd have children…_

Grace thought about this for a moment before continuing.

 _But now none of that will ever happen, and I've given up my hopes of a happy ending, life just doesn't work like that._

 _I'm worried about Beth these days – and I know she's been horrid to me but I can't forget that she used to be…still is…a friend of mine. She used to be so outgoing and happy and friendly, but now she seems so withdrawn and quiet. I tried to talk to her, I want to help but she just ignores me. I guess I should console myself with the fact that I know she still talks to Jay, and I know that he'd do anything to help someone in trouble._

Grace ignored the fact that Jay had slipped back into this diary and scribbled the first thing that came into her head that wasn't him.

 _There's a new girl with us these days, someone I didn't know before…her names Silver. I don't quite know how she came to be in our group, but I think it might have something to do with her parents sending her away from the city and to the coast. She seems very wise and intelligent and knows a lot about what happened in the city when the… 'Virus' struck. She knows a lot about gangs or…tribes and she even wears some sort of tribal symbol on her forehead as a sign of who she is…it seems a bit strange to me, but I wonder if it'll catch on…?_

 _Mali and Luke are together_ _ **together**_ _now, she seems so happy I could just cry for_ _her_ , Grace smiled, _she's got all she wants and that's so wonderful_ …Her writing slowed…

 _Jay and I are still being pretty cold with each other, and that Louisa one is trying to get her hooks in him, pretending like I'm her best friend with all those 'your hair looks great!' comments. But all I can say is she's welcome to him if that's what he wants. If he wants to sleep around with her then what can I say – he wouldn't be the man I thought he was, and then at least I'd know that before anything happened between us. Grace sighed heavily. I can't…I just don't know what to say to him…_

"Grace?" The knock came at the living room door and at the sound of his voice she jumped and slammed the diary shut and stared at her hands. "Gracey?"

Grace looked up at him and was unexpectedly struck by how much he'd grown up since that first meeting on the beach. Until now she'd had a fifteen year-old image of Jay stuck in her mind and now suddenly here he was standing before her, nearly 18 a man and wonderful with it.

He still had the same dark eyes which knew her so well, eyes which although were serious and intelligent, held hope and laughter and even though he'd been through so much there wasn't even the tiniest trace of sadness as he regarded her thoughtfully. His hair was bleached more now than when she'd first met him, and so was Ved's, but it looked so sexy with the roots almost visible – took the sharp edge off of this cool look and emphasised his tough features, a strong-cut jaw, features which softened when his lips broke into that awe inspiring smile.

And then there was his height, she looked up at him standing above her as she sat, he'd been tall when they'd met, but now he was well over six-foot, slender, muscular – _taut_. Broad shoulders and a toned torso which she could see slightly through his clothes and…

Jay knelt down at her feet, as there was nowhere he could sit so that he'd be close enough to look into her eyes. "Gracey are you mad at me?" He asked so softly that her heart fluttered.

Grace gulped and put her hand gently on his neck. "No Jay…not _mad_ , not at you…"

"But?" He looked into her eyes and searched for an answer.

Grace shrugged.

Jay sighed heavily. "Listen Grace, I want you to know that you mean a lot to me. You've helped me through so much, the way a friend should if they're decent and…" He looked at her hard. "I just don't want anything to spoil what we have."

She smiled apologetically and lowered her eyes; she thought that maybe it was already too late.

Malaika and Luke sat at the streams edge on the green grass and dipped their toes in the bubbling water, holding hands, contented. They couldn't get enough of each other these days, and longed to spend as much time together as they could. It was what happened in the beginning stages of love – a complete need for the other person; and these two were no exception.

"Do you think about the future often?" Malaika spoke first trying not to spoil this lovely moment by bringing up an important issue.

Luke pulled her a little closer and breathed her in. "I used to. A _lot_. I used to think about going to college, travelling all around the world, becoming an ambassador or vice-president or something!" Both laughed and as Malaika kissed his cheek he continued. "The future's so uncertain now I don't bother…but you know all this honey…"

"Yeah, I know. I just was wondering – I've been thinking about what I wanted to do quite a bit…ever since my dad died actually." Malaika looked thoughtfully into the ripples in the stream. "The only thing I can think of that I still want to do is become a mother." She smiled. "But don't worry – I'm not broody or anything; I can wait for all those sleepless nights…!"

Luke kissed the top of her dark head and her hair, which for once hadn't been re-strained into the long ponytail. "I hope I'm there when you are ready." He whispered so softly she almost couldn't hear it.

"You will be Luke – if I have anything to do with it…" Mali closed her eyes as they snuggled against each other.

"I love you." They whispered simultaneously.

They sat there so close they could be one person, and as far as either of them were concerned this was the real thing, true love, and they were going to be together forever.

Every night they'd been at the house, the screams had gotten worse. They didn't seem to wake or bother Ved who was probably losing brain cells from all the hand-held computer games he played, but Cooper found himself unable to sleep at all. By now he had realised it was Ally who was suffering and he'd tried to keep away for as long as he could from something that was obviously not any of his business, but this night the sounds were too terrifying for him to ignore.

Cooper crept over the tiny piece of landing between the two rooms and gently pushed open her door, closing it behind him.

"I don't! I _didn't_ …NO!…stop…! STOP!" Ally thrashed in her sleep, lashing out at and struggling with the invisible monsters. Although Cooper knew it was dangerous, he decided he had to wake her.

"Ally…" He shook her gently but this caused her to fight even harder and against him too. "Ally? Ally!" This time he shook harder. "Wake up!"

Ally was startled awake, breathing quickly and heavily, and when she saw him she backed away into the corner of the bed, shaking, bringing her blanket with her…

"What are you doing in my room?" She whispered trying not to sound as terrified as she looked.

Cooper held up his hands in defence. "Nothing…I…"

"Then get out!" She snapped out in a harsh whispered.

"I'm going." Cooper nodded, he'd do whatever it took, but at least now he knew she was awake…and out of the nightmare for now. "Ally." His eyes were deadly serious. "If you do need anything or… _anyone_ , I'm only next door…" He smiled genuinely. "Just call for me."

Ally looked into his eyes, still petrified, but something in those eyes, friendly and smiling, made her want to ask him to stay and hold her hand. Stay and look after her… "I'm fine." She bit out against her better judgement tears slipping down her face as Cooper unhappily shut the door behind him.

Cooper waited outside the room for a few minutes, listening to her sob, and wishing he could do something… _anything_ …but he knew that the only thing he could do was be approachable, be there if she ever decided she needed someone. Sinking to the floor his listened for her soft breathing – sounds which told him she was asleep, peacefully, and only when he was satisfied did he leave the door and make his way back to bed.


	21. Guilty

**_Guilty_**

Tammy was in her room, her early morning cup of tea rested on the bedside table with Kuger looking up at her wagging her tail and panting happily.

"Okay – are you ready?" Tammy asked the dog, holding up a blue slightly chewed ball. Kuger's eyes held the ball and she barked twice to let Tammy know that yes she was.

"Go!" Tammy tossed the ball a few feet away from her, over Kuger's head – but still she managed to turn and catch the ball expertly before it hit the ground. "Aww…Kuger, you're too good at this game aren't you?" She patted her roughly – but in a way she knew the dog liked. "Yes you are…"

Tammy continued to talk to and play with the dog, suddenly very aware of the bond they had. Kuger was the only one who truly understood her; every look, word and smile…since her mother's death that was…

Kuger sat at the girl's feet as she reached into the top drawer and pulled out a very scratched, very old, black and white photo of her mother. It had been taken with a special camera that only used black and white films and in it her mother looked very young and pretty but the main reason Tammy loved this picture was because her mother looked so happy.

It was a few years after Tammy had been born her mother was about twenty-five, and it was a few years before her father had started…

Tammy's mother had the same long, shiny, dark red hair and sharp features as her daughter…Tammy smiled, her father always commented on their alikeness, he always used to tell her mother how beautiful she was, and Tammy too. But that was a long time ago, before he was sacked from his job and started drinking. Before the strong liquor became a vicious poison in his system, fuelling anger and hatred and rage…

Tammy closed her eyes to stop the images appearing before her – but it was no use, bad memories, just like good, didn't die easily…

 _"…_ _guilty or not guilty?" The voiced boomed in the still court room, as Tammy stood there with her eyes closed tight, uttering a silent prayer a prayer for her mothers memory…_

 _After a pause that seemed to last forever, another voice spoke:_

 _"_ _Guilty."_

 _The word rang through her mind, shaking her frail body, still hiding scars from that fateful day…Guilty…Guilty…_

 _Nothing else reached her ears – not the sentence, not anything…all sounds vanished as a flood of relief washed over her…a flood of relief, which turned into floods of tears as she whispered the verdict over and over… "Guilty…guilty…guilty…" Her dark eyes opened and met with those of her fathers across the room._

 _'_ _Sorry' he mouthed his lips crumpling into a twisted smirk._

 _Tammy felt the rage boiling up inside her as he smirked unremorsefully. "Murderer!" She yelled so loud the whole room looked at her tear-streaked face. "You b*stard! I hope you rot in hell!" She fought against her brother as he tried to restrain her and calm her down. She had wished he'd rot in hell and now her wish had come true._

 _And she was glad._

Tammy's face was stony and emotionless as she placed the photo lovingly back in the drawer and closed it. She was always surprised how she managed to keep those awful weeks from hurting her over and over again, but the memories of a mother who she loved more than anything, a mother who always forgave pulled her out of any depression she may have had.

Social care hadn't been so bad – not as bad as everyone make's it out to be, at least it was a safe and warm place to sleep – and it taught her a few things that she found useful these days, especially in self defence.

It was actually quite a good life, a good life that was, until her brother got messed up in drink and drugs…too much, too young and it was the end of him too…

So Tammy took herself and Kuger (the hostel's dog, who followed her around from her first moment in the place) she walked calmly away without so much as a goodbye…

It had been nice to be on her own, a little lonely, but still refreshing as she found this pretty cottage, uninhabited and began to live by her own rules and her own time-scale, but all that changed when Louisa had turned up on her doorstep, Ally in her arms.

Ally had been in a terrible state, half dead – crying, bruised and bleeding – and Tammy had no choice but let them in…Ally had reminded her how she'd found her mother that fateful day and just couldn't sit back and not help. So they'd nursed Ally back to a normal state, and Tammy had never asked about her past or why she'd had nightmares for a few weeks after they moved in – she thought it better that Ally forgot about it and made her feel as safe and as comfortable as possible.

Tammy sighed, she'd gotten caught up in her memories for a while there, when there was more important things to think about – like the fact that food was already running out and they'd have to make another trip to the city soon to stock up. Picking herself up off the bed she went to talk to Louisa about the possibility of getting some of the newcomers to start pulling their weight and take the trip…

It was a warm and quiet afternoon so Scott had made his way to the back of the cottage, to a quiet spot on the grass, with his guitar. He sat casually, strumming gently to himself and committing the notes he hit to memory.

Louisa watched him from a little way back pushing her light hair from her face, he looked so thoughtful it made her smile as she approached him and dropped at his side. "Writing me a love song?"

Scott looked at her in a way that told her he wasn't in one of those moods and she held up her hands in mock-defence. "I was joking!" She laughed. "Chill will ya'?"

He turned his attention away from Louisa in her soft pink skirt and tiny top and back to his song, humming softly to himself as she watched, intrigued. After a while he spoke again. "Can I do something for you?" He wasn't trying to be horrible to the girl, he just…couldn't go _there_ again, not after thinking about it, but he was a guy – and sometimes it was pretty hard to resist temptation…

"Tammy sent me to find you…well Jay…but he's disappeared…"

"He's probably with Grace and Sara." Scott commented lightly to which Louisa frowned.

" _Anyway_ …" She decided to ignore the fact that Scott was probably right and continued. "We're running low on food and supplies, and she wonders if maybe a trip to the city could be organised?"

Scott shrugged. "Yeah, I can't see why not…I sort it." His eyes were soft on her bare neck and shoulders.

"So…" Louisa traced slow and delicate circles on his arm, looking up through light eyelashes. "…have you missed me?"

Scott looked into her eyes thoughtfully, _Had he? Had he thought about her since…he'd thought about how he shouldn't have taken advantage of a young girl_ …

"It's okay Scott…" She almost purred his name. "I'm not back for more…being clingy and all that, but I wouldn't say no if you're offering." She grinned cheekily at him, which broke his own soft lips into a huge grin.

"You're terrible…" He told her, gently scolding. "You're only a girl."

Louisa grinned wickedly. "Are you sure that's not one of the things that turned you on the most…knowing you were being bad…I didn't hear you complaining last time." She'd slowly moved so their faces were almost touching.

"Maybe I've had time to think about how wrong it was…" Their lips gently brushed as he spoke.

"Mmmm…" She murmured teasing him with her lips. "Maybe you should be wrong more often…"

They kissed more gently than last time, and Scott wanted to push her away but it felt so good to just close his eyes and forget everything but her eager tongue gently touching his…

The clattering of firewood being dropped behind them caused both to jump up guiltily.

Silver's pale blue eyes were wide with surprise as she cursed herself for walking in on this again. "We seem to be doing this _a lot_ lately." She commented turning to leave.

"Silver! Hey!" She turned to look at Scott as he lowered his voice. "It isn't what it looks like…"

Silver shrugged. "Why should I care? It's nothing to do with me Scott – why are you so worried about what I think?" She turned on her heel and left leaving Scott to turn back to Louisa.

She was examining her fingernails as her deep red lips curved into a smile. "Some people are too touchy!" She laughed walking past Scott and back towards the house.


	22. Everybody Needs Somebody

**_Everybody needs somebody_**

Louisa walked towards the house thinking about Scott for a moment and found herself wondering if he'd make good boyfriend material, slipping off into that fantasy…then she cursed herself. She wasn't interested in having a boyfriend, only fun; that's the way it was with her – once you trusted people…

Louisa had never had a proper boyfriend in her whole life and she wasn't about to start at sixteen! The boy she gave her virginity to at fourteen, had been all nice at first – when she didn't know any better - talking of being together and of how much he cared for her, but when it came down to the aftermath, he'd had his fun and moved on to someone else. She didn't hate him for it though; in fact she actually thanked him.

He'd opened her eyes to the truth of the world, took not only her innocence but also her naivety and from then onwards she'd concentrated on nothing but having fun. Of course Louisa had stopped to make friends and grow-up, but sex seemed to be her main priority, for some reason, however, the desire that burned deep inside her was never satisfied by lust.

As she neared the front door she spotted Jay walking through the woods, her smile fading as she saw Grace by his side and Sara in the middle. Sara was holding each of their hands and skipping happily as the best friends talked secretly over her head. Shaking her head, Louisa went up the wooden steps and into the house.

Cooper sat in the kitchen alone, strange, for it was a lovely day outside and the kitchen felt dark and damp in comparison. His dark hair was messy in an arty way and his brow was furrowed in concentration.

"Hello…" Silver broke him out of his thoughts and he looked slowly up at her with his soft treacle-coloured eyes that seemed to soak her up entirely. All three Hassan children had them, Malaika's were slightly cool almond shapes, Scott's were friendlier and playful, but Cooper's…Cooper's were thoughtful as he regarded the world around him… "You okay?"

Cooper finally smiled and shifted on the bench so that Silver could join him if she wanted. "I'm good. You?"

She shrugged taking up his silent offer as she sat down. "I'm…not too bad."

They sat in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable as they lost themselves in the moment. Cooper looked at her profile and for the first time saw how strangely pretty she was. Her dark braided hair was pulled away from her contrasting skin, which looked so delicate and pretty against them. Her pale blue eyes shone in the little light they had and he could see that her features were all small and perfectly formed.

"Silver?" Cooper finally spoke.

"Hmm?" She jumped slightly but held herself so that Cooper couldn't see that, she hated to look even the littlest bit scared in front of people.

Cooper again brought his eyes up to meet hers, he was every bit as handsome as his older brother, but…he had a boyish, fresh air about him that Silver liked so much…inexperience, _innocence_.

"What would you do if…if you knew that someone was in trouble…or…" He struggled for the right words. "…needed your help? You knew that something was really wrong but they wouldn't tell you what was up? And just said they were fine…"

Silver looked at him thoughtfully. "Do I know this someone?"

Cooper shrugged and looked at his feet. "I shouldn't say…"

Silver put her hand reassuringly on the top of his leg. "Hey…it's okay – I don't want you to betray anyone." She gave him a smile, which flashed perfectly formed teeth. "I'd…try and talk to them again…just be there really, we all need someone to be there for us – even if we don't admit it sometimes."

At this Cooper brightened up and gave her a long smile, looking right into her eyes, which caused both to blush slightly as she took her hand back. "Thanks." He said not sure if the polite thing to do would be kiss her on the cheek…but he decided against it and went for a quick hug.

Silver smiled up at him, more confused than ever and shook her head in bewilderment as the blush deepened. "You're welcome…"

Out in the picnic area Beth sat forlorn and lonely at the table. She'd seen Jay go off with Grace and Sara, watched Silver go into the house and saw Louisa follow not long after. This place and the surrounding area tried so hard to make her happy, but nothing seemed to be able to pull her out of the deep depression she'd sunk into. At school she'd been so popular, everyone wanted to be with her and talk to her – whenever she spoke people wanted to hear what she had to say – even if it was meaningless. Every single guy had fancied her at one time or another, and quite a few who had girlfriends, girls wanted to be her and guys wanted to date her. And that's how it had been when Grace arrived. Grace was Beth's opposite in looks, dark and almost European and she was nice and kind and so endearing…She wasn't surprised Jay had fallen for her, she was beautiful.

Beth looked down at her thin frame and frowned, it was no wonder Jay didn't like her when she looked so overweight…it was no wonder no one liked her anymore; that people hated her and, she realised suddenly, the person who hated Beth the most was herself…

Ved concentrated on the handheld computer game utterly involved and oblivious to anything around him.

"Ved?" Jay came up to him, his voice a little sterner than usual. "Ved?"

Ved ignored his brother and continued with the game. He was a computer expert, far too intelligent for anyone his age, even though most of the time he acted irrationally and irresponsibly. "VED!" Jay took the game.

"What?" He jumped up to join his brother his eyebrows arching over those amused eyes, which now flashed with annoyance.

Jay shook his head. "We're running out of batteries, and you playing these games isn't helping any."

Ved rolled his eyes to the heavens and put a hand through his messy bleached-blonde hair. His lips twisted into half a smirk. "Chill…"

Jay groaned in exasperation at his little brother. "Don't be so selfish! Look." His tone was serious as it usually was when the brothers' spoke but Ved interrupted.

"Sooner or later the adults will be back in charge and our fun'll be over – take advantage whilst you can big brother." Winking, Ved took the game from Jay's hands and wandered off. "Take advantage whilst you can!" He repeated again, this time with more meaning.

Jay just looked after his brother and shook his head…

Cooper looked up as the knock came at his door and it was pushed open, Ally stood in the doorway looking very embarrassed. "Hey." Her voice was tiny as she scuffed the toe of her shoe on the floor.

"Hey." Cooper nodded standing to clear a space for her to sit on Ved's bed. "Come in."

Ally walked timidly over and sat down, her eyes flicked over him nervously and for a second all thoughts vanished from her mind as she regarded him. "I…" She began just as Cooper started to speak.

"Ally I'm sorry." He spoke over her then shrugged. "Sorry again!"

They exchanged smiles as Ally shook her light brown hair. "No. I'm sorry. For being such a horror…you were only trying to help I know…and I'm sorry for keeping you awake with my dreams."

Cooper laughed and the tense atmosphere was relieved. "So you should be!" He joked and gave her a lopsided grin so that she knew he was only joking. "So…erm…"

"How old are you?" Ally wondered.

"17, almost. Mali's nearly 18 and Scott's nearly 19." Cooper offered.

"Your parents must have been busy!" Ally laughed before she could stop herself – she always said stupid things when she was nervous. "I mean…" She felt a warm blush rise into her cheeks.

Cooper nodded and Ally sat cross-legged to make herself more comfortable. "You're not that bad really are you?" She smiled. "Not at all scary as you seem…"

"Me?" Cooper spoke slowly. "Scary? – You're the frightening one!"

Ally smiled again and lowered her eyes, it was nice to talk to someone who didn't tread on egg shells around her…but also, even better to talk to someone who didn't know her. "Do you sometimes wish you could be anywhere but where you are?" She spoke so softly; he strained to hear her.

"Where would you rather be than here?"

Ally shrugged but didn't miss a beat. "Memphis."

Cooper raised his eyebrows in amusement. "Elvis fan?"

Ally studied her hands, anything but having to look into those eyes – eyes so open they made her want to cry and tell him everything. She shook her head. "My mum was – she always promised we'd go to Graceland…"

"Maybe you still can?"

"Naah." The girl still didn't look up. "Not on my own."

Cooper studied her for a few long moments, her small shoulders lifting steadily up and down, and her soft brown hair all in her face. Reaching a little way forward he put his hand comfortingly on her shoulder for a second and spoke so gently she felt the tiniest flutter in her heart. "You don't have to be on your own."


	23. A Life Changing Trip

**_A life-changing trip_**

Cooper had been thinking about his conversation with Ally for a few days now, and the things she had told him... The nightmares hadn't really been mentioned, but she had told him that it was her fifteenth birthday in a few days 'if she'd gotten the timing right…' Ally seemed so down when she talked about her birthday, and he wondered if this was because of her family, and how she'd be spending it without them.

He'd been thinking almost day and night for four days straight and had come up with the perfect thing to cheer her up – a party! He didn't quite know if it was a good idea, but he'd decided to ask Tammy's opinion on the matter, because she knew Ally better than him, and found her in the kitchen; Kuger at her feet.

"Tammy?"

The girl looked up as an unfamiliar voice said her name and dropped the saucepan she was washing with a clatter into the sink. She turned around and their eyes collided for a moment before she looked down at her soapy hands. "Cooper…it's Cooper right?"

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah that's me. A pretty hard name to forget!"

Tammy found her own lips slightly twisting in to a smile, as his warm grin was so infectious. "What can I do for you?" Her tone was slightly softer than usual, perhaps she'd given up the ice-maiden attitude…or perhaps it was something else?

"Well…" Cooper lowered his voice and came a little closer causing Kuger to growl.

Tammy shushed the dog and nodded for Cooper to continue.

"…Ally told me it was her birthday soon – in a few days actually…" His voice was full of secrecy, as he made sure Tammy was the only one listening, made her feel as though everything he said was for her alone. "And I was wondering if maybe we could organize a party for her? Then you could get the things we need when you go to the city…what do you think?" He looked at her intently waiting for a reaction.

Tammy found herself looking at him, not sure what to think about it. It was a sweet thought, she had to admit that – and Ally had seemed a little too quiet lately, her troublesome-ness had briefly disappeared and she was slightly withdrawn…Tammy looked straight at him, it was more than a sweet thought…it was such a kind thing to do for a near-stranger.

Cooper looked back, but Tammy's gaze didn't give anything away as he tried to figure out what she was thinking. The boy thought about how nice it was to be in a house with so many people and how hard it was to be in a place with so many beautiful girls – especially when you were only a teenage guy…

Tammy was no exception to the rule. She was silently gorgeous, in a way that you never really noticed until you took the time to look…Cooper smiled, a guy would be lucky if she liked him.

"I think…I like the idea." Tammy nodded now, much to his relief. "And I'll help as much as you want…" She felt herself flushing slightly in the warm room. "…As much as I can." She amended quickly hoping that Cooper hadn't noticed that slip of the tongue, but when she looked at him his face was neutral…

"What you playing?" Ally sat opposite Ved at the picnic table, he looked up for a second and then back at the game, switching it off.

Ved shrugged. "Just some stupid game…boring…I've completed it already today – but there's nothing else to do here is there?"

Ally smiled. "That's because you don't look hard enough Ved. There's plenty to do, in the woods and that."

As he looked at her smirk her couldn't help but flirt a little. "Oh?" His eyes widened. "Well maybe you could show me?" He started to stand but she stopped him with her light laughter.

"Don't get too keen!" Ally pulled her hair away from her face, into a ponytail. "Maybe I'll show you when you get back from the city?"

Ved looked down in disappointment and then raised his eyes to meet hers slowly, holding them for so long Ally squirmed slightly. A smile then found its way expertly to the bottom lip he was biting. He smiled, half shyly, half longingly. "Maybe?" This act had been rehearsed down to perfection and he saw that Ally was blushing faintly.

Ally raised her eyebrows and smiled back nodding. "Yeah." She enunciated the words. "May-be." Winking, she moved to join Louisa and Tammy who were standing with mostly everyone else.

The trip to the city was a big talking point that evening, mainly because it had been organised so quickly and was probably going to be pretty dangerous. No one was sure what they might find there, or even if they'd find anything of use but it had to be done, Tammy reasoned, before they all starved…

All were sitting around discussing, talking about what they wanted from the city and who would go…Scott and Jay, of course – and Silver insisted she went too (hoping to gain more respect and trust from the group…) – Luke and Ved would also make the journey – and Cooper was nominated to stay back and be a male force in the camp…to help keep the place safe. Tammy and Kuger would lead the group, along with Jay and Scott, for the pure fact that she knew where to go to get the things they needed.

"What about markings?" Silver's voice came above everyone else's. Ved snickered; she was always going on about those…as if he was going to put make-up on!

Grace shot a look at Ved. "I think she's right you know…" Ved stopped. Had Grace gotten even crazier? First she likes his brother and now this…? "Tribal markings – so that you are all recognised as a joint force might help you stay safe."

Jay smiled and shrugged. "I don't see why not."

Murmurs ran through the group, some of agreement, some of excitement.

"So then…" Louisa couldn't help herself, they all needed to know this. "Does that mean we're…" She waited until all eyes were on her. "…a _Tribe_ now?"

Silence engulfed everyone as they decided their own personal answers to that question. They all liked being together, and wouldn't complain if it became more permanent, but it was Tammy's house and all averted their eyes from her as they regarded this.

"I think we all know the answer to that." Tammy spoke finally managing a small smile, she hadn't meant for this to happen – she didn't want them here…it was impractical and chaotic and…some how it had just happened.

It had just happened; they way things did when they were meant to be…

Everyone looked at her now, still all as quiet as they were before. "Now these markings…" Her voice was lighter…happier… "Any ideas?"

Jay looked at Grace and smiled as she squeezed his hand, they'd both completed their first task; to find somewhere safe for Sara whilst she was growing up, and Sara giggled on Grace's lap – totally unaware of what that really meant…

It was an early start for the Tribe as they got up with the break of day to see off the group. Sara was still in bed, but Grace and Jay had been up for a while, sitting out in the picnic area. Beth and the other girls had all donated make-up that could be used to put on markings and the mark had been decided upon. Each member would have two straight lines going diagonally across their left cheek, starting underneath their left eye and being about an inch or two long…

Silver was very happy about this, one reason was because it was her idea, and the other was because it meant she could still keep the silver and red swirl on her forehead!

"Hold still!" Grace giggled as she dipped her fingers in the thick black liquid.

Jay was sat down in front of her on the bench whilst she stood infront of him. "I am holding still…" Jay pointed out, not moving his eyes from her white shirt, which revealed the tiniest flashes of her flat stomach as she moved. "What is that stuff anyway?"

Grace shrugged. "Eyeliner…mascara? I dunno – Tammy gave it to me." She put her fingers gently under his chin and tilted his face to hers as she put a finger from her other hand on his cheek, gently and slowly traced a single line across it. Jays lips turned into a smile as she bit her lip in concentration…if only he knew that she wasn't concentrating on the line, but his soft skin and lips so close to hers… "Don't." She commanded giving him a stern look. "Don't laugh at me concentrating!"

Jay's smirk grew wider as he closed his eyes. "I don't know if I like keeping my eyes shut…" He whispered playfully. "You could do anything to me and I wouldn't know until it was too late…"

Grace felt her stomach do back-flips at this thought, but not here…not when everyone was looking, it didn't matter how close their lips were…how intimate this felt especially as Jay reached for her waist with his left hand, to steady himself…

"Are you finished yet?" Louisa was the one who broke the moment this time and Grace pulled away as Jay opened his eyes in surprise.

"Yeah…" She mumbled handing her the black paint.

"C'mon Gracey…" Jay pulled her away from Louisa and across to where everyone was gathering ready to leave.

"Jay…" She stopped him, her heart racing as they stood in the middle of the area.

"Grace…" Sara tugged at her clothes and both looked down at her. Grace smiled and then looked back at him.

"You be careful." She felt her insides knot in worry. "Promise me?"

Jay smiled and pulled her to him for a cuddle. "Promise…" He whispered, his soft breath teasing her ear, huskily. "We'll talk when I get back…" He added with meaning before releasing her and dropping to his knees to hug Sara. "Now missy…you'll look after your big sister for me won't you?"

Sara grinned and nodded. "Yeh…me big girl…"

Jay patted her head. "Yeah you are – you're getting bigger every day!" Picking her up he spun her around until she giggled.

"Don't cry…" Luke lifted Malaika's chin as they sat together on the steps. "It's only for two days and then I'll be back – you won't even know I'm gone…"

Malaika looked at him with teary eyes, knowing eyes. "I can't help it. I've tried to shake the feeling Luke but…something terrible is going to happen in the city, I _know_ it."

"I'll be careful." He promised.

"What if that's not enough?" Mali pulled him into her arms and held him as if she was going to die. "It doesn't feel right."

Luke rubbed her back soothingly. "Hey now…come one…" He whispered as she sobbed trying not to make any noise. "Why wouldn't I come back huh? I love you – and I'll be fighting to get back to you for the next two days…" He brought her lips up to his and for moments all her worry vanished.

"I love you Malaika Hassan remember?" He grinned and mouthed silently _Together_ , _forever_.

"I love you too. Don't forget that."

He smiled so warmly her heart started to quicken. "How could I?"

And the two exchanged silent vows, quickly, before it was too late…

"Hey bro'." Scott looked up as Cooper came over to him.

"Mali's crying…" Cooper said softly.

The brothers exchanged worried glances and Scott nodded. "I'll make sure her comes back if that's why she…just make sure you look after her please Cooper – I hate it when she's sad."

Cooper told Scott he would and he meant it, he hated it when Malaika was sad too…nothing was the same when she wasn't smiling – or scolding them!

"Scott can I ask _you_ a favour? Will you get me something from the city?"

Scott eyed his brother suspiciously. "Is it for a girl?"

Cooper shrugged and lowered his eyes shyly. "Yeah."

He smiled and patted Cooper on the shoulder, so that he knew he'd get it if her could. "No problem."

It was very early morning when the group finally set off in a flurry of waves and smiles and teary eyes, mainly from Mali and Sara, but mainly they left in hope.

Hope that the journey would be successful…

And hope that all would return safely…


	24. Waiting

**_Waiting_**

Beth was sitting in her room, alone, staring blankly at her reflection in the mirror. She wasn't scared or lonely really, how could she be? She was so used to being alone, she couldn't really remember what it was like not being that way…

Her image in the reflective surface looked so pale, but as it came in and out of focus before her eyes she couldn't tell if it was actually her or someone else. She hadn't eaten in a while she just didn't feel hungry anymore – it wasn't as if she was starving herself, Beth reasoned, it was the fact that every time she put something next to her lips her stomach would turn in disgust at the thought of all the fat and sugar in it and she'd want to be sick, sick until she passed out, sick until she was dead.

Beth thought about Grace as she sat watching the floating images, and how much of a she'd been to the one person who'd actually been a real friend to her. Grace had been so nice and kind…being everything Beth would've like to have been, but popular girls didn't get the chance to roll in the sand with their younger sisters and be playful and reckless and silly…popular cheerleaders had to be perky and smiley and pretty and poised. No room for letting your hair down or not wearing make-up…

Beth tried to apply her foundation but the tears running down her ashen cheeks made the task almost impossible…She'd never hated anyone before, not really…maybe she thought she had – or said it, but now she knew she hadn't.

Now she felt pure hatred and disgust: for herself.

Beth reached into the top drawer of the dressing table and felt around in the darkness of it for the cold metal. Her fingers found it and closed gently around the small blade, tears falling even quicker as she grasped a little too hard and it scratched into the soft flesh of her palm. She let out a tiny cry of pain but still continued bringing it to sit on the dresser, placing it down almost lovingly.

Her eyes held the object for a long long while as she regarded the damage it could do…it looked so simple and innocent, tiny and cold, as it blinked at her.

It looked as though it was a friend.

Beth's attention turned to her thin and pale wrists with deep blue veins running messily from them and up her arms, the veins of living. Living a life she didn't want…She picked up the blade in her right hand and held up her left arm, examining the pretty flesh and she touched the sharp edge against it just enough to slightly indent the skin, not to cut it open…

The anger and hatred towards herself burned deep inside her heart, not in these innocent arms…not under her pasty skin…but in a place she couldn't reach with a ting blade…she couldn't hurt the anger…if only she could then she would feel better…so much better…

The sharp edge glinted as it turned over and over, before hitting the ground with the tiniest tinkle. She wasn't brave enough…strong enough…not yet anyway…

Beth closed her eyes as the hot salty tears slipped onto her cheeks sobs racking her whole body as she watched herself in the mirror.

Why couldn't she just be a little stronger?

Sara hummed gently to herself as she sat on the grass playing with her doll, Sophie. She was talking away in her usual gobble-de-gook as Malaika and Grace watched on, both with loving eyes.

"She's just plain adorable…" Malaika smiled wistfully. "I just hope my kids are half as sweet as her."

Grace smiled and turned to face her friend. "I know. Listen Mali…are you okay now? I couldn't help seeing you crying earlier."

Malaika who tried her hardest not to cry in sadness, and rarely in happiness didn't deny the fact she'd been upset but she didn't endorse it either. "Luke and I are really happy right now…I just don't want anything to spoil that."

Grace eyed her with a great concern as Malaika began pulling her hair back into her usual high ponytail. She was unusually quiet and reserved and something about her was gone…the sparkle in her eyes perhaps. "What makes you think that?" Grace was almost too scared to ask the question.

Mali fixed cool, dark eyes on her friend. "Just one of my feelings. Only bad things can come from this trip…"

Grace touched her shoulder with concern. "I'm sure Luke will be fine. I _know_ he will…"

Malaika smiled as if she wished she didn't have these feelings in the pit of her stomach, wishing she could be more like her friend…but none of that mattered… "I'm worried about everyone." She said with meaning.

"Jay…?" Grace whispered before she could stop herself.

Mali broke out of her sorrows to reassure. "I'm sure Jay will come back to great things…"

Grace couldn't help but feel relief, but was so worried about this strange state her friend was in.

"…Grac-ey…?" Sara didn't look up from her game as she spoke. "…are yo marrying Jay…?"

Malaika and Grace looked at each other in surprise, and then, in spite of everything began to laugh…

"It's too quiet here don't you think?" Cooper looked up at Ally as he spoke, she'd been watching him in the candlelight and looked away quickly.

"I like it." She whispered. "It's how it was when I first got here…safe. Peaceful. I don't like too many people for long amounts of time. Reminds me too much of the city." She shuddered slightly.

Cooper noticed this and smiled comfortingly. "So you don't like us all being here then? The tribe idea?"

"I like you…and I'll get used to it I suppose, I just don't want people finding out about my…" Ally felt tears pricking her eyelids. "…nightmares."

He reached for her hand, and without hesitating she took it. "It's okay, if you want to…cry…"

His warm fingers tangled with hers made her want to do anything but cry. It was a new sensation, but one that she wasn't going to forget in a while… "I don't…that's the last thing I want to do…" Her cheeks were burning in the near-dark as he didn't take his hand back, but let her have it for as long as she wanted.

"Have you…" Cooper didn't want to push her, but he needed to know just one thing. "…have you always had nightmares?"

Ally flinched and froze as her heart started racing and she began to lose control of her steady breathing…She closed her eyes, squeezing them shut, shutting out everything…

"Hey…" Cooper pulled her to him and held her for a brief moment. "…I'm here…I'm not going anywhere. Nothing will hurt you ever again – if I have anything to do with it…"

Ally looked again in to those honest brown eyes and wanted to pour out her heart and soul, but she knew she couldn't, and wouldn't.

It was too horrible to even think about, let alone tell him…what would he think if he knew? She'd tried to move on and forget her first month after she'd left the safe haven of her home, after she'd argued with her brother and gotten caught up with a new tribe that was forming called Tribe Circus…she'd been frightened into joining them, and sometimes she thought she would've rather been killed than tricked into becoming one of them.

Louisa had saved her when she tried to escape and he'd come after her, luckily on his own…but Louisa hadn't been there the first time he'd tried and succeeded or the time after that…they all knew what was happening to her, the whole tribe, but no one did anything – she didn't even get a friendly glance…she was treated like a wh0re and nothing else…

Tears found their way to her eyes and over onto her cheeks and as Cooper hugged her shaking body again she promised herself that when she was ready to tell the full story, he'd be the one she told…


	25. The Return

**_The Return_**

The sun was just peeping over the lowest branches in the forest, creeping over the cold muddy ground and glistening on the midnight dew still clinging to silvery cobwebs. Everything was silent, even the stream had been reduced to a gentle murmur. The first of the birds were tittering high above head and the faintest breeze whistled in from the west…

The group too were sombre and quiet, seeming to slow as they neared the place they now called home, weighted down with bags filled with supplies. They were later than they'd expected to be, however none of them had really expected events in the city to pan out the way they had…

Their mood was one of tiredness, a tiredness which fuelled dejection as they marched silently, even Kuger made no noise at the front of the group. They didn't know what they were going to say when they got back, how could they possibly… Jay had stepped forward and announced that he would break the news if no one else objected; and of course no one did, even Scott, who knew deep down that it should be him bringing this heartache.

In the whole time at the city all had only slept for a few hours, and dark circles were evident under sleepy eyes as they moved on, the cottage almost in sight, heavy legs pushing just that little bit harder when the roof was visible…

Grace hadn't slept very well the previous night, worrying about Malaika's warning-words - the fact that the group hadn't returned yet and although she needn't worry about him, she still couldn't help it, they needed this talk; and soon.

A gentle almost inaudible rustling reached her ears and she stood slowly, warily. Her inky eyes not blinking until she saw the dog run into the clearing and drop in exhaustion.

"Kuger…" She whispered her name almost as a question, flicking her eyes from the dog to where she had appeared.

After a few seconds that seemed to last an eternity his bleached-blonde head appeared slightly bowed. She held her vision of him with worried eyes. The tribal marking on his face was smudged and dusty…and was that [I]blood[/I] on his face…?

This realisation brought the sound rushing back to her ears giddily and movement came into her legs as Grace rushed forward to catch him in an embrace. "Jay…!" She whispered harshly, closing her eyes tight as she put her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest.

Jay winced slightly with injuries that couldn't be seen through his clothes but didn't push her away. In fact he held onto her as tightly as he could, breathing her in and closing his eyes. She felt so right in his arms, clinging onto him for dear life, holding him as though she was never letting go…the group came to an agreed halt as the two embraced and Jay closed his eyes to stop the teary emotion that was welling up inside.

Finally she let him go, stepping back and throwing her eyes over the rest of the group. She looked back at Jay and reached up to touch his slightly bruised face. "What happened?" The concern in her voice brought tears to her own eyes, and although no one saw, it did the same to Tammy's.

Kuger barked loudly, no once, but twice and then reduced the noise to a low wining as all moved into the picnic area, not wanting to answer Grace's question…not [I]yet[/I] anyway…

All the bags and boxes and things were dropped and disregarded as people sat and rested, the heavy silence still hanging in the air above them.

The door of the cottage opened and Malaika stood there, looking as beautiful and as wise as ever, watching from the shadows of the house. She stepped slowly into the light and all eyes were on her as she came down the steps and waited. Her dark eyes washed over the group and Grace literally saw her face drained of colour as she noticed something Grace had missed.

"Where is he?" Her voice was eerie and calm, much like the quiet morning. It also sounded squeaky, as though she was holding back sobs…

"Mali…" Jay rose from where he was sitting next to Grace and her eyes followed him, soaked with concern. "I'm…so, so…sorry."

Malaika's face crumbled slightly as she took a step backwards and away from Jay. "What happened?"

Jay shook his head silently.

"What _happened_ Jay?!" Her voice rose as she began breathing as though her throat had closed over.

Jay and Scott exchanged glances. "We were set upon by another tribe… _The_ _Locusts_ …I…" Scott stood slowly as Jay began to explain and Malaika turned to him eyes flashing.

"You!" She pointed shakily. "You promised…why didn't you bring him back?"

Scott's voice was as shaky as Jay's when he spoke. "We tried to fight back…there were too many of them…he was caught as a… _slave_ …"

A sob escaped from her throat as finally the tears came thick and fast over her pale cheeks…her hand went to the steps as she tried to steady herself when her knees buckled weakly…

"Mali…" Grace stood now, tears filling her own eyes.

"I won't forget…" Malaika whispered her eyes locked with Jay's, before turning to do the same to Scott. "…and I'll never forgive you if something terrible has happened to him…"

Scott blinked hard, as he raised a hand to wipe away any tears that escaped from his eyes at the sight of his broken sister, his heart ached to see her this way…but there was really nothing they could've done…

"Come on Mali…" He moved slowly towards her.

"Don't 'c'mon Mali' me!" She bit out venomously as she sunk to the steps. "I'll never forget…" She whispered losing herself in sorrow rather that fury…

Malaika's body collapsed on the steps as all poise and grace she ever had vanished in the floods of tears and loud wails that escaped her body.

Jay moved to comfort his friend but Scott held up a hand, stopping him. He knew that this was his doing, and she was his sister…

Scott knelt in front of her and looked up into watery eyes, his own eyes stinging and his heart too… "They left him to die…" She sighed out in a tiny voice. "…to die…"

"I'm sorry…" He whispered so quietly only she heard, the tears now on his cheeks too. "Mali…I love you…and I'm so sorry…"

Malaika choked out loud sobs again as she threw her arms around Scott's neck and cried so violently she could hardly breathe. Gently Scott scooped his sisters shaking body into his own shaking arms, carrying her up the steps and lovingly into the house.

Mali was now sleeping. The tears had finally worn her out so much she had drifted off into the place of dreams, a place she could finally be happy…

Scott was sat at her side; he hadn't left her for a single moment, preferring instead to watch her with concern and sorrow. He was exhausted, but refused to let himself sleep, even when Grace had offered to sit with her for a few hours.

Mali stirred and murmured in her sleep and he sat forward instantly bringing his hand comfortingly to her hot forehead and soothingly stroking her dark hair.

"It's okay Mali…" He whispered to himself more than anything, as she seemed to settle again.

The only problem was that he didn't know if he believed that himself anymore…


	26. A Good Man?

**_A good man?_**

"Sorry…" Grace whispered again as Jay flinched in pain.

"It's okay. Really." He reassured her and gritted his teeth as she applied more of the cool liquid to a pretty large cut he had on the nape of his neck.

Jay was sitting with his back to her, his ruined top had been abandoned on the floor as Grace cleaned the worst of his injuries – one being an inch-long deep cut on the back of his neck. Neither had mentioned Mali, Luke or the trip to the city and stayed in an agreed silence as she finished cleaning him up.

They pretended for a few moments that the past few days hadn't happened, and with all the chaos and crying their "little talk" seemed to have been postponed.

"This is pretty bad…" She warned him. "You'll have to be careful not to get it infected or anything…"

Jay smirked and just enjoyed the feel of her warm fingers on his bare skin. "Yes Nurse Owen." He joked with her.

Grace smiled too, trying to focus on this moment, but worrying about Mali, and what really had happened in the city. She bit her lip before asking him the question. "Is there anyway we could go back there…catch them by surprise and get him back?" Her voice was quieter than she meant it to be.

Jay shook his head vigorously and she felt him shake slightly. "No way Grace!" His voice was stern. "I'm not having _you_ anywhere near that city – it's too dangerous for anyone!"

"Well okay not me then but…surely there must be some way to…" She struggled to plead with him, for Mali's sake.

Jay closed his eyes as the horrors of the fight with that tribe flashed through his mind; he never thought that a group of _children_ could be so vicious. "If I led them all back there…" His voice shook. "I'm sorry Grace. I let you down…and I haven't got a way to make it better, not this time…" From behind him she felt his shoulders shake with little half-sobs as he tried to choke them back.

"Jay…it's alright…" Her arms crept around him and joined together at his navel as she held him close, her stomach pressed against his back, flesh to flesh.

Without even questioning it she pressed moist lips to his shoulder and kissed it lightly. "I'm here now…"

Without another word passing between them, she held him tightly as a few tears slipped over his cheeks.

He laughed slightly, at himself. "Look at me Gracey: how can I possibly hope to make things better in this world…"

"You're a good man Jay." Her eyes stung as she rested her head on his shoulder, telling him something he would be told once more – in another time, another place, something that would break his heart all over again – but this time it was sincere and just what he needed to hear. "That's how. You're a wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful guy." She added in nothing more than a whisper. _And I love you_ …

Scott was sat outside Mali's room now it was morning, she'd asked him to leave her on her own for a while – but he wasn't going anywhere any time soon. She was strangely calm this morning, much like how she'd been after their father's death, and it worried him.

Grace ran her eyes softly over Scott and put an encouraging hand on his shoulder, he still hadn't been to bed and she was worried – she'd made sure Jay had gotten some rest and now it was time for her to give the same thing to him.

Scott looked up into her warm gaze and smiled. "Hey Gracey…"

Grace handed Scott the cup of hot chocolate she was carrying. "Take this and put yourself to bed." She demanded.

He took the drink but didn't get up from the chair. "I can't Grace, but thank you."

"Scott – you're as stubborn as your sister! If you get sick of exhaustion you'll be no use…" Her eyes flashed. "Bed: now. Get some rest."

Something in her voice pulled him to his feet with a rueful smile he shrugged and headed down the hall.

Grace tapped softly on Malaika's door and waited for a softer reply.

"What?" Came the snap from inside.

Grace was taken aback by this and waited for a moment before answering. "Mali it's me." She pushed the door open, surprised to see a flustered Malaika throwing things into a bag. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." She didn't even look up but continued to pile up the bag with all of her possessions.

"Mali…" Grace softly touched her arm and she jumped, eyes catching Grace's.

Eyes filled with sorrow.

"I'm going to the city." Her voice was strong and full of meaning. "You can't tell _anyone_ …Not Jay and especially not my brothers."

Grace's eyes were wide and horrified. "You can't Mali…I won't let you…!"

"Don't tell me that Grace. You're supposed to be my friend." She reached for her hand and held it. "Be a friend Gracey…"

Grace looked at Malaika and decided what she had to say, was being a good friend. "It's too dangerous…"

"Don't you think I know that?" She dropped her hand. "But I have to go – I need him…"

Grace's voice was feeble in comparison as she spoke. "I'll tell them Mali – I won't let you do this…"

"You can't tell me that if it was Sara or _Jay_ that you'd sit back and do nothing?" She was pleading now as the tears came again, tears that she thought she'd banished.

Grace nodded. "You're right." She locked her eyes with Malaika's. "But it'd be stupid. You're no use to anyone _dead_ Malaika, least of all Luke!"

"But I…" The tears stopped the rest of the sentence as she stepped forward to put her arms around Grace, her whole body trembling.

"Ssshhh now…" Grace closed her eyes and held her. "Ssshhh…" She whispered as Mali collapsed in tears all over again, clinging to her friend like a frightened child…

After Mali had calmed down Grace had taken herself off to the stream to wash her clothes and collect firewood for the evening fire and meal. It was another sunny day as she walked to there, a small bucket for water in her hand, and the bucket holding her things – and Sara's. The cobbled pathway led her deep into the thicket and into a small clearing next to the brook. It babbled and gushed as she kneeled beside it to gather water in the pale, causing the sun to glow over her like a halo.

The wood that Grace had already collected was laid to one side and quickly the bucket joined it as she pulled off her not-so-white-anymore trainers and dipped her toes into the cool water.

She laughed to herself and scrunched up her nose, disliking the cold water and pulling her feet back onto the grass.

Her eyes closed against the sun as she led back on the grass finally resting in her own little world, which she hadn't been able to do for such a long time and now she counted this as a great luxury.

Grace supposed that she should write in her diary again, but something in her life told her that she didn't need it anymore – that she could do without it. Perhaps she had grown up, even in the last few weeks, grown to the point of no return…

Silver had been searching and sorting through the things she and Tammy had gotten from the city, in particular the decorations and clothes "for the party…" They'd had to get numerous things, in all sizes and styles – something for everyone – without the boys noticing and it had been a task. As they were the ones who had gotten the things, they were the ones who had first pick. Well Silver was as Tammy insisted she already had something to wear…

Nodding to herself in appreciation, she decided upon a silvery-glittery boob-tube style top…it wasn't at all her normal style, but if you couldn't let your hair down at a party where could you? She picked it up and went upstairs to try it on and make sure she was going to be brave enough to show her toned midriff.

She hummed to herself as she went, letting nothing bother her from previous days and feeling light and airy as she made her way up the stairs.

The humming stopped abruptly when her pale eyes fell upon a small silver package hanging on her door handle. Grinning she picked it up and examined it carefully, _some kind of joke…?_

If it was then someone had gone to a lot of trouble…

Her fingers pulled quickly and excitedly at the silver paper to reveal something cold and hard in her palm. She examined it. A tiny silver thin-banded-ring sat in her hand glinting in the light. She looked carefully and turned it over, a tiny silver rose was crafted and placed onto of the band, and in the middle of the rose sat the tiniest red ruby.

Silver let out a small gasp – it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen – all for her? Her eyes widened still when the ring fit her left middle finger perfectly. "Wow…" She breathed to herself caught up in the moment before her eyes fell on the small card which had fallen to the floor, she picked it up and read it.

 _Silver…thought you might like a small gift, from the big city…_

There was no signature.

She felt butterflies swarm inside her stomach as her lips broke into the widest smile she could manage as she leaned on the doorframe to stop herself fainting with happiness.

 _A secret admirer_? She wondered… _but who_ …?

Someone or something watched her in the clearing, bathing in the sunlight, stretched out lazily like a cat or some other beautiful creature, eyes closed and breathing softly. He was out of view as he regarded the young girl thoughtfully. He'd been wandering through the forests on his own for a long while now, a great many nights, and he'd thought up to this point that the whole place was unoccupied.

Obviously he was wrong, because here she was, a real person, occupying…

As he continued to watch her, almost mesmerised, she decided it was time to leave and began pulling her trainers back onto now warmed feet and pushing the strands of hair which refused to be knotted into braids out of her face. Carefully and with precision she balanced the firewood on one arm and the bucket in another, biting her lip in concentration.

Lance shifted his weight slightly cracking a branch with his foot as he did so and freezing to the spot.

Grace turned hearing this, which caused all the firewood to topple to the ground. Cursing silently she started the process of piling the wood all over again.

Lance sighed in apology and against his better judgement stepped out from where he was watching. "Do you need a hand there?" His voice, although soft and friendly startled her again this time not only causing the wood to drop, but also the water.

Grace spun around defensively and narrowed her eyes slightly but didn't say a word.

Lance felt uneasy as she regarded him with inky-blue eyes, her appearance was slightly tousled but not in an unattractive way and he felt himself smiling at her. "Hi."

Grace observed the boy before her carefully, he was medium height a tiny bit taller than she was, clean-shaven with a crew-cut – the only thing slightly unusual about his appearance was the dark blue zig-zag on the right side of his face…Grace felt her hand go to her own left cheek and smiled at the two white tribal-lines there…maybe it wasn't so unusual! He was dressed in a white sleeveless t-shit style top, dark blue bottoms and trainers – he looked harmless enough.

When the girl said nothing Lance spoke again. "I'm Lance." He offered.

Finally she smiled her awe-inspiring smile showing her teeth, friendlily. "I'm Gracey." She said without thinking – and the amended it realising how childish it sounded. "Grace."

"Well then Gracey-Grace." Lance smiled a little shyly. "Nice to have met you I'm sure. Can I help you at all?"

Grace looked at the things she had to carry on her own and shrugged. "I'd love some help – better than dropping this stuff every five steps huh?"

Lance nodded and picked up the firewood, leaving Grace to refill the bucket and joined him. "This way." She smiled again leading him through the trees and along the cobbled path. "The camp's just around the corner here…"

They walked in almost complete silence Grace leading and Lance's eyes firmly fixed on her as she occasionally looked back at him, nervously, and grinned. Perhaps she was worried about trusting a stranger…but her nature was to trust people immediately and it never crossed her mind that he might be dangerous. "Almost there." She whispered as the neared the clearing and the cottage was in sight.

"Grace?" His voice stopped her. "This is my stop then – I'll leave the wood here and be on my way. I'm heading towards the city."

Grace blinked. "Oh." She looked genuinely concerned. "Well okay. But are you sure you don't want to come back to the camp? We have food. You could come for a meal or something as a thanks?"

"I dunno…" He was unsure as he scuffed his toe in the dirt.

"You look half starved…and this is going to be a bit heavy for me to carry all by myself." She winked. "The others won't mind, promise!"

As usual her good nature and friendliness had taken her over, he seemed like a nice enough guy, but only time would really tell…


	27. Secrets Jealousy

**_Secrets and Jealously_**

The camp was it's usual busy and lively place as conversations and games and discussion went on in the various groups, which had formed internally within the one tribe.

Cooper and Scott talked, engrossed in whatever it was they spoke about, and Ally and Louisa laughed with each other – their differences put aside for now. Sara played with Kuger, who seemed to like the child and Tammy watched recognising something familiar in the way her dog liked the little girl.

Grace was talking to Lance whilst keeping a loving and protective eye on her sister over his shoulder. The two had hit it off almost immediately, even though he was rather quiet – when he did speak about things his answers were always passionate. He reminded her of Jay, and how he always spoke so reverently about things he believed in. There had been mixed feelings as to whether Grace did the right thing bringing him to camp but she just shrugged reasoning that everyone needed somewhere safe to go – someone to be nice to them. Jay was still sleeping, but he would be awake soon enough and his reaction was one a few of the tribe were waiting for.

"Gracey!" Cooper hailed her from the other side of the area beckoning her over. She glanced up and nodded.

"I'll be back in a second." She told Lance with a smile, moving gracefully to investigate what Scott and Cooper were talking about. "How can I help?" She giggled sitting next to Cooper and putting a playful hug briefly around his shoulders.

"Do you sing Grace?" Scott wondered and Grace arched her eyebrows in amusement.

"Well…I used to have lessons in the city… I suppose I can sing yeah." Her eyes narrowed. "Why?" She looked from brother to brother with a smirk. "What are you two cooking up?"

Scott held up his hands in mock defence. "Hey not me! Cooper's all on his own with this one…"

Cooper blushed a little and began to tell Grace about Ally's birthday and the party he and Tammy were planning…

"I think he's cute. What about you?"

Ally rolled her eyes and laughed. "Louisa! Calm down…can't you leave at least some of the guys here alone?

Louisa smiled and shrugged, catching eyes with Lance across the picnic area and flashing her biggest grin, to which he smiled slightly and then fixed his eyes back to Grace, laughing with Cooper and Scott.

"What is it with that girl?" Louisa crinkled up her nose following Lance's gaze to the charming Grace. "What is it?"

Ally shrugged but smiled. "I don't know, but she seems really genuine." Grace and Ally swapped smiles much to Louisa's distaste. "I think she's nice."

"Nice?" Louisa scoffed. "Nice girls finish last."

Ally eyed her friend and thought about this for a second and Cooper, being the nicest person she'd ever met. She shook her head, no that wasn't true – niceness was so attractive in a person.

Grace was back talking with Lance now and Cooper was whispering with Tammy, it felt as though everyone was talking behind Ally's back and this confused her greatly as she furrowed her brow and tried to lip-read the conversation.

"Grace and Scott said yes, and if you've got all the decorations from the city then I think it's pretty much all sorted." Cooper smiled at Tammy.

She looked at him as smiled back, just a little. "Why are you doing all this for her Cooper?" She wondered.

He shrugged. "I like her."

Tammy looked at him softly, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "You do know she's a bit younger than you and…last time I checked it was illegal." She was indicating sex, he knew almost instantly, but looked evenly at her.

"Last time I checked; there were no laws anymore." He said shrugging his shoulders again. "But that's not why…" He touched her hand softly.

Tammy's cheeks burned, as he looked intensely at her.

"Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe I'm just a nice guy?"

"Sara's my little sister…she's not really very well…well she is but she has a problem learning things – she's behind in her years…" Grace's eyes were lowered as she explained and Lance's were firmly locked on her. There was something about her that intrigued him, an innocence and optimism which he found all too… "Jay!" Grace stood breaking the moment as a tall blonde appeared at the steps; he smiled a smile that faded slightly when he saw the stranger.

Grace pulled him over to the table by his arm and Lance stood. The boys eyed each other carefully and nodded a polite acknowledgement. "Jay…this is Lance." She smiled. "He helped me bring the firewood back to camp…" Jay frowned slightly bewildered by all this.

"Lance – this is Jay." Her smile broadened. "You two will get on great I know it!" She laughed excusing herself for a second to ask Scott something about the party, leaving the two just looking at each other.

"Hi." Jay forced out.

Lance smiled. "Hey."

Both looked at each other for another moment before Lance spoke again.

"She's a great girl, you're lucky to have her as a friend." His eyes watched her across the camp.

Jay opened his eyes wide. "Excuse me?" He asked, his voice a little fiercer than usual. He felt angry watching Lance looking at Grace… _how dare he…?_ For the first time since he'd known her Jay felt a sharp stab of jealousy.

Lance took this the wrong way and sighed. "Oh…! Listen man, I'm really sorry! Is Gracey your girlfriend?"

 _Gracey_? He fought the urge to scream. That was a pet name used by her friends…for _special_ people to call her not some random guy from no where…Jay thought about this question and considered the answer. "Ye…" He began almost forgetting himself and then shook his head. "No. She isn't my girlfriend." He bit out.

Lance smiled to this revelation but said nothing as they stood in total silence waiting for her to return.

Silver sat on her own on the grass turning the ring over and over in her fingers, now the initial wonder had worn off, it was replaced by a deep curiosity. It was a sweet thought, a silver rose-ring was a lot more creative than a single red rose, but she was longing to know who her secret admirer was.

However he was must have known by now that she'd gotten the ring, and that she was wearing it – which was a good sign, it never crossed her mind that he could only really be one person…

His dark eyes watched her as she studied the ring with a huge smile on her face, he'd succeeded in making her smile, and not just today…for he'd been there when she'd found the ring, and all the it had taken to get it didn't matter when her face lit up with the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen…

Inside the house, up the stairs, Malaika was sitting on her bed thinking to herself, still crying but this time for more reason than anyone knew as she flicked through a calendar and counted days over and over again.

Shaking her head she began counting all over again to double check. When the same result came, she began again, over and over and over…


	28. Preparations

**_Preparations_**

 _Meetings, meetings and more meetings. That's what life seems to consist of these days, we have a 'meeting' about everything, but all that's due to stop now as Tammy called her final one to announce something pretty important: she thought we should nominate a leader to deal with every day things and to enforce laws…_

 _It's funny but I've never thought about things like laws or leaders, we all were always there for each other and I had as much power as anybody to live my life, to get on with what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. And of course my own moral code to live by._

 _So anyway, we went through the tired out process of nominating and voting and it was no surprise to anyone, least of all me when Jay beat Scott and Silver to the title. He is a true leader, fair, honest and generally a good guy. He actually seemed quite embarrassed about the whole thing and his first act as 'leader' was to elect Scott and Silver as co-leaders – can you believe him? A triarchy indeed!_

Grace smiled to herself, yawned and shook her head as she continued.

 _It was all a silly-ritual, and pretty pointless, but as Tammy announced a "party to celebrate" I realised why it had been done: as a cover-up for Ally's surprise party._

 _The party's tomorrow, and I guess I'm looking forward to it – I only wish Jay and I were on better terms. I invited Lance to stay on a while longer for the party and stuff…he's done nothing bad and he pulls his weight by collecting firewood and water with me so I didn't think anything of it – but I think Jay's pretty annoyed about it. I really don't know if we can keep going on like this, we act like we're the best of friends but we ignore all the underlying feelings and we ignore the fact that we touch and hug, putting it all down to knowing each other so well but I can't help but get sick of being in this in-between stage…_

 _Jay and I argued about Lance yesterday…I don't really know why or how it happened. One minute I was talking to Lance and then Jay had pulled me to one side…_

 _"_ _Is it true?" He asked disbelief in his voice as I looked at him._

 _"_ _What?" I wondered, no idea what could've gotten him like this._

 _"_ _That you've invited that guy to the party? To stay, without asking the leaders opinion?"_

 _I frowned at him. "That guy has a name Jay." I spoke slowly. "Lance. Yes I did ask him to come to the party, and I told Silver about it."_

 _Jay narrowed his eyes. "I don't trust him."_

 _I laughed. "He's a nice guy – if you just gave him a chance…"_

 _"_ _He's nice to you!" Jay spat back. "I wonder why…"_

 _I scowled at Jay, my supposed best friend. "You're just annoyed because he's treating me like a girl – rather than just a friend!" I yelled my anger not allowing me to control this any more. "Something you've never had the guts to do!" I turned to walk away but he grabbed my arm and put his lips close to my ear._

 _"_ _Be careful." He hissed before letting me go and walking off._

 _I was so angry with him I couldn't help but yelling and it makes me mad just to think about it. I just wish he'd let me know how he feels one way or another – instead of giving me signals that I can't read…_

 _Sara's not very well, but the others assure me that it's only a summer-cold and that she'll be fine in a few days. I try not to worry about her – but what if she was really sick? How would we cure her…there aren't any doctors anymore._

 _Mali insisted that she looked after Sara for a few days, whilst I got everything ready for the party and she seems happy about it. Sara likes Mali a lot, and I didn't have the heart to say no; perhaps unconditional love from my little sister will help Mali feel a bit better about the whole Luke thing, and she can start to look forward…_

Ally's day started in the same way it was due to end: Strangely.

She'd had a peaceful night for a change, which had meant that she hadn't seen Cooper that evening, she smiled to herself; perhaps knowing he was there was helping her after all.

When she awoke her eyes fell upon a small card in an envelope, on the front in neat handwriting was her name. As she tore the card open she found herself face to face with a picture of Graceland. She laughed and read the message inside:

 _Happy Birthday!_

 _I hope all you want this year is yours,_

 _Love, Cooper. Xxx_

In spite of herself Ally smiled. It was a birthday she'd almost tried to forget, the first one on her own, but she realised now that she wasn't alone. She had people with her, people to care for her if anything went wrong. She didn't need to be scared anymore – the past was nothing; it couldn't hurt her – unless she let it…

The downstairs of the cottage and the picnic area was busy and filled with people putting up decorations and laying out a table for food (which would be cheese and mash potato pie and fruit salad!) in the air there was a strong scent of excitement – all couldn't wait for the party to be in full swing, so that they could finally let loose and have some change. Do something simple like dance without worry, if it was only for one night.

Scott was strumming away on his guitar, getting every note as close to right as he could whilst Tammy and Cooper put up streamers, Cooper holding onto her waist as she stood on a rickety old stool and reached to pin them up.

"Looking forward to tonight?" Her voice was softer than usual as she sat next to him and didn't scowl.

The party was doing good to everyone!

Scott looked up into Silver's enchanting eyes and felt himself smile, maybe they'd just gotten off on the wrong foot… "Yeh. Should be good fun huh?"

Silver nodded and felt her eyes fall across the area onto Cooper who was now helping Tammy down from the stool. "Yes." Her smile was a little faded. "Are you going to sing us an original song then?"

Scott studied her carefully as she gazed at Cooper. "Perhaps."

"Hiya!" Louisa's greeting was shrill as she joined the two and Silver's face clouded with disgust as she stood up.

"I'll see you later." She told her fellow leader.

Scott stopped strumming and stood too. "Wait – I'll come with you…" He looked kinda pleading but still Silver couldn't forget that easily what she thought about him.

"No it's okay." She lowered her voice. "We have to face up to our mistakes." She told him as she strolled back to the house.

Jay was pretending to study the papers he was holding in his hand, paper that was empty and tried to block out Grace's happy laughter which floated over from where she was standing with Lance.

He allowed himself to glance up for a moment and felt sad when he saw how happy she seemed. Did he ever make her that happy? _Could_ he ever?

Jay lowered his eyes and thought about the past few years, the years without her and the ones with. What a difference! Grace had brought with her something his life had been missing, innocence, purity a girlish charm…she meant so much to him, had always been there when he needed her, when his dad was sick and again when he'd died…she was his support, his best friend and he… _did he_?

Jay watched her for a moment, a long moment. What _did_ she mean to him really? He shook his head, tonight was the night, he had to decide one way or the other. He had to be fair to them both.


	29. Party Time !

_**Party Time!** _

Grace examined herself in the full-length mirror and shrugged, she scrubbed up okay.

She was dressed in a pair of flared black trousers matched with a short and strappy deep red dress – something Silver had brought back from the city. The dress was silk and clung to her attractive figure, hugging her in all the right places, brushing against her skin when she moved. The red set off her generally dark appearance but she screwed up her nose briefly at her shapely form, a curvy figure that would never be as frail as Beth's or Mali's.

Her long dark hair had been caught, pulled back and twisted tightly into two long French-braids dressed with red sparkly clips. Her make-up was simple, only with a touch of glitter and her usually white tribal stripes had been replaced with black ones.

Black to match her outfit, black to match Jay's markings.

It was her type of sign.

Grace found herself thinking about Jay for the tenth time that minute and if he'd ever really liked her as more than a friend…perhaps it had just been her overactive imagination that day on the beach when they'd been so close to…

"Don't complicate things Jay." I pleaded quietly. "It's breaking my heart enough already…"

Grace sighed; maybe she did want things to be more complicated. Maybe she wanted more, maybe she should stop with all this petty arguing with Jay and just tell him straight out. It had been over a year of hiding her feelings, of pretending, of play-acting 'just best friends' and it was time to stop.

Grace looked again at the girl in the mirror. She looked older than Grace felt, and wise if only because of what she'd been through over the past few months. The girl looked brave and determined with pretty eyes that told Grace that it was now or never.

Grace laughed at herself, _the girl was her_ …

Outside the picnic area was beautifully decorated with papery lanterns and streamers and candles, blinking in the dark. Numerous fires burned as Scott played softly on his guitar so that people could dance to some music.

Grace's eyes fell on the "Happy Birthday Ally!" banner and smiled at the sight underneath it: Ally was smiling from ear to ear and hugging Cooper and Tammy while Kuger circled her feet, wishing happy birthday in her own way…

Lance waved and beckoned her over and Grace took three steps towards him until someone else caught her eyes. _Jay_.

Jay was standing alone and looking into the dancing flames of a fire, even though he was dressed formally in a dark suit (that Silver must have gotten from the city) and his back was to her she recognised him instantly – after all this time his image was etched in her memory.

Her steps were light as she came up behind him and raised her heels. "Hey." She whispered softly in his ear. "How's our great leader?"

For a moment he didn't move as she rested her hands on his shoulders so she could whisper in his ear and just felt her warm breath touching his neck. Did this feel good…right? Did he never want it to stop…?

Jay turned to face her and couldn't hide the surprise that rushed through him when he saw her. He felt different as he looked at her now, as though he was seeing her for the first time, seeing what he had always over looked as affection for a friend…

"Do I look alright?" She said softly.

Jay couldn't stop the smile playing on his lips from turning into a huge grin, which made her smile in turn. Grace's smile lit up her whole face, a smile much like the one she'd given him on that first day at the beach, and that was when he knew.

She was a beautiful person, inside _and_ out.

"Gracey…" He grinned. "You look…" He struggled for any word that would do her true justice as his eyes ran over every part of her body.

She shivered.

The touch of his gaze made every inch of her tremble in the dark. "Stunning." He finished with a tilt of the head.

Grace shrugged, embarrassed. "I look okay." She smiled wider, praying that he didn't notice that her cheeks were scarlet in the dark.

"You look better than okay – and you know it!" He rebuked her still not moving his eyes from hers.

Grace winked and broke the gaze. "No slushyness huh?" She cursed inwardly as it slipped from her gentle lips. "It's a party!" She laughed. "We're supposed to be having fun!"

Jay laughed back softly, throatily and took her hand in the way he had many times before. "Well then – I suppose we'd better dance!"

"Cooper?" Tammy's voice sounded unusually uncertain as she followed the dark-haired boy into the shadowy and almost empty house, she didn't know quite what she was doing but for once she let the moment control her.

He stopped and turned to face her with interest his eyes burning into hers. "Yeah Tams?" He used her playful nickname, which made her blush and smile shyly.

He was doing things to her that no one else ever had, and she wondered with interest, if he could hear her heart pounding against her chest.

"Tammy?" His voice pulled her out of her thoughts especially when he touched her arm softly.

She flinched.

"I think…what you did for Ally was really nice; the party and stuff…" This sounded so stupid, it was all coming out wrong…but he didn't laugh at her, something about him was different she couldn't help but find herself wishing he was closer so she could feel the warmth sure to be radiating from his body.

Cooper smiled that smile all for her. "We both did it."

The silence replaced his smile, replaced everything in her mind as she watched him for the tiniest movements. How would she tell him this? It sounded so young, so vulnerable…

"I like you." Her voice was no more than the tiniest whisper.

"I like you too." Cooper nodded but Tammy shook her head.

"I _really_ like you." Before either of them knew what was happening Tammy had stepped forward and gently brought her lips to his cheek, softly, hesitantly.

"Thank-you." Cooper touched her arm again reassuringly.

Tammy put her face close to his again, this time nearer his lips, so close that she could almost taste him, she closed her eyes and…

"I can't Tammy." Cooper stepped away and her eyes fluttered open, _what_?

She stared at him wide eyed a frown forming on her pretty lips, as she wrapped her arms around herself, protectively – defensively.

"You're so nice and…gorgeous, but…I just don't feel like _that_ about you."

She didn't move as he spoke, she was glued to the spot and felt her cheeks burning as if she'd been slapped in the face, in some ways she wished she had been. Pain like that would go away…this embarrassment wouldn't…She closed her eyes and cursed herself for being so ridiculous – of course he didn't like her – of course she'd been stupid to let her guard down for a few seconds.

Tears of awkwardness filled her eyes as she turned to leave.

"I'm sorry…" Cooper whispered reached for her arm.

"No _I'm_ sorry!" She pulled free from his hand and stormed out of the building – Kuger quickly following.

Cooper sighed and lowered his eyes. "Don't be."

Ved sighed to himself dejectedly, some party this had turned out to be. Stupid songs, nothing fun to do, no pretty girls up for a good time…Ally had spent most of the evening hanging from Coopers every word, Grace danced with Jay, Beth sat on her own looking as though she was at a funeral rather than a party…

Ved rolled his eyes, _boring_ , and made his way to the table filled with food and drinks. "Hmmm…" He muttered lifting up an unlabelled bottle and examining it. "This ought to do." He smiled to himself, taking the alcohol and disappearing into the shadowy forest.

After he'd finished a rather upbeat song, Scott didn't start another, he just stood and clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. "Hey all! I'd just like to say a big 'Happy Birthday' to Ally!" Everyone cheered and clapped and whooped and whistled as Ally smiled modestly, blushing. "And to give you your present…"

Ally's eyes widened, hadn't they done enough already? She had no idea what was happening now.

"Grace?" Scott bowed and smiled as the pretty girl made her way to the 'front' of the group and sat next to Scott.

They smiled at each other as Scott began to play his guitar and both moved slightly in time with the music, as soon as the first few cords were out of the way Ally felt a laugh slip from her lips as she recognised the song.

Grace smiled at her with caring eyes and opened her mouth to sing…

 _"_ _Put on my blue suede shoes_

 _And I boarded the plane_

 _Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues_

 _In the middle of the pouring rain_

 _W.C. Handy - won't you look down over me_

 _Yeah I got a first class ticket_

 _But I'm as blue as a girl can be…"_

Jay smiled as he saw something that he'd never seen from Grace, she obviously loved to sing and her whole face lit up as she did so.

Scott was watching her too and nodded in approval as Grace sang better tonight than she ever had when they'd practised it, he joined her with the chorus…

 _"_ _That I'm walking in Memphis_

 _Walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale_

 _Walking in Memphis_

 _But do I really feel the way I feel?"_

Grace pointed at Ally as she sang the words quietly to herself and smiled, _happy_ _birthday_ … she mouthed silently as Scott continued with the song.

 _"_ _They've got catfish on the table_

 _They've got gospel in the air_

 _And Reverend Green be glad to see you_

 _When you haven't got a prayer_

 _Oh you've got a prayer in Memphis..."_

Scott's voice was deep and throaty – perfect for the song actually – and complemented Grace's well…both seemed so happy to be doing something they obviously loved and the crowd loved it.

" _Now Scott plays his guitar, Every Friday at the Hollywood..."_ Grace smiled as she changed the word slightly.

 _"_ _And they brought me down to see him_

 _And they asked me if I would -_

 _Do a little number_

 _And I sang with all my might_

 _And he said -"_

 _"Tell me are you a Christian child?"_ Scott managed through his own laughter.

 _"_ _And I said "Man I am tonight!"_

The crowd applauded and cheered as they finished their duet, laughing also Grace put her arm around Scott and whispered in his ear. "You rocked!"

He kissed her forehead, she was like a little sister to him – and she treated him like an older brother. "So did you kid." He winked as everyone laughed and chatted about what they'd just seen.

"Gracey?" Ally's voice was quiet and eyes slightly teary as she tapped on the older girls shoulder, embracing her as she turned around. "Thank-you. It was lovely! My mum would've loved it..."

Grace nodded and turned Ally to face Cooper. "You shouldn't be thanking me." She whispered in Ally's ear. "You've got a good friend there."

"Cooper..."

"Guys like him don't come along too often." She said more to herself as her eyes met with Jays.

Jay, who had been watching her with knowing eyes, felt himself blush slightly as she saw him. She was wonderful singing that song, had lit up in a way she hadn't for a long time, looked hopelessly happy and her smile although aimed to everyone seemed to be directed to everyone as Jay couldn't help but lose himself in her inky eyes as she made her way to him.

"You were great." He offered, she didn't say a word but caught him in an embrace. "Dance with me?" He asked nodding at Scott over her shoulder.

"But there's no music…" Grace began, and as in on cue, Scott began strumming a slow and all-too familiar ballad.

Grace's eyes opened wide. "Jay…this song…I don't think that's a good idea do you?"

"That's exactly why I think it's a great idea." He whispered as Scott played 'Wonderful Tonight…'

She laughed but couldn't resist as he gently took her hand and twirled her before pulling her close, and moved her slowly as she looked up at him with curious eyes. He smiled down at her. "Stop worrying…just enjoy it…"

So she closed her eyes and pretended that it was all never going to end, that they'd be like this forever. Grace shivered as Jay put his lips near her ear his breath caressing her neck as he whispered gently. "It's late in the evening…she's wondering what clothes to wear…she puts on her make-up, and brushes her long _brown_ hair." He could feel her trembling as he was so close that his eyelashes stroked her cheek, but Jay also felt himself shaking – shaking because he'd never really savoured being this close to her. "And then she asks me…"

"Do I look alright?" Grace repeated what she had said earlier in the evening without even realising it.

"And I say 'yes, you look wonderful tonight'…" He touched warm lips lightly to her cool neck and heard her sigh blissfully.

"Gracey…" He whispered so softly it was nothing more that a wonderful sigh in her ear. "I'm having a really great night…"

She pulled back slightly, looking at him with longing eyes, a longing that was mirrored in his own as she touched his cheek with her fingers…Jay brought his own fingers to her lips as both closed their eyes and…

"Grace! Where is she?" Malaika's voice yanked them apart guiltily. "Grace…it's Sara…"

Guilt at having forgotten her sister was ill flashed across her face. "Oh God is she okay?" She whispered not taking her eyes off of Jay.

"Come quickly…She's asking for you…"

Grace allowed herself to drift away from Jay, the unobtainable one who'd she'd almost… "This has _got_ to stop." She pleaded with him, tears clearly visible in her eyes as she turned and left him on his own in the middle of the dance-floor.

Tammy sat all alone in the darkness of the forest, where she could still her the faint hum of noise, on a fallen over tree by the lake. She was stroking Kuger absently with closed eyes and cursing herself over and over…

She'd waited almost sixteen years to kiss a boy, and when she finally did think she'd found the right one, he'd not wanted too. A laugh escaped her mouth, a bitter laugh.

A laugh at herself.

Kuger stood on all fours her ears standing up too, had she heard something in the bushes? Tammy listened and sighed. "Sit girl…"

Kuger didn't and kept growling lowly.

"Ssssh!" She told her sharply. "If you don't shush Kuger I'll put you to bed!" Tammy threatened moodily.

All of a sudden she was plunged into total darkness and the hands covered her eyes. Kuger barked furiously and made a lunge at the person.

"Hey!" Ved protested backing off as Tammy turned, heart racing in fear, watching her dog attack the stranger.

"Kuger!" She screamed and the dog stopped in its pursuit. "You?" Her eyes flashed questioningly at Ved. "What do you want…?"

Ved cracked a smile and sat on the log next to her. "The party was more boring than math-class." He rolled his eyes. "Who wants to watch Cooper and Ally being all friendly? It's bad enough seeing Grace and my brother!"

Tammy laughed in spite of herself, she was glad she'd gotten away whilst she could.

"So anyway…" Ved produced the bottle. "I thought I could have a party all by myself." His eyes flicked over her. "Care to join a cute blonde in a drink?" He cracked the bottle open and took a hearty swig, wiping his mouth and the bottleneck afterwards. "Well?" Ved offered her the bottle.

Tammy looked at it for a moment, she'd never touched alcohol in her life mainly because of her father, and what it did to people, but as she looked into Ved's eyes shining in the dark she wondered how much harm it could really do… "What is it?" She asked cautiously.

Ved smirked. "Some sort of spirit." He shrugged. "It's okay." The bottle was offered again, and again she hesitated. "You've never had a drink before…" He commented suddenly.

Tammy's eyes flashed as he smirked at her. "Yes I have!" She snapped snatching the bottle and gulping down a little too much. It was bitter on her tongue, but didn't stay there long enough to have impact, it was when it hit her throat she noted it scratching its tiny claws along her insides and burning all the way down her body. Then came the choke as her body felt something new and her eyes became watery and she spluttered.

Ved patted her back whilst taking another mouthful.

"It's foul." Tammy managed scrunching up her nose.

Ved smiled, soaking her up with his eyes. "It gets better." He reassured her as she took another gulp. "I promise."

Back at the camp Scott continued to play, slowing the pace now, singing songs which were more relaxed. The mood had changed dramatically, Grace hadn't returned from upstairs and Jay sat on his own, scowling when Louisa tried to talk to him. Ved had disappeared long ago and Tammy wasn't in sight, Lance had disappeared too…Ally had gone inside for a jumper and Cooper was talking to Silver, and Scott's eyes widened when the two moved to the dance floor.

He looked back to his guitar and continued with the song, but it didn't stop what was happening, didn't stop Silver resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes as he held her close, not even paying attention to the words of the song Scott was singing…

 _"_ _How are you still, like the stream_

 _When I know you feel my gaze, so heavily_

 _Touching you with my eyes,_

 _It's a lot – but it's not enough, girl,_

 _This is my simple confession:_

 _You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen…"_

Louisa plopped herself down next to Scott and whispered in his ear. "I've never heard that song before…" She commented as he finished the ballad his eyes looking up to see that the two carried on dancing, even though the music had stopped.

"Not surprising." Scott snapped. "I wrote it."

Louisa grinned and run her index finger up his inside leg, whilst looking at him with flirty eyes. "For me?"

Scott stood and scowled. "I don't write songs for _little_ _sluts_!" He bit out storming past Silver and Cooper, who had now stopped dancing, and slammed the house's door behind him.

Louisa felt tears stinging in her eyes as Silver watched her with arched eyebrows. "Don't look at me like that!" Louisa screamed at the pretty girl. "Little …" She muttered venomously.

Tammy laughed and shook her head fiercely. "It feels funny!" She giggled as Ved watched her ponytail swishing when she spoke.

"Funny?" Ved smirk grew wider and wider. "Funny how?"

Tammy dragged him in with her eyes, and this shocked him. "Funny, good." She said harshly.

The bottle was rapidly decreasing in contents and had been tossed to one side as Ved decided they'd both had too much. "I'm glad…"

"Y'know what Ved?" Her voice was raised in the night-time silence and he shushed her gently. "Ssssh!" She giggled putting a cold finger to her lips. "I'm…shhussshed."

He smiled at her, in the little light they had, he could tell that when she wasn't scowling but smiling, she was one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. "What?" He was curious now.

"I tried to kiss 'im…coopie…coops..cooprrr…" Ved rolled his eyes. "…an' he didn't like me…want me…"

Veds eyes were surprised at why anyone would turn down the attractive girl as his arm curled around her waist to stop her falling from the log. "Do you think I'm…perty? Pritty…pretty…?"

He looked at her and questioned himself, for some reason wanting to give her a truthful answer instead of his usual and immediate 'yes'. The moonlight fell on her shiny hair and caught her large almond-shaped eyes as she looked intently. Ved smiled. "I think you are…" He whispered never taking his eyes from hers. "…your eyes are so pretty…" His tone was soft with truth. "…they have the strangest, tiniest violet flecks in them…"

Tammy felt herself blushing from more than mere alcohol, and felt giddy from more than just the goldfish bowl sensation that was settling over her from hot liquor. "Ved…" She whispered her nose brushing his as they moved closer, her breath touching his mouth softly. "…I've never kissed a boy before…"

Ved moved his mouth the tiny fraction so that lips touched lips with the tiniest amount of pressure. He held her like that for long moments before opening his lips slightly and kissing just s little harder. _I'll be gentle with you_ …

Jay was lost to his thoughts and there was no way back now.

" _This has got to stop."…_ her voice rang in his head, did it? Was she right?

He shook his head defiantly, _no_ he couldn't believe that, he had to show her, she had to know. Standing from the picnic table he made his way to the living room with stealthy strides.

Grace looked at herself in the mirror as she removed the tribal marking from her face, instantly making herself look younger. Her shoes had been casually tossed to one side and she padded around the room tidying up her things. Sara had been frightened, that was all, woken from a bad dream in tears and nothing would console the tiny girl but the safe arms of her sister…

Grace smiled faintly, she'd returned to her room straight after and stayed listening to the goings on outside. She just didn't feel in the party mood anymore. One of the few candles she was burning flickered and died and for moments she just stared at it intently…

 **I've always cared for her and I've never denied that. Grace is a great girl and she makes me smile, but tonight** … Jay sighed to himself, one hand poised to knock on the door. **Tonight had made me see her with fresh eyes…All through the time I've known her she's done nothing but stand up for me and help me and believe in me** … He sighed. **Was it possible to fall in love with someone without noticing** **it**?

Without anymore hesitation Jay knocked on the door and opened it to a soft _who is it…?_

Grace looked up and couldn't help but smile when she saw him stood in the doorway, covered with shadows, looking so unusually purposeful.

"Jay…" She whispered slowly rising to her feet.

He looked at her and nodded to himself, **yes, yes it was possible** … She had let her hair from the plaits and it framed her face and streamed down her back as she bathed in the glow from the candles.

 **She looked like a fallen-angel** …

"What if I don't want it to stop?" He startled her with this strong question and she looked at him shocked eyes wide.

"Huh?"

"What if I don't want it to stop Grace? Us. You and me."

Grace shook her head, telling him she didn't know what he was saying…she didn't understand him this time, she didn't know what to say…

Jay's tone softened as he took steps towards her letting the door shut. "What if I want what we've got…" He looked deep into her eyes and searched for that same longing he had seen earlier. "…What if I want more?"

Grace exhaled and closed her eyes, feeling his presence, breathing in his warmth, trembling as he put a gentle finger to her lips, as finally his contact shocked rushes of adrenaline through her body. She didn't open her eyes as he slowly ran the tips of his fingers pensively over her mouth, over and over as she shook beneath his touch, the feel of him touching her sensitive lips with nothing but than his hands made her ache for more, so much more…

His nose brushed against hers as he leaned closer and touched it to her cheek stopping it when it reached her own nose, nuzzling them together slowly their lips only fractions apart. "Gracey…" His breath teased her willing lips. "…can I kiss you…?"

For the first time her eyes fluttered open and their eyes held each other caringly, as her insides melted away to nothing. She didn't answer, she couldn't speak, not now…they talked too much, now was a time for actions – and her eyes told him all he needed to know.

Shutting his eyes and parting his lips Jay placed them, finally, against hers for their first kiss…

It only lasted a few sweet seconds, before Jay pulled away briefly to look at her, his best friend and so much more. They watched each other, aware more than anything that this had changed everything between them forever…


	30. My Best Friend and So Much More

**_My Best Friend and so much more…_**

As she watched him a step away, her heart raced from touching her lips finally with his, it hadn't really been a proper kiss but in many ways it had been so much more…She searched his face for regret, but smiled when she saw none.

"Grace…" Their eyes collided and they were in each other's arms without hesitation, the tenderness – not forgotten – but pushed aside in longing as their lips met again – this time with more force, _greedily_. She'd yearned for his taste for so long and this was much more than she's ever imagined. His hands found their way to her waist and pulled her a fraction closer as they pushed against each other and Grace dragged her fingers through his hair.

Finally after all this time both had given up the denial and the pretence, not holding back as they reached for each other hungrily, touching and kissing, before the chance was taken away from them, before the moment was interrupted and ruined…

But it wouldn't be, not this time, now they had all the time in the world.

Jay slowed his kisses to this thought, running his lips over her neck and onto smooth shoulders, gently pushing the straps of her dress down to kiss the skin underneath. He wanted to kiss every part of her, wanted to savour every moment.

Grace's eyes were closed as her trembling fingers ran over his chest and to the buttons on his shirt, shakily pulling them apart and again placing her fingers on his flesh, stroking him, keeping her hands there as long as she wanted, knowing that he wasn't going to stop her this time, and she wasn't going to stop herself.

"Gracey…" His voice was gentle and husky in her ear as she pushed his shirt from his body and let it drop to the floor, not stopping their contact for a second. "…this is my first time…"

Grace couldn't help but be surprised as he looked at her with intentness, burning his gaze into her, she had thought that he would've…

A smile came to her lips, she was seventeen and because she too had waited for so long to give up her virginity she finally knew what it meant to 'be ready'. Grace knew what people meant when they talked about the right time, place and person. Looking into his eyes she knew it was him, she'd always known.

"Me too." Her voice was warm and inviting and she brought her lips cautiously to meet his. "Let's take it slowly…" She whispered pulling him back onto the sofa…

The sun was streaming through her window as she slept soundly, mainly because the alcohol had put her deeply into sleep. The light fell on her partly dressed body, under the covers, alone. Her hair was falling casually out of its sleek ponytail and she breathed heavily whilst Kuger who had been awake at their usual time nudged her arm. An arm which hung out of the bed…

"Mmmm…" Tammy murmured in sleep. "Just five more minutes mum…" As soon as the word slipped out her eyes peeled themselves open and squinted in the bright sun. The giddy and reckless feeling that had been so fun and inviting last night has now worn away to a groggy tiredness and a pounding headache.

Tammy blinked again as snatches of memory appeared between the haziness of thought…party…it was fun wasn't it? If it was then why did she feel like …?

Tammy sat bolt upright in bed. "Ved?" She whispered to herself in disgust. Kuger barked as she dropped her head back to the pillows. "Tammy you're an idiot!"

All through this cursing she didn't notice that she was half dressed, and she didn't question it, not for a few minutes anyway as she swung her legs out of bed in an attempt to get up.

"Wha…" She looked at her undressed self and closed her eyes, squeezing them shut to try and remember getting into bed, her bed, _alone_ , the trouble was she couldn't remember anything after that wonderful kiss…

Grace watched him sleeping, he looked so harmless, so peaceful lying in the tiniest bit of light. Her lips seemed fixed into a permanent smile he was _wonderful_ …

Grace didn't feel any different this morning when she woke, no different to yesterday, but so much had changed in the past 24 hours…It had been strange at first, _awkward_ , but it had been a nice experience and felt more intimate than she could ever have imagined. It had hurt a little and that had been scary – but Jay was patient and gentle…He stirred slightly and she reached out a hand to touch him again, to make sure he was real…

She'd been more than a little embarrassed producing those condoms last night, her cheeks flushed just at the thought, but she was glad at her sense, there would be nothing worse than having a baby right now, in these awful times…

Jay fluttered his eyes open questioningly, looking at the beautiful girl lost in thought. He smiled, it was real, his hand went out to touch her smooth and naked waist caressing the crook of it with two fingers. "Morning…" He whispered hoarsely.

Grace felt goose bumps on her arms at the softness of his touch again, and looked directly into his eyes, searching for his thoughts. "Morning." His eyes held nothing but affection and happiness as he smiled back. "Well…" She whispered jokingly. "…that was something new for us huh?"

Jay laughed heartily and pulled her to him for another kiss, to tell her, in his own way, that he'd fallen in love with her…

Scott banged about in the kitchen as he made himself a cup of tea, he wasn't in the mood for anything, least of all another run-in with Silver as she entered the room and muttered under her breath. "Someone's in a good mood this morning."

Scott turned to face her and scowled. "What did you say?"

Silver put a smile on her face. "I said Good Morning." She grinned.

"Is it?" Scott threw her own comment back at her as they held a duel with their eyes.

"Yes." Silver bit back. "And just think, I didn't have to get-off with some ' _little s/ut'_ to make it one."

Scott held her eyes and then couldn't stop himself. "Just my brother huh?" He snapped brushing past her as he left.

Silver frowned. Why did they always do this? Nothing had happened between her and Cooper last night...she'd thought that maybe he might have been her 'secret admirer' but now she had thrown out that theory and was as confused as ever.

She heard giggling from the living room and raised her eyebrows, at least someone in this place was having fun...


	31. Inner Sickness

**_Inner sickness_**

Beth was sat in front of her mirror, eyes blurring from tears and the room was swimming in and out of focus. She'd been awake all night, looking at herself and taking gulps from a large bottle of alcohol that was now abandoned on her dresser, abandoned in favour of something else…something prettier…something more deadly than that poison…

It held her amused gaze and teased her with its perfection. Small, shiny, soft…so soft in her hard fingers…

The alcohol had made her numb and unfeeling, but stung her with bitter truth. She was evil. She was vile. She was evil…no, Beth shook her head, not her – not her pretty red heart gulping and pulsating, pumping life through her frail and deteriorated body, but something else. Something, which hid in her, veins, disguising the pure black evil as something beautiful…hiding death in the very heart of her life…

She longed to get it, touch it, hurt it. Pour it from her arms and legs and stomach, release the evil, set it free…set them both free…the voice which talked in her mind was whispering now, whispering its hate and disgust for her, telling her she was nothing…

… _nothing…nothing…nothing_ …

 _…_ _who would care…?…who would cry…?…who would even notice…?…_

The anger was boiling inside, and she was filled with an intense yearning to hurt, to hurt herself, if only she could, she would feel better… _so_ _much_ _better_ …

The small friend blinked and laughed in her shaking hand, mocked her, told her she'd never do it, she'd never been brave enough before… _not brave enough_ , the voices whispered… _chicken_ …

Beth's eyes were wide and cold and she dragged the tiny object against her white flesh, ripping it open but feeling nothing but numbness which she was enjoying. The blade fell to the floor as tiny drops of red escaped the flesh and ran onto the skin.

 _Red on white…so pretty_ …

She'd wanted to feel how much it would hurt, feel the release, a relief but nothing came as the cut continued to pour, slowly, not deep enough to do much damage…she felt the same…but now a dull ache reached her arm…dull…

Tears were falling now, salty tears mixing with the faint odour of blood, tears and blood…tears and blood…

"Oh…" Beth whispered, suddenly aware of what had happened, what she'd done to herself… _what the voices had made her do_ … She closed her eyes whispering 'sorry' over and over…pulling her arm to her breasts and rocking it gently as though it were some precious child…

"…oke Li-li?" Sara looked up at Malaika with huge absorbing eyes as the older girl sat on the bed and took deep breaths.

Mali smiled and nodded. "Yes Sara I'm fine…" She reassured her by patting her on the head. She was playing with the tiny child when she had felt really weak and faint and, even though she hated to admit it she felt… _nauseous_ …

Sara climbed on to the bed and touched Malaika's hair gently, putting Sophie into Mali's lap. "You…mommy…" Her words were innocent but fuelled emotion, which brought tears to Mali's eyes. "…Good mommy…" Sara whispered as tears fell from Malaika's eyes and onto the dolls soft brown hair.

As Malaika tried to hide her tears and her sickness, Sara continued to stroke her hair moving tiny hands to her face and gently wiping away any tears that escaped Mali's attention.

Malaika looked up into her innocent gaze and smiled as Sara caught her in an embrace, snuggling herself into the older girl. "…it be oke…" She whispered and nodded to herself, still talking in her usual gibberish. "…my ga..se…two…"

Malaika knew she wouldn't able to fight the sickness for much longer, she knew from biology lessons that it started pretty much straight-away…and didn't stop for a while…and after that while she wouldn't be able to keep it to herself, this wasn't a disease she could hide from everyone…it wasn't something she could get rid of…

Mali still thought about Luke everyday, about going to the city to find him, but she knew she wouldn't know where to look. She missed him with everything she had, loved him with more…but even though she knew she had to get on with everyday life, she couldn't. Especially not now, not with something growing inside her, something that was his…not his, she shook her head, theirs. Mali closed her eyes and re-thought this again: _hers_.

This baby would be hers.

Hers to look after, hers to teach and feed and love…how could she do this? In a world so unstable…how could she have been so naïve?…what a poor, poor child this would be, with this as a world, and her as a mother.

A single mother.

Malaika choked with sobs as Sara clung to her, never once making a move to pull away. Mali rocked the child, and herself, they all had to take care of each other in this world, how else would the children learn to be better people than their parents…?

Tammy was making a cup of hot chocolate quietly in the kitchen; she didn't think that she could stomach much else this morning… that was rapidly approaching afternoon. Kuger sat on the floor away from her keeping her distance, knowing that something was bothering Tammy, something that no one could begin to imagine…

Her mind still worked as she made the drink, worked the memories which were slowly fading back into her mind instead of away, pieces of a puzzle putting themselves together before her eyes…

She decided to ignore the whole 'Cooper-thing' for the moment; there were more pressing issues, like Ved and what had happened. She remembered strangely enjoying his company, how she'd thought what a brat he was but last night…he'd been different…funny and cute and sweet and…she frowned _nice_.

 _… "…_ _your eyes are so pretty…" He whispered softly, his breath touching her face and making her want to surrender to him completely. "…they have the strangest violet flecks in them…"_

They way he'd kissed her, so gentle, so…as much as she hated to admit it, it had been the perfect first kiss…

If only she could remember more…

Ved stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching her for a few moments in silence, Kuger not batting an eyelid at who it was…He was stood in nothing but trousers as he regarded her. She still looked as pretty this morning as he remembered – he remembered everything…

 _"_ _Ved…" She whispered her nose brushing his as they moved closer, her breath touching his mouth softly, making him yearn for her kiss more than he'd ever yearned for anything in his whole life. "…I've never kissed a boy before…"_

He smiled remembering that kiss, her first, _their_ first…how she'd kissed with such softness, such cautiousness, such curiosity…his lips twisted into a smile, she'd been a great kisser.

Suddenly sensing someone behind her Tammy turned and felt her cheeks go pink when she saw it was him and bare on top…her eyes couldn't help but follow the ridges in his stomach…

"See anything you like?"

Tammy jumped and averted her eyes to the wall, the floor, Kuger…anything so she didn't have to look at him. "What do you want?" Her tone was sharp and for a moment Ved was baffled.

He smiled at her embarrassment; it was sorta cute on her… "I was just thinking about last night." He told her truthfully. "About that…"

Her eyes lifted and met his shocking electric through both of them. "It was a mistake, right? I know the drill…" Tammy rushed over him. " _Nothing_."

Ved lowered his gaze this time for a second before returning to his usual carelessness. "Sure thing babe, whatever you want." His eye winked flirtatiously. "Don't want a repeat performance then?"

Tammy's insides churned at her lack of memory as she replied evenly. "I was _drunk_ and you were _stupid_. Can't we just leave it at that?"

Tammy picked up her cup and left the room, vowing never to touch a drop of alcohol _ever_ again…


	32. Break Me

**_Break me._**

It was time to re-enter the real world now, it had all been fun and wonderful, but there were chores to attend to for Grace and decisions to make for Jay.

The whole group had noticed the two's strange absence, but tongues had gotten bored of wagging about those two, after all this time it had become generally accepted that neither were ever going to be brave enough to make the first move and break the stale-mate friendship.

Grace's hair was still damp from washing and as she approached a lonely-looking Lance she smiled shyly and a little guiltily.

"Hey there." She smiled as he looked up and settled down opposite him. "You alright?"

Her tone was light and told him nothing as he regarded her thoughtfully. He couldn't help but smile back at her, it was strange, he barely knew he but already he could see something in her, which had taken Jay two years to find. Lance thought she was pretty and yeah, she turned him on in a way pretty girls did to teenage boys, but more than that.

He thought he had a crush.

"I'm good." He nodded not taking eyes off her, which clearly made her uncomfortable as she brushed her damp hair back with her fingers.

"Lance…about last night…" She almost blurted it out. "I'm sorry I left you alone last night…it's just I…"

He stopped her with a finger to lips. "Did you have fun?" She nodded. "Then that's all that matters."

Grace moved slightly away from his touch looking even more guilty and awkward. "You shouldn't do that." She told him. "It makes me uncomfortable."

Lance shrugged and folded his arms. "Sorry."

"Jay and I are…" Grace began and again Lance cut over.

"I figured, I figured it from the first moment I met him that it would happen sooner or later." He paused. "Yet it surprises me why someone as beautiful as you waited around so long for…him."

Grace furrowed her brow and pursed her lips. "Jay's a wonderful person Lance. If only you'd both give each other a chance."

Lance shrugged again and made to get up. "I've troubled you enough anyway, I'm off to pack up my things – I'll be leaving by daybreak tomorrow."

"Why?"

"I don't belong here like the rest of you – look at you all: the best of friends, working in harmony together without any arguing about rationing or chores!" He laughed. "You're like the Brady Bunch and I…I'm the bad penny."

Grace smiled slightly. "Don't be so dramatic! Of course you should stay – you fit right in don't you? Give them all a chance to get to know you…"

"What have I got to stay for?" He challenged.

"Me?" Grace offered. "A friend."

For the first time since the group had returned from the city Malaika had decided to join them in the picnic area. She still kept herself to herself, sitting away from the crowds, watching with her harsh brown eyes as people came and went, thinking to herself as the young Sara played around her.

Coming down to bathe in the sunlight had been the first in a hundred small steps Mali had outlined for herself. It was a thing that her mother used to rely on in the…old days…Malaika laughed out loud. Positive thinking. She had to face the fact that a tiny tiny person was growing inside her and it was relying on her to be strong. She couldn't do that cooped up inside, wallowing in self-pity, crying herself to sleep and thinking of nothing but Luke. Mali had no way of getting him back, not just yet, so for the moment she had to focus all her time and energy in her and the baby.

Her baby.

Malaika's nose scrunched up as she remembered the morning and being sick…she felt weak and pale, and she looked it. Her usual pasty-prettiness had faded to a washed out tiredness, but still somewhere deep, her beauty was still evident.

"…Li-li!" Sara addressed Malaika with her usual greeting and bounded towards her, grinning and giggling. Malaika laughed too, she enjoyed the little girls company and she obviously liked hers too. She was so innocent, so pure…

Sara grabbed her hand and pulled Mali to her feet and over to the house, not before Malaika saw Jay and Grace disappearing into the forest, laughing and holding hands…

Grace looked up at him as he took her hand gently tangling his fingers with hers, it was done in a way it had been many times before, but this time it felt so different. She didn't feel changed, but she was in so many ways.

Her heart still fluttered at his touch, but now she didn't try and hide it, she didn't ignore or fight her blushes, in fact she turned to him so he could see them, and when she looked she noticed his cheeks flushing too.

In her right hand Grace carried a bucket for water collection so that she could wash Sara's things and she couldn't help but lose herself in the prettiness all around them.

The grass was soft underfoot as they weaved through the greenery and pretty autumn flowers scattered petals all around. The day was bright and crisp and the sun was speckled on the floor as it snuck through the branches of the many trees overhead. They were at Grace's new favourite place, a little part of the stream that was shallow and rushing, and a bank covered in soft mossy grass…She smiled and blinked, covering her eyes from the sunlight.

Jay stopping her sitting on the ground pulled her from her thoughts and as he lowered his head to kiss her she couldn't help but laugh. "Doesn't this feel even the tiniest bit strange to you?" She wondered with a wide smile as his arm crept around her waist.

Jay shook his head highlighted more by the harsh sun. "Nope." He whispered pressing his lips to hers again, gently. "It feels perfect."

Their eyes met tenderly, hers as inky as his were brown, both getting lost in each other as they parted their lips for another, slower, more lingering kiss. He forgot himself and everything in the full-ness of her moist lips that kissed back with a gentle precision, and she felt her heart race as their tongues touched casually, lazily, taking all the time in the world…figuring they were only young and new to this relationship: they had all the time they wanted.

They thought they had forever.

 _I will meet you, in some place  
Where the light lends itself  
To soft repose_

 _I will let you undress me  
But I warn you: I have thorns  
Like any rose_

Jay breathed her in. Her freshness and just washed hair filled his lungs and made his heart flutter, she felt so good in his arms as he stroked her cheek with the backs of tender fingers and planted tiny, almost invisible kisses along her neck. Sighing her in, drawing her closer, taking his time to remember every sigh, every whisper, every _everything_. He put his fingers to the soft flesh of her tummy and trailed his lips back to hers for another perfect touch.

Grace ran her fingers cautiously up his spine, her eyes still closed and lips still enjoying the taste of this wonderful kiss. Even with her eyes closed she knew every part of him, could see every curve and dimple and…her hands softly tugged at his hair as she pulled him closer – afraid to let him go, afraid that all of this was just another dream that would vanish when her eyes re-opened.

 _You could hurt me, with your bare hands  
You could hurt me, using the sharp end _

_Of what you say_

"Hey…" Jay breathed with a smile forming on those lips. "Why so urgent?"

They stayed as close as ever as she looked up at him with honest eyes. "Is this for real Jay? Or am I only kidding myself that it's not a dream?" Her voice was soft, and shook slightly when she spoke.

Jay scrunched his nose up slightly and smiled a smile, which caused the corners of his eyes to crinkle too. "It's real Gracey. And I don't want it to stop. Ever."

Their lips touched again, slower once more, neither aware that the eternity of time both were sure they had, was much, much shorter than they ever could've imagined…

 _But I'm lost to you now  
And there's no, amount of reason  
That could save me…_

 _So break me, Take me  
Just let me  
Feel your arms again_

 _Break me - I'll let you make me -  
Just let me  
Feel your love again_


	33. Confessions

**_Confessions_**

Malaika's throat burned as she once again emptied the contents of her stomach into the bowl she kept next to her bed. She coughed and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, not caring how un-lady-like it was. Her hair was plastered to her face from the restless sleep she'd had, a sleep filled with Luke and blood and tears…real tears which had dried to her face now streaking the tribal marking she hadn't taken off the night before.

Groaning she threw her legs from the bed in an attempt to get up and sort herself out, but as she rose another wave of nausea washed over her, bringing faintness and breathlessness. Not again, she thought to herself, taking deep breaths to control the queasiness and closing her eyes in relief as the feeling passed. She sighed and continued over to the mirror, frowning in disgust at what she saw.

Her long and usually silky hair was dull and lifeless, mess in a way it never was before and sticking up in all directions. Her skin was pasty, eyes were bloodshot and empty their sparkle no longer as evident as it once was and those smiling lips were turned down at the corners.

She looked like the living dead.

"Oh God Mali get a grip of yourself!" She demanded at her reflection sternly. "You look like hell…nope…you look _worse_ than hell…" The two sets of eyes duelled each other threateningly, harsh brown burning into harsh brown.

Malaika sat in front of the dresser and began to pull a hairbrush slowly through the tangles, straightening the kinks and patting strays hairs down as she pulled her hair back into the elegant ponytail.

Better.

The she dipped a piece of cloth into the bowl of water kept on the table and proceeded to wash away the tears, dirt and war-paint, revealing once more that creamy skin and perfect complexion.

She was beginning to look a little like the old Mali, her eyes still didn't have the once beautiful sparkle but she looked better than before even a little flushed and glowing.

Malaika smiled at her reflection, a smile that lit up her whole face. It held there for a long long time until it slowly began to crumble. Her features twisted into a grimace. "Oh God…" She whispered as her hand clamped over her mouth. "…not again…"

But this time she couldn't fight it as her stomach turned paling her cheeks. Malaika ran to the bowl by the side of her bed as for the third time that morning, she emptied the contents of her stomach like some common animal.

By now the majority of the group had noticed a change in Jay and Grace's relationship, however it was not a talking point as both had expected, many people just shrugged as though they knew it would happen sooner or later. At night-time they would sit close together outside by a fire, snuggled under the same blanket talking in a language all of their own, sharing private jokes and secrets that no other person could possibly be involved with.

Sara too was part of this, when she didn't spend time with Mali, she would sit and play with her sister and her new boyfriend, but to the little girl the relationship had always been that way.

They loved each other, the little girl knew and accepted, and one day they would be married and Grace would be a mummy and Sara would have children to play with…

Jay had emerged over the days, as a leader greater than any could've imagined. He did everything that was asked of him; saw that the place ran smoothly, figured out a rationing system, and made a rota for chores. The three leaders had come into their own in the triarchy system and the whole place ran better than ever before.

"I know I've said it a thousand times!" Ally beamed. "But thank you!"

Cooper laughed and ducked his head. "It was only a little party…a few candles, an old song…" He was being overly modest and she planned to tell him so once more, as she pushed him playfully and grinned.

"Well, I loved it." She said truthfully.

Ally had been a lot happier since the party, and had begun to feel very secure in herself and the newcomers to her home. The nightmares seemed to have finally stopped, and Cooper reassured her constantly and she knew if she ever feet afraid she could go to him and he'd look after her. She looked up to him, slightly older and very much wiser, for support and guidance and he as always, smiled back.

"It wasn't just me, it was Tammy too…"

Ally stretched out on the picnic table and sipped at her water, nodding. "Yeah I know that. She's a sweetie, one of the people here I trust."

Cooper looked deeply into her eyes and smiled lopsidedly. "Do you trust me?" He wondered.

Ally felt her cheeks turning pink at this question but couldn't look away as she whispered. "Yes."

Cooper suddenly felt a twinge of guilt of responsibility as he looked into her clear eyes, he didn't want to do anything to lose that trust.

"I've gotta tell you something." Cooper blurted suddenly, ducking his head again to hide his flushing cheeks.

"Yeah?" Ally breathed as she felt frozen to the spot by his purposefulness.

"Tammy almost kissed me at the party."

"What?" Ally screeched almost falling off the seat. "I mean…" she quietened her voice. "…what happened?"

Cooper shrugged, he cared about this girl and knew that he had to tell her something, which probably was best, left unsaid. She was his friend. "I stopped her." He nodded truthfully.

"Why?" Ally asked not sure what to make of all this, her heart and mind both racing. "She's really pretty."

Cooper reached across to Ally and touched her hand. "So are you." He whispered truthfully.

Ally closed her eyes for a moment and then smiled. "Thank you."

Grace raised her heels slightly so that she could kiss Jay gently and briefly on the lips as they stood at the entrance of the cottage. He was going inside to sort out the idea of planting a vegetable patch with Scott, and Grace was off into the picnic area to talk with her other best friend…

"Hey there Mali." She smiled plopping down next to her friend, Sara who was playing nearby bounded over to briefly hug her sister and then ran back to where she was fussing over Kuger. "You okay? You look…"

"Like cr*p?" Malaika finished with a toss of her hair. "I know, I feel it." She looked over at her friend and felt saddened by the concern in her inky blue eyes. "So what's with you and Jay huh?" She almost laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

Grace's face instantly lit up. "He's great." She whispered. "At being a best friend, a boyfriend…at everything." Grace felt herself disappearing in happiness but shifted it quickly – this was about Mali, it was selfish to be so happy around her obviously distressed friend. "But what about _you_ Mals?"

Malaika took a long breath and exhaled slowly, they all had to know sooner or later, she couldn't hide it for very long, not something like this…she was pretty sure someone would figure it out sooner rather than later. "If I tell you this Grace…" Her tone was deadly serious. "You can't tell _anyone_. Not yet – I mean it."

Grace gulped and laid a hand on her friends arm. "You're not going to the city are you?"

Malaika laughed and shook her head.

"I promise."

Malaika's eyes burned into Grace's as she took another shaky breath and blinked a few times. "I'm pregnant." She breathed.

Grace's gasp was not alone, as someone had been listening intently to this conversation and both girls jumped around coming eye to eye with the girl.

"Beth?" Grace whispered almost not believing it, and putting her shock about the baby to one side for a moment as she said the name.

A smirk came to Beth's lips, which made Mali scowl. "Well, well, well…" She chuckled.

"How _dare_ you listen into private conversations!" Malaika spat venomously at the girl who used to be such a friend.

"Now, now Mali, I don't think you should be the one giving advice or lectures now do you?" The grin was nasty, but somewhere deep it was kind of sad and lonely.

"God Beth you're such a b*tch!" Malaika wouldn't bite her tongue this time as she stood to be on level with Beth. "We're not at school anymore! Back then people liked you for what it meant and what you could do for them – we don't have to like you anymore – so wise up and get a grip!" Her voice was barely raised, but the tone scared even Grace a little…

Beth opened her mouth to spit back but no sound came out, so she closed it again as the two girls looked at her. Her bottom lip began to tremble slightly as Grace watched worriedly. "I…" Tears gleamed in her glassy eyes as they flicked from girl to girl, especially when Grace put a comforting hand on Mali.

Both watched as a tear fell onto her heavily made-up face, and then another and another. It was as though the barrier had been broken, as soon as a single tear had escaped, it pathed the way for others. _More and more and more_ , until Grace could bare to watch no longer and stepped forward to pull the other girl into a comforting embrace. "Shhhh…"

Beth cried out as the tears brought sobs, heavy sobs which shook her tiny frame in Grace's arms. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry I'm such a b*tch…" Grace made out in between sobs.

Malaika's own eyes stung with tears as she too joined the pair, and put arms around them both. "Hey, it's okay." She whispered in spite of herself. "Friends forever right?"

Her and Grace shared a worried glance for a moment and then returned their attention sadly back to Beth…


	34. I Love You

_**I Love You**  
_

Beth's bedroom had been darkened as much as it could be in the daylight and the window was opened to remove the staleness of alcohol that lingered in the air. Beth had not stopped sobbing for the whole of the late-morning, early afternoon so they'd moved to this room, somewhere more private. Her hot tears and apologies had put her finally into a deep sleep, a place where she at last could rest.

Grace placed a blanket gently over her friend as Malaika watched on, her arms tightly hugging herself as a look of concern clouded her eyes. The girls shared a look, which said they'd leave her to sleep for now, and check back on her later.

Grace pulled the door gently shut and breathed in the fresher air, her nostrils thankful for no longer having to breath in the mustiness of Beth's room.

Malaika washed worried eyes over Grace and spoke, her voice barely a whisper. "Did you see that cut on her arm?" She asked with meaning.

Grace lowered her eyes. "We'll have to keep an eye on her."

Malaika nodded as they made their way to the stairs and stood at the top, deftly looking down. With everything that had happened with Beth, Mali's little revelation had been forgotten and put aside, but now both knew it would have to be discussed, or mentioned at least and tried to ignore that for as long as possible until Grace whispered. "Are you sure?"

Mali lowered her eyes and sighed. "I stupidly had unprotected sex in the heat of the moment, I've missed a period, and have started throwing up on a morning. I think it's safe to say I'm sure." She smiled. "Besides I kinda feel different Gracey, in a way I never have before…it's scary, but kind of nice."

Grace smiled and rubbed Malaika's arm comfortingly, saying the only thing she could in this situation. "Congratulations Mali. And hey, you know I'll be here to help you look after the little thing don't you?"

Malaika laughed in spite of her worry. "Aunty Gracey eh?" She winked, placing a hand instinctively in the place her bump would grow, protectively.

"Yeah." Grace smiled. "Aunty Gracey – I like the sound of that. I can teach it things and I'm sure Sara will love having someone to play with." They girls smiled at each other.

"Thank-you Gracey, you're the best friend a girl could wish for." Malaika said sincerely.

"And maybe if it's a girl you should give her Grace as a middle name?" Both girls laughed happily as the made their way down the stairs only to be interrupted by Lance at the bottom.

"Heya." He spoke through the laugher.

Grace turned her attention away from Mali and towards the voice. "Oh hi." She smiled politely. "Have you met Mali?"

"No." Lance said inquisitively. "I don't think I've had the pleasure…"

"Mali this is Lance, Lance Mali." The two shook awkward, but friendly, hands.

"Nice to meet you." Malaika smiled, a little happy smile.

"You too."

Tammy was walking, where she was going she wasn't quite sure, she just wanted to get a little way away from the house, so she didn't have to watch people or feel them watching her. Kuger's tail swished happily as she bounded in front of her owner rolling in the long grass and barking happily as she chased butterflies and other creatures.

The tall girl was lost in her thoughts as the dog disappeared from sight and into the forested area. Tammy sighed and made a move to follow her, at a slightly quicker pace, into the cool shade.

Kuger was only a little way into the trees, relaxing in the shade by a familiar log. Tammy closed her eyes to block out the memories this spot brought back, memories of kisses and moonlight, hazy images and headaches…

Tammy took a few steps towards the log before she heard a splashing in the close-by stream. Her curiosity, something she always struggled with, got the better of her as she cautiously made her way left, through the branches towards the water.

As she reached the edge of the woods her eyes could make out a figure bathing in the stream. Her initial instinct was to turn and leave, but her feet dragged her a little closer so that she could make out the broad masculine back that was facing her and bleached blonde hair…

 _Ved_?!

Tammy went to leave just as Kuger barked loudly, loud enough to make the boy turn and come eye to eye with her.

Both held the gaze for long moments before dropping it to the floor, as Ved, a little embarrassed at being caught just in tiny trunks didn't know what to do next. Should he just stay in the water or move to cover himself, either way he was frozen to the spot.

Tammy's eyes found their way along the grass to a pile of abandoned clothes, passing over them her eyes found the waters edge. It was clear and glassy, and Ved's reflection was distorted by the rippling surface. Her eyes washed over him now, sending shocks up and down his spine as she unknowingly took in his sporty legs, tanned, tiny black cloth and…both of them gulped as flushed as she jolted her eyes away from his groin and onto the ridges in his stomach, over his wet torso and up into greeny-blue eyes.

The look was held this time, for long moments, and Tammy felt the shocks of electric too.

Kuger barking again, broke this concentration and allowed her to step forward and scoop up Ved's clothes. She outstretched her arms towards him. "Here." She offered, no longer able to look anywhere near him as he took the clothes gratefully.

"Thanks."

Tammy stepped back as he stepped forwards out of the water, both looking ever so awkward.

"There's no need to be weird right?" Tammy said finally.

"Right." Ved retorted.

"Good."

She nodded and turned on her heel, quickly leaving the clearing, with Kuger close behind.

Silver hummed quietly to herself as she made her way to her room, she Jay and Scott had just had another productive meeting and she was dying to change out of her clothes, into something a little cooler. She was enjoying her position in the tribe and now felt as though she fitted in.

When Silver had bumped into Malaika, Cooper and Scott, she'd been lost and looking for directions to the nearest city, she didn't even remember now how or why they'd managed to persuade her to go with them…Maybe she had accepted because they seemed like such a loving family, brothers who looked out for their sister…like hers had looked out for her…

Silver sighed, a sigh that turned into a smile at the newest offering left beside her doorframe. A large fragrant bunch of wildflowers cut and bound together with straw-like grasses. She picked them up from the floor and held them to her nose, breathing in the scent and looked for a card.

There was one.

Before she even opened up the small piece of folded card she knew who they were from. The way her name was printed on the front, she didn't even need to read it to know that these were another gift from her admirer.

She still smiled as she regarded the flowers, as much as she loved having an admirer, someone who went out of their way to make her smile, she somehow wished she knew who it was. Even though the games were fun and exciting…flowers couldn't hold you in the night…

As the arm crept around her waist, Grace opened her mouth instinctively to scream but before she could make a sound that was covered too as she was lifted from the floor and pulled backwards into the living room. She struggled against the grip around her, a grip, which softened and stopped her struggles when the captor whispered softly in her ear. Then she just closed her eyes enjoying the feeling of his arm wrapped around her waist, and being so close to his warm body.

He released the hand from her mouth first, as he lowered her to the floor, holding her for moments longer so she knew and felt that he wanted to keep her there forever, before finally, loosening the second arm also.

Grace turned to find herself face to face with him. Her whole face lit up in the biggest smile he'd ever seen, up to this point in their relationship anyway… "What are you up too?" She questioned in mock seriousness. "Sneaking around and kidnapping me like that?"

Jay smiled at her, all hands-on-hips and eyebrows arched comically, and once again felt the strong sensation, which was so new bubble up inside him. It was fresh and new and something he'd never felt before, yet somehow, by some miracle or intuition he knew exactly what it was.

Jay reached into his back pocket and pulled out a rectangle shaped object wrapped in green tissue. "I got you this a while back, as a going away present…" His smile got wider. "Thankfully I never got the chance to give it to you as that…I think you should have it now."

With great interest she took the package into gentle hands and turned it over, looking for a fold in the tissue so she could open it carefully without the wrapping tearing. Grace unwrapped the object, which was smooth and flat in her fast hands, and when finally it was revealed it seemed to be the back of a photo frame. Grace looked up at him for a brief moment, question in her eyes, before turning the frame over.

 _"_ _Y'know I've not got a picture of us. Nothing to remind me. To put in my new room."_

A smiling version of herself grinned directly back at her, and so too did a grinning Jay. It was a sunny photo, _'a day at the beach'_ , was the caption scrawled on the top of the frame, two best friends hugging and laughing, smiling for the camera.

For a moment the image washed a great wave of nostalgia over the girl, a wave filled with memories…she felt slightly guilty for not thinking of the past in a while, of not thinking of her parents and family and everything that had made her what she was today. But when she looked up at Jay, who was watching her carefully, she knew not to feel bad for thinking only of her future. _Their future_. Her, Jay and Sara, a family.

"You're so sweet, you know that?" Grace grinned, lovingly placing the photo to one side so she could embrace him. "And…" She whispered. "Even though we're lovers now…you're still my best friend…"

Jay pulled back from the embrace and looked intently into her eyes, he couldn't possibly let this moment slip away from him, not when she looked so beautiful, and his heart was racing as his lips parted to speak. "Gracey I love you." He breathed gently.

She looked at him in surprise for a long minute and said nothing as she regarded him with a neutral face.

"What?" He asked in concern, as she didn't move even an inch.

Grace exhaled slowly as her lips broke into another dazzling smile, as tears welled up in her inky-blue eyes. "Say that again."

This time Jay didn't hesitate with the words, which expressed everything he was feeling. "I love you."

Grace blinked her eyes a few times as a tear escaped on her smiling face. "I love you too."


	35. A Slow Week A Heated Night

**_A slow week and a heated night_**

It had been a fairly quiet week at the cottage deep in the forest, the autumn showing it's hot side as a heat-wave racked the country and forced all from the house, and into the cool shade of the trees, the freezing stream and the soft grass. It was so unbearably hot that many of the tribe had been sleeping under the stars at night, just to be able to get away from the clamminess of the house.

In the living room however, it was a different matter, as the candles burned down to the wick and the couple ignored the heat of the night, concentrating instead on the heat they were producing as they touched and kissed so close they were one.

Their touches were soft and loving, but at the same time sparked by freshness and longing, wanting to be like this, always – wanting each other with forcefulness, fulfilling every dream, wish and desire in the darkness of the room.

The were carefully silent as their movements quickened, breathing only the smallest reassurance and sharing meaningful looks as the moment took them over completely and bathed them in pleasure.

Jay sighed delightedly, his eyes closing as Grace pulled him to her, feeling his naked damp and warm chest touching against her own, _so warm_ … Her own eyes closed in pleasure and she heard her lips cry out his name as her eager fingers pushed into the fleshy parts of his toned body pulling him closer.

She cried his name again in time with his own moans, and she gasped sharply before their lips met fiercely for the crescendo of this beautiful act. They kissed with such force that when they finally pulled apart both were breathless and Grace's lips tingled as if they had been blissfully bruised.

He pulled her close to his chest now, planting kisses on her head as she still shook slightly against him, her eyes were still closed blissfully as he pulled her closer still and whispered how much he loved her…

Outside the couple were not particularly missed, but it was noted by a few that they weren't present. Malaika smiled to herself, in happiness for her friend who had finally gotten the one thing she'd waited for for so long…Grace had been patient and it had worked, giving her everything she deserved from life – love, happiness, hope…all the things Jay would surely give her.

Mali knew that they were good for each other; she had always known that they brought the best out in each other and being together made them so happy. So happy; it almost made you want to cry to look at them. They had a bond that most people only dream about finding, something that is looked for for years by some without avail, and here they were: so young, and so in love.

Malaika knew it would only be a matter of time before Grace walked down the isle, and made everything more formal – she could tell in the way they were with each other that they wanted to be together forever. The pretty girl smiled to herself, she couldn't imagine either of them with anyone but each other – they were so happy together…She felt tears well-up in her eyes, some people _did_ get happy endings, and she couldn't have hoped for two better people to get one.

Lance was sitting at her side, quietly. They had talked for the afternoon after Grace had left the to go inside and found surprisingly that they had much in common, and had a similar humour. But something worried her about Lance…how much he looked at Grace…

"There's no point, you know that?" Mali said finally, her voice the softest whisper.

Lance murmured in reply, not really sure what she was getting at.

"Grace and Jay have loved each other for so long now…" She said without explanation. "…they're soulmates."

"I see." He raised his eyes to meet hers and smiled back. "And what about you?" His tone didn't attempt to push her into answering anything, but she, for some reason, felt obliged. "I couldn't help over hear about the…" His words trailed off as his eyes flicked to her protective hands placed gently on her tummy.

Malaika nodded sighing reluctantly. "That's not public knowledge." Was the first thing she said before continuing. "Don't think I sleep around Lance, my baby's father was a good man."

Lance bit his lip for a moment. "Was?"

For a brief second he saw hurt flash over her face, and knew he'd said something wrong, knew he shouldn't have tried to push her too far with the questioning…questioning, which was obviously causing unseen pain and heartache. "You don't have to say anything." He amended. "I'm sorry for asking – it was insensitive."

Malaika shook her head, no, but didn't say anything for a while. When she spoke up her voice was shaky. "It's just that we don't talk about him much." Her eyes glistened in the semi-darkness. "Luke. The baby's father's name was… _is_ …was Luke."

Lance nodded, taking his eyes from her, worrying that his insistent gaze was intimidating and lowered his head slightly.

Malaika watched him back away from the questions and felt relieved that she was no longer under pressure to answer his prying observations – however, now they had begun this conversation she couldn't rest until she'd answered his query. "He…wanted so much for himself, for me, for us." She smiled wistfully, her voice as cool as the night time breeze. "He went to the city with everyone, tagging along, playing at hero…I told him." She shook her head. "I told him over and over not to go, I knew something would happen. I _knew_ it."

The stillness of the night seemed to embrace them both as she shared her story, sharing the darkest moments from her present life, it was a warm evening but still they sat close on the bench, close enough to be collaborators but miles apart in experiences.

"He didn't even know I was having his baby." The whispered statement brought goose bumps to Lance's arms, and he was saddened to look up into beautiful eyes that were full of tears.

"I'm sorry." He said sincerely, moving so that he could, very gently, place a hand on her shoulder.

Ally fanned herself with her hand and closed her eyes. "Man it's so hot out here!" She complained loudly and fidgeted on the bench. "How are we supposed to sleep in this weather?"

She was lying on the wood as tiny beads of perspiration gathered on her bare stomach, tying to get as close to the floor without actually lying on the ground, because she figured that would be coolest.

"Who said anything about sleeping?" Ved winked moving her feet and sitting on the bench also.

From her seat on the steps Tammy looked up at his voice, and the obviously flirty comment aimed at Ally, she folded her arms and bit her lip, she didn't care, she _really_ didn't.

Ally giggled and returned to a sitting position, wriggling her eyebrows playfully. "Oh? And what did you have in mind?" She wondered with a smirk.

Ved smiled his wonderfully intoxicating smile and ran a hand through his blonde hair. "I dunno. But I remember you promising to show me a good time in the forest…"

Ally looked mischievously over at Tammy unaware what her friend was thinking. "Sounds good. One second." She jumped up and bounded over to where some people were sitting on the grass.

Ved turned his attention to Tammy now, those greeny-blue absorbing her completely and making her heat up about 10 degrees on the already hot night. "What about you?" His voice smiled at her and teased her slightly.

Tammy gulped. "Sure." She said without thinking or breaking the gaze.

"Hey guys!" Ally called. "Cooper says he'll come too!"

Tammy's eyes widened and she stood. "On second thoughts, I don't think I will." She said softly turning and wandering back into the cottage, leaving Ved to shake his head after her.

Scott was all-alone as usual, sitting at the back of the cottage, just him and his guitar strumming and singing to himself. His top had been taken off and thrown to one side as the heat had finally gotten to him. He was bulkier than the rest of the guys in the tribe, had strong solid shoulders and chiselled muscles on both his front and back, when his top was off you could see his large biceps and the tattoo, which circled his upper left arm.

She watched him for a moment in the dark, the heat of the night causing her to feel almost giddy as she watched the muscles in his back work as he strummed at the guitar. She'd never really taken the time to watch him before, and he was beautifully fascinating…Silver smiled, they'd started to get on a little better lately – he wasn't all-bad…she sighed and started towards him, but another figure had already made the move in the moonlight. She froze and watched as Louisa plonked herself down besides him.

Louisa hadn't observed him as much as Silver did – she already knew how muscular he was, had touched the grooves in his body, and had kissed them in the heat of a night much like this one.

Scott said nothing to her as she sat close, reaching out to run fingers over his solid chest, longing to touch his smooth skin again, feel it underneath cautious hands. He froze when they touched, stiffened and moved a fraction away so they were no longer pressed to him. "Don't." He told her seriously.

Louisa trilled laughter. "Oh come on Scott! You didn't mean what you said at the party – I know that!" She winked. "You can stop pretending…there's no one else here…"

Silver shrunk back against the shadows and continued watching, she had to know what he was going to do…

Louisa took his face in both her hands as she kneeled and put her lips firmly against his, kissing him gently as her eyes closed.

Scott took her hands and removed them from his face as he pulled back from the kiss. "No." He told her firmly. "Not again."

"What?" Louisa choked as he told her no, falling back on her heels and searching his face for a hint of laughter. "Aren't you interested in casual sex anymore?"

"No." Scott said again, standing this time and speaking even more forcefully. "I am definitely _not_ interested."

From the depths of the shadows Silver smiled – he was definitely not _all_ bad…


	36. Truth Hurts

**_Truth Hurts_**

The nights had been so quiet lately for Cooper that on the first sound of whimpering he sat bolt upright in his makeshift bed, still in the room he was sharing with Ved. He blinked in the dark and listened carefully for the sound.

After a few moments the mumbling came again and he was on his feet quietly across the hall and opening the door to Ally's room.

She hadn't had the nightmare for so long that now it had decided to return it was more vicious than ever before, her small limbs thrashed against her own personal demons and her mouth murmured protests and cries for help.

Cooper moved smoothly, fearing that jerky movements would scare her awake, and he was pretty sure that could cause heart failure…he put a hand gently to her arm and held it there for a long time, letting her get used to the warmth as still she continued to fight against herself and the covers.

His lips frowned with sadness and tears choked slightly at the back of his throat as he watched her, so small and helpless her face hot and streaked with tears. Cooper shook her gently, easing her from the terror and back into her present reality – a reality that he shared…a reality in which she was free…

"Ally!" He spoke now, urging her back, forcing her free – pulling her away from the nightmares.

Ally jolted awake with his call and jumped up, but he was there immediately and caught her in his arms. The small and shaking girl fought against him for a moment before she realised that that these arms were arms of comfort not violence and she clung to him, willing him to put those arms tighter around her.

She sobbed, in both anguish and relief as he held her – and she, finally, let herself be held as the sobs racked her frame. "Hey now…" He cooed his breath vibrating against her soft hair. "What's brought all this on huh?"

Ally heard his question but kept still as though she hadn't, she'd been thinking about Cooper and Tammy before she went to bed, wondering if there was something going on between them and it had conjured bad memories of being left all alone again with no one to care for her…She pulled back from him and looked up into those eternal eyes and for a second she wanted nothing but him, so close, for as long as she could see forward – but that meant one thing and one thing only. He had to know the truth.

Cooper's expression was filled with worry, as he looked into her eyes so big and bright yet so sad and teary. She was frail in his arms and shaking as her small hands moved to wipe the tears from her already water-filled cheeks. He was anxious at what was wrong and put a comforting hand on her shoulder as she pulled away, letting her legs dangle over the edge of the crumpled bed. "I think we need to talk." Was her opening line, a line that scared Cooper down to his core. "My story…"

Cooper's voice was soft and warm as the hand on her shoulder slid down to take her shaking hand in his. "Ally…don't feel like because of this…that you have to tell me anything."

Ally's head shook furiously so that her hair fell over her face in a brown and slightly tangled curtain. "I want you to know." She managed. "You need to know…"

Cooper nodded, but remained silent, his hand gently squeezing hers in reassurance. "Be sure you're ready." He murmured and she bowed her head.

A long drawn-out silence passed over them as they sat there, holding-hands and looking at the floor as though it was the most interesting thing in the whole world.

"Before the virus I lived with my mum and my older brother Dax." The words were being forced out – that much he could tell – but he wouldn't stop her if this were something she had to do in order to feel better about herself. Cooper nodded for her to continue, unsure if she was actually looking at him from the corner of her eyes. "And after it happened we split up. Dax was always so good at everything, my mother's pride and joy and I was just…a little girl. I lived my life in his shadow day after day after day, so once mum was gone I wouldn't take it anymore. He thought he owned me, he thought I had to do everything he said – but I wouldn't." Her tiny voice was strained. "We fought and I left, swearing never to go back to that…but I was…still am…such a naïve little girl."

Cooper opened his mouth to speak, to contradict this final comment, but she silenced him with a gaze.

"The city swallowed me whole, it damn near killed me but then I met him and I thought that finally everything would be okay." She gasped slightly as a sob caught in her throat, but chose to ignore it, carrying on with the story. "Top Hat. He was the leader of the tribe: strong and important and so, so kind to me. He would hold me, and let me cry or wait for me to scream and let me smash things, he acted like he understood me." Ally's face flushed with shame and she bit her lip. "But I couldn't afford to pay the batteries and food for my room at the casino – and he said I had to pay, it was only fair…" A tear fell onto her cheek and rolled over her face, finally dripping onto Coopers hand tangled with hers. "The first time he came to me I fought back - I fought so hard I thought I'd win, that he'd leave me alone for trying…but he was so strong and relentless. I told him to stop, I said no over and over – I screamed I promise I fought…but he just kept going…whispering how pretty I was, telling me to open my eyes so he could see how thankful I was…to see how much I was enjoying it…" Her brown eyes were loaded with tears as she looked up at Cooper, her face carrying nothing but shame and guilt about what she had told him, and as he looked back knowing she wanted him to say something to make it all seem better he couldn't find any words. Cooper blinked, fighting back his own tears, tears of sadness for his friend as she opened her heart to him, and Ally held her breath to stop the overwhelming sobs that were threatening to break her body. "I fought, I promise I did…" She squeaked out suddenly as her whole frame shook with fear and sadness, the tears now burning channels in her skin.

Cooper snapped out of the horrified trance he was in and bundled her into his arms pulling her tight and whispering softly – trying to settle her weeping as she clung to him repeating her last statement over and over.

Cooper closed his eyes as his tears began to fall on her soft brown head but still trying to be strong for her as he rocked her in his shaking arms…

"Morning." Her voice was cool and crisp, cutting easily through the still morning as she sat opposite him on the bench.

Scott looked up into her pale blue eyes and smiled showing his white teeth. "Morning." He couldn't, and didn't, hide the fact that he was happy she'd sat down to talk to him.

Silver felt her lips smiling back at him as she lost herself in those trademark eyes. He was playing his guitar as always but stopped and placed it lovingly on the table as she asked him how he was.

He looked surprised as she enquired about himself. "I'm good." He nodded truthfully. "And yourself?"

Silver couldn't believe how civil they were being with each other and felt her grin get wider. "I'm great." She admitted, liking talking to him without arguing.

Because this was new and fresh neither knew exactly how they were supposed to act, being snappy with each other had become a ritual, habit, and it was hard to get used to being nice. Silver looked down at her hands, hands in which she twirled the silver rose-ring distractedly. Scott put his hand out and caught her fingers gently – bringing the ring closer so he could observe it. "That's nice." He smiled truthfully as their eyes met again. "It suits you." Silver felt herself blushing, as he made no attempt to release her fingers from his soft grasp.

"Thank-you." She whispered not daring to look away from him.

"So what are your plans for today?" His tone was lighter now as he let her fingers drop.

Silver shrugged. "I don't have any." She admitted.

Scott nodded, satisfied. "Good. Me either. Which means we can talk – and you can tell me all about whoever gave you that ring." He winked and she felt herself go weak.

"I don't know that answer to that question." Her eyes quizzed him, silently asking him the answer, asking if he knew who had given it to her.

Scott laughed and picked up his guitar again, beginning to strum the song he'd written and played at the party. "A secret admirer? How intriguing…"

Malaika sighed and placed a hand out to the wall to steady herself. She'd been sick a dozen or so times already this morning, and now she was beginning to feel faint. Her beautiful eyes closed for a moment to stop the room spinning and she took deep breaths.

"Mali? Are you okay?" Beth put her hands on her friend's waist and held her up as her knees gave way slightly.

The concern in Beth's eyes was evident as Mali's own fluttered open and she smiled. "I'm fine…just a little weak that's all…this baby's gonna be a handful – I can tell." She laughed momentarily and shrugged. "What about you? Okay?"

Beth nodded, a lie clouding her eyes for a moment. "Fine." She put a hand to Mali's face. "You look pale, and feel very warm." She warned. "Have you been eating?"

Malaika laughed and moved to leave the house so that she could get some fresh air. "Yes I have been eating Beth – the only problem is that this little one doesn't seem to agree with my choice of food." When Beth looked at her blankly Mali explained. "Every time I eat something I end up throwing it back up. I just can't keep it down."

Malaika's hand rested on her tummy as Beth put a helpful arm around her to bring her outside. "Well mom you've gotta try." Beth smiled, an old smile, one that Mali hadn't seen in a long while. "You've gotta keep your strength up for this little 'un."

Mali looked over to Beth, who seemed more natural than before and smiled gratefully for the helping arm. "Thank-you."


	37. Misplaced Trust?

_Chapter 38 – Misplaced Trust?_

Lance looked up as he heard Malaika's silvery laugh, and raised his eyebrows when he saw Beth helping the girl down the steps. "I'm not an invalid Beth!" She giggled, her smile lighting up her whole face. "I can walk down some pesky steps by myself!"

Beth shook her head sternly and refused to loosen her grip. "I don't want you hurting yourself or the baby." She hissed. "I can see how weak you are…"

Lance got to his feet and joined the pair as Mali finally stepped onto the warm grass. "Are you alright?" He asked, a look of concern crossing his face, as Malaika did nothing but smile.

"I'm not ill." She laughed again, a slight sparkle evident in those dark eyes. "Will you two stop fussing?" She pushed Beth's hands away from her waist and shook her head. "I'm gonna go talk to some sane people now." She joked, walking to sit with Ally and Cooper.

Cooper looked up and shifted slightly away from the young girl. "Hey sis'. What's wrong?" His eyes darted to Lance and Beth who had followed her over and sat either side of her.

Malaika reassured her brother. "Nothing – its just that these two geeks don't seem to want to believe that…" She shot them both a look, warning them that they were two of the few that knew about the baby. "What about you both?" She shot a knowing glance in Coopers direction and then over to Ally. The usually smiling girl had her head bowed slightly and lips pressed into a thin line. "Ally?"

Ally looked up at the older girl, and felt herself warm slightly at her smile, Ally's eyes were slightly red from crying but she forced a smile back. "I'm okay – pretty good actually."

"Good." Malaika said and meant it, glancing up at a familiar figure moved to enter the house. "Scott!" She called standing quickly. The head-rush was almost too much for her and the frail girl reeled and doubled over the bench with a sharp intake of breath.

Lance's hands immediately went to her sides as he steadied her. "Are you sure you're okay?" He whispered in her ear.

"Yes." She nodded opening her closed eyes and breathing slowly but when she glanced over at Cooper she knew he didn't believe her either. Scott was quick to his sister's side, helping her from the bench as she told him she needed to talk to him. "You too Cooper." She added with a small smile.

Ally watched in bewilderment as the two brothers helped the girl over to a far away seat and made sure she was sitting comfortably. Ally felt a twinge of longing, for her own brother to be with her now – helping her through the bad times, fussing over her…

"What's up Mali?" Scott spoke almost immediately kneeling in front of her and looking up into her eyes as Cooper took one of her hands protectively. "What's happened?"

Malaika looked from brother to brother and suppressed a giggle at their overwhelming concern, shaking her head so that her long ponytail swished. "Nothing 'happened', I just think you'd better brace yourself for this…" She looked at them both, now was the time to tell them now was the right time. They needed to know – she wanted them too…they were going to be uncles, that was a pretty big responsibility, and her little one would need all the aunts and uncles it could get. "I'm pregnant." She blurted without hesitation.

"What?" Cooper choked out. "How did that happen?"

Malaika laughed as Scott sat back on his heels. "How do you think it happened little brother huh?" Her eyes danced mischievously. "Well firstly mummy and daddy have a 'special cuddle…'" She began with a wink to their older brother.

"You're silly!" Cooper shot back with a light punch on her arm, he was grinning from ear to ear. "Congrats Mals." He said giving his big sister a huge hug. "I'm gonna be an uncle!"

Scott watched the two, so obviously oblivious to the complications and repercussions this had for them all. He eyed his younger brother and sister with concern about their overwhelming happiness as they hugged and chatted quickly about this revelation. Scott sighed, Malaika looked so happy that he couldn't imagine beginning to have the conversation with her that he should. Asking her if she'd really thought this through, how was she planning to safely have a baby in a world like this – a world without adults or hospitals or doctors…or even medicine? He was worried that they were both ignoring the obvious – she would be a single mother…she would have to bring this baby up without a partner – and guys didn't usually find that attractive…god this was his sister he was thinking about, but still it was a valid point.

"Scott?" Malaika had turned those soft eyes on him now, asking him…begging him for approval.

"I don't think it's a good idea." Was the first thing he said without moving from the ground.

"Well it's a bit late for that…" Mali spoke slowly her eyes clouding slightly as she asked her brother not to judge, pleaded that he helped her and looked after her – how could he refuse that?

Scott smiled and leant forward to catch his little sister in a brotherly embrace. "Congratulations Mali." He whispered not letting her from the hug. "I'll be here for you both…whenever you need me – you know that…"

The girl bit her lip as she knocked softly on the door to the living room. She blinked rapidly and fluffed her hair up the tiniest bit, pulling her top a little lower to reveal the top of her cleavage – something she had over on Grace who kept herself respectfully covered.

"Come in!" Jay looked up quizzically as the door was knocked on and then opened, he half expected to see Grace standing in the doorway – playing one of her teases on him – but when the door opened he was surprised at who stood there. "Louisa?" He asked putting down the schedule he was working on.

"Jay…" Her voice was soft and breathy and her eyes were lowered making his gaze automatically follow them down to where her breasts were slightly showing. He blinked and looked away, cursing himself. "Can I talk to you?"

The tribe-leader nodded and cleared a space for her on the sofa he was sat on. "Sure…what can I do for you?" He wondered at she perched on the edge.

Louisa took a deep and shaky breath. "I didn't know who else to come too…" Her tiny voice shook as she struggled out the words. "…and you're such a great leader…" Louisa's hand gently found its way to his leg – a little too close to his groin for Jay's liking and he shifted uncomfortably. "I knew you'd help me." Her fingers gently began to trace tiny invisible circles on his thigh.

Jay took her hand firmly and placed it back onto her own lap. "Listen Lou – I'll help anyway I can if you've got a problem but I don't think you should do that again."

"And why not?" She quizzed snappily.

"Because I've got a girlfriend…" Jay spoke slowly as he folded his arms. "…who I love, and it's not appropriate for you to touch me like that." He was as straight talking as ever, whilst still trying to remain friendly and open if she really did need him.

"Oh Jay…" Louisa gushed as a tear slipped down her face. "You're so nice and kind and I…" Sobs appeared to shake her body as she buried her face in her hands.

Jay's dark eyes opened wide as the girl began to cry her eyes out – adding a few choking sighs and burying her face deeper in shaking hands. "Hey…" Jay whispered. "What is it? What's wrong…" He put an awkward hand on her shoulder and inched slightly closer. "Come on now…"

Louisa said nothing for a moment before whispering. "I'm sorry…I know you're busy and have better things to do than comfort me when I'm being stupid like this…"

"Being sad is not stupid." He cut in causing her to look up with slightly tear eyes.

"Jay…" She breathed falling forward against his warm chest and clinging to him, sobbing as if her life depended on it.

"Scott – hey! Where you going?" Silver saw him heading for the back of the house and ran slightly to catch him up. She put a hand on his arm and he looked intently at it for a moment before shrugging her off.

"I'm going for a walk. I need to be alone for a bit to think." His reply was a lot harsher than he had intended and he felt instantly sorry when he saw a flash of hurt in her pale eyes.

"What happened? I thought we were gonna talk?" She pushed slightly as she followed him away from the house and closer to where the stream was situated.

Scott spun around and nearly crashed into the girl with the long braids. "There's nothing to talk about is there? Really?" He just didn't know what to do or say to her now…what could he say when all he wanted to do when she looked at him was…

"What have I done huh?" Silver bit back at him. "I thought we were being nice, getting on…I'm really sorry for whatever it was. I'm going now so you can have your precious space." She turned on her heel feeling her cheeks flaming with confusion.

Scott watched her retreat a few steps before he called out to her. "Silver – wait!"

He slowly joined her shaking his head and putting a casual hand through his dark hair. "I'm sorry okay? But I just don't know what to say to you sometimes…"

"So being horrid is better than saying nothing?" She snapped.

He held up his hands in defence. "Guilty as charged, but you're not a total innocent are you?" He winked now shrugging his broad shoulders. "Listen Silver about all this admirer stuff…I don't quite know what you want me to say…?"

She laughed and pushed her hair from her face. "I don't particularly want you to say anything…you were the one who brought it up remember?" She wiggled her eyebrows comically and he laughed.

"It's me."

"Huh?" Silver breathed in shock, feeling as though she'd been kicked in the stomach.

Scott looked at her, searching deep in her eyes for her feelings about this and somehow not believing he'd just ruined everything by blurting out the truth. "I mean I…" He dropped his hands to his sides and shrugged. "It's me. The flowers, the ring, the song I wrote for the party…I got them all for you."

Silver just stared, a part of her didn't believe this for a moment and eyed him suspiciously, but another part – a part she wanted so badly to give in too – knew that it had been him all along. Of course… They young girl shifted uncomfortably as she looked up at him, almost three years her elder and looking so damn gorgeous as the sun pouring itself on his toned arms that she wanted to faint. This made things strange, changed the dynamics of their relationship…or the perfect triarchy leadership…

He shifted too but continued to search for a sign that she felt something for him too…he didn't expect to find anything, after all he had hidden the way he felt about he better than he'd ever hidden anything before…

"Silver…" He began again, not sure what he was going to say. "You don't have to say anything or…I know this changes things about us, but it doesn't have to make things weird okay? I think you're…" He felt the smallest blush and began talking faster. "I think you're sweet and pretty and I like you…I know maybe some of the things I've done tell you otherwise but…"

"Scott?" She broke in going with her impetuous nature.

"Yeah?"

Her eyes flashed as a smile fell onto her blood-red lips. "Shut up and kiss me."

Louisa was still sobbing hard into his chest, brushing herself against him and whispering his name over and over as Jay tried with no avail to calm her without getting too close. "Hey now…what is it?" He tried to get her to listen to him, but she didn't, she just kept on burying her face against his chest whilst listening for something from outside.

Jay put his hands on her arms and gently lifted her away from him making her look into his eyes. "Come on now." He was firm as they looked at each other. "What is it?"

Her eyes lowered as she bit her lip, waiting. Waiting for just the right time too… Louisa fell forward slightly as she heard the handle of the door turn, causing her lips to touch Jays and his arms to fall around her.

Jay's eyes widened in surprise and he pushed her from him as she began to fight against his grip. "Stop!" She screeched as the door opened fully. "Jay – I told you – I don't want…you've got a girlfriend for god sake!" Louisa jumped to her feet and spun round, her eyes crashing with the person stood in the doorway. "Grace?" She whispered.

Grace bit her lip and threw her eyes over to Jay who shook his head and looked as though he was about to cry. He opened his mouth to speak but she silenced him by putting up a hand. "Get out." She shot as Louisa.

"I told him to stop…" She began – stopping when she saw Grace's scowl.

"Get out." Grace spat again. Louisa left hurriedly and the door was closed behind her.

Jay rose from the sofa shaking his head. "This isn't what she said…I didn't…I wouldn't…" He struggled for words, his eyes wide and open.

Honest.

Grace smiled softly and reached out for his hand. "As if I would believe her over you…" She whispered. "She isn't that good an actress." Jay tangled his fingers with hers and sighed happily, relieved. "I trust you Jay." Grace spoke again, he voice perfectly still. "My trust just better not be misplaced."

Tammy sat on the step, basking in the shadows gently patting Kugers soft head as she stretched and watched the people sat out on the grass. She remembered when it was just she and her dog, sitting alone, watching nothing but space and she smiled, glad she had decided to let everyone stay. Finally after so many years she felt like she had some sort of family again, and that made her happy.

Her eyes fell on Ved. Well, the back of him as he spoke with Cooper and she sighed. The more she tried to ignore the niggling feelings at the back of her mind about the bleached-blonde brother she couldn't fight her sweaty palms of nervousness at the thought of him, or the fact that just looking at him made the tiny hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

She tried to fight her blushes as she realised what he was doing to her and shook her head in order to push the thoughts to the back of her mind. It was no use, sooner or later she was going have to give in to the fact that…

The air beside her moved and Kuger growled lowly as a figure moved passed and crossed to the back of the area, near the trees, where Louisa was sitting by herself. Tammy squinted so that she could see what was happening.

Louisa looked up in surprise as Grace stopped before her. "Gracey…" She began rising to her feet.

"Sit down." Grace commanded holding her composure even though the girl was trying to soften her by using her nickname.

Louisa obeyed and looked at the pretty girl guiltily. "I told him to stop…" She offered in a tiny voice.

"Don't give me that." Grace hissed putting her face near Louisa's. "I don't want to hear it." Her eyes flashed angrily. "You might not like me, but leave Jay out of it. I'm warning you Louisa…" Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. "…if you ever try something like that again – I'll scratch your f*cking eyes out."

"But…I-…" She stammered.

"Shut up!" Grace spat - surprised that she had used such a foul word - before turning and stalking away.

Louisa watched her go as her stomach turned, she felt sick. Tears sprung to her eyes as she thought about what she had done, how much of a b*tch she had been…but there was something that wouldn't let her stop chasing after guys…wouldn't stop her wanting all this attention. She'd thought if only she could get Jay to like her, to kiss her, it would make everything better…

Louisa lowered her eyes and hot tears spilled onto her cheeks.

And this time the tears were real…


	38. Time Passes

**_Time Passes_**

 _Its funny how things change._

 _Before the virus happened I was a slave to my watch and to the time. I used to lose count of the number of times I would check my bedside or wall clock in a day always wanting to be early – always chasing the minutes. But now time is dead, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm finding myself living by nature - sleeping when its dark and waking when its light with no idea at all of adult-timing._

 _The seasons have changed too…well not changed exactly, but merged. I wear my jumper when I'm cold and when its hot we go swimming or such-like. I've even begun to forget what things used to be like in the before times. The times when I was a child, in the younger half of the population – not one of the oldest…I still remember my family, and what it felt like having as much food as you wanted, whenever you wanted…what it was like to spend all of a rainy Sunday in the bathtub covered in bubbles…or curled up in the warmth of my family-room, next to my dad, with Sara on my lap, reading a book…_

 _I remember Sunday mornings, pancake-day for my family. How mum and Sara would make them as I rose from a comfortable slumber in my soft bed, I'd go down stairs and dad would be reading the paper. I used to have lashings of lemon and sugar on mine, making them so sweet my teeth would hurt. I remember going to the seaside as a family, taking Sara to the zoo, watching her little face light up with happiness as we played, carefree under the watchful eyes of our parents. I remember those times and I long for them, my heart aches for that kind of mindless indulgence, for those times when everyday was easy, when every minute wasn't a struggle…_

 _In a way I guess you could say time has disappeared. The weeks melt together, days drift into days and I couldn't tell anyone how long we've been here in the forest, it feels like a lifetime. Malaika is our only true timer now, she and her unborn child. She's starting to show now, and I think the morning sickness has settled down. At a guess I'd say she's about five months gone…maybe…it's hard to tell because she's so thin. I try to give her some of my food, when I can – she needs more than me, but stocks are running low even with our own constant supply of veg and a carefully planned rationing system._

 _No one's been back to the city. They visit local villages to get what we need, but even that stuffs running out…sooner or later we'll have to return there…_

 _I can't believe I've forgotten about my diary for so long! At one time this used to be my only escape route, my only way to make sense of everything…but my life seems to moving along so quickly, I can't find the time to sit down and write anymore._

 _Jay…sometimes I feel so stupid, but every time I think about him or even take the time to write his name I find myself going all gooey. I find my lips turning themselves into an automatic smile, a smile which never seems to wipe itself away – I'm doing it now just writing this, and I can feel the familiar flutter of butterflies swarming up inside my tummy. I never imagined loving someone would be like this…I don't know what I expected, but it was nothing like this. I've never felt so happy, or needed, or safe or…_

 _He's sleeping now, just a little way-away, I can hear his soft whispers of breath as I write but I must fight the urge to look at him. Looking at him would make me lose all sense of reality and catching up on this diary…if I could see him, curled up…or lying on his front – that's the usual…the muscles of his back exposed and moving as his back rises and falls with his respiration, his blonde hair…which is freshly bleached but in need of a cut, tousled and lying on the soft nape of his neck…if I could see that for real, rather than just in my mind, I would abandon this writing in order to touch him softly, to kiss his arms just to make sure he was still real…to make sure I hadn't been dreaming these blissful months of togetherness._

 _We talk about the future a lot now, Jay and I, about how we can make things better in this world of chaos. He has this crazy idea of starting a school, but I have to admit I find his craziness endearing…he was so enthusiastic about it that I suggested we made a schooling-system for Sara, and now, every morning we take it in turns to teach her all the things we know: Maths, Science, English, History…and now we've even started with general living. Teaching her how to tell the difference between poisonous berries and edible ones, things like that. We try to make it fun, practising for the future of our own personal curriculum! We've promised each other that by two winters time we will have found a building to teach in…_

 _My dream is a little different and fuelled by something close to my own heart. I want to get some hospitals up and running…somewhere clean and safe for Malaika and her baby –and if not her then the others like her. Somewhere Sara could be treated if she ever got sick again…Jay agrees wholeheartedly and this is the next thing we want to do together._

 _All these dreams seem so grand, but really they should be small necessities, small needs for such a big world…_

 _I worry about Mali and I know Scott does too, I can see it when he watches her and never lets her struggle with anything. We both want to make this pregnancy as simple as possible…but how can we when she'll have no where to have it…no medicine or anything…Jay says that it's natural to give birth, and that things should be okay as long as we make sure the birthing room is clean and sterilised._

 _I'm glad that Malaika has Cooper and Scott to look after her and Beth too…the old sweet Beth, the girl who really does care about her friends…and Lance. Lance has been so good to Mali and she deserves it, she really does deserve some sort of happiness._

 _Sara seems to be growing up a little bit quicker these days…she still plays with her doll and remains the innocent she always was, but sometimes when I look into her eyes I see a remarkable wise-ness, something that was never really there before…I hope I'm not making her lose her childhood, I hope I'm not forcing her into her adult-life far too soon…I don't want her to lose what is rightfully hers, I don't want her growing old before her time…no kid should have to do that – but some have no choice…in this relationship I get the choice, and I won't allow it to be taken away from her – not for anything in the world._

 _The mood in the house at the moment is pretty peaceful I guess. There's no love lost between Louisa and I…but no damage was done with that little incident, and in a way I feel kinda sorry for the girl, having to throw herself at guys to feel like a better person…other than her, I'm getting on great with everyone…at least with everything going so smoothly it gives me pleanty of time to think about stuff…stuff like my future and what I want._

 _I've realised over the past few months that I do want to get married, and I do want children and I do want the happy-ever-after-ending. This may not be the ideal world for a little baby, or the world I would wish for my child but it's not so bad. We all take care of each other, we all work together, we're a family and what more could a little child want but a dozen or more loving aunts uncles and cousins? But for now I've put my wants and hope and wishes on pause…_

Grace paused in her writing as Jay murmured and rubbed his eyes sleepily. "What are you doing?" He whispered with a smile.

"Diary." She said simply. "I'm nearly finished…"

Jay moved to the end of their bed, which was still the pull-out sofa bed, and gently ran his fingers through her freshly washed and brushed hair. "Busy-head huh?" He murmured knowingly putting his lips and nose to her shoulder; nuzzling them against her soft, warm flesh.

Grace let her right hand trail over his warm, hard chest as he planted tiny, sleepy kisses over every piece of bare flesh he could find.

 _I used to wish for lots of things for myself. A career, a family, pretty-house – new shoes! – Happiness…but now I've tasted love everything else seems incidental. Love is something that is taken for granted until it has to be fought for and when I look at Jay I know that if I had a million lives to live I'd fight through them all just to feel the warmth his loving gaze. I may not always be happy or healthy or have all the things I want, but I can honestly say that I've been lucky. I'm loving and being loved and I couldn't wish for anything more._

Closing the book and placing the pen loving on top, Grace turned her attention to Jay, putting a gentle finger to his lips and bringing her nose down to brush against his. "I love you Jay Ripley…" She purred looking deeply into his eyes.

"Well that's good Gracey Owen…" Her murmured back huskily as he brought his lips to meet hers with a hazy lightness. "Because I love you too…"


	39. Till Death Do We Part?

**_Till Death Do We Part?_**

In the main area at the front of the house, it was busy with people laughing and talking all huddled around a fire, snuggled under blankets. It was early Spring/late Winter and the morning was fresh and clean, leaving dew on the grass, which crunched slightly underfoot as Silver pulled Scott to her. He gasped in surprise as he rounded the corner and was grabbed by the collar of his jumper and pressed against her body so warm on the frosty morning.

"Sssssh!" She giggled not saying another thing as she put a finger to her soft lips and checked automatically for people. When she was satisfied they were alone she lifted her heels to place her moist red lips against his own.

With a sigh, they fell together without hesitation. They were familiar with each other now after these few months had gone and his fingers instinctively moved to the crook of her back and began to massage it gently whilst she put a casual palm to the hardness of his chest. The days of first kisses had passed, the times when she itched all day to touch him, longed for him every second of every minute…but her knees still weakened when his eager tongue found hers and they pushed together, clinging to each other for dear life.

Their time as friends had been passionate and fiery and their time as secret lovers was just as hot as they stole kisses, and sneaked around, making everything just that tiny bit more exciting. The fascination of knowing something others didn't, of sharing secret looks or language, of knowing that sooner or later someone would stumble over them…

They pulled apart flushed and breathless, both gulping for much needed oxygen, Silver tracing a finger over his still tingling lips as she looked up into his treacle-coloured eyes. Scott smiled before reaching to place the tiniest, gentlest brush of his lips on her cool forehead.

Silver felt herself shiver at this soft touch, feeling goose bumps break out all over her arms and the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. The passionate kisses never did that to her, kisses were just kisses…a nice act, something fun and exciting…but those soft brushes meant so much more. They meant he didn't just want her for fun, for his urges. The tenderness of his lips, eyes, hands, told her this often enough even if his mouth failed to speak it. Looking up into his eyes she knew he cared for her, and because of this she cared for him too.

They moved closer slowly this time, realising this, and placed themselves together with gentle precision, taking their time, exploring more…enjoying the togetherness rather than the excitement…

"…c'mon Gracceeeey!" The young childs voice wrenched them apart and made them both duck around the corner as Sara came bounding around the other side of the house.

"Slow down missy!" Grace's voice rang after her sisters and her footsteps were light. "I'll meet you at the vegetable patch!"

Silver giggled into Scott's chest as she breathed in relief at not being caught once again. "Come one you! We've got another roster to write for all the chores…" She turned and made her way to leave but Scott grabbed her arm.

"Silver…I think we've waited long enough to tell everyone don't you?" He wondered. "I want to make us official…"

Silver looked at him with worried eyes and shook her head. "Why Scott? It'll just make things more complicated…can't we just have fun and leave it at that?"

"I care about you Silver and I want to tell everyone you're mine…" He grinned widely and she couldn't help but smile back.

"I'm not anybodies." Silver corrected him firmly half-jokingly. "But…I care about you too." He whole face smiled as she spoke the truth. "Soon Scott, I promise. We'll tell them soon." Her face clouded with unseen worry and apprehension as she turned away from him and made her way to the house.

"Oooh, it's cold!" Mali gushed flexing her palms towards the fire and rubbing them together to generate some warmth.

Lance caught her blanket as it slipped from her shoulders and wrapped it tightly around her again, keeping his arm around her for a moment until she held the blanket herself. "It's not that bad." He smiled although he was a little wary about her being out in the cold so much what with the baby and everything…the smallest common cold could cause complications and he dreaded that more than anything.

In the past few months he had gotten to know Malaika and he could see exactly why people liked her so much, she was wise and optimistic despite what had happened to her in the past, and she was wonderful with Sara. No one was in doubt that she would be a wonderful mother, least of all him. He looked at her, pale cheeks flushed with cold and dark-straight hair loose but tucked behind her ears and smiled, he would never do anything to jeopardise their friendship, but sometimes she was so beautiful that it made his knees weaken.

Mali put her left hand to her swollen and rounded tummy and felt an instant smile form on her lips, even though the baby hadn't started kicking yet she could still feel it, living inside her, creating itself…becoming its own person rather than just a part of her and that made her so unbelievably happy. Over the few months of winter she had gotten used to the baby, fell in love with it in a way only a mother can love her child and she was eagerly anticipating its arrival. She felt Lance watching her and looked up with a smile, removing the hand from her tummy and reaching to put it on his leg.

He had been so wonderful to her, so…there…for her whenever she had needed someone. He looked after her more than he had to, more than anyone did and although it was nice it also made her feel sorta strange… She had thought that when Luke had…gone…that she would never feel safe or cared for again…but here she was, actually happy and getting on with her life… Lance made her feel safe and comfy and warm on the inside when he did sweet things like put a blanket around her. He was a good friend, and she wasn't going to lose him.

"Lance, I've never thanked you…" She said coolly looking back into the fire.

"For what?" He was both surprised and intrigued.

Mali looked back too him, deep into his eyes before putting her head on his shoulder briefly as a gesture. "For being such a great friend."

"..and I wen…es' aid…I'm jay's bestest girl…" Sara chatted to her sister as she washed the winter vegetables for Grace to chop them.

"Oh?" Grace smiled always keeping one eye on both the knife as she chopped and Sara as she chatted. "Well what about me? Am I Jay's bestest girl too?"

Sara shook her head and carried on chatting away in her gibberish whilst Grace sliced the veg, into small pieces for a stew she was making. Gradually she took her eyes from Sara, content that she was doing fine with her task and would be perfectly safe washing, but Grace didn't turn her full attention back to chopping either. Her mind was somewhere else as the blade came dangerously near to her hand, and she hummed distractedly to herself.

"Gracey…" His voice shocked her and for a moment the knife slipped making her feel the icy-pinch of metal on her skin.

Grace yelped instinctively and dropped the knife quick to examine her skin, as was Jay who reached for her hand. "Are you cut?" He asked pressing her flesh, but Gracey nodded in relief.

"Nope – I was just shocked that's all!" She laughed, relived to see that the blade hadn't even scratched her soft skin. "You scared me…"

Jay was intriguing as he smiled and put his lips to her hand. "Well I come bringing an invitation…" He grinned. "Meet me outside the house at just after nightfall, wear something pretty - what you wore to the party…" He added cryptically, kneeling to talk to Sara, leaving Grace to shake her head in bewilderment and return to her vegetables.

The night was cool, and Grace wrapped her arms around herself as she stood on the steps, hoping to be shielded slightly by the cover of the tiny cottage. No one sat in the picnic area tonight; all had taken their food and retreated in doors for games and chatter. Jay had been noticed missing by a few but no one had mentioned it to Grace who had now slipped away to where she promised she would meet him.

It was quite dark so she took her time, enjoying the twinkle of the faint stars that glittered the sky above, a sight, which was so rare before, but now was a regular occurrence. The regularity of this natural beauty however didn't make the young girl appreciate them any less, in fact it made the sight more endearing…these days she realised you had to notice and value every small thing, for things were taken away from you so suddenly sometimes…

A flicker of light caught the corner of her eye and Grace looked up from her thoughts, looked up to see Jay approaching, a very pleased smile on his face as he walked to meet her and took a hand gentle in his own without a word. He led her through the forest using the flickering lantern and she let herself be led, gave herself over to the happiness she felt whenever he was close. She stopped him for a moment with a gentle sigh of protest and reached her lips to his briefly for a quick but sweet kiss, before they continued along the trail.

Grace knew where they were going, she realised, she knew the way perhaps better than Jay himself, for she was certain he was leading her to her little spot by the river, the place she loved and came by whenever she could. She knew the feel of the ground underneath her feet, knew which areas to avoid and which to search for, feeling anticipation brewing as she asked Jay what all this was about only to have him shush her gently with a finger to her lips.

Through the trees and undergrowth the area they were heading too seemed to twinkle like a beacon, beckoning them towards it, towards the unstoppable events which were destined to play out in the tiny clearing next to the babbling brook.

A gasp escaped her lips as Grace's inky eyes settled upon the sight before her, a blanket – well two, one to sit on and one to wrap around them if they got cold – and a million candles all different sizes twinkling their knowing little eyes. Grace opened her mouth to ask him where he had gotten the champagne that was sitting there in a bucket filled with icy water but he stopped her by taking both hands gently into his and leading her towards the area, somewhere made even more special by the fact they were together: their special place…

Pulling her into his arms he held her close for long moments, just drinking her in, her touch, the way she felt pressed up to him, and how he knew now more than ever that he never wanted it to end – he tilted her chin up so her could kiss her gently, with overwhelming passion as he realised he had made the right choice tonight, he really did want to be with her forever.

Jay pulled back from her, leading her to the blanket, where he had scattered rose petals and she found herself feeling all tingly with anticipation and pure love from the blonde tribe leader.

The couple talked to each other softly as they held hands and drank champagne, oblivious to the cold, forgetting everything but their lover as lost themselves in the beauty of the night, the beauty of their relationship which although was more settled than before, had never been more passionate or loving. They laughed carelessly and wondered about the future, about their schools, their better life for all of the helpless children…they discussed more than that though, they discussed them. And as Grace quickly confessed she wanted children, her eyes gleaming for her glowing future, a future filled with wonder and promise, Jay found himself falling in love with her all over again.

"I've got a surprise for you…" Jay whispered into her hair as his arm curled around her waist, finally letting her into the big secret, the moment he had been thinking about, had been planning for weeks now, a smile on his lips as he confessed.

"Another?" She wondered turning so their lips met sweetly, once again, wondering what more he could possibly give her than all this happiness, all of this love…Her thoughts were cut short as he pulled her to her feet and demanded she closed her eyes which she obeyed without hesitation.

Grace listened to what he was doing, trying to discover what brilliant thing he had waiting for her, feeling butterflies swell in her stomach just thinking about all the gloriously wonderful things he'd already given her. He'd given her something to look forward to in this dim world – a bright future, a future she was going to grasp and hold onto with both hands no matter what…

"Open…" The voice registered in her mind and her eyelashes fluttered, her gaze falling to her feet.

Jay, in his smart clothes was down on one knee, knelt looking up at her intently, an intent gaze which glued her to the spot as she smiled a question on her lips as he took her left hand in his. "Gracey…" His voice was warm and thick and made her shiver. "I know this is going to sound foolish, corny even – but…I want to be with you forever…" Her eyes stung a little with the sincere-ness of his words, forcing her to gulp back the lump that was slowly rising in her throat, with the pounding of blood in her ears and the swarming of butterflies. "I want us to get blessed." He admitted finally.

"Married?" Grace spat out but Jay shook his head.

"That's the old way, the adults way. Let's just call it a blessing, just like you." He added with a cheeky grin.

Grace's cheeks flamed and it took all of her willpower to stop her screaming 'yes' at the top of her lungs. Instead she nodded calmly, flashing him the most awe-inspiring smile he had ever seen. "Yes." She mouthed gently as Jay grinned and produced a single red rose from behind his back. "Yes…" Grace said again her eyes teary as she took the rose a little too hastily from his offering fingers. "Ouch!" She yelped pulling her left hand back from the rose and shaking her finger in pain, he got to his feet, realising that she must've cut her finger on one of the thorns (even though he'd removed the most of them) and watched her with concern as she sucked on her finger a pained expression on her face.

"Are you okay?" He wondered his concern showing as he placed a hand on each of her shoulders.

Grace looked up at him, pulling the finger from her mouth as the throbbing subsided a little and smiled showing a set of perfectly white teeth. "I've never been happier Jay…" She whispered truthfully as the butterflies returned at the thought of what he'd just asked her to do. "Ever." She added for sincerity. "I love you and I will forever."

Jay put his arms around her and pressed her close to him, putting his lips in her hair and holding her as though he was never going to let go. He had never been happier than he was with her in his arms, and it made his heart even lighter to know she was willing to stay there forever.


	40. Hearty Kicks

**_Hearty Kicks_**

The news of the joining of Jay and Grace had travelled around the tribe with excitement and happiness. All knew that the blessing of Jay, their one and true leader, and Grace the strong, caring stable force behind him could do nothing but strengthen them all, and bring them all closer together. No one was happier for Jay but his brother, even if he didn't understand what all the fuss was about – and he took the news of being best man in his stride, with a casual shrug and running of fingers through bleached hair. And no one was happier for Grace than Malaika who was told she would be her chief bridesmaid, with Sara being the flower girl. Mali greeted this with shrieks and declaring she had something she was making that she could wear.

Things were hectic as the couple wanted to do everything as soon as possible, momentarily forgetting all the time they had promised each other, forgetting the forever they had to get married, only wanting to make everyone aware of their true love – wanting each other to know that they were deadly serious about their relationship and how nothing would spoil it.

It was decided, almost instantly, that a group would have to make a trip to the city in order to get everything they needed and this seemed to momentarily put a dark cloud over the happy events, as all still remembered vividly what had happened last time, the dear friend they had lost to the evils of the city, and one of the group had lost so much more to their last excursion.

Malaika's eyes glazed over as everyone talked about taking the trip, as eyes washed over her wondering how she was taking this news. She shook her head, she forced smiles, she assured everyone she was fine about it, told them all she'd be okay…Lance, the only member of the tribe who new nothing of Malaika's loss to the dirty city watched on with worry and sadness at the personal grief she was trying so hard to hide.

But they would go to the city, for there was no other place to get the food they needed for the occasion, to get the things Jay wanted to get for his beautiful bride…a suit for him, a dress for her, rings…all the things she should have on the day that every girl, whether they admit it or not, waits for for her whole life.

Jay kept his promise he made long ago - of never letting Grace into the city for fear of her life, even when she insisted he wasn't to get her a dress for it was bad luck if the groom saw the dress before the wedding... Jay just laughed off this superstition, but told her that Silver could pick up a dress to which Grace had pushed a rough sketch of what she wanted into the girls hands.

Everything was so frantic and hectic that no one had any time to think before they were all setting off: Jay and Ved, Tammy and Kuger, Scott and Silver…Tammy and Ved stood close talking and laughing easily as the rest said their goodbyes. They'd both put events of the past down to drink, and had decided to remain friends – figuring that there was no reason they shouldn't be, they had quite a bit in common and made each other laugh with their strange sense of humour.

Jay and Grace stood in the centre of the picnic area, in a way they had done last time, and Grace had just finished re-marking Jay's black lines under his eye.

 _"_ _You be careful." She felt her insides knot in worry. "Promise me?"_

 _Jay smiled and pulled her to him for a cuddle. "Promise…" He whispered, his soft breath teasing her ear, huskily. "We'll talk when I get back…" He added with meaning before releasing her and dropping to his knees to hug Sara. "Now missy…you'll look after your big sister for me won't you?"_

Sara's arms were wrapped around both Jay and Grace's legs as they whispered goodbyes and reassurances, sharing a brief and gentle kiss. "Be careful. Promise me?"

Jay smiled, telling her immediately that nothing could keep him away from her, nothing in the whole world was powerful enough to keep them apart. "Promise…" He then turned attention to Sara, by patting her on the head.

"I know." She smiled before Jay had the chance to say anything. "Me big girl. Me look af-er Graaacy." She grinned proudly as she remembered the last time this had happened.

Grace smiled to herself and to Jay as she took Sara's tiny hand in her own. "You'll do a great job Sara…and then when Jay comes back he can look after us both again."

Jay beamed as he turned away and joined the group who were leaving, he knew he'd be back no matter what, they both did.

"Hey there…" Louisa sat down next to Cooper and smiled widely. She had been quiet and separate from the group for quite a while, and seemed to prefer her own company throughout the winter months.

She seemed to have become withdrawn and less flashy, settling into softer colours of clothes, smiling more…less flirtatious…

Louisa eyed Cooper and smiled. She'd been watching him for a while and she had decided that soon enough it would be time to make some sort of move…Scott had become even less-than-interested in her, barely flashing her a smile and Jay…well he was planning on becoming a husband now wasn't he? And besides, Grace and her threats had frightened her…

"You alright?" Cooper smiled at Louisa, well aware that she had some troubles – not knowing what they were – and wanted to make sure he seemed willing to listen if she had decided to talk to him.

She nodded and smiled some more, reaching out to put a hand on his leg. "Are you alright Cooper?" She purred slightly, making him gulp and shift.

"Erm…I…"

"Hey guys what's up?" Ally bounded over and Louisa immediately snatched her hand back.

"Nothing." Louisa shot a flirtatious look in Coopers direction. "Not yet." She whispered under her breath. "What about you?"

Malaika sat on her own in the picnic area, her eyes firmly on the spot on the steps where she and Luke had shared their last words…words of hope and words of love…

 _Malaika looked at him with teary eyes, knowing eyes. "I can't help it. I've tried to shake the feeling Luke but…something terrible is going to happen in the city, I know it."_

Mali hated the fact that she had said those words, hated that she had been right, and in some ways she still secretly felt as though her admitting this had actually helped cause it. She still missed him, his just being there, but she knew that her baby would be a part of him no matter what and that she had to move on. She had started to forget what it was like when Luke was at the camp…for he had been there so briefly…the passion that had conceived her baby, the love…

"Are you okay?" Lance put a hand on Malaika's shoulder and she jumped out of her thoughts, looking up into his eyes she felt so guilty. Guilty for liking him as much as she did, sorry to Luke for even thinking she could move on – especially when there was always hope he would return…

Mali got to her feet quickly. "I'm fine." She snapped, lying about her feelings. "I just want to be on my own. I'm going in." She flashed him a look and sped indoors, tumbling up the steps she hated and into the cottage.

Lance who knew her well enough to recognise the lie in her eyes, followed, not sure she should be on her own, and worried for both her and the baby.

"Mali!" He called to the girl who was half way up the stairs.

"What?" She snapped again turning so he could see tears shining in her eyes.

"What is it…? What's wrong…" His voice was so gentle it only caused the tears to swell even further as she gulped back the lump that was rising in her throat. She felt so guilty, she wished she could stop herself liking this sensitive guy who obviously cared for her…she wished she could hurt him and make him stop caring about her but…

"I said I was fine didn't I? God Lance!" She almost screamed. "Why won't you just…-" She inhaled sharply as suddenly an alien movement rocked her whole body.

"Mals…?" Lance grabbed her waist as she winced, both of their hands flew instinctively to her tummy – but the maternal instinct caused Malaika's to reach it first and Lance's to land on top. Warm and safe…so safe for both baby and mother.

"Oh my…" Malaika started as the tears she'd been fighting started to fall onto her cheeks.

Lance looked at these tears in terror. "What?" His voice was forceful with fear for them all. "What is it?"

Malaika shook her head and smiled. A dazzling smile that told him the tears were tears of pure joy. Tears that told him everything was wonderful. "The baby…" She whispered, almost breathless with delight. "…it kicked…"

Malaika took his hand, fingers lacing together as she moved her top a little and placed his palm against her warm skin. Both waited in silence as this moment of magic wrapped them together, bound them for life.

Lance looked up at the young mother with wonder, as her own eyes looked at him so wise and strong. "I felt it…" He whispered as if he had never known anything more beautiful, and he hadn't, for this was the beauty of creating life. Malaika laughed as the baby kicked again, more tears streaming down her smiling face. "I really felt it…"


	41. Lesion

**_Lesion_**

The morning was light and grey, much like another morning long ago when Grace had sat up all night in the very same seat, hoping and praying for her best friend to return from the city safely not even imagining the horrors they would face on that journey, a journey which was supposed to be so simple.

Now she sat, yawning slightly from lack of sleep, but looking as rosy as ever as she waited for so much more to return this time.

Now she was waiting for her lover, her fiancé and best friend rolled into one, but more than that for every person in the group was now a dear friend to her and important in her life, important in the tribe. It was sad when Luke had…but now it would be even worse, and for them all, because the group ran so well together, lived so happily in the forest that a loss of anyone would destroy everyone and everything.

The diary sat closed on the table in front of her with the pen on top. She had tried to write this morning, but when she looked at the words they seemed to swim on the page distractingly, allowing her to feel nothing but dizzy as she pressed pen to paper. Grace put this down to being tired and not eating properly, she knew she should eat but she felt sick with excitement about what would happen in the next few days, and sleepless with worry as she waited for the groups return.

Peeling back the plaster that was wrapped around her finger she examined the small cut on the tip, frowning in disgust she wrapped it back up and reminded herself to clean it again later. The cut looked vicious, angry and red and she wondered how fair it was that something as beautiful as the rose and the love Jay had given her could've caused something so horrid. She folder her arms and rested them on the table, hoping it would be cleared up before the blessing – she didn't think such a thing as a plaster would match the beautiful dress Silver was sure to be getting her and frowned at thinking she wouldn't look perfect.

Thoughts of the dress made her think also of the whole blessing and how she had been working hard to make sure everything would be perfect, working deep into the night, helping Malaika make her outfit, and sewing something for Sara too even when Mali had commanded her to bed she had waited up thinking, wishing, hoping…it seemed that nothing took importance over Jay or the blessing not even herself and her own welfare.

Grace smiled, if there was anyone they needed to be concerned about it was Malaika, who insisted she did everything for the bride, she was the one who needed to rest, and not just for herself, but for the baby too. Grace felt a beautiful smile touch her lips as she thought about the baby and how precious the little thing was, a child born into the new world…Grace's eyes stung a little with tears as she briefly took the time to remember the old world and said a silent prayer for her parents and all of the dead, all those innocents who had suffered at the hands of the dreaded virus. The baby had missed so much, but would never know any of the things Malaika had known herself, except perhaps love, for Grace knew that the baby had been conceived in love and that she 'Aunty Gracey' would love it as much as she could to make up for all the other things she couldn't give it.

Feeling warm inside at the news that the baby had kicked, Grace looked forward to it's arrival and everything that went along with it: the naming ceremony, it's first cry, its first smile, it's first laugh, it's first steps…Grace almost looked forward to this as much as the babies mother, for it would give the young girl a chance to show her love of children and how one day, she would love her own.

Turning her eyes back to her palm Grace examined the unfamiliar purplish lesion on her hand. It was only small but it looked so out of place on her perfect skin she couldn't help but wonder how it had gotten there. She pressed it gently, but nothing. It didn't blanch and disappear or hurt. She wondered if perhaps it was a bruise of sorts but she couldn't remember hitting her hand on anything…

A rustling and dog barking caused her to break from her thoughts; she'd know that bark anywhere these days. "Kuger!" She gushed as the familiar husky ran to her and wagged her tail happily and Grace patted its head and watched the clearing for people.

His blonde head was visible first and her heart almost skipped in happiness to know that he was back and back safe, but this time she saved her happiness until she had made sure the whole group were present, grinning happily and bounding over to Jay when she saw this was the case. "I missed you…" She whispered, nuzzling into his neck as his arms went around her and he whispered that he'd missed her too.

The other members came into the picnic area smiling at the sight of their safe and happy home. This time as they all collapsed onto the chairs and benches it was in fatigue alone and of course a slight pride that they had completed the journey this time.

Jay scalded Grace playfully about her lack of sleep as she yawned into his arm and then demanded her to bed. Grace giggled in reply and told him in no uncertain terms that she was only going if he came too, taking his hand playfully she pulled him into the house as he mumbled in mock-protest.

Ved plopped himself down on the bench next to Scott, Silver was sitting next to Scott on the other side but at his feet, whilst Tammy settled on the grass opposite as Kuger came over and nuzzled herself into her owners lap.

Tammy giggled – something she'd never dared to do before she'd gotten to know these people – and patted the dog playfully, whispering to her as she ruffled it's ears and Ved watched with a smile, never seeing this side to her before and kind of likening it…

Scott smiled too, and then flashed another smile at Silver, a special smile meant for only her to recognise and she blushed back throwing her eyes to the floor. "It's a relief to be back huh guys?" Scott wondered finally, breaking the silence that had settled upon them and all nodded in agreement.

Silver murmured that the city had been much more subdued this time and casually mentioned not seeing The Locusts…all fell silent as they remembered how terrifying this tribe had been, and they thanked that on the return to the city they seemed to have disappeared. The city was still in turmoil, and perhaps it always would be, but the kids seemed to have settled into fighting for a new way of life…even though everyone in the group were pleased to find the city in this new state, none were prepared to even think about living there, for the pure fact that all were so happy with what they had. Each other.

At the mention of the Locusts, something Scott had pushed to the back of his mind he sighed softly and got to his feet. "I guess I should check on Mali and the baby…" Silver smiled at how he talked about the baby as though it were already born and got to her feet to join him.

Ved watched Tammy as they left, watched her still in her own little world as always, a world with room enough for only her and her pet and he smiled. It was a shame things hadn't progressed after that night they'd spent kissing, but for once Ved was kinda glad that they'd stayed friends – or as close to friends as anyone got to Tammy. She didn't like to talk about herself much and always kept their conversations light and funny, small talk he realised, but he didn't care. He was thankful in a way that 'that' night had been put to the back of their minds – she'd probably want something all committed and stuff, and Ved was definitely not looking for something like that.

Tammy looked up as she felt eyes on her and smiled into the greeny-blue of Ved's eyes as she caught him watching her. "What?" She laughed. "Do I have something on my face or…?"

Ved shook his head with a smile and shrugged, "Nothing."

Jay had been talking to Grace for a little while now, for both were unable to sleep even though they were exhausted, trying to gently lull her into slumber. He had been telling her about all his plans for the future, all of the things they were going to do and this made her smile. Jay's voice softly whispering about all of the picnics they would take in the summer months, telling her how they would take Sara and go swimming…how when winter set in they could really start planning the future, and trying to get their school idea sorted – then maybe tripping to the city…Jay promised that this year they'd have a proper Christmas and he'd 'buy' her anything she wanted, and then maybe things would start getting back to normal for everyone…

"Jay…" Grace whispered from where she was resting on his shoulder. "…my sweet determined Jay, what would we do without you huh?"

Jay glanced down at her dark head and smiled affectionately. "Well my _sweeter_ determined Grace, you're never going to be without me, not now that I've found you. I'm yours forever remember? I'm not going to leave you."

"Good." Grace said simply putting her hand to his and linking their fingers tightly. "I think I always knew love would find a way with us Jay. Or at least I hoped so."

Jay smiled and close his eyes as he put his lips into her hair and breathed her in. "You're the best Gracey…" He murmured. "…you make me smile, you make me horny, you make me giddy…"

"You make me happy Jay." Grace turned her face up to his for a gentle kiss. "And that's all I could ever want."

Jay tenderly kissed her nose and lifted a hand so that he could push his warm fingers through her clean hair. "That's all I want too."

Grace, for a moment, was lost in his soft eyes – but she was too happy to get all slushy and leant forward running a finger down his side where she knew he was ticklish. Jay laughed throatily and grinned wriggling away from her slightly – but not before she managed to tickle him again. "Right that's it!" He warned grabbing her sides and lightly running his fingers of the sensitive spots, making her squirm and laugh.

Not satisfied that he'd gotten his revenge, Jay bent his head to blow raspberries on her bare tummy as she wriggled and protested happily.

As Grace's joyful screeches of laughter once again filled the house it lightened his heart, for he knew it would always be that way and that made him happier than anything else ever could.


	42. A Blessing?

**_A blessing?_**

The day was much like any other early spring morning, fresh and crisp with a bite in the air as a insignificant breeze nipped at bare cheeks and fingers, but to this tiny tribe deep in the forest not far from the sea the day meant so much more than any other. The sky was blue and the clouds wisped lightly as birds fluttered and sang a song of happiness for all to hear as a few early risers gathered in the picnic area putting finishing touches to what was set to be Grace's perfect day.

There hadn't been any hen or stag nights, but the happy couple had been separated much to their protests, as all declared it was too much bad luck for the groom to see his bride the night before the wedding. So they had shared kisses and been ushered away from each other with loving glances until they could no longer see the other.

Silver, as part of the triarchy, would perform the ceremony and Scott would play a song as Grace walked along the small runway that had been set up especially for her and both sat chatting closely to themselves as others, including Malaika rushed around trying to iron out any possible last minute things that could go wrong.

Grace's eyes fluttered open and she smiled absently as she felt tiny butterflies flickering inside her tummy. She felt light and airy and her head was filled with nothing but wonderful thoughts and hopes for the future, wishes that she knew she could make reality if only she was with Jay, for when they were together they could do anything.

Grace heard herself trill laughter and she sat up at this thought, she was starting to sound like a cliché all over again and smiled as she remembered the reason for her butterflies: Jay loved her. She brushed dark hair from her eyes and swung her legs to the edge of the bed so that she could start getting herself ready, she wanted to look perfect for him today, really special, wanted to make the effort so that he knew she really did what this more than anything…

By the amount of light, which was streaming in through the window the girl knew that it was getting close to midday, and that was the time they had set the ceremony for. With a smile Grace stood from the bed. She wasn't however; expecting the intense head-rush standing gave her and reeled slightly clinging to the wall and gasping as she slowly lowered herself back to the bed for long deep breaths. Her inky blue eyes closed for a second to stop the room spinning, and when she opened them again everything had returned to normal, Grace laughed to herself and shook her head. "Now now Gracey…" She scalded. "…y'see? This is what happens when you don't eat and sleep properly!" With a sigh she arose from the bed again, but this time with more care.

Jay stood with his brother, and both blondes were looking up at the wooden arch they had rescued from the cellar of the cottage and covered with flowers under Mali's instruction. Their grins were ones of pride as both agreed that they had done a very good job.

Jay looked at his younger brother and smiled slightly, wanting to ask him his opinion, for what Ved thought meant more to Jay than he could ever say. "Ved?" He wondered his voice quiet. "Do you think I'm making the right decision – doing the right thing?"

Ved looked up, startled to be asked such a question, and then smiled when he realised it must be last minute nerves that had shaken his brother into asking his opinion. "Jay…" His voice almost seemed to smile as his lips did the same. "…you always make the right decisions!" He laughed as his older brother shrugged slightly. "You always do what's best for me and everyone else don't you? Well this time do it for you, and Gracey."

Jay patted Ved on the back and grinned. "I do love her, more than anything else more than…" He trailed off about to say 'life itself' but thought that Ved, so young and flirty, probably wouldn't understand what that meant, not yet anyways.

Ved laughed. "Rather you than me getting married big brother!" He returned the pat on the back. "But…I know she makes you happy, that's the best thing."

Jay nodded and smiled as he thought of his beautiful bride, the one and only girl he wanted to spend forever with and allowed himself a glance to the house, hoping for a glimpse of her moving inside, but saw nothing. Jay shrugged; he had all the time in the world to see her wonderful smiling face and enchanting eyes.

After today they had forever.

Grace examined herself in the full-length mirror with a tilted head and a smile, the reflection smiled back, happily, contented. Grace had never imagined she could look the way she did, had never really thought about what she would look like when she put on the dress but what she saw when she looked into the mirror surprised her. She didn't look like herself, she looked much older, paler and strangely innocent. There was a happy light in her inky-eyes that couldn't be mistaken for anything else and as she smiled wider it lit up her entire face.

Grace pushed her long dark hair over her shoulders and smoothed the silk against her body. The dress hadn't been exactly what she'd wanted, but now she had it on, Grace couldn't imagine getting blessed in anything else. It was in two pieces, the top half being a plain bustier-top, sleeveless and like a corset in style coming to a point at the front and fastening with criss-cross ribbon at the back. The skirt was a matching smooth silk that hugged her curves and fell away at her feet. It wasn't traditional, Grace thought fingering the very pale blue silk, but the colour showed off her hair and eyes, making them dance attractively. She was wearing no make-up except the tiniest lipgloss and sprinkling of glitter at the corners of her eyes, and on the left side of her cheek she had their tribes marking: two light blue shimmery stripes, stripes that Jay and Sara and Ved would also be wearing as if to unite them as a family unit.

Grace took her eyes away from the dress and brought them back to her face in the mirror. Tears shone in her eyes as she wished more than anything in the whole world, that her mother could see her now, that she could smile with her eyes so similar to Sara's and tell her that she looked beautiful. Grace was nervous and she longed for her father…for his comforting touch whenever she was lonely or afraid, longed to be called his angel and lose herself in the safety of his company…She wanted him to give her away, the way it should've been, to call Jay 'son' and pat him on the back…for them both to tell her how proud they were of the way she was looking after Sara…

Grace eyed herself carefully, would they be proud? Was she really doing a good job for her little sister? She didn't know, and she never would…for it was a childish thought to think that everything that had happened had all been one big joke…a big game, a dream. That any minute there would be a knock at the door and it would be her mother, smiling and her father looking so softly stern…telling her that play-time and dress-ups were over and it was time to return to the real world…

A loud knocking on her door caused Grace to gasp loudly, it couldn't…she started to the door in a flurry, laughing at herself as she flung it open to reveal Silver in her ceremonial robes.

"Someone's eager!" Silver joked good-naturedly. "Can we come in?"

Grace shrugged and blushed, moving away from the door so that the 'we' could pile into her room. She knew this meant that it must be nearly time and this caused more butterflies and excitement as her grin got distractedly wider…soon she would be a wife…

Grace's eyes ran over the girls as they all gushed and cooed about how beautiful she looked and how pretty the dress was…Silver in her robes looking important, Tammy smiling widely, still dressed in the usual black, but with her hair long and loose, Ally looking innocently-pretty with her soft blonde hair in ringlets. And finally Malaika, looking the best of the bunch, her hair plaited long and straight to her waist – as long as Grace's own hair – dressed in dark-blue her rounded tummy visible and glowing like her cheeks as she whispered that she had never seen Grace look so alive.

Grace laughed at her compliments and shook her head. "Remind me to come and see you guys when I need and ego boost!" She winked happily as Tammy took the initiative and stepped forward.

Her smile got wider as she moved to Grace and held up a dazzling pearl necklace. It was dainty and beautiful, with glistening droplets of shimmering white as it was fixed around the brides neck without a word. Grace looked at the girls one by one in surprise fingering the beautiful loan finally settling on Tammy.

"It was my nanna's and then my mothers." She smiled at the memory of the wonderful woman, tears slightly visible as she spoke of the person she'd loved more than anything. "She gave it to me to wear on my wedding day…I want you to wear it, it makes you look even more perfect." She whispered squeezing Grace's hand lightly. "You're gonna knock him dead, truly Gracey." Tammy smiled widely. "Something old."

Silver's eyes lit up as she indicated to the dress, telling Grace that this had been her gift, her special something. "Something new…" She whispered.

Grace laughed slightly as she felt herself become slightly emotional…everything seemed to be going so well…

"Something borrowed." Ally declared pushing a white garter into the older girls hands, slightly embarrassed. "It was something from a school play I was in…a memory I keep…" She spoke quickly as the other girls laughed fondly. "…well, it's a bit of fun right?"

Laughter filled the room as Grace inspected her gifts, before Malaika cleared her throat, letting them know they had forgotten one thing. "But my dress…" Grace pointed out its colour.

Malaika shook her head. "That's cheating!" She declared. "Besides Sara and I have this one sorted…" She crinkled her dark eyes and beckoned for Sara to enter the room.

The little girl did so, shyly, running over to her sister when she saw her and grinning wildly gushing how pretty the dress was, how pretty Gracey was, in her own little language. She was pretty herself dressed in an outfit similar to Mali's something that made more wonderful tears sting in Grace's eyes. Sara's eyes sparkled as Grace crouched in front of her and bowed her head slightly so that Sara could place her and Malaika's present on Grace's dark head. It was a ring of blue flowers, and as Grace rose to look at herself in the mirror Sara grabbed her hand and whispered. "Princess…" Grace smiled at the memory she and Sara shared for a moment, the memory of being playmates, of the ring of daisies in Grace's hair when both girls had first met Jay…

"Something blue." Malaika whispered, aware too of the day and the memory and as their eyes caught in the mirror, both girls shared their own silent vows as Grace mouthed the word thank-you, a silent vow to be friends forever.

 _Today we took a walk up the street,_

 _And picked a flower and climbed the hill_

 _Above the lake…_

The afternoon was clear and bright, fresh and filled with nothing but dazzling blue and green. There was excitement in the air, anticipation as the tribe gathered on either side of the runway that led from the wooden steps of the house to the arch of flowers.

Silver stood at the top of the isle, smiling at everyone and trying hard to control her pride at being chosen to perform the ceremony – surely the most important thing to happen to their little tribe so far. Her robes were long and golden to show her importance and shone so brightly in the gorgeous sunlight.

Scott sat on a chair next to Silver, lower and less important as he strummed on his guitar, indicating that it was nearly time, drawing everyone in with the soft music, music that lulled them further into this dream-like day. No one had ever imagined witnessing something like this in this brave new world, but no one was complaining for all knew how in love the couple were, more in love that any could imagine being in themselves and as they eyed the rest of the group they decided that they were all so lucky to have found each other, only hoping someday to be as happy as Jay and Grace.

Ved and Jay stood together facing the front for a moment, both dressed in matching black suits with matching blue flowers in their button holes and blue stripes on their left cheeks. They looked so seriously smart that it caused Tammy to shake her head and giggle to herself, she could never imagine Ved looking serious, but now she knew he could be – when he cared enough. Tammy smiled a faraway smile as she regarded the blonde wondering if he would ever be serious when it came to her…

 _And secret thoughts were said aloud:_

 _We watched the faces in the clouds,_

 _Until the clouds had blown away…_

Sara was the first to appear from the cottage, throwing a worried glance back to Malaika who smile reassuringly and nodded for her to continue, whispering that she would be just behind. Sara's dark hair was braided tightly and dressed with a few tiny blue flowers and she smiled nervously up at the rest of her tribe as she passed them slowly scattering blue petals from a tiny straw basket. As she reached Jay he patted her head so she giggled and embraced his legs tightly causing smiles and murmurs of sweet-approval, murmurs that turned to tones of wonder, as Malaika appeared next.

Although this was Grace's special day, no one had ever seen the young mother looking more radiant. She was heavy with pregnancy but maintained her sharp features and lovely eyes, eyes that were once again full of life and hope, full in a way they hadn't been since Luke. As she passed Lance the two touched fingers briefly, he smiling and mouthing that she looked beautiful, she lowering her lashes shyly and blushing in a way she never did as she continued to her final destination.

When Mali reached Ved and Jay she smiled again, kissing Ved's cheek in a sisterly fashion and patting Jay's shoulder as she took Sara's hand and led her away from the front.

It was Grace who appeared next, ducking her head slightly as she become visible in the doorway, a vision in her pale blue silk, so beautifully grown-up yet with an overwhelming innocence that took breath away. She raised her eyes to the gathering and not one person missed the delight that glowed in those inky pools as she smiled enough to cause gasps to escape a few mouths, but not too much for she was saving her biggest smiles for Jay and Jay alone. Grace lifted her skirt to softly pad down the steps and Beth smiled as she saw Grace was wearing no shoes. It seemed too strange, but so fitting to this breezy-girl, no one else would dream of wearing such a beautiful dress with bare feet but Grace, Grace with flowers in her hair who was elegant even in this girlish way.

As she passed them Ally clapped her hands delightedly beaming up at Cooper who took her hand and smiled down at her, finding her excitement so endearing. Beth stepped into the isle as Grace reached her unable to stop herself. Grace's smile faltered a little, but returned as Beth caught her friend in an embrace. "You're perfect Gracey…" She whispered pulling back to let Grace know she was so very sorry for everything bad that had happened between them.

 _And were we ever somewhere else_

 _You know, it's hard to say…_

Jay took Malaika's hand on his shoulder as a sign: it was now finally his turn to witness Grace's beauty. He was excited and nervous to see her the girl he had seen almost everyday for nearly three years…but he knew as he turned with lowered eyes that this was something else, for she was no longer the girl he had met on the beach, but so much more.

Jay's eyes caressed her as they rose, taking in every inch of this dazzling creature only strides away. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and it was a shock to him how much he loved her. Nothing else filled his mind as their eyes collided, nothing but her and the thought that soon she would be his wife. Jay's stomach flipped with nerves, hoping with all his heart that he would be everything she deserved, and his heart fluttered as she smiled, sensing his trepidation and destroying it with a look, a look that told him he was all she wanted.

Grace paused in her pursuit for a moment as Jay took her breath away. He was looking so much older than he ever had, so smart and so…she smiled as she though it…perfect. It was all she could do no to run those last few steps to him, but she knew she shouldn't, for they had plenty of time together so she needn't rush, she had all the time in the world to take him in her arms and tell him how much she adored him.

His soft brown eyes smiled at her and she knew that after this ceremony things would never be the same again…she also knew right at that moment that she loved Jay more than anything, perhaps more than her own life, and it was to this thought she smiled, truly knowing how precious their love was.

 _And I never saw blue like that before:_

 _Across the sky -_

 _Around the world -_

 _You've given me all you have and more…_

Grace continued her walk in a daze, letting herself drift into this dream-world, a wonderful dream that she never wanted to wake from. People faded, sounds vanished, nothing seemed to exist except her and Jay as his gaze drew he closer, put her further under his spell…Grace came to a halt suddenly as she struggled for breath as even the vision of Jay got blurry – she shook her head and took a deep breath, blinking rapidly until it disappeared, again cursing inwardly for not eating anything that morning. Pushing her lips into a smile she took the last few shaky steps as Scott's song came to an end.

The brothers parted for her and she stepped between them smiling at Ved who bent to place a tiny kiss on her cheek and then at Jay who put a hand on her waist and planted the most tender kiss she had ever felt on her forehead. The girl looked from brother to brother as her fingers locked with Jays, binding them together forever with the smallest touch. Her inky-blue eyes were teary as she smiled, filled with tears of sheer joy as she had never felt anything quite like this…

With another heart-stopping smile at Jay, Grace mouthed the words: I love you, as he squeezed her hand and told her in no uncertain terms that he felt exactly the same way.

 _And no one else has ever shown me how,_

 _To see the world the way I see it now_

 _Oh, I, I never saw blue like that…_

As Silver started to speak, started to thank people for gathering, started to recite her sentimental thoughts on the importance of joining those in love Grace felt herself drift away, lost in the gentleness of Jay's eyes. She knew she should be listening, should be paying more attention but her mind wouldn't let her, it just wouldn't stay focused. Things were beginning to fade again as Jay smiled down at her and mouthed words she just couldn't hear or make out, but she knew they were words of love…words of commitment…

Sounds were always the first things to disappear…and next came the colours as Grace blinked to stop the shapes swimming in front of her eyes…nothing mattered but the feel of Jay's hand…and that was all she registered as all of the colours faded to nothing…

With the tiniest gasp Grace's knees finally buckled as he whole body gave up the fight to keep her standing. Jay let out a moan of horror and reached to catch her, dropping to his knees with her lifeless body as it dropped like it finally had nothing to keep it going.

 _And it feels like now,_

 _And it feels always,_

 _And it feels like coming home…_

 _Oh, I, never saw blue like that before._

"Gracey? Gracey?" His voice was strained as he supported her in his lap, not even noticing the chaos all around them as he cradled her in his arms. "Gracey…" He whispered as his throat constricted and he struggled to do anything but breathe.

Chaos replaced carelessness as the motionless audience sprung into action.

It seemed, as though Grace had been right: things never would be the same again…


	43. The Death of a Beautiful Day

**_The death of a Beautiful Day_**

The picnic area had been long deserted, the guests had departed and now only a few remained carefully taking away the beautiful arch of flowers, putting it at the back of the house for now anyway. All of the wonderful gestures had been removed and the mood was sombre and silent as the sun began to fade, as the small tribe in the centre of the forest waited to discover Grace's fate.

When she had collapsed into Jay's arms at the alter chaos had broken out as everyone wanted to know desperately what had happened. Some feared the worst, others had frozen in shock and stony silence afraid by the scene before their eyes, afraid of it's implications as only one thought passed through their minds: The virus…

Jay, the strong, noble leader had sat cradling his beloved bride in his arms for long moments, tears clearly visible in his eyes, before Malaika had stepped forward and taken charge. She'd fallen to her knees and checked Grace's pulse with Jay, making sure that it wasn't anything serious, than she had demanded people went inside the house to give them some room. Grace had been carried to bed, alive and mumbling incoherently and this had seemed to break Jay from his shock as he jumped back into the shoes of the great-leader – ordering water and any medical supplies they could find, and now he sat at her bedside, holding her hand, stroking her hair and cooling her warm brow with a damp cloth.

Sara had been the worse, she had been kicking and screaming as Jay carried Grace away, crying aloud that all she wanted was her sister, she wanted her Gracey…It had shocked the young child, who had lost as much as them all – but was afraid of losing much much more as Malaika held her back and told her everything would be okay, for Grace was strong and would never leave her little sister for anything in the world.

Sara had fallen sobbing into the older girls arms, the wise, knowing Malaika who would never lie and who she trusted most after her sister and Jay…Malaika had felt tears sting at her eyes as the child clung to her desperately, not honestly knowing how everything with Grace would work out, but hoping more than anything that she was right, that it was just excitement…or exhaustion…anything but the virus…

Grace's eyes fluttered slightly from where she was led on the bed. The pretty girl was still dressed in her beautiful silk dress, and her hair streamed over the pillows, hair that was still dressed with flowers. Laying so peaceful and silent, her skin so very pale and as her lips moved gently no one could argue against the fact that she looked like an angel.

Jay watched on, taking her hand in his looking dishevelled with his shirt pulled open at the top and hair sticking out messily. His face was drawn and worried, and he tried to concentrate on nothing but her face, waiting for the moment she would open her beautiful eyes and smile and tell them all she was fine…He fought against the feeling deep in the pit of his stomach that told him she wouldn't be okay, that he was only kidding himself to think that things between them would end so very perfectly: with her as his wife, in a world where love over came everything no matter what.

Jay felt so helpless as he watched on, not knowing what was wrong with his lovely Grace, not knowing any way in which he could help, not knowing how to make things better – not this time…as much as he hated to admit it, Grace was on her own now, whatever it was only she could fight it. As much as Jay wanted to fight her battles for her, wanted to protect her from anything that threatened her health and happiness, he knew that he couldn't. All he could do was hope, hope it was something simple and silly, something they would all laugh about in days to come, weeks, months, years…the years he had promised her: the forever. Sighing in acceptance not defeat, Jay bowed his head and uttered a silent, but hopeful prayer for the future.

He had never believed in anything like that before, fate, destiny even God. He knew that he made his own fate, chose his own path, created his own future no matter what. Jay believed he controlled what happened in his life and no Supreme Being or route 'marked in the stars' would change that…but still he prayed because right now something deep inside told him that he needed all of the help he could get, and just because he didn't believe in it, didn't mean it didn't exist.

Grace stirred slightly, but not enough to make Jay, who was engrossed in his thoughts, look up. Her eyelids fluttered a little as a tiny breath escaped her lips…everything felt so strange, her whole body seemed to ache, and even before opening her eyes she felt dizzy…Grace peeled open her eyes, lifting her eyelids slowly to reveal blurry colours…no sounds reached her ears and nothing made any sense…with a tiny sigh she let them drop closed again.

The next time she made more effort as she opened her eyes, eyes, which now saw more than just colour but made out familiar shapes, shapes that became more clear and more familiar as she blinked heavy eyelids.

Touch returned last, feeling, the most glorious of all senses and she felt her hand being held so very gently…

Grace's inky-eyes found the person they ached for, his head bowed still in prayer, and she parted her lips, surprised when no sound came out. Never one to give up Grace tried again. "Jay…" Her voice croaked huskily as a smile formed on her lips with the return of memory.

Jay looked up, startled, but overjoyed as she smiled and whispered his name. He was right next to her in an instant grinning wildly and thanking whoever had decided they had more time together, decided that it hadn't been anything serious. "Gracey…we thought we'd lost you for a moment…" He smiled. "I'm glad you've come back though."

"Lost me?" Grace laughed. "But I was here all the time!" Jay laughed too and planted a small kiss on her forehead. "Jay…" She whispered. "…are we married yet?"

The blonde's eyes flickered slightly with sadness and he shook his head slowly. "You collapsed back there…we never got to say our vows."

Grace's eyes filled with tears as she reached up to trace the tribal marking on Jay's cheek. "I'm sorry…" She smiled sadly propping herself up onto her elbows, shaking her head as Jay went to help her, telling him she didn't need it.

Jay smiled down at her. "Don't be sorry sweet Gracey." His lips pressed against her hair. "As long as you feel okay – no dizziness or…"

"I'm fine." Grace declared, actually feeling more clear-headed than she had in a long time and she sat up as if to prove this fact.

Jay washed worried eyes over her. "Grace…" He rebuked her.

Grace laughed lightly. "Don't use that tone with me leader-Jay!" She joked. "I'm feeling fine. I'm just a little tired that's all." She lowered her eyes guiltily. "I haven't been sleeping you know that…and I haven't really been eating properly either…I was just worn out, nothing more."

Jay shook his head and scalded her lightly as she teased him about the medical books on the floor and the bottle of aspirins, teased him for being overly melodramatic – after all, all she'd done was faint! As they teased each other, those who had been waiting for some sign to Grace's well-being heard the laughter and smiled, relieved.

Jay caught sight of the plaster on Grace's finger suddenly and pointed it out with a worried glance. "How's your finger?" He wondered with sorry tones.

Grace pouted childishly to make Jay giggle again. "Still hurts a little, but it's only a cut Jay! You're such a worrier! Such a drama-queen!"

This caused them to break down into more happy fits of giggles as they reached to embrace. "You scared me Grace…" He whispered. "…I love you so much – I can't lose you…"

"You won't." She breathed softly into his ear. "I'm fine."

Jay pulled back for a moment eyes serious. "I still want us to get blessed." He admitted. "I know it won't be as special but please…"

Grace nodded enthusiastically. "But this time there's no rush is there? I'm not going anywhere Jay – we've got forever to make it special…as long as its us nothing else matters." Their lips touched softly as they fell into each others arms again, Jay feeling as though he had came too close to losing her – far to close to losing all that mattered to him. "…and I love you too."


	44. Feverish Intentions

**_Feverish Intentions_**

The mood at camp had changed so dramatically in only a matter of moments, as all revelled in the news that Grace was awake and well and laughing hysterically at the fact that everyone thought it was something more serious than a simple faint. Malaika smiled as she sat in the picnic area looking out onto a fiery sunset, it was so like Grace to laugh off something, which may have been so serious…

The pinks and oranges that streaked across the sky were so dazzling, so wonderful in their grandness that they attempted to make the dark haired girl give up her thoughts and surrender to them entirely. But Malaika couldn't do so the days events had seen to that, at any other time she would have gladly submitted idle thoughts in favour of beauty, but this time her thoughts weren't idle, they were necessary.

Grace was on her mind, what had happened at the blessing, something that Malaika couldn't put down to just exhaustion because people didn't faint just because of something like that did they? Mali shook her head, she didn't know really; after all the other reason was far too terrible even to think about. The virus had already taken so much from this world, had created so much chaos and confusion, caused many tears and orphaned helpless children…Malaika knew what the government had said: that children were immune to it, that it wouldn't affect them but how could she honestly believe anything the adults had said? They were gone and all the signs said that something just wasn't right…Malaika felt tears sting at the back of her eyes to this thought…Grace had been her best friend for such a time now, she felt like they just clicked, and to think that she would lose her next was just too much for the young mother to bear…

Lance watched her back for a moment, the pinks and yellows of the evening sky falling around her dark head in a halo of beauty and he smiled at her, so lost in thought. He admired her strength as she sat there, knowing that she had lost so much, had so much to deal with yet still she fought on, fought on for her baby…Lance knew that stronger men than he would've buckled under that pressure, but not she, not the sweet, kind, wise girl in front of him. Not Malaika, she was a fighter, she was precious.

Lance laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and she jumped at his touch turning those dark eyes in fear, a fear that settled into soft affection when she saw who the hand belonged to. She shifted in her seat to make room for him next to her and smiled gratefully as he gave her the blanket he was carrying. "How's the little tyke?" Lance nodded to her stomach and grinned slightly.

Malaika put the blanket over both of their knees and legs and smiled happily. "She can't sit still!" Her laughter was heart-warming as she took Lances hand in hers and placed it to her swollen tummy as if to prove this fact. "She's dying to come out and say hello to everyone aren't you sweetheart?" Malaika's tone was warm and light as she addressed her child much to Lance's amusement as tiny chills went through his body as he felt it kicking.

"She?" He wondered with a smile resting the arm closest to Mali on the table behind her as she kept his other hand to her tummy.

Malaika blushed slightly but her eyes shone as she spoke and nodded. "Uh-huh. I don't like calling my baby an 'it'…and I just have this feeling about her…just call it a mothers intuition!"

They both smiled and turned their eyes back out to the horizon they knew so well and loved as if it was inside their hearts. The trees were black silhouettes against the blazing sunset that dipped and danced with the fading light of day, their faces basked in the glow of the evening as they sat closely, intimately, under the glorious sky.

Cooper closed the door to Ally's room and smiled to himself, she really was a great girl. They'd been talking about the blessing, and he loved the way she spoke, with such innocent tones, hopefulness for the future and blue eyes wide and amazingly happy. Sometimes he could hardly believe she was the same girl who had been terrorised by nightmares, she had grown up a lot in the past few months, became mature beyond her years, and although he knew she still had the occasional bad dream together they had seemed to have destroyed her fears. Cooper promised himself that he would never let anything hurt her again and he intended to keep his promise. She was such a great girl…he would hate if anything happened to her…

As he opened his door he began to pull off his top, preparing to get into bed until the voice hailed him through the dark. "Cooper?" Cooper jumped and dropped his top to the floor as he heard the voice, familiar but most definitely not Ved. "It's Lou…"

His eyes squinted in the darkness as he tried to make out the shadow of a girl perched on Ved's bed. His heart rate slowed as he realised it was her and not some intruder. Cooper sighed. "You scared the hell outa me!" He admitted moving to the bedside table to find some matches to light the candle.

Louisa heard the gentle hiss as the match was struck and blinked as it flashed and lit-up filling the room with a warm glow. Cooper turned to face her, his face confused as he wondered why she was there and feeling slightly uneasy about the fact that he had no top on.

"I'm sorry…" She began softly looking up into his eyes her voice wobbling a little. "I just didn't know who else to go to…"

Cooper gulped in worry and sat down next to her on the bed his voice as always was soft and comforting as he spoke. "It's okay really…what is it? What's happened?"

Louisa sniffed and closed her eyes. "I…" Her voice shook. "I'm just so scared Cooper…what if it's…"

Cooper furrowed his brow and shook his head telling her he didn't understand as he reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "Grace…" Louisa explained. "What if she's got the virus?" Both of their hearts jumped at this realisation and Cooper felt sick to the stomach. He hadn't gotten on so well with his father, and his death had came pretty quickly but his mother…he had literally seen her energy and beauty and life drain from her with every single second. It had affected him in many ways, brought him out of his cocky-teenager act and reduced him to the sweet caring man he now was, and he felt nothing but dread that sweet Grace would fall to the same fate as his mother. Grace had been such a friend to his sister, and even to him in the before days, it just didn't bare thinking about…Cooper shook his head to stop these thought and the tears that were threatening at the back of his eyes. "It's not. She just fainted." He said firmly as if trying to convince them both.

Louisa let out a choke and fell into his arm sobbing, whispering how sorry she was over and over, pressing herself against his warm stomach and letting her arms fall around his waist. She knew she shouldn't cry like this but after all of the time she had spent fighting them she just couldn't stop…she had originally come to Cooper to seduce him, but as his warm arms went around her and pulled her close, softly whispering that everything would be okay, rocking her gently she knew that she couldn't bring herself to do it, she didn't want to be that Louisa anymore, she didn't want people to hate her…

Cooper closed his eyes as he cooed softly to the girl, feeling her distress and hating every minute of it; no one should have to be that sad for whatever reason. With a small murmur he pulled her back from him for a moment so he could look into her eyes. "It'll be okay…it's not the virus Louisa…I promise…"

Louisa looked up at him, his mouth so close to hers and for a moment she actually thought she could thank him and walk away, but he was so kind to her, being kind in a way people never were. With a small thank-you Louisa lifted her lips to his and pressed them together for long moments.

Cooper kissed back gently, before realising he couldn't do this to her – she had been vulnerable, came to him for advice, however great her hands felt as they gently caressed his stomach he couldn't do this, he didn't want her touch, it wasn't her he wanted…With a shake of his head he pushed away and whispered. "We can't do this."

Louisa looked at him for a moment realising suddenly why Ally had fallen for him, and knowing that she herself would never be good enough for him. She nodded and pulled away fully, making a move to get to her feet, knowing she could never wish for more in a guy than someone who didn't take advantage. In the past guys hadn't stopped her, Jay and Scott...that had been different, there were reasons to why they'd stopped her but Cooper? Cooper was just a nice guy who deserved more than her, more than some little wh0re. "You're right Cooper." She whispered as she headed to the door. "You're right..."

Malaika enjoyed the feeling of someone so close to her as she and Lance sat, still outside, still in silence, and smiled in delight at what they were sharing: the wonderful feeling of her baby kicking. She looked over to him, his eyes were fixed to her stomach and their hands, their fingers which were locked intimately over the precious child that meant so much to both of them now.

He was quiet, she thought to herself, he didn't say much, had been a loner for such a long time…but she also knew that friends meant more than anything to him, that was something they had in common…He was thoughtful, she reasoned with herself as she regarded him, he was…Malaika blushed to think it: passionate. At least he was passionate about things he had an opinion in…the way he spoke deeply about things and looked straight into her eyes did things to her no one else had ever done…things that she never knew she could feel until they had became close.

Malaika looked back at their fingers and smiled again, gently whispering the thoughts she'd been having up until that point in the evening. Now was the time to share her feelings with him, now was the time to tell him about how she'd lost Luke…She felt sad as she retold the story, but surprisingly the familiar ache in the pit of her stomach had vanished, she told him that she would love Luke forever, would always save a special place in her heart for him for he was her baby's father but…

Malaika sighed heavily. "It's so unusual to find someone who you care about in this world Lance…so precious…" Her eyes shone with tears as she remembered all she had lost, all she had to lose. "…and so very quickly the things that you care about can be snatched away; Luke, my parents…" Her voice caught as she whispered. "…Grace?"

"Hey…" Lance looked at her as she stared forward and shook his head. "Grace is fine remember? Just a little exhaustion…" He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear with a finger. "Mali that's the deal with precious things." His voice was calm and clear as he spoke never taking his eyes from her face for a moment. "…they're only precious because they're so fleeting. If you knew you could and could have something…someone…forever then you wouldn't want to fight for them with everything you had."

Malaika turned to face him slowly as his words touched her heart, touched her as if he knew exactly what she was thinking, and as their noses brushed lightly she saw in his eyes that maybe he did understand. They held each others gaze for a long moment like that, noses touching, breath gently teasing lips as the baby kicked underneath joined hands. With a small sigh Malaika closed her eyes and touched her lips against his, and to her delight he kissed back never once taking his hand from her cherished tummy.


	45. A Glimmer of Hope

**_A Glimmer of Hope_**

Silver looked up from where she was perched on the bed, mirror in one hand make-up brush in the other as she expertly touched up the complicated red and silver swirl on her forehead. She placed the things back onto the bed and got to her feet, checking herself in the full-length mirror before she opened the door slowly. Silver's eyes widened as she smiled at the figure in her doorway. "Scott." She grinned. "And to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Scott leaned casually against the doorframe as they went through their usual ritual of pretence, his lips grinned happily to be partaking in this game but his eyes flickered a little with sadness as he offered her the mug he was holding in his hand. "I made you a coffee, I know how much you enjoy one on a morning…" He teased her as she blushed and shook her head ruefully.

"I think you'd better come in don't you?" Silver lowered her voice. "Before you make people suspicious…"

Scott felt a tinge of regret, as she said those words, honestly not caring who found out about them anymore and he was about to tell her exactly this when she shut the door behind him and took the mug of drink. Her eyes were so soft as she looked at him and sipped, that he knew he couldn't say it, he didn't dare speak a word of what he was feeling. She had told him that they would come clean and tell everyone soon, but he didn't like to push it for he hated to make her feel sad, hated to see the sadness burn deep in those clear eyes when he pressed on with the subject.

The girl, beautiful, wonderful and important grinned at him…her secret admirer turned secret boyfriend, placing her cup to the small table and reaching out to take his hand without a word. He knew her well by now, knew her signs, knew what every look and touch and murmur meant, and because he was so smitten with her, he could do nothing but be drawn into her spell. Scott had long ago surrendered to Silver, and now he seemed powerless to his emotions, for he had fallen for her, deeper than he ever thought he would and that scared him.

They came together, two-thirds of the triarchy, slowly and perhaps a little too cautious for a couple who had been together like this for a number of months their fingers linking firmly as lips pressed together with a gentle caring, rather than the urgent longing they had gotten accustomed to over the time. Perhaps it was because they were in Silver's room, away from possible interruptions, with no chance of being caught, or perhaps it was something else…had something changed in their relationship without both of them knowing?

Silver pulled back from him, her gaze once again soft and caring towards him as they moved to sit on the bed, moved to be more comfortable. The couple, after all of this time had not slept together once, for Silver claimed she wasn't ready and Scott respected her wishes, he too wanting it to be something special when it finally did happen. Scott had never pushed Silver further than she was prepared to go and she cared for him deeply for that. She knew he had respect for her, she knew he had urges, but she also knew how important sex was and she had to be true to herself and make sure she was ready before she finally committed to him.

Scott put his arms around Silver and pulled her into his embrace gently, holding her, still not uttering a word, not really sure what to say. He didn't know if he should report on the events of the cottage or talk about them…he was more confused than ever about their relationship, but he didn't know if voicing this confusion would help matters or not.

"How's Grace…?" Silver wondered quietly. She didn't know if this was the right time to ask about the pretty brunette, but something inside just had to know what was happening to her.

Grace, after waking and announcing everyone 'silly for worrying so much', had done nothing but get worse and hadn't left her room since she had fainted at the blessing. Although she knew she shouldn't be counting the days, Silver had been, and Grace hadn't emerged for over a week now. Despite her better judgement the young girl had almost begun to believe the rumours and scare mongering that had spread around camp. People had been whispering fearfully that Grace had the virus, and that she was going to die like the adults.

Both Scott and Silver knew this could be a possibility, and had been in the picnic area when Jay had exploded, demanding that everyone stopped with their speculation and that Grace did NOT have the virus. If this were true, then Silver was glad and relieved, but since Jay had advised that people stay away from Grace, just until they knew for sure it wasn't the virus – or contagious – Silver's suspicious and fears had only intensified.

Scott sighed at the mention of her name, he too had been trying to put his own personal worries to the back of his mind, and shook his head defiantly knowing that it couldn't be the virus…it just couldn't be…And although he had realised this – the symptoms just didn't match for a start, it only made him grow more fearful, for whatever it was that Grace DID have, it certainly wasn't just a common cold.

"She's…" He started not sure what to tell Silver to make everything better, but not wanting to lie. "…she's still feverish, but Jay says she looks a little better today." This much was true; it was exactly what Jay had said to him, unless Jay had only been kidding himself.

"That's good." Silver nodded, lacing her fingers with Scott's again as he kissed her hair briefly. "Right?"

"Uh-huh…" Scott murmured, not wanting to think about the implications of Grace actually not getting better or being contagious…just wanting to lose himself in the fresh smell of Silver's braids and the feel of her nose gently nuzzling into his neck as she murmured that she was lucky to have him…that they were all lucky to have each other.

Scott thought he knew right then exactly how he felt about the strong determined girl in his arms and knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He remembered briefly the first time he had set eyes on her, mysterious and cool, looking determinedly for the nearest city, deciding to join them and then proceeding to become a leader and important part of the tribe. She had her visions, and looked to the future, rarely mentioning her past, declaring it just that 'dead and buried…'

"Silver…" Scott said suddenly, breaking their moment of intimate silence. "…I love you." He admitted, knowing when it passed his lips that it had to be true for his heart fluttered when he spoke the words.

Silver tensed in his arms upon hearing this and pulled away, not dropping the hand the she held in hers. She did a double-take as she looked into those deep brown eyes realising that it hadn't been her imagination he had actually said it…

Scott looked at her intently, smiling, finally relieved that he had admitted his feelings, told her how deeply he felt about her. Silver's expression was harder to read than his was, and because her emotions were hard to decipher at the best of times, as the long silence continued Scott's expression became one of confusion. Silver felt her heart ache as she looked back at him, feeling only pure horror as she realised how much he cared for her. She wasn't terrified of the words – she was so very flattered but…Silver felt the tears prick at her eyes as she realised what she was about to say would destroy the person she cared about most in the world. She was horrified that it was she who would be doing this to him…if only she could try to explain…

"Scott I…" As she spoke, Silver thought how strained her voice sounded. It didn't sound at all like her.

Scott saw the tears in her eyes and squeezed her hand reassuringly, not sure what it was he was about to hear.

"I'm sorry." She managed softly.

Scott felt his stomach turn nauseously and he got slowly to his feet, feeling both sick and betrayed by the strength of his feelings towards her. Silver followed, still not letting his hand drop as she struggled with her words, struggled to make this clear to him. "I don't…" She started as Scott dropped her hand, not sure what he was supposed to feel in this situation but feeling the slight burn of tears at the back of his throat. "Scott…" Silver grabbed his hand back, bringing it to her lips and kissing it lightly. "…I'm so sorry. I care about you so much but…"

Scott shook his head and pulled back his hand again. His voice was eerily calm as he spoke. "You don't have to explain." He told her, leaning to plant a final kiss on her warm forehead, lingering for a moment, allowing her sweet-smell to fill his nostrils before her turned to leave the room.

"Scott!" Silver called starting after him as the door slammed behind him. "Wait…" She whispered, throwing her eyes to the heavens and using all of her strength not to cry.

Grace had had many restless nights since the day that was supposed to be the happiest of her life. No matter how hard she tried she just couldn't settle. She'd tried to write in her diary, but couldn't think of anything to say so had abandoned that idea altogether. If the truth were told she was bored: Jay had only been letting himself and Ved into the room in case whatever she had was catching. Grace had tried to insist that she didn't 'have' anything, that she was perfectly fine, pulling herself out of bed, only to have her knees buckle and fall weakly into Jay's arms. She missed Sara and she missed Malaika, smiling as she remembered the three of them conducting a conversation through the closed door until Jay had told them that being this close to the room probably wasn't good for them either…especially not the baby…

Jay smiled at Grace as she sat propped-up in their bed, smiling back a little and finishing the drink he had made for her earlier. He was smiling in relief as much as anything as he watched her, flushed, eyes shining healthily and looking better than she had in a while. She didn't look as pale or as toxic as she previously had, and Jay could only think that this was a sign for the better. He had put all thoughts of her not making it to the back of his head, for he knew better than anyone that Grace was a fighter – and wouldn't give up easily. "Why are you smiling like that?" Grace wondered with wide eyes.

"Because you look better…not so sick." Jay replied simply, leaning forward to press the back on his hand to her forehead to check her temperature. Grace sat patiently as he did this, not struggling as much or fussing like she previously had, for she was finally starting to wonder if what Jay said was true. That she was really sick…this thought scared her, because she, like many others in the Tribe, knew that there was a high possibility that this was the virus…

Grace felt a lump rise in the back of her throat as she remembered what had happened to her parents, how they had looked so old so frail…she just didn't know what to think, as the thoughts spinning around her mind made her dizzy with confusion. She wished she held the answer, she wished she could make sense of things properly again…her thoughts drifted to Sara…she had to fight this for her, for the sweet little girl she had promised to look after…

"Cooler." Jay announced, breaking into her thoughts.

"Huh?" Grace murmured. "Is that good?"

Jay nodded happily, sitting next to her on the bed. "Yup. It means that your fever is cooling down – it means you're getting better." He didn't know much about medicine, but he was sure that the lessening of a fever was good news.

Grace took Jays hand lowering her eyes slightly, not able to look at him, fearing that his eyes would tell her the truth, however blunt it was as she spoke her question. "Jay…what if it's the virus?" Her voice wobbled as she spoke, but even as she said it she didn't know if she found it true or not.

"It's not." Jay said firmly, honestly…hopefully.

Grace took a deep breath and finally told Jay how sick she actually felt, instead of pretending like it was nothing. "I'm sick Jay, I know that, I feel it. I've never felt this sick in my whole life, and I'm scared."

Jay moved closer to her, so that her head could rest on his shoulder. "Me too Gracey." Jay admitted. "But I know we're both strong, and we can get through this how ever corny it sounds and y'know why? Because I'll be damned if we've come this far only to lose each other. I'm fighting for you and I'm going to save you – whatever it takes."

Beth stood facing the trunk of a large tree just on the edge of the picnic area hands covering her eyes as she counted aloud. "…Seven…Eight…Nine…Ten!" Beth laughed as she declared the last number and called in a loud singsong voice. "Coming to get you – ready or not!"

She was smiling as she turned around, a contented smile that never seemed to leave her face these days, her eyes glowing happily as she crept around the tree on her tip toes. "Is she behind the tree?" Beth wondered loudly, for the benefit of the other player in this game of hide-and-seek, quickly looking around the tree and allowing a pout to form on her lips as she whispered. "No…"

Beth's movements were exaggerated as she tiptoed around the picnic area searching. "Hmmm…" She wondered. "Is she…under the leaf?" Beth crouched on the grass and peeked underneath a tiny leaf, drawing a smothered giggle from the real-hiding place. Beth crept to the picnic table, talking to herself about possible hiding places. "Is she…" Beth put her head under the table letting her hair fall over her face as she did so. "…under the table? Yes!" She laughed as Sara screeched and crawled away from Beth, out of the other end of the bench and scrabbling to her feet. "Oooh! I'm going to get you missy!" Beth laughing started chasing after the little girl, whose dark hair streamed behind her as she ran into Scott coming from the house.

"Hey!" Scott protested picking her up and spinning her once before setting her back on the ground. "What's the rush huh?" He winked at the tiny girl, ruffling her hair as she clumsily squashed her eyes together back, giving his leg a quick hug before bounding off towards Kuger who was settled on the grass in the shade.

Beth watched Sara and Scott with a smile, it was nice how everyone was pulling together to keep Sara's mind from her sister, it must be nice to have so many 'aunts and uncles'. Her eyes followed Sara as she trundled off to Kuger, dropping to her knees beside the dog and nuzzling her nose into its fur whilst talking in types of gibberish.

Scott's eyes caught hers as she looked back to him and he smiled a strained smile before nodding his head gently and moving to sit down on a fallen log on the edge of the area. Something in his eyes was so sad that Beth knew she couldn't walk away without checking that he was all right first. She stole a quick look to make sure Sara was okay, before walking over to the older boy and standing by where he was sitting. "Hello." Beth said softly, not really sure what she should say to him and trying her hardest not to sound patronising.

Scott looked up at her blankly for a moment, as if he hadn't heard what she had said and then he smiled. "Hi." He replied, those trademark eyes deep and warm as he did so. "How're things?"

Beth nodded, telling him that everything was great – apart from…well she didn't have to mention the fact that she was worried about Grace, they all were and it didn't need saying. "You?"

Scott's eyes dulled slightly and then brightened as he felt her green eyes burning intently at him. He sighed, shrugging and shifting slightly on the log as if to silently indicate she was welcome to sit if she wanted too.

As Beth sat, Scott took a few moments to regard her. She was still as pretty as she always had been, but now in a more natural way. She had probably changed the most in the forest both aesthetically and mentally. She had lopped inches off the bottom of her beautiful dark blonde hair, adding a stepped-fringe to her usually completely even locks and dyed the underneath a dark aubergine colour. Currently her hair was pulled into tiny pigtails that stuck out on either side of her head, a few feathery pieces of hair framing her pretty make-up free face.

She was more caring than she ever had been as she smiled at him, looking fresh-faced and innocent. What she was now was a far cry from the bossy, brassy stuck-up, cheerleading-princess she had once been…she had learned by her mistakes, the old Beth would never survive in a world like theirs was now and besides Beth liked the 'new-her' better anyway.

"I'll do." Scott nodded, not really sure how he could ever begin to explain how he felt. He was mixed up and there seemed to be no way to make it better. Scott didn't know what to do because he had never had anything like that happen to him before…he thought she loved him back, but when he played it over in his mind he couldn't help but curse inwardly for having been so stupid.

Beth didn't know what to do either so she just sat and looked at him, at his profile as he stared ahead. He looked so sad that she wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay – but she knew she shouldn't, and didn't. The angles of his handsome face were dark with shadows and his dark brows were knitted in frowning. Although his lips softened to a neutral line and his eyes stayed narrowed as if to indicate his unhappiness Beth could still see the tiniest of smiles on his lips which never did much else no matter what.

"Scott?" She spoke, her voice the smallest murmur as she reached a hand out to touch his comfortingly, changing her mind at the last minute and putting it firmly back into her own lap. "Are you sure?" Beth almost threw-up at she realised how patronising and pushy and corny she sounded a let a smirk fall to her lips as an afterthought.

Scott's back stiffened at the question before he tilted his face slightly so that he could look at her, her lips smiling slightly and her dark green eyes doing the same. Their gaze held for long moments as he regarded the question thoughtfully. "No…" He answered finally. "…I'm not sure."

Beth sat back a little and took a long shaky breath at the forcefulness of this statement, shocked by his directness. She was all out of questions now, she didn't know how to talk to people like this, she wasn't really very good with people – as much as she hated to admit it. "Urm…well if you wanna talk…" She offered slowly. "…but I think maybe Mali…or Silver – would be better at that than me."

Scott jolted at the mention of Silver and Beth noted it with concern, biting her lip and cursing inwardly for saying the wrong thing already. "I'm sorry." She apologised, not quite sure what she was sorry for but feeling it anyway. "See?" She put her hands up in defeat. "I always say the wrong thing."

Scott shook his head and used his hand to muss-up his already 'mussed' short dark-hair. "Don't apologise…"

"Don't tell me what not to do." Beth quipped back with a girly smile.

Scott smiled back for a moment, the warm grin making the corners of his eyes crinkle slightly as he did so, Beth felt her stomach flip and lowered her eyes guiltily. "What would you do if you told a girl you loved her and she told you she didn't love you back?"

Beth looked up at him, the penny finally dropping as she realised how close Scott and Silver had gotten over the last few months, and her eyes opened wide in surprise. "Oh!" She exclaimed, dropping her eyes again. "Well…I suppose…" She spoke quickly but precisely. "…I suppose I'd be grateful for my partners'…for the other person's honesty. There's no use being in a relationship if you're not truthful right?"

Scott nodded, his brow furrowing in confusion once again. "Right…"

"…But that doesn't stop it hurting like hell does it?" Beth commented shaking her head. "I'm sorry Scott…I wish I could've said something more ground-breaking or revolutionary, but I told you that I'm no good at this stuff."

Scott shook his head. "That's not true." He rebuked firmly. "…you said the right thing – you gave your opinion, that's all I wanted. Thank you." He said sincerely, rising to his feet as he spoke. Beth looked up at him from her seat on the log and then followed him to his feet. "I going to go for a walk to clear my head, take in some sights." Scott paused. "You wouldn't want…"

"Bethie!" The young girls voice trilled across the picnic area and she looked over to see Sara waving pieces of paper high in the air.

Beth laughed. "It's time for Sara's school-stuff. She only likes it because it's such a novelty." She announced. "Give her a few more months and she'll be feeding her…'homework'…to Kuger."

Scott laughed slightly following Beth's gaze to the child before turning back to Beth who was now looking at him with intent eyes. "If…anyone…asks, tell them I'll be back okay?"

Beth nodded in agreement; knowing instantly that the "anyone" was Silver.

"See ya' Beth." Scott smiled one last time squeezing her hand as he passed her into the forest. Beth watched him go, wrapping her arms around herself in a protective embrace, just when things seemed to be looking up for them all…She shook her head wishing that they could all just be happy, just for a few weeks.

Ally stifled another yawn and blinked her eyes rapidly to stop them from blurring over; turning the page of the large journal she was studying. Her forefinger immediately went to the very first word at the top of the page and then ran distractedly downwards as she skim-read the words and bold-print.

"…you should take a break."

Ally jumped as his voice broke into her rhythm and she looked up into familiar blue-green eyes. "Huh?"

Ved grinned cheekily and shook his head. "I said:" He repeated in his southern-drawl. "I think you should take a break." His attention was pulled away from the blonde-haired girl for a moment as his fingers tapped on the keyboard of the laptop computer he was working steadily on. Something had caught his eye, but as he examined the symptoms listed closer his face dropped once more. Upon Jay's instruction he'd been searching the "medical history" on his computers hard-drive to see if he could figure out what was wrong with Grace. As much as Ved hated to admit it, it was no use – her symptoms were fainting, loss of appetite and a fever – it could be anything and Jay knew that too.

But however much all in the Tribe knew this just wasn't helping, still all searched on – Ally now and previously Cooper, had been searching the old medical journals and random encyclopaedias they had found in one of the old cupboards of the house, they couldn't lose hope, because right now that was all they had.

"I'm not tired." Ally said firmly, before a yawn escaped her lips causing both to smile briefly and she turned her attention back to the leather-bound journal her lips pursed determinedly. "Besides, I want to help."

"You are helping." Tammy's voice was unusually soft as she laid a tray of coffee-filled mugs on the table, she reached to touch her friends' hand in affection and the girls shared a smile. "Where's Cooper?" She wondered rising her eyebrows.

"Resting." Ved said without looking up from the computer-screen, and Tammy looked to Ally for further explanation.

Ally shrugged and shook her head. "We were all up late last night and early this morning…and I don't think he's been sleeping. I don't know why, maybe this whole Grace thing has shaken him up more that I thought it would. I told him I'd wake him in an hour or so…about three hours ago." Tammy eyed her quizzically. "I'm just leaving him till he wakes – he needs it."

Ved pushed the computer away from him and lifted up a mug from the tray, putting it to his lips and sipping it caused his to grimace. "…Hot…" He breathed sticking his tongue out and fanning it with a hand.

"You're such a baby!" Ally laughed reaching to take the mug she knew was hers from the tray.

Ved scowled playfully and then frowned at the coffee mug. "No sugar." He commented raising an eyebrow at Tammy.

"Maybe you're sweet enough?" She said with a smile, laughing as Ved looked immediately confused and shook her head. "Or maybe you just took my cup."

Ally watched the pair tease each other about who was the sweetest, Tammy finally declaring that although Ved defiantly wasn't 'sweet', she didn't think she fell into that category either. Ally laughed to herself, before turning her eyes back to the pages of 'medical information'. She searched the unfamiliar language of medicine, hoping that she would find anything that could help Grace. Ally had liked the dark-haired girl from the start, no matter what Louisa had said, and she just couldn't imagine anything happening to her.

Grace put the smile into a place like this, whether it was laughing through the picnic area after Sara, or offering advice and hugs, or just being genuinely nice. Ally smiled as she remembered the wonderful song Grace and Scott had sung at her party and felt small tears sting at the back of her eyes. Turning over another page and stifling another yawn, Ally promised herself she would do all she could to help.

"How are you feeling?" Jay asked Grace, shifting slightly from where both were sitting – her head comfortably on his shoulder – so that he could check her temperature again. She sat patiently as the back of his hand pressed to her forehead, looking at him fondly with a smile playing on her lips.

"A little sleepy." She admitted in a quiet voice, a tiny trace of laughter as she spoke. "A little weak, a little nauseous." Jay smiled as she talked in a sweet but put-on girly voice. "How am I doin' Doctor Jay?"

He looked into her inky eyes as she blinked at him and felt the lump rising in the back of the throat. "Just fine." He forced. "Maybe a little hot…clammy….what?" He asked quickly as Grace's playful smile dropped.

"I feel cold." She admitted biting her lip, before shaking her head determinedly and forcing a big grin for her boyfriend. "But that's okay…" She said slowly. "…because I've beaten the fever once – and if it comes back I can do it again right?"

Jay, despite feeling so unutterably sad as he looked at her, brave and determined in the face of every possibility that faced her, couldn't help but smile at her courage. "Right, and I'm fighting too remember?"

"Yeah." Her eyes sparkled as she put on a loud commentator voice. "Jay and Gracey fighting together forever…" She laughed at herself. "…that is if you still want me and my fever?"

"Just you." Jay admitted. "But we can live with the fever till it decides to go away." Grace giggled as he kissed the top of her head. "'love you."

Grace kneeled-up and dropped a kiss on Jay's head. "'love you." She whispered back taking his hand and locking their fingers together in a way that was familiar, but still held a special significance to them both.

Jay looked in her eyes, so clear and calm, any fear she held not once showing, the only emotion was happiness and contentment as she squeezed his hand lightly, pulling his gaze over her arm soft and pale to their fingers. Her touch was as soft as it always had been and made him feel like he was drifting away into another wonderful dream where nothing mattered but touch and what he was feeling right then and there. For long moments he lost himself in this feeling, allowed himself to disappear in her warmth, took them both away from this time and place, away from the cool dark room and somewhere lighter and brighter and happier where they were together without complications or fear or problems that couldn't be mended by either of them. As he brought her and to his lips to kiss the tips of her fingers so very lightly her arm turned slightly, palm and wrist facing upwards causing Jay to freeze in his pursuits.

Grace who's eyes had been shut as she too took them away from their present to somewhere so much more…opened her eyes as he flinched and looked at him as he brought her wrist nearer his eyes to examine it closer. "What is it?" She wondered her voice strained and slightly high-pitched as it left her lips.

The blonde-haired boy frowned as his finger traced a small dark-purple blanch on Grace's lower arm. "What's this?" He almost demanded as fear washed over his body.

"I'm not sure…" Grace spoke slowly attempting to pull her arm back, but finding that Jay wouldn't let her have it. Biting her lips she slowly unclenched her hand to reveal another purple mark on her palm. "They've been there for a few…while. I just figured they were, bruises or something – I didn't want to worry you – I thought it was nothing."

Jay said nothing as he pressed at the purple blanches carefully, inspecting them as if he was a doctor, whilst Grace wriggled in his grip. "Hold still…" He said softly, his gentle voice immediately soothing as he continued the examination to the rest of her hand and arm. "What's this?" He wondered again, holding up her finger, still covered with a plaster.

Grace looked away sheepishly again and spoke in a tiny voice without looking at Jay. "It's my bad finger, that cut…still a little sore. It's nothing." Jay didn't need telling twice, and immediately set about removing the plaster so that he could take closer look at it.

Grace yelped in pain as the plaster was pulled off and pulled the hand back to her chest defensively. "Grace, please." His touch was soft but demanding as he took the hand again in his for closer inspection like a proper doctor.

The mood in the room quickly changed as Jay questioned her about the cut and Grace winced in pain as it was pressed and examined, occasionally biting her lip as Jay looked up at her with an neutral expression, neutral that was, apart from the flashes of worry in his eyes that she caught just before he looked down again. Finally Jay let her hand rest back in her lap and sighed heavily.

This sigh brought fear into Grace's heart, and turned her stomach enough to make her want to throw-up the slice of bread she had managed to eat earlier. She desperately wanted to ask him what was wrong but when he fixed his brown eyes on her and looked deeply at her, she knew that he didn't have the answer.

In silence Jay reached for the medical kit lying by the side of the makeshift bed and began to clean and re-cover the cut on her finger without a single word passing between them. Jay didn't speak because he didn't know what to say. A small part of him wanted to say that everything was fine now because he knew what it was, but another part, the larger louder part told him that whatever it was was more serious than he could ever have imagined. His mind worked fast to place the pieces of this very difficult puzzle together and no matter how many times he tried to reason to himself he knew that he had no way of making this better.

Jay softly explained to Grace that he should go and report the cut and bruising to Ved because perhaps it had something to do with her fever. She nodded in understanding, gulping back the little tears that had formed in her eyes as he spoke with hurt in his voice. "Don't be too long huh?" Grace told him, her voice once again wobbling with emotion as she looked up into his eyes, distraught by the pain she was obviously causing. "I miss you when you're gone."

Jay smiled as tears of helplessness filled his eyes. His hand reached out to gently cup her face for a moment, holding her so that their gaze never broke for precious seconds, allowing Grace to see every ounce of affection he had for her shining in those honest brown eyes, before nodding and leaving the room.


	46. Last Testament

_**Last Testament** _

As the night covered the tiny settlement in the darkness of a velvet sky the mood was sombre and reflective. As the days dwindled past the hope and life which once was so evident around the cottage seemed to evaporate completely. All, it seemed, were losing hope of Grace getting better as she fell once again into fitful slumber, delirium and bouts of unconsciousness. The only sunshine to come from this group of friends joined as a Tribe in their prayers for the future came from Sara, so innocently unaware as she giggled and played in the grass, or twisted a crown of daisies for herself or Grace or Beth or Malaika…and every so often when the baby kicked or wriggled inside her Mali would find herself lost in the wonder of creation and have no option but to smile, smiles shared with Lance who was always to be found by her side.

It was impossible of course for her happiness and smiles to last more than a few moments, for reality always returned with grim reminders. She was unable to forget the condition of her friend so desperately helpless to whatever it was that had taken over her frail body, for they were connected. Not in the way of Grace and Jay or in the way she had once been with Luke and now was with Lance but in a way that only two best girl friends could be. Secrets between them never needed to be shared, thoughts didn't need to be voiced, for both could convey to the other what they meant and felt with the simplest toss of the head or glimmer in the eye. Silence was sometimes the strongest form of communication and the briefest touch of an outstretched hand gave more in a time of difficulty than a million kind words. Both girls knew this well, and as their time apart went on Mali found their bond seeming to get stronger. She knew that Grace would struggle through the bad times, because she herself knew for certain that she would fight with everything she had just to see the smile of the one girl who knew her soul as well as she did herself.

Malaika held her faith in friendship as Lance held her hand with reassurance and comforted her with a silence that seemed to say more than anything else could. Whatever happened she somehow knew in those dark and distraught moments that he'd always be there with a guiding hand and arms so safe that when she was in them she felt that nothing could or would ever go wrong. These were the arms that cradled both her and her unborn child and she somehow knew as her heart fluttered to the thought that this was where all three belonged and where the three of them would always stay.

Earlier in the day Grace had been playful and talkative as she giggled and flirted with Jay within the confines of the living room, she had seemed to temporarily return to her old self, the twinkle in her eyes as she smiled giving Jay every reason to begin to feel and stay positive about his diagnosis that she was getting better. But as dusk had fallen she had become more lethargic and less coherent than ever, as the fever had returned, pulling her back into restlessness. This agitation had continued to worsen until finally, as the moon came to sit high above she had drifted into bouts of fitful slumber.

In the times when her eyes were closed fully her dreams, inner-self and subconscious seemed to take full control of her helpless form and her lips, instead of whispering their usual bliss in sleep, spilled nothing but gibberish. It appeared to Jay, who watched on, only leaving her side for brief moments to check on Ved's progress with diagnosing, that Grace had succumbed to whatever pain and nightmares she hid in the complicated caverns of her mind. The blonde leader, whose appearance was more deathly and ashen with both worry and exhaustion as the time went by, sat faithfully, stroking her hand, bathing her hot forehead and talking calmly to her, as the girl fought against herself and the images that were inside her thoughts.

Jay's muscles stiffened when he heard her call out for her mother, tears of frustration and pain streaking her already clammy cheeks as she continued to thrash between the sheets of the bed. In her struggles Grace knocked a glass of water to the floor with a loud smash, the noise not waking either Jay or herself from the bubble of desperation both seemed to be trapped inside.

Even when Grace's struggles subsided still the words and broken sentences fell from her mouth, mostly all were asking for her parents, she wanted her mother to make everything better, better in the way that only a mother's touch and kind words could and these declarations brought tears to Jay's eyes.

Grace had never really mentioned to Jay, in all the time they had spent together in the forest, how much the death of her parents had affected her; perhaps she hadn't really admitted it to herself either. Grace had stayed strong for everyone around her, especially her sister, focusing on the future – on making things better for their tiny family-unit. She had made the best of everything they had, never complaining of hunger or cold throughout the winter months when they had nothing and it had been a struggle for all. She had even gone so far as to share her little rations with others, and never once had that wonderful smile left her face.

Jay's lips turned up slightly at the corners as he remembered all of the wonderful time they had spent together but more than that, his mind drifted away from where they now were, and to the future they had promised each other, all of the happy times both knew they deserved…

His head snapped up as a knock came at the door, a strong tapping that he recognised immediately and as the door opened letting a small amount of outside candlelight spill inwards Jay was not surprised to see the blonde head of his younger brother inch inside. No emotion or reaction passed over the leader's strong features as their eyes locked and Ved closed the door behind him. Ved was supposedly bringing good news – a diagnosis – but what he had to say he knew would do nothing to ease the pain of his older brother. Jay noted this look in his eyes with a sorry shake of the head urging Ved to say whatever it was he had come to say.

The words between them were unnecessary really because somehow both brothers knew from the moment Jay had found the cut in it's infected state exactly what it was; they just didn't want to believe it. Both had seen something similar in one of their cousins when they were younger but back then the cure had been a simple trip to the hospital…however in times like these neither were sure of the outcome.

"Jay…" Ved spoke in a whisper as he scratched his head with nervousness, his voice faltering slightly as Grace murmured in her sleep. "…it's septicaemia. All the symptoms are there: fever, chills, lethargy, paleness, clamminess, skin lesions…" His voice trailed off as Jay's eyes left him and returned their steady vigil back to Grace.

Dark-circles shone underneath Ved's eyes as he watched on, the long days and lack of sleep had too taken their toll on him but he pretended that he was fine when Ally and Tammy had questioned him about it. The truth was that he WAS fine with the lack of sleep and feeling permanently exhausted because that was something he had control over and could change whenever he wanted, the thing he wasn't okay with was Grace. Ved had complained a lot in the past of Jay and his relationship with Grace, mainly because he didn't understand how being with someone like that day and night, being committed could make you so happy. But he'd had time to think about that lately and remembered all of the happiness Grace had given his brother, the playfulness she'd brought out in him…Ved wasn't one who believed in the concept of love but when he thought about how much Jay had in his relationship with Grace he supposed he couldn't deny it, in a way he even felt a small longing for what they had together.

Now things had changed, he liked Grace…cared about her as if she was his sister and the thought they were going to lose her was something that felt almost too terrible to bear and as he watched Jay bringing Grace's hand to his lips and whispering to her to tell her it would be alright he realised that what he was feeling would be nothing compared to what Jay was going through.

Ved realised at that moment Jay was struggling to be strong this time, struggling to save them from pain, from things that he'd always saved them from in the past. He knew that this time he was going to have to be the strong one and look out for his brother in the way he had looked out for him. The blonde brother wasn't quite sure what he should say or do, so he tried to figure out what Jay would do in his situation.

"She's going to need antibiotics." He blurted without thinking, and upon seeing Jay stiffen he knew he'd done the wrong thing. Ved took a deep breath and stepped forward to place a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder. "We'll get through this Jay…" Ved managed in a small voice. "…all of us."

He was trying to be caring and valiant, all present in the room was aware of that but still the words dropping from his lips made Ved cringe. This wasn't him, kind words and reassurance made no appearance whatsoever in his vocabulary and the statement which would've been so heartening from Jay sounded nothing but corny to the young brother who cringed inwardly.

Jay didn't notice the cringe or register the words spoken by the boy, the only things he really noticed in the darkened room apart from the touch shared by he and Grace, was a the firm hand on his shoulder and the strength he gained from it. This touch between brothers showed him that although Ved didn't often act it or like to show it, he did care about things and he could be empathetic and compassionate. In truth he'd never really had the need to show these qualities in the past, for Jay had them in abundance and always had been the sensible brother. Jay had taken care of them both for so long now that Ved himself had almost forgotten these qualities and the emotions that went along with them. His hand never left his brothers shoulder for a moment as his eyes dark blue in the little light they had, found the frame of Grace, helpless and fighting alone, for nothing either he or Jay could do now would change the outcome. Ved knew they had no antibiotics and knew no feasible way to get any so right now Grace's fate depended on luck and luck alone. He sighed shakily and bit his lip trying to stop any emotion he was feeling inside from racking his body with trembles, Ved was scared, and anyone who could've seen into that shadowy room would've seen the faintest glisten of tears in those blue eyes.

The cottage and surrounding picnic area was quiet even at the most busy times lately for the whole mood of this little tribe had been shattered and only memories of the time they spent all sat together discussing the future or a trip to the next settlement, laughing and joking and smiling remained. The group had now been fragmented more than it ever had been, words barely passed between certain members who clung only to the ones the loved or the ones who knew them most. This was a lonely alternative for a few however who really didn't have anyone to turn to or anyone they could turn too in a time of need.

Cooper sat alone in the abandoned area, abandoned mainly because of the nightfall, but partly because of the ghosts of happy times and memories that haunted and threatened to hurt all who dwelled there. He was slightly surprised to be all alone in the cool night, but he didn't pretend to himself that there was no reason for it. Since Louisa had kissed him they had stayed mainly out of each other's way, a simple mistake that know put up bridges between them neither could cross. This incident too had made Cooper distance himself from Ally, leaving him alone with only decisions to make and his jumbled thoughts to guide him.

He didn't really know why he had decided to do something about the situation, but he supposed that in the end it would make living in the cottage just a little bit more bearable than it had been in the past few days but he wasn't sure of the cost. The main reason everything had been so awkward was because of how guilty he knew Louisa felt about kissing him, Cooper wasn't exactly sure of the main root of the guilt but he did know it had something to do with Ally. From the start he and Ally had been close, partners in crime almost and they had stuck together through thick and thin and this gave Lou the idea that Ally felt something more for the dark-haired brother the just plain friendship.

Cooper reasoned with himself that she only liked him because he was the 'safety' option, he was the person she trusted the most and she knew he would never push her to do anything she didn't want which made him safe. Louisa had smiled at this and told him not to be naïve, that Ally knew what she wanted – safety or not – and what she wanted was him. Louisa would never dream of taking away the one thing that made her young friend happy and with a smile, a light squeeze of his hand and a wink of her hazel eyes she had bluntly told him that Ally was too the one thing that made him happy.

She was right, Cooper realised with a nod, Ally did make him happy she was sweet and kind and everything that a lovely person should be, and he would've never questioned that…up until the moment he and Louisa had kissed. That had changed things, he'd enjoyed it and lately he had seen another side to Lou that he liked, but what all this meant he couldn't be sure.

"Penny for your thoughts?" The voice was cool and crisp as it hailed him but Cooper didn't flinch as he recognised the voice in an instant. "Room for one more?"

Cooper nodded and shifted slightly so that the girl could sit next to him, turning his face up to hers, doused in shadows as he gave her a small smile.

Silver sat down next to the boy, throwing a smile back in his direction and shivering slightly against the breeze and settling onto the hard wood. She too had been thinking, thinking very much of Scott and worried about his disappearing act. Although Beth had cornered her that afternoon and mentioned in passing the message he'd left for her, still her brow was furrowed in confusion. No matter what she had thought about or said to Scott in the past she did care about him, she cared about him more than she could ever say but she finally realised now why she couldn't commit to him. It was her past, the thing she had said was dead, gone and forgotten. The truth was, it wasn't, it was still very much alive and however much Silver didn't want to admit it she would not and could not settle down into this way of living. The cottage life wasn't for her and never had been. She had been raised in the busy city, in the concrete jungle, pollution and chaos was the thing that made her feel the most at home. Silver had almost died when her parents had sent her to live with her grandparents by the beach, she'd hated every minute and vowed with her life and soul that she would get back to the city no matter what.

Her heart longed for the city she grew up in, and although she would never admit it, her heart longed for something else. Someone else. She had loved, had given her heart in the past and no matter how much she tried to tell herself she could do fine without him she knew that it just wasn't true. They had broken up through circumstance and it had left her empty and still longing for him, even after all of this time. She didn't want to hurt Scott, she truly cared for him…she just hadn't expected things to get so serious between them, for her heart would always belong in the city and to the boy who lived there. Silver knew how ridiculous she was being because she had no idea where he was now or even if he still cared for her, but whilst there was still a small chance she would never let go of the love the shared.

"How are things?" The girl wondered, pushing her braids from her face and turning so she was facing Cooper's profile. She had been so lonely just sitting and thinking on the porch…and when she saw Cooper, she knew he felt the same, knew that he needed just what she did – someone to talk too…

For a moment the boy looked as though he hadn't heard her question and then he pushed a hand through his hair, hair that desperately needed cutting. Cooper's answer to the question finally came in the form of a long deep sigh.

"I know that sigh." Silver commented almost immediately. "I've sighed that sigh." She laughed at herself for a moment before returning attention to Cooper. "Relationship trouble?"

Cooper smiled slightly at Silver's unusually straight-talk. "How'd you know?"

"Believe me honey I've been there, many times. Besides is there ever anything else in this place?" She exaggerated her speech with frantic hand gesticulations. "We're kids…teenagers, it must be all those raging hormones just flying about unaccounted-for."

Cooper laughed and shook his head slightly, turning to give the girl a grin, telling her she'd made him feel much better. Silver sighed and shook her head back with a sorry glance. "Seriously Cooper…" Her voice was soft as another breeze rushed over them and sent icy chills up his spine. "…You're better off alone."

Grace's eyes were wide and blinking as she looked from brother to brother as if she didn't understand them as they spoke to her in the early light of morning. She shook her head slowly and continued with her blinking in silence, never once asking a question or speaking back. She wasn't quite sure what she was hearing and even less sure of what it all meant. Some of the words she recognised and understood: antibiotics, she knew what that meant and she also knew that she didn't have any to take. Grace who although was fighting back against lethargy and fever for the meanwhile still felt unbearably sick and couldn't make out the words that were being spoken to her, she couldn't seem to make the sentences make sense. She nodded and understood when Jay said she wasn't infectious, instantly wondering with a smile if that meant she could see Sara and Mali again, her excitement evident until she saw the looks of simultaneous worry pass between the brothers.

Grace took a deep shaky breath as she felt her insides churn with nausea, Jay was looking at her with eyes so wide and afraid that she barely dared to utter her single question. "Am I…" Her voice cracked slightly, but was hidden; covered over as replaced by another, weaker, smile. "Am I going to die?"

The question was so clear, so calm so innocent that it instantly brought tears to eyes and made nothing less than a deathly silence pass through the room. There wasn't an answer to the question, for neither Jay nor Ved could be sure of anything right now. Grace inched her fingers over the blanket that was covering her legs and touched her hands to Jays, their fingers linking instantly. For once, she didn't know what to do or say to make everything better, she could tell by the boy's silence that for once there probably wasn't anything she could say. Small trembles started in her hands and toes and her breathing became shaky, Grace wasn't afraid of death, at least at that moment she didn't feel fear. The only thing she felt, apart from a deep and sudden numbness, was disappointment in her. The dark-haired girl felt as though she should be apologising to her boyfriend, to his brother, to her sister to all the people who she had promised to help and look after to all the people she would be letting down.

The hurt shone so deeply in Jay's eyes, and it broke her heart to know that it was she who had made him so sad…Grace couldn't help but feel that somehow all of this was her fault. She had fought so hard against the fever, she had tried to get better, she wanted that more than anything…but she only felt as though she hadn't done enough to make herself well again. "I'm sorry Jay…" She whispered as the first of her tears dropped onto pale cheeks. "I'm so sorry…" The sobs choked in her throat, making her voice seem crackly as she whispered her apologies over and over as Jay pulled her, sobbing and shaking into his arms.

His voice whispered reassurance and comfort as he cooed soothingly and brushed her hair with his hand, telling her to stop saying sorry. His heart ached further knowing that she blamed herself and it was a hard struggle for him not to get angry at her apologetic words. Jay felt his blood boil with rage, not rage at Grace but at the whole situation, as he felt her frail frame trembling in his arms, for one of the only times in his life the calm, quiet and reasonable boy wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. He wanted to curse their creator, the person who had seen fit to do something so terrible to someone like Grace, a beautiful innocent who had never set out to hurt anyone in her whole life. She was the most undeserving of punishment and pain that he knew and pulling her close he tried to banish his sudden need to hurt, to lash out, to destroy things.

The heat and frustration he felt however came in the form of tears; tears that burned in his eyes and all the way over his own pale cheeks before they were dashed away with the back of his hand. Never once did he voice his own feelings that he felt it was his fault she was so sick, for the rose, a symbol of his love had ultimately been the weapon. As much as Jay was struggling with himself and trying not to think about this awful realisation he knew he could never convey these feelings to his poor sweet Gracey. Jay knew with all of his heart that she would never have him saying a bad word against himself and explaining his fears would only cause her more pain than she was already feeling.

Grace's eyes opened slowly, blurry and shining with tears when they found Ved as she still held onto Jay with everything she had. They're eyes met with softness and affection, and even in her distraught and confused state Grace was as perceptive as ever seeing exactly how Ved felt, the sadness that shone out from his soul. The brunette reached out a free hand and gently touched his fingers reassuringly, and then she did something that Ved didn't expect. Grace smiled, a heart-warming smile that made Ved think, just for a few moments – whatever happened – that everything really would be okay.

Ally pushed her hair behind her ears dismissively and dropped a tea bag into one of the cups of boiling water that sat before her on the worktop. She hummed to herself as she stirred the water before fishing the bag of tea from one cup and dropping it into the next, when she was finished she placed the bag finally on a saucer on the windowsill to dry out so it could be reused.

Her hair was getting long now, growing quickly out of its boyish bob and falling over her shoulders. Ally didn't know if she was going to let it continue or chop it back into her old style, and mused to herself that it was probably going to be one of those decisions that changed her entire life for the next six months. She felt bad for focusing her mind on something so trivial when Grace was lying so sick…but this was her way. As every day passed Ally was blossoming into a beautiful young woman and continued to throw of the gawky tomboyish nature that although was once so endearing was now childish. She was maturing beyond her years, becoming wiser and more thoughtful, but still some of her impish qualities remained, for she truly was still only a girl and this is how these trivial thoughts managed to take over her mind.

It was a defence mechanism designed to block the real horrors of the world. Ally, like all children in this brave new world, had seen more than any child should and like many others she had created her own way of dealing with these traumas. Her release…her escape was into her own mind, in to the triviality of haircuts, of walks, of what she was going to eat for tea. Ally was growing-up quickly and beginning to discover so many things about herself and the world around her with bright perception but always this device would stay inside her, for she had been scarred and some things marked a person for life.

Kuger bounded over to the pretty girl as she exited the house with two mugs of tea and circled her feet happily as Ally told her playfully to shoo or go and sit under a tree or something and continued to the red-haired girl who's feet Kuger had retreated too.

Tammy smiled at her friend and took the mug of tea that had been made for her, shifting slightly on the step of the little cottage so that Ally could join her. They sat close and in silence for long moments, they had been friends with each other long before the others had joined them and felt at most ease when they were together. Ultimately one member of the trio was missing and this was partly the reason Ally was feeling so shaky. She owed so much to Louisa, more to her than anyone else in the whole world, for she had saved her when it had mattered, rescued her from the evils of the city and brought her to Tammy's safe haven in the middle of the forest. Louisa, although she seemed selfish and self-obsessed had really never been anything else to the young blonde than kind and wonderful – nursing her back to health and looking after her when she needed it most and that's why it hurt so much that lately Louisa had distanced herself.

At first Ally had thought it was her imagination, that Louisa too was weary and deeply affected by the illness of Grace – how they all had been – and that she just needed a little space and time, but as more and more time went by Ally had to come to terms with the fact that she had lost a good friend for no good reason that she could see.

Tammy, as always, was cool and calm and reassuring, telling the pretty girl to give Lou some time and she'd come around in the end, that nothing would break the deep bonds of friendship they shared.

Ally shrugged at this and sighed deeper than ever. "It's not just Louisa though," She admitted turning her clear eyes to Tammy. "It's Cooper too."

"Oh." Tammy said it like she knew exactly what had happened to make these two distance themselves from Ally, but of course she didn't. No one did, apart from the two themselves and as long as they both cared for Ally, neither were prepared to shatter her with the truth. "Listen Ally… I know I'm probably the last person who should be giving you advice but I think maybe Cooper's confused. I know he likes you Al, me of all people," This was said with a knowing, but slightly embarrassed smile. "I just think that maybe he needs to know how you feel about him."

Ally lowered her eyes and took a few sips from the mug of weak tea, in many ways she knew Tammy was right, but Ally just didn't want to have to think about Cooper and her real feelings for him. He knew so much about her, knew all of her past, and had been so kind – a wonderful friend but was it more than that? Had she not wished so many times that he was there when she was alone? She had thought about him kissing her, and really wanted him too at times, Ally felt swarms of butterflies in her stomach when he was near and trusted him more than she ever thought she would trust a male again…

But the thought of telling him all of this, sweet-hearted-Cooper who had arranged her birthday party, and helped her quell her nightmares, and talked to her about Memphis…the thought of telling him how much she cared about him scared her right to the core and made her break out in a cold sweat. She knew he would never laugh at her or hurt her in any way but this didn't ease her fears, rather it made them all the worse, as she knew that whatever happened Cooper would give her a truthful answer.

Malaika didn't know how she felt. Part of her felt an overwhelming happiness as she learned from Jay that Grace was no longer thought to be contagious and that the pretty brunette was asking for her, and another part of her felt nothing but dread as she learnt of this. She saw in Jay's eyes that things hadn't gotten better as she had first hoped, but undoubtedly worse, and for a split second Malaika feared for the safety of her baby.

Jay, although exhausted and obviously heartbroken, saw this flash of fear and shook his head, immediately setting out to calm Malaika's worries by briefly explaining that they knew exactly what was wrong with Grace.

And that was how he left the mother-to-be, in a state of relieved shock, standing outside the door of her best friend's room confused and not quite sure what to expect when she went inside. Her knock was soft, and as she entered warily she was shocked to see no natural daylight streaming in through the windows, daylight that Grace loved more than anything.

A few large candles lighted the room; candles that spilled a shadowy light on the pale face that was Grace's, a face that lit the room more than the candles ever could when she smiled up at her friend. "Mali!" She whispered sitting up quickly and reeling slightly as the blood rushed to her head.

"Grace…" Malaika spoke cautiously, but was unable to remove the joy of seeing her smile from her voice. The tall girl stepped closer and seated herself on a chair next to the bed.

Grace laughed – another natural action that caused Mali to brim over with happiness that she was okay and that she was still alive and here and her friend and…! "Come here silly…" Grace demanded patting the bed. "Don't sit all the way over there…I'm not contagious – I know that much."

This briefly reminded them that this was not just a girly-talk or moment of hushed secret-confessions, but something much more important and Malaika did what she was told carefully – not wanting to hurt or disturb her friend too much as she got comfortable on the bed.

Grace took Malaika's hand in her own cold ones and squeezed it gently. "How have you been?" She wondered.

She laughed, so like Grace, so like her to ask after others before herself, yet another simple action that made Mali's eyes sting. "I'm…I've been good."

"How's Lance and the baby?" Grace sighed in contentment. "She'll be coming out to say hello soon huh?"

Malaika told her friend that Lance was fine and so was the baby and everyone else, but Grace knew most of this for Mali had shared the news through the door on many occasions even after Jay had told her not too. The girls talked about how wonderful it would be when the baby was born, how lucky it would be to have so many wonderful people to take care of it, and as they talked Mali was aware that tears glinted in Grace's inky eyes, tears that fell rapidly as the conversation progressed to talk of the forthcoming birth and future events.

"Are you okay Gracey?" Malaika's voice caught as she spoke, knowing before she even said it that she wasn't, but desperately wanting that to be untrue.

Grace nodded and brushed away the tears with the back of her hand. "How do I look Mali? Do I look really sick…" Malaika started to protest the question but Grace continued. "The truth please? I just need someone to be honest with me."

Malaika turned her brown eyes reluctantly towards her friend, with a look that betrayed the anguish she felt at being forced to face up to the reality of their situation. Her eyes found Grace and she honestly looked for all traces of sickness.

It was hard to tell in the weak candlelight but it was obvious even in the near-dark that Grace was much paler and a good deal thinner. Her face looked worn with tears and frustration and worry, worn in a way it never had been before when she was better…when she had been optimistic and she did look awfully sick. However, much to her friends delight, there were positive things to see in the face and appearance of the girl. Grace's hair was as shiny and tidy as always – pulled back into their plaits, her lips were curved into a brave smile and her eyes… They were still the most amazing things about her. The blue irises had only seemed to get more inky and filled with a kind of peacefulness. Grace looked like a child, for the weight loss had given her a false appearance of youth and frailty and the white nightgown she wore added to the effect, but Malaika was as truthful as she spoke clearly. "You look beautiful Gracey."

Her words were clear and strong, but completely honest, for anyone who could've witnessed Grace, in the face of such sickness would've too been amazed by how pretty she looked. The illness had not managed to take that away from her for Grace was a rarity, Gracey had the sort of beauty that came from more than her appearance…it came from her mannerisms, her smile – it came from inside and nothing, not even the face of death could stop it radiating from her like heat from the sun on a warm day.

"That can't be…" Grace whispered with a smile if protest, a smile that faded slightly. "…how can it be true?"

"I wish I knew." Malaika admitted shrugging and moving Grace's hand so it sat on her swollen tummy, a tummy that her child was kicking under. "I think she wants to say hello to her aunty Gracey…" Mali added, with a light and faraway look in her face.

"Hey there sweetheart.." Grace dropped her voice to a whisper as the kicking continued. "..it's Gracey.."

The touch was innocent, tender and a lovely kind thought from Mali, but it cause Grace more heartache than the girl could've ever foreseen. The kicking of the unborn child reminded Grace of her future, or rather the future she could now never see being true. Grace had wanted more than anything to be a mother, to feel the wonder of creation, to feel something growing inside her and now she addressed the child and it's mother with a kind of nostalgia, a mourning for the loss of something she never even knew she had. "I'm dying."

The statement was simple, it was short and for a moment Malaika wasn't sure she'd heard her right. Her head snapped up in shock and forced their eyes to collide. Malaika just looked, she couldn't speak or move and was frozen to the spot for long moments managing only to struggle out a few words that told Grace she didn't understand.

Grace too didn't understand, but tried to explain to her friend as lightly as she could everything she knew. It was a struggle for them both, but as always Grace remained strong, saving her tears, looking at the positives, reminding Mali of all the wonderful things that were coming in her future.

"Gracey…" Mali bit out the name harshly and the girls fell into an embrace both fighting sobs that they knew would have to come eventually but were pushed aside for the moment. Malaika didn't believe it and she couldn't, for although Grace looked sicker she still looked so full of life…she couldn't believe any of the facts that were told by the sick-girl for they were laced with messages of hope and promise.

Grace pulled back with a smile and a nod taking both of Mali's hands in her own again she shook her head with a firmness that commanded them both to be strong. "Mali you've gotta promise me something okay? Promise me you'll look after them." Malaika's eyes filled with more tears and again Grace shook her head. "Sara. She's so young, so full of life even after seeing so much death. She's growing up fast now but she'll need someone to look after her – someone other than Jay. A girl, someone like you Mali, you've been such a friend to me, more than I could've hoped and Sara'll need someone strong when the time comes." This speech had been thought over and thought over…it was so polished that it could've been practised and Mali realised that Grace had practised it, over and over in her head, so she made sure she remembered every single word. Malaika tried to remember how her voice sounded and how she looked when she spoke and how the room blurred as tears streaked furiously down her shocked cheeks. "And Ved. I know he can be a handful sometimes and a bit of a brat but he means well and although he won't admit it I think all of this has hit him pretty hard. He's a tough-cookie that one…but deep down he's as fragile as any of us." They nodded together and Grace blinked back tears.

Her voice filled the room eerily as if it wasn't really happened, but both knew it was and no matter how hard Malaika protested Grace wouldn't stop with her testament. "Jay.." Just hearing her say the name with such love and affection sent Mali over the edge, a sob escaped her mouth, a sob she covered with a cough. She didn't know how long she could sit there with Grace squeezing her warm hands and being so strong when she should be crying and screaming and getting angry. Grace should be fighting, she shouldn't be giving up she shouldn't be giving this speech…Mali's head dropped to her chest as her shoulders shook violently and more tears fell covering her face in a veil of sorrow as the words slipped from her mouth. "Stop it Grace – stop!"

Grace inhaled shakily and cupped Mali's face with her hands lifting her head so that they were looking into each other's eyes. "I must." She spoke in nothing but statements now. "You're my closest friend. Don't say anything, just listen: I love them all more than anything, Sara, Ved, Jay…just keep telling them, don't let them forget me…" Grace shook away the tears and apologised quickly for the selfishness of her last words. "…look after them for me, please try, try to keep them safe and happy and…" Her hands dropped with her eyes and for a moment the girls just sat in a gasping silence, choking back all emotion they were feeling, both fighting to be stronger for their friend – the one who needed them right now…

Slowly Malaika touched her fingers with Grace's, knowing that no matter how much her heart ached with the revelations she had just witnessed it was finally her turn to be the strength. Grace had been there for her through everything and now it was finally time to be there for her. Mali dashed the tears from her cheeks and forced her biggest smile. "I'll do it." She whispered. "If the worst comes to the worst then I'll…do as you ask, I promise. But I'm also promising you this: you're my dearest friend Grace and whilst there's a chance I'll do all I can to help you get better." As their hands clasped together Grace felt her strength returning via Malaika and returned her smile, before pulling her close into a cuddle. "We're both fighting for you Gracey, the baby and me…"

As Grace pulled from the embrace, her cheeks slightly flushed and tinged with emotion she sighed again, a pessimistic sigh, a sigh that warned Malaika not to get her hopes up for Grace somehow knew in that sweet sisterly moment that this was her final chance to make things right.

The pretty brunette knew that she was almost past hope, but she didn't feel scared in fact she tried to embrace her inevitable future with both arms, tried to clear her mind of all the unnecessary traumas of everyday life for they now seemed to pale in comparison to this. She felt peaceful, numb, like it wasn't really happening to her, as though she were play-acting or dreaming and at any moment she would awake and Jay would be there and so would Sara and everything would go back to how it was before…but Grace wasn't the type of girl to indulge in flight-full fancy such as this and found herself face-to-face with the stony truth.

It was like a slap in the face, like someone had tore her heart from her chest – still-beating – she felt sick to the stomach, but still she remained poised and strong like the girl she always had been, and would always be remembered as.

Her inky eyes fell to her hand, a hand that was still resting gently against the baby and something remarkably familiar caught her eye. With a small smile at noticing the familiar and loved thing Grace pulled back her hand and removed the bracelet that had been fixed there for such a long time that she immediately missed it's feathery weight.

The tiny green stones and reflective glass glinted joyously as Grace opened Malaika's palm and pressed it firmly inside, closing her fingers around it and unable to make eye-contact as she spoke. "I'm sorry Mali…" She whispered regretfully. "…but know I'm giving it back it IS a going-away present, because I'm going somewhere where maybe I won't see you or the little one for a while…" Her voice caught with a sob but she tried to cover it with a little cough. "Tell it…" Grace began and then amended with a forceful 'HER': "…tell her that aunty Gracey loved her so much, before she was even born…" Grace's fingers fluttered slightly as she felt once again the wonderful thrill of the baby kicking underneath her touch. "And…and that I'll always be here. All she need do is…" The brunette dragged her hand across her cheeks, smearing away tears. "Give it to her for me will you? A birthday present or as a good-luck charm, I want you both to have it."

"Gracey…" Malaika protested but Grace shook her head, letting her friend know that she had no desire to hear her words of protest. Grace pleaded with her eyes, and they were so wide and distraught that it instantly brought sobs to Malaika's throat, sobs that were again choked back.

The girls both jumped in surprise as they heard a firm knock on the door, before Grace had even the time to call out her reply, the door had been pushed impatiently open and the young caller had sped inside, ignoring Malaika and jumping into Grace's arms. "Gra-cey!" Sara cried burying herself in her warmth of her sisters embrace, an embrace that she had missed so much she hurt.

Malaika wiped away her tears and slipped the bracelet slowly on her wrist, giving Grace's hand a quick squeeze she stood with extreme care and left the room.

Sara pulled away from her sister for a moment and looked up into her familiar eyes, her own wise and sober as they regarded her older sister. "Miss you." Sara managed slowly, not sure if it would be the right thing to say and looking sheepish when she didn't immediately get a reply.

Grace blinked her blurry eyes and smiled through her tears. "Oh I've missed you too sweetheart, I've missed you SO much!" She gushed pulling the tiny girl into her arms again and burying her nose in the warm soft hair of the child and the familiar smell that reminded her of home.

As Malaika exited the room she was shaking from head to toe and desperately trying to control the mountain of emotions that had built up inside her for so long. She leant back on the solid wood of the door and tilted her head back slightly, eyes closing, blocking away the sights that revealed the reality of the situation, blocking everything that had changed in her life in the last year.

"Mali?" The voice was soft and syrupy accompanied by a gentle hand on her forearm and Malaika felt the tears well up all over again. "Are you okay?"

Mali's deep brown eyes fluttered open and clashed harshly with the pale green of Beth's as they filled with watery concern. Malaika nodded mutely, unable to find the words she needed to express the utter devastation she felt able only to mumble Lance's name.

Although Beth didn't understand what was wrong with Mali she knew that there was only one person that could help her right now, so with a careful hand on the mother-to-be 's arm she led her to the door and picnic area where she knew Lance was sitting.

Everyone who was sat in the picnic area had been watching the door of the small cottage with intent eyes, not quite sure what was happening but all knowing that Malaika had been into Grace's room that afternoon.

As she appeared from the house, held up by Beth, Malaika looked up into the sea of familiar faces…the faces of strangers who didn't know her, who would never be a friend to her as Grace had been. No one in the crowd came anywhere close to taking her place and no one ever would…

She gasped slightly, unable to breathe, a protective hand flying to her stomach as her eyes filled with tears of grief, tears she could no longer fight.

As soon as Lance saw this he was on his feet, half-jumping, half-tumbling over the table he was sat at to get to her, to hold her in his arms to make everything okay again. But as they stood, just an arms length apart the dark-haired boy knew there was nothing he could do for her, nothing that would console the girl who he had fallen in love with and feeling broken and useless because of this.

Mali cried out a little sob of anguish and reached for him desperately, falling as far into Lance's arms as the baby would allow, finally crying as if her heart was breaking.

From where he was sitting, far back in the picnic area, almost covered by the overgrowth Jay held his head in his hands and squeezed at his temples, trying to control the overwhelming urge he had to vomit or break down in floods of tears similar to those of Mali's. He suddenly felt weak and utterly useless. All through their time in the forest and the time before he had been the strong one, their leader, the one with all of the answers, but this time he didn't have them. This time it was he who was falling apart, it was him who needed someone to be strong and give him the answers.

Jay had never in his worst nightmares, imagined something like this happening to the wonderful girl he loved. Now it seemed so naïve but he had just taken for granted the time they had together to do all the things they wanted – a lifetime full of happy memories he had promised her…

The blonde rubbed his head distractedly, trying to block out the emptiness he felt in side, wishing that he had the strength to fight for her, to save her from what seemed to be the inevitable, but because he couldn't see anyway of getting the medicine she needed for once in his life Jay felt defeated. Defeated and utterly, utterly useless.

"Hey man." Jay jumped as the hand landed firmly on his shoulder and turned his red-rimmed eyes up to the figure standing over him. Scott smiled slightly, reassuringly, and then when he realised that there could be only one reason for his friends sadness his expression sobered slightly. "What's happened?" He wondered his eyes firstly searching the quiet picnic area, the sight of Lance comforting his weeping sister, and then looking concerned at Jay.

Jay cleared his throat and shook his head at Scott's worried tones. "Nothing like that…" He stated firmly, and then added. "…not yet anyway…" stopping and cursing his pessimism as his voice caught in the back of his throat.

From nearby Silver watched with curious eyes as her lover…ex-lover…the boy who said he was in love with her appeared from his fleeting excursion and sank next to Jay on the bench. She wondered what they were discussing and knew as she saw the look in their eyes that it was Grace.

Silver bit her lip and wrapped her arms protectively around herself. She would never have imagined how seriously Grace's illness would affect the rest of the group. She was a great friend to them all and in someway connected them with her friendship and Silver had always known that it would be terribly distressing to them all but…they had all claimed to be such wonderful companions, a strong tribe that would stick together and fight through whatever happened but as her eyes scanned the area she knew now that that just wasn't true.

Ally and Tammy sat together, Tammy putting an arm around her young friend and whispering that everything would be okay, Lance and Malaika moving away from crowd and prying eyes, Scott and Jay whispering conspiratorially, Beth looking lost and forlorn on the doorstep…they were falling apart, as much as no one wanted to admit it they couldn't be a tribe, because the hard times had battered and broken them into different people, people who were growing apart rather than together.

Silver didn't realise this at the time, but her own opinions had put a twisted slant on the things she saw, for although the tribe members were apart in their sorrow and grief they were still united, and would be for a long time to come.

"What am I supposed to do Scott?" Jay wondered after re-telling Scott the events of the previous day or so. His eyes were wide and distraught, and filled with pain and anguish. "She's sitting in there all graceful and virtuous and coping wonderfully while I'm falling apart!" His voice raised in distress and his fingers clenched into a fist. "I'm just so angry!" He exploded and then immediately regretted the words taking them back as Scott wondered what exactly he was angry at. "Not Gracey…not her. How could I ever be mad at her? At myself for giving her that damned rose! At whoever it is up there who wants to take her away from me…" Jay shook his head again and lowered his tone. "What am I gonna do Scott? I'm the one she loves, I'm supposed to be valiant and courageous. I'm supposed to ride off on a horse and save her. I should be fighting every monster and dragon in the world to get her what she needs to get better again, but what do I do? Sit here feeling as though my hearts been ripped from my chest, feeling nothing but impending doom."

Scott's eyes were soft and caring, saddened by the sight of his strong and most definitely brave friend tearing himself apart with guilt. "Grace won't want you to do this to yourself Jay." He said finally in a quiet voice. His eyes raised slightly and collided with Silver's across the grass, watching him intently.

For a moment the dark-haired boy was silenced and winded, as her cool gaze washed over him, making him feel every wonderful sensation he ever had when he was with her. The touch of her cool fingers and soft lips, the way her haired smelt just after it was washed, the gentle brush of plaited braids under his lips as he kissed her head…

Scott blinked and looked away, turning full attention to Jay as an idea came to him. "Listen Jay I've got an idea, I don't know how successful we'd be, but anything's worth a try right?"

Jay nodded and looked at Scott hopefully as the boy began to retell some of the things he had heard from a neighbouring tribe whilst he had been walking in the forest.

Lance cooed reassurance as the mother-to-be cried in his arms, sobbing hopelessly, and refusing to listen to anything he said. Malaika seemed beyond reassurance, every hope she had once had of her pretty friend getting better, of being a wonderful aunt to her child and eventually a perfect mother had all but vanished because of their last encounter.

She cried as though Grace had died, spilling every single tear she held in her body and clinging to Lance, the one thing that she knew would still be there for her whatever happened to her friend in the near-future.

Slowly her sobs subsided slightly and her hysteria calmed into silent tears and both she and Lance turned their eyes out towards the distance. It was their usual spot, a table near a sharp-drop, where they could see above the trees and far across into one of the dipping Valleys. They were comforted by the familiar scene before them, and by the way that the unborn baby kicked beneath their locked fingers.

"If it's a girl…" Mali spoke for the first time since she had seen Grace, her voice taking on a strange quietly-smooth quality, something that made Lance sit up and listen. "…the baby I mean…" Malaika explained carefully her voice high and cracking with emotion. "If it's a girl I'm going to call her Gracey."

Lance felt his own eyes become watery and pulled his arm tighter around the thoughtful girl at his side, burying his face into her dark hair. "That's a lovely idea…" He whispered, unable to say anything more.

"Gracey…" Mali repeated, her eyes shining as the tears continued to stream over her flushed cheeks. "…after the most wonderful friend I ever had."

Jay felt himself become much more optimistic as he listened to Scott retelling him what he had learnt in the forest. The dark-haired boy had come across a tribe, friendly enough who had informed him of a "tribal-meeting" that was to take place the following day. It was mainly unhappiness about some tribes being too powerful and using their power for self-gain and abuse of others, but, Scott informed him, some smaller tribes would be there too – perhaps even a tribe who had medicine and ointments to trade. He had then gone on to say that they could try and trade for these and build alliances with other tribes whilst they were there.

Jay, of course had immediately agreed, suddenly filled with hope and purpose again, organising supplies and people to go with them, and Scott smiled as he watched their leader, a small sad smile and eyes full of hope that this really would be the chance that saved sweet Grace.

Scott crossed the grass, leaving Jay to his thoughts, washing sad eyes over Malaika and Lance and nodding a brief acknowledgement to Silver who lowered her eyes ashamedly. The whole area was in distress, no one would meet the eyes of anyone else and a deathly silence filled it like a thick black fog.

Scott didn't know how to feel. Grace had been like a little sister in many ways and one thing was certain: that he felt fiercely protective of the inky-eyed girl and was sick to the stomach with worry after his conversation with Jay. He had to see her for himself, because he needed to know how big the fight was that he was up against.

"Scott." The voice was soft as he climbed onto the porch and was quickly followed by warm fingers pressing into the flesh of his arm.

The boy looked up, startled, brown eyes flashing a little as he half-expected it to be Silver.

Beth stepped from the shadows cautiously, head-lowered and cheeks slightly moist with freshly shed tears. Her green eyes rose, watery and sad, and for a moment Scott's caring side wanted nothing but to take her in his arms and comfort her. "Are you going to see Gracey?" She whispered softly, voice cracking a little.

Scott nodded with a reassuring smile and brought his hand to hers, squeezing it softly. "Can I come too?" Beth wondered her cheeks tingeing with a pink blush. "I know it sounds crazy…" She rushed over her words clumsily. "…but I'm scared to go in there on my own…"

Scott smiled fondly and nodded, opening the door to the cottage so that the girl could enter first, and followed her closely.

The pair stood outside Grace's door, not quite sure what to do or if they really wanted to go inside. Seeing Grace sick would make everything that had previously seemed a far-away problem all to real and neither were sure if they wanted to face up to that dreadful reality quite yet. Beth looked up at Scott for reassurance and was surprised and humbled to notice the fear in his eyes was as deep as hers. The girl blinked a few times and bit her lip, tucking a loose strand of aubergine hair behind her ear; she raised her hand and knocked on the door.

Grace and Sara both looked up from the storybook Grace was reading and called for the person behind the door to come in. Sara tucked herself protectively underneath Grace's arm and pushed a thumb into her mouth, twisting a lock of hair around her forefinger.

The smile on Grace's lips that was one of contentment, changed to one of happiness as she saw Beth and Scott dip carefully into the room. "Hey!" She grinned clapping her hands delightedly and inviting both to sit, which they did: Scott on the chair and Beth perched on the end of the bed.

"Hey…" Beth whispered, struggling with the smile that was forced onto her lips. She lowered her eyes for a moment before regaining control of her emotions. "Hey missy." She grinned at Sara who crinkled her nose in a happy reply before returning her full attention to Grace.

Scott shared a look with Beth as he lifted his guitar over his head and placed it lovingly on the floor. "How are you feeling?" He pressed gently, nothing but concern in his kind brown eyes now as he turned them to Grace.

The dark-haired girls smile faded slightly before Grace shook her head firmly. "I take it you've heard then." She said with a light-heartedness that was eerie. "I feel fine, but I wish everyone would stop asking me." She laughed, which caused Beth to whimper slightly.

"I'm sorry…" She apologised as tears started to fall onto her pale cheeks. Beth shook her head and started to her feet, unable to stop to waves of emotion that crashed over her.

She remembered when she and Grace had been such very good friends, laughing and joking like sisters…but she had allowed stupid jealously to get between them. Beth was remorseful for all of the horrible things she had said to and thought about Grace, all of the months she had wasted for them both to be friends. She was torn-apart by the knowledge that now it would be too late – they would never get that time back, and she was so very sorry. "…for everything." She added as an afterthought, moving to leave the room.

"Beth wait!" Grace exclaimed sitting upright in the bed, motioning to Scott who jumped to his feet and caught the petite girl by her waist.

Sobs rocked Beth's body as Scott held her, and she pressed her face to his chest, squirming slightly against his grip and shaking her head sorrowfully. "Don't be sorry…" Grace whispered with a small smile. "…Life's too short to be sad about things you can't change." Sara looked up at her sister with eyes wide, if slightly confused, about what had just happened. She knew her sister was wise, and thought everything she said had the up most importance. "Let's just be happy huh?" Grace pleaded as more tears filled her inky-blue eyes. "Happy we're friends." She finished firmly.

Beth choked back the last of her sobs and looked up from Scott's arms, towards Grace, her eyes still watery, but now filled with the greatest admiration for her friend. Beth felt as though her heart had been touched and warmed, and she moved from Scott almost in a trance, sniffing as she walked to the bed again.

Grace held out her hand to the girl and they touched, fingers locking in a bond of unity, their eyes telling each other that they were glad that, after all both had been through, that they could still have friendship.

"So then Scott…" Grace wondered, her voice hoarse as Beth took her seat on the bed again. "…are you going to play me a song or what?" She giggled and winked at his guitar.

Scott shook his head ruefully, feeling moved by the things he had just witnessed and not sure that anything he could play would live up to the moment.

"Play me a song Scott." Grace pleaded this time, nudging Beth so that she could hand Scott his guitar. "Please?"

Scott took the guitar from Beth's hands and sat once again on the chair next to the bed, searching his mind for just the right song. "Okay…" He whispered, putting the strap over his head and touching his fingers lovingly to the strings.

Sara giggled and clapped excitedly, thumb only out of her mouth for a moment before she began working on it again and Scott carefully strummed – by memory – the opening bars of Grace's favourite song: "You Look Wonderful Tonight…"

Instantly tears sprung to the brunettes eyes, as the song reminded her of all the things she wanted to forget, the past and all of the things that she was going to lose if Jay was right and the illness would be her end. She put out a quick hand and stopped Scott from continuing.

The dark-haired boy looked up in surprise about to protest when Grace spoke. "Not that Scott." She whispered. "Anything but that…"

Amazingly to Grace Scott seemed to understand exactly what she meant and nodded, bringing his fingers to the strings again, another song instantly in his mind. With a cheeky smile and wink towards the dark-red shawl Grace had wrapped about her shoulders he began again.

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight;

I've never seen you shine so bright…

I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance:

They're looking for romance - given half a chance.

I have never seen that…SHAWL… you were wearing,

Or the highlights in your hair, they catch your eyes –

Oh I've been blind –

Lady in red, is dancing with me, cheek to cheek.

There's nobody here, its just you and me, its where I wanna be.

And I hardly know this beauty by my side

I'll never forget, the way you looked tonight.

I've never seen you look so gorgeous as you did tonight:

I've never seen you shine so bright…

I've never seen so many people wanna be there by your side,

And when you turned to me and smiled it took my breath away.

I never will forget, the way you looked tonight…

I never will forget, the way you look… tonight.

Jay was watching from the slightly open doorway as Scott sang to his wonderful Grace. He saw the smile of happiness on her lips and the sad glint in her eyes. He saw Sara cuddled into her sister's arm, and Beth wiping away tears.

The picture was cinematic, but the cold, hard, bitter reality was eating away inside the blonde leaders heart and he knew it was real. This wasn't a dream or a picture or a story told to entertain…this was real life – his life, and it was all coming down around him.

He didn't know what to do except leave his loved one and go on the quest to find medicine – perhaps in vain, but he had to do all he could or else he knew he would regret it forever.

Jay had gotten everything ready, all food and provisions he and Scott would need for the journey and now all he wanted to do was spend time with Grace, he wanted to take as much of her time as he could before he left but he knew he should share her for her friends and family needed her too.

"Jay…" Grace whispered as she noticed her lover waiting patiently in the doorway, her eyes filling with the truest, purest tears of happiness, the smile so wonderful on her lips that it froze Jay to the spot. Even in her sickly state she was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Jay felt the words of greeting catch in his throat and for about the hundredth time that day he cursed himself for not having enough strength to deal with both of their problems, not having enough willpower to stop the beginnings of tears springing to his eyes and not having enough knowledge to save Grace from her own fate.

Scott passed his eyes over the lovers with a sad smile, noticing first the fact that neither of them appeared to realise that there was anyone else in the room. They were lost to each other, lost in the other's eyes and there was nothing that anyone could do to pull them apart. Jay and Grace had something the surpassed most other loves, they had something strong, deep and everlasting whatever happened to tear them apart.

Beth was cooing to Sara, who had now moved to the green-eyed girls lap and was showing her the pictures in the story-book that Grace had been reading from earlier that evening. Everyone seemed to realise that this was Jay and Grace's moment and left the silence unfilled for although to them it felt uncomfortable, to the young lovers it was a moment of pure clarity.

Grace made a move to get from the bed, a move that instantly broke the intimate spell that had passed over the room, drawing murmurs of protest from Beth and Scott and causing Jay to finally enter, rushing to her side much to the brunettes amusement. "I'm not an invalid guys!" She laughed, shaking her head. "I just wanted to get some fresh air…"

Jay began to protest, but then she caught him with those wonderfully inky-eyes and he was unable to stop her doing whatever she wanted. He was unable to refuse her request to see the stars again, to be able to look up at the velvety night-time sky and marvel at the beauty of their home in the dark, for she seemed well-enough, and he didn't know when she'd next get the chance to do these simple things.

Grace looked so happy when Jay agreed that he instantly knew he'd done the right thing. The blonde-leader put his arm around his lover's slim waist, and supported her frail frame in his arms, making sure that the blanket and shawl were wrapped tightly around her, gradually thinning body, before half-carrying and half-walking her out into the night.

It had been so long since Grace – lover of nature and the outdoors – had been outside that everything those pretty eyes fell upon drew gasps of pleasure from her lips. She gushed and smiled and laughed more in five minutes than Jay could remember her doing in five weeks and this did nothing but lighten his heart.

Both knew the severity of her condition, yet left it unsaid as they settled on one of the picnic benches, the one that looked out over the forest, the one that – if you listened hard enough – allowed you to hear the rushing of the babbling-stream. Grace's eyes sparkled as they ran over the horizon, over the glittering of stars high above but mostly they shone when she looked up at Jay and felt his fingers stroking at the ends of her hair.

Jay didn't want to say anything, he just wanted to feel the soft familiarity of her dark hair at his fingertips, her warm breath on his neck and the gentle press of her tiny perfectly-formed nose snuggled into his chest. But he knew he had to tell her his plan, he was supposed to be leaving with Scott that very night and he couldn't very well do that without telling her.

He loved how she sat patiently and listened to him explain his plan, how she didn't question him, how she didn't need too for Grace knew his intentions without them being voiced, Grace knew so many things about him, things that no one else could ever know and… Jay gulped to this thought and squeezed her tighter, closing his eyes and trying to block out the grim reality of his life, a reality that was staring him in the face.

"What are you thinking?" Jay wondered softly, not wanting to upset his girl, but needing to hear her thoughts, her voice, anything that reminded him that she was real and not a wonderful illusion of love.

Grace sighed and traced a finger lazily over Jay's hard chest, loving the way it rose and fell beneath her touch, loving the way just the feel of him made the very tips of her fingers tingle blissfully. "So much…" She admitted finally, realising that that was as good a place as any to start. She had thought about nothing but Jay all afternoon, about what she wanted to say to him, what she should say to him what she would never have the chance to say… "I've got so many things to say to you." Grace whispered in a tiny, sweet voice. "So many wonderful things, so many confused things…what if I never get to say them all Jay?" The dark-haired girl pulled out of their embrace so that she could look deep into his honest brown eyes. "What if I forget them all and they never get said? I think I'm running out of time." She laughed a scared laugh and shook her head to rid her eyes of the tears that were once again threatening.

Jay tilted his head so that he could look at her easier, his own eyes glistening with tears, smiling in spite of their situation, smiling that she could still shake him with the passion in her voice. He didn't know what to say so he just took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

Grace's mind however was racing, racing with everything she now had the opportunity to say, racing with everything she should say. She had made her peace with Sara and Mali and Beth and now it was her turn to do the same for Jay. To set him free if anything happened to her, to tell him to be happy and move on… "I'm a terrible, terrible girlfriend Jay!" She spat out suddenly, shaking her head and biting her bottom lip. Her eyes were wide and teary with emotion and her cheeks were flushed. "I can't do what I'm supposed to do…" Jay looked at her both blankly and afraid, telling her that he didn't understand what she was trying to say. "I'm so selfish." She declared continuing over Jay's protests as she took both his hands in hers. "I should tell you that if anything happens to me that you should forget – move on…but I can't…" She added in a small emotional voice. Grace shook her head so that tiny strands of hair fell into her face. "I don't want you to forget." She pouted slightly. "I want you to be happy but…" Her voice cracked as she choked out her last line. "…I don't want you to be happy without me."

"I won't be." Jay was quick to reassure, reaching to brush locks of hair from her eyes and tuck them safely behind her ears. "Which is why you've gotta fight for me Gracey." His eyes were serious as he held her clammy hands tightly. "Fight with everything you have."

"I am fighting Jay." She whispered sadly. "I'm just not strong enough."

"Yes you are!" The blonde protested firmly wiping away her tears and cupping her face in his fingers.

"I'm scared." Grace whispered shakily as their eyes locked again, and she finally admitted how she felt about the whole thing. "I'm so very frightened. I'm afraid of being alone Jay but mostly I'm afraid of being without you…" Her inky-eyes blinked rapidly, spilling warm salty tears onto her already flushed cheeks. "…I can't do it on my own…"

Jay gulped hard as he felt the lump rise to the back of his throat, but he couldn't say anything to his poor sweet Gracey, for he was afraid of the same thing. The blonde felt like nothing without his pretty lover – nothing he wanted to be anyway, for being with Grace had made him into the life-loving young man he now was. He didn't know what he could do to save her, but he knew that anything was worth a try. Jay was prepared to die fighting, and die fighting he may as long as she was saved from her terrible fate.

The blonde leader looked at his lover, Gracey Owen, the beautiful innocent he had met on the beach what felt like a lifetime ago, looking up at him with those mesmerizing eyes, a look of love just for him filling those dark pools of soul.

With the starlight falling onto her hair and lighting her creamy skin she looked perfect, not frail or sad, just perfect like an angel and as a slight smile came to her lips, Jay knew he would remember that moment forever. But more than that, he would remember the kiss that followed, a kiss that's memory, in the days to come, would break his heart a thousand times over.


	47. A Mission of Love

**_A Mission of Love_**

Jay sighed in a kind of wonderful relief as he sank to sit on a near-by rock and rubbed his eyes sleepily. It was at Scott's firm request that they rested and the dark-haired boy couldn't hide his relief as they finally stopped. Both had been up all night planning the trip and gathering everything they could find in the cottage that would be worth trading for something as important as medicine, and had set off at a hurried pace as soon as dawn had broken.

It was now hours later, late morning had long arrived and although the sun was high above not even it could banish the biting chill that was rushing in from the north. Jay had pushed them both forward, driven by something that Scott wasn't, the blonde feeling so numbed by the dull ache in his heart that he hadn't felt the blisters on his feet until he had finally come to a stop.

It seemed as though once Jay had stopped to think and gather himself that he was once again susceptible to the elements, he was human again, and this made him sad, for when he couldn't feel the cold or the wind or the sores on his feet from walking so quickly he wasn't that Jay anymore. He wasn't Jay Ripley, smart kid who lived by the beach, he was someone else, someone who could make a difference to peoples lives, he was the Jay he wanted to be, the Jay who would save Grace, not the Jay who failed again, failed her like

he had so many times before.

He remembered how hurt she had been when they had lost Luke to the city, how sad for Malaika and how much she had wanted him to do something, anything, to try and get him back. But it was impossible, he had known that, but at any rate perhaps he should've tried, perhaps he should've done more to help…she had begged him and he had been dismissive, again he had let her down and there was nothing he could do to make

everything better.

The chilling wind nipped at his ears that were already bright red with cold and he immediately moved to pull the woollen-hat he was wearing over the top of them.

This simple movement instantly reminded him of Grace, in a way that almost everything did these days and just by closing his eyes he could see her, that wonderful smile on her lips and sparkles in her eyes as she reached up and pulled the very hat he was wearing onto his head, despite his protests. "It'll keep you warm…" she had giggled as his lips kissed the tip of her nose and fingers found themselves rooted in her hair.

It had been then when she had given him the gift, something that meant more to her than probably any other possession she ever had, pressing it into his fingers once again despite his protests, making him promise to look at it.

 _Jay rubbed his eyes again, partly with tiredness and partly to rid them of the familiar sting of tears, before reaching inside his rucksack and removing the familiar object._

 _"_ _Glad to see you only packed essentials." Jay commented picking up the leather bound diary from the table and examining it._

 _"_ _Hmmm?" Grace answered not glancing up from the bag she was rummaging through._

 _Jay inspected it, it didn't look like a normal book…a note-pad maybe or something similar and the pages were slightly crinkled from water perhaps…_

 _"_ _What's this?" He asked waving the diary casually as if it was a stone or something, totally unaware what was revealed inside._

 _Grace's eyes opened wide as she quickly snatched the book back into her arms. "A diary." She blushed. "It's private."_

 _Jay smirked, interested. "What do you write about in there?"_

 _Grace was surprised that she wasn't getting teased but still felt her cheeks flaming. "Stuff." She bit her lip shyly._

 _"_ _Stuff…" Jay repeated slowly his own cheeks slightly flushed in the candlelight. "…About me?"[/I]_

From a little way away Scott watched his friend with curious eyes, Jay was like a different person since Grace had gotten sick, but for some reason Scott couldn't quite place what had changed in him. He looked so defeated, in a way he never had before.

Before her illness…before the virus Jay had been so optimistic, so focused, so willing…but now he seemed resigned to failure…Scott shook his head, that wasn't

it – Jay was still fighting and he would never give up, he would never give up on Grace.

The dark-eyed boy saw Jay reach into his bag and pull out a leather-bound book and knew instantly it was Grace's. Scott had never seen the book before but he knew without having to ask that it was Grace's because of the way that Jay handled it. He lifted it with such care and tenderness, as though it were the most precious thing in the whole world, running his fingers over the leather, over the words that had been scratched into the material: a name, a name Scott couldn't read, but a name he knew only too well,

Gracey Owen.

As the tears became visible in Jay's eyes Scott looked away, feeling as though he were interrupting a private moment that he shouldn't. His mind was then filled with the very things that were important to him: Malaika and the baby, Cooper – his family…and then his mind settled on Silver.

Thinking of her made his heart ache and a lump rise in his throat, for he had fallen for her harder than he ever had for anyone else and it hurt to know that she just didn't feel the same. He tried not to dwell on this however, for he knew that one day and one day

possibly not in the too-distant future he would move on, but if he and Jay were unsuccessful then it wouldn't be so easy for his blonde-leader. Jay and Grace had the kind of love that you only ever read about in stories, or saw in old-movies – the kind that

were nicknamed "chick-flicks" purely for their sugary-sweet take on matters such as love…but Scott also knew that their love was something more than fiction: it was painful, gritty – and it hurt right down to the core.

It felt like a stupid thing to long for but he couldn't help it: Scott wanted what Jay had with Grace…he wanted to love and be loved by someone so much that it hurt – made you sick with happiness – giddy with wonder…he wanted to see things through the eyes of someone who was loved, wanted to hold his true-love in his arms and know exactly how that felt…Scott didn't like that he was thinking about himself at a time when his thoughts should be with his friends but he couldn't help it – he just wanted what everyone else did: to be happy, and with a small pessimistic smile, he wondered if that would ever happen to any of them again.

Back in the area beyond _The Little Valley_ , past the scrublands, the straw-like grasses and tiny trees, over the cliff and down the other side, where you think you can still hear the faint swishing of the waves and cries of sea-birds, in the seemingly tiny cottage hidden away by a spring-time forest Ved sat a silent vigil at Grace's bedside.

He was watching the girl, her pretty-dark hair let out of their usual plaits and streaming over the pillows as she slept soundly. She had been asleep almost in the instant Jay had left, fallen deeply, clammily, into a slightly restless slumber.

Grace's lips murmured incoherently as she slept, long dark lashes fluttering dreamily against her flushed cheeks as her body, frail and weak gave in to the tiredness that had taken over it in recent days.

Ved wished there was more he could do to ease her pain, wished he could live up to his brother, who was currently on a possibly fruitless mission – a dangerous mission – just because that's who he was. Jay was brave, braver than anyone Ved had ever known

and he would've given anything right now to be more like his older, wiser, courageous brother, and less like himself.

He remembered what Jay had made him promise: he had made Ved swear to look after Gracey…to do everything in his power to keep her safe…but Ved felt as though he couldn't live up to the huge promise, he could never live up to such a task, would never fill the shoes of his wonderful brother.

Ved didn't know what to do and he felt helpless and numb as the tears filled those breathtaking blue-green eyes, eyes that were usually filled with mischievousness and sparkles but were now dulled with anguish. Ved knew he hadn't done enough to help in the

past and he was more than sure that in the future things would be the same.

"Louisa can I talk to you?" Ally's voice was small as she approached her friend timidly.

From where she was sitting, painting her nails calmly at the kitchen table, Louisa lifted her dark head and looked with surprise at the young girl standing over her. The girls hadn't spoken in a long time and Louisa was shocked at the directness in Ally's voice. "Sure Al…" Louisa nodded, moving so that Ally could join her on the bench-type seat that she had pulled the table towards.

Ally tucked her hair nervously behind her ears and looked up at the older-girl through lowered lashes. She wasn't exactly sure what she was going to say, but she knew that she had to do something – about both Cooper and Louisa. They, along with Tammy, meant more to her than anyone else in her life, and it hurt to feel as though she had done something to hurt them into not talking to her.

"Have I done something to hurt you?" Ally whispered in a tiny voice, a voice that didn't sound like hers and caused Louisa to grab her hand and shake her head rapidly.

"No of course not!" The hazel-eyed girl gushed firmly. "Why would you think that?"

Ally timidly explained the way she had been feeling lately – neglected and ignored by Louisa, the girl who had saved her life, the girl she owed everything, the girl she counted as a sister… Her clear eyes shone as she quickly apologised for anything she may have done – anything – she just wanted to be friends again.

As Louisa listened she felt her eyes filling with tears, tears of guilt and shame for making Ally feel the way she did. She had tried to stay normal with her, but she had obviously failed…it was so hard for Lou knew the way Ally felt about Cooper and she felt

gut-wrenchingly guilty for kissing him. To anyone else it may have seemed like a small thing, something that didn't even matter, but to Louisa it was the biggest betrayal she could've made. And seeing Ally, so upset for something she hadn't even done brought tears to her eyes.

"You've not done anything okay?" Louisa said firmly her eyes wide and honest. "Al, you're a sweetie to worry…but it's not you…it's me, I'm a terrible friend – I'm the one who's made this happen…"

Ally stuck out her bottom lip and protested. She knew they were both upset and confused right now and she didn't think that Louisa had any reason to apologise.

Ally wouldn't let her friend continue for she thought she knew how Lou felt, thought the brown-haired girl felt the same anguish and fear that she did about the deathliness that had settled over the cottage – their home. Louisa didn't feel the same closeness to Grace that Ally did, but still the young blonde put her actions down to the tragedy of the inky-eyed girl and everything that went along with that. "Don't worry about it Lou." She smiled, forgiving whatever it was that Louisa thought she'd done in an instant, knowing for perhaps the first time in her life how important life, love and friendship was and how important it was to tell people how you felt about them. "Friends?" She wondered with a wry smile, to which Louisa let out a small squeak and caught her in an embrace. _Friends_ …

Silver thought she would've enjoyed the opportunity and under any other circumstances she probably would've. She had been left in charge of the cottage and their tribe by the other thirds of the triarchy, but she felt nothing but a dull emptiness.

In the early days, when she had first joined the wandering bunch of children, all determined to achieve great things – to be a solid family – her first thoughts had all been about power. She knew she could become part of them, become their friend, and she had thought, back then, that maybe that would lead to power and status. It sounded vain and power-crazed, but at the time that was the only way Silver could see for survival and for a long time it had suited her.

She wasn't a heartless who didn't care who she hurt on her way to the top – she didn't want to be thought about like that - she honestly cared about her tribe, cared about everyone in the way she would about a sibling and when she thought about Grace and her illness it brought salty tears to her eyes, but she just couldn't pretend any longer.

Silver was half-sick of lies and deceit and pretence, she hated pretending she wanted to stay in the cottage, that she didn't belong in the city…when the truth was that the last place she belonged in was this forest and this triarchy.

She hated herself for feeling this way especially when she had so many people counting on her to do the right thing…it was just the way Scott had looked at her in the picnic area the day before. He had looked at her as if she had broken his heart and this hurt more than he would ever know. She wanted to love him, that was the problem, she wanted nothing more than to love such a sweet and wonderful guy as Scott…but Silver was no more in control of her heart than she was of the weather and Scott had to realise that.

He was why she had stayed really, she reasoned to herself as she twisted the rose-ring around her finger – a reflex that was so natural these days she couldn't remember the times before she'd had the ring to twist distractedly – Scott was the only reason she

was still in the country and now she no longer had that nothing was tying her to this place…

And it was to this thought that Silver found her small shoulder bag and began to carefully pack her things into it.

Ally felt her stomach tighten with knots as she approached the bedroom at the top of the stairs. She had passed this room on the way to her own a million times since she'd lived at the house, but suddenly the very thought of knocking on the door, of going inside, of seeing him, made her queasy. The young blonde shook her head, trying to rid herself of the trepidation she felt at seeing Cooper, of talking to him of telling that she…

Her blue eyes clouded over with tears of fear and worry, worry not just for herself and the thing that she was about to do, but also for Grace, who she knew was lying unconscious below her, struggling just to survive.

Ally wondered what Grace would do given her situation and she knew exactly what it was: Grace would be strong, Grace would be breathtaking…she would rush inside the room and laugh that wonderful silvery laugh before telling Cooper exactly what she was feeling. Grace was never scared of such things, which made her enchanting and irresistible…and Ally felt a million miles away from her. Ally felt gawky and awkward as though she would stumble over every sentence just to make herself heard.

But the young girl had never really known Grace in the time where the brunette had thought herself awkward – in the time when Grace would never dare speak her feelings aloud to Jay for fear of what would happen if she did. It was what happened when people got sick, they changed in others' memories, they took on a mythic quality, a quality that put them far in front of anyone else who was 'real'…Grace was becoming such a legend for Ally even thought the young girl couldn't see it and it would be these memories that would haunt in the future.

Ally brought her shaking hand to the wooden door and knocked three times. It seemed like a reasonable number of knocks and she waited what felt like a lifetime for an answer or the door to open in the way it had before. When there was no reply that strange clammy-fear set upon the girl again and her heart jumped like a rabbit in a cage, she suddenly wanted him to answer, wanted him to open the door so she could confront him.

Ally turned away and folded her arms; it was just her luck to get all-courageous the minute she couldn't act upon it. Her bottom lip stuck out in defiance and her eyes became narrowed, she was tough, she was strong, she was… "Ally?"

The young blonde yelped at the sound of her own voice and spun back around, eyes wide and afraid as though she was that very rabbit that had been inside her chest, as though she was a rabbit caught in a car's headlights. Suddenly her heart began to race again but faster this time as she knew that now he was looking at her, looking at her with those eyes that almost made her knees buckle.

Cooper leant against the doorframe awkwardly and jammed his fingers into the pockets of his jeans. He hadn't been expecting anyone and although seeing Ally again felt weird, although it was a surprise, he couldn't help thinking how good a surprise it was. She looked different suddenly, no longer the shy little girl he'd first met when he'd arrived, but something else. A young woman, a woman who although he could tell had had to mature quickly, still retained so many of those girlish qualities that made her so attractive.

Cooper felt himself blush guiltily for thinking of Ally in that way when they were supposed to be friends and ran his hand nervously through thick dark hair, hair that had long grown out the bright-red tips and was in desperate need to be chopped again.

As she watched him put his fingers to his hair Ally gulped and closed her eyes for a few moments, it was a simple action – something she had seen him do many times – but for once it made butterflies swarm into her stomach and her fingers itch to reach out and copy the action.

"Do you wanna come in?" Cooper wondered, raising strong eyebrows and motioning with a hand, moving to let her through as she nodded her head: yes.

The blonde-haired girl stepped inside the familiar room and paused in the middle of it to wrap her arms around herself for protection. His room was as familiar to her as her own, yet this time it felt different, like something had changed, something she had no control over. Whatever it was she was lost to the feeling, it was stronger than what she was and no matter how hard she tried to fight against it if she didn't say something sooner or later she knew she would explode.

Cooper watched her, there was something different about Ally being in his room, he felt that too, something different about them being together alone like this, suddenly he didn't feel like the safety option any more for she no longer seemed like she needed looking after. He wanted to tell her all about what had happened with Louisa, he wanted her to know the truth, he needed to be honest with he because she…she meant something more to him than just plain friendship. Everything that had happened lately with Grace told him this, the long hours spent alone contemplating things had taught him not to worry your life away but to live it, for the here and now, the moment you were caught up in…but as he looked at her, her blonde hair tumbling in neatly crafted waves over her shoulders and falling playfully over her eyes he didn't know if he would ever be able too.

The words choked in his throat, he stuttered and then stumbled over his sentences as her clear eyes fixed themselves on him firmly. The simple action of her biting her lip made his skin tingle and Cooper could do nothing but laugh slightly, throatily, until both of them were laughing together, shaking their heads and giggling. Neither was sure why they were laughing, nervousness was probably the easiest answer, but as the giggles subsided and silence returned, Cooper managed to whisper out: "Your hair looks really pretty…"

Ally inhaled sharply and took a step backwards as her cheeks burned with blushes. That statement, simple and perfect seemed to trigger something inside, something giddy and reckless that she just couldn't keep locked away – not anymore. It had been hidden for far too long. "Cooper…" she began, sounding more confident than she actually was. "…I think we need to talk."

His heart flipped along with his stomach and for a second Cooper wondered if she'd already found out about him and Louisa. He cursed for not being strong enough to tell her earlier, for not wanting to see another look of hurt in those hazy-blue eyes – hurt that he had promised he would never let her feel again. Cooper realised now and with force what she meant to him, what her friendship meant and he felt so very sorry that something he had done could possibly be the end of that relationship. "Ally I…"

She shook her head to silence him and spoke again, firmer this time. "I think I need to talk." She explained, lowering her eyes so that she didn't have to face the enticing depths of his own. "I've got something to say…" Ally continued as her hands began to shake, she pressed them together and hoped this would stop her trembles. "…please don't say anything until I've finished."

Her eyes flicked over him pleadingly to which he nodded and smiled reassuringly. The lump that had been threatening the young blonde for the last few minutes now saw fit to rise and choke the words she had practised in her mind over and over and render her speechless. She knew everything she wanted to say but somehow, for some reason unknown to her they just didn't seem to fit the moment. "Cooper I…" She struggled, biting her lip as the boy reached for one of her shaking hands and told her to take her time. But she couldn't, she just had to blurt it out, for once and for all. "Cooper I think I'm falling in love with you."

Cooper felt his heart leap into his throat and he just didn't know what to say. He knew that now more than ever he had to be honest; honesty was the most important thing. "Ally, listen…"

"I'm not finished." Ally declared firmly, before doing something she'd wanted to do almost from the first moment he'd found her woken by her nightmares.

With a deep breath, pounding heart, and shaking fingers, Ally reached for Cooper and placed the tiniest, fluttering kiss onto his parted mouth.

"Jay c'mon! Five minutes that's all I'm saying okay? Sit down before you fall down!" Scott grabbed Jay's arm and tightened his grip until the blonde stopped and turned dark eyes towards him.

It was later, much later and evening was suddenly upon them, the night owls had already begun their insistent chorus and a cool evening mist had settled over the very tops of the trees.

The meeting of tribes had been unsuccessful in terms of building bridges and making friends, for on the most part the kids were from the city and interested in nothing but power and chaos – a phrase which had chilled both Scott and Jay to the bone as both remembered the last time they had heard that mantra. But in other ways, ways that mattered to Jay and to Scott the meeting had been nothing but successful. In his hands Jay held something more precious than gold: four glass bottles filled with antibiotics.

These tiny bottles, bottles that wouldn't even receive a second glance from most other people on the planet filled Jay's eyes with tears of hope and happiness that he had succeeded. They changed him, they made him a survivor, a winner, her saviour…but more than that, they drove him forward despite the dull ache in his legs and the sudden dizziness he felt from lack of sleep. His heart was light, for now he knew that he had almost done enough, a few more hours, only a few miles and everything would be okay…he would see her smile and feel her warm fingers touching his. And after that they would have a whole lifetime of forever to create every wonderful moment they had promised each other.

"Jay you're exhausted, I'm exhausted! Don't you want to sit and rest? Just for a minute or two? Have something to eat?" Scott's voice broke Jay from his thoughts and he looked back at the boy blankly, as though he just didn't understand what he was saying. Jay wanted to continue and he told Scott this firmly, insisting that he'd rest as soon as they got back, as soon as he knew that Grace had taken the medicine and… "Jay please! You're making no sense, you're acting like a man possessed. Are you tired, cos if you are we need to rest, you'll be no good to anyone if you collapse before we get back."

Jay looked at Scott and suddenly felt the weariness of every one of his limbs all at once: he was exhausted…he ached all over, his legs throbbed with complete exhaustion but he couldn't just…with a nod and a sigh Jay conceded for both their sakes and sank to the ground for a few moments.

As he did so a smile came to his lips, a smile of contentment as he placed the bottles carefully into the bag that was slung across his shoulder: he had done it, his task was almost complete, and when it was she would be saved. After all of those weeks of fear and worry and utter heartache…all of those feelings would soon be gone, vanished into the atmosphere, for Jay had retrieved the medicine and his sweet Gracey would be saved.

Ved looked up from where he was sitting as he heard a knock at the door, he had been sitting at Grace's bedside for hours but it was only when Tammy opened the door and slipped inside that the blonde-boy realised it was dark. "Is Jay back yet?" Ved wondered, his voice hoarse from being unused for a number of hours and eyes blinking rapidly as Tammy lit a few candles so that she could move around easily in the room.

She shook her head no to Ved's question before moving to where she could hand him the cup of sugary coffee she had made. "How is she?" Tammy hardly dared to ask, but she just had to know. The whole cottage, the entire tribe was in despair as they all waited for the next snippet of news from the room of a girl they all loved.

Ved couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like outside, waiting for that news, and in many ways Tammy was glad that he didn't have to see it, was glad that he was in here with Grace just when she needed someone.

The mischievous blonde, who looked nothing like his usual self lifted his blue-green eyes and looked at Tammy seriously. His mouth was pressed into a thin line, dark circles shone ashen underneath those eyes that were usually full with such life, and he looked older and drawn, he looked defeated. "I don't know." Ved admitted. "I'd like to say better or not any worse at least but I really can't tell anymore." His voice went higher as the words caught at the back of his throat. "I've just been sitting here looking at her and it only makes things harder to see. The more I look the less I see her – does that make sense?" Ved shook his head and dropped his gaze. "She doesn't look like our Grace anymore."

Tammy followed his gaze to the bed, the focus of the room and the girl who lay there. It was true, Tammy realised as she ran her mysterious eyes over the girl who resided there, she didn't look like Grace but it was hard to understand why not.

It was her, they both knew that, clammy and flushed, dark hair plastered to her forehead and cheeks with sweat and tears of illness and frustration. She was still dressed in that white night-dress, the one that made her look like a child, and still her mouth spoke out her dreams in incoherent whispers. But there was so much missing; so much energy and life…the familiar twinkle of the inky-blue eyes, the warmth of a smile that made you feel special when it was given to you.

Those were the things that were Grace, and those were the things that the illness had taken.

Tammy sat next to Ved as he sipped at the coffee, his throat thankful for the liquid that quenched its thirst, the sips becoming gulps as he became more desperate for satisfaction. She didn't know what she should do, she had never been good with people, never known how to read the signs of others. That was something Grace had always been so good at, that was one of the things Tammy would remember about the dark-haired girl.

From where she was sitting beside him Tammy heard Ved choke back a sob, a sob filled with such anguish it seemed to force her arm about his shoulders. It felt awkward at first but as the cries shook his broad shoulders and she pulled him closer Tammy knew what she had to do. She had to comfort him, comfort him in a way she had never been comforted. Her own eyes filled with sadness as she stroked the back of his neck, telling him in a cracking voice that everything would be okay, she hoped everything would be okay…

"Jay?!" The cry of anguish from the bed pulled the pair apart, both wiping tears from their cheeks as they turned to see that Grace had suddenly become animated. Her eyes were still closed but her body thrashed against the bed-sheets that although once warmed her, now seemed only to constrict her and keep her somewhere she didn't want to be. She looked awful, paler than she had before and more frantic as she cried out Jay's name over and over.

Even in this state so very close to the end, the only person who's name was on her lips was his. Nothing but he filled her mind, only he could make everything better, she needed him to ease her pain, needed to know he was there for her through everything.

Tammy gulped and jumped to her feet as the calling continued, fearfully putting her hands to her ears to try and block out the cries of anguish that made her sick to her stomach.

Ved however was frozen to the spot, a lump in his throat as Grace cried out for the one thing, the one person who wasn't there: her one true love, her soul mate, her best friend – his brother.

With small jerky movements Ved moved to the bed and sat on the edge of it. His fingers trembled as he took Grace's hand into his and stroked it gently. Suddenly this cocky young-teen seemed wise beyond his years, and braver than all those he admired as he whispered soothingly to the girl who was still calling out his brothers name. "Shhh…" He cooed gently, brushing Grace's forehead as her grip tightened with pain. "It's okay Gracey…" He promised. "I'm here now…I'm not going anywhere…"

Somehow this seemed to soothe the dark-haired girl, who's cries and thrashes slowly subsided into a more restful slumber of happiness that she wasn't alone. Ved kept squeezing her hand and monitoring the response, not sure what he was monitoring for but feeling that he would know when he found it.

Tammy felt the tears that had been threatening fall onto her cheeks as she watched Ved be tender with Grace, she wished she could do something but she knew that there was nothing she could do, for she was only one girl in a world of problems.

Ved's heart missed a beat as he felt the tight grip on his hand loosen slightly, his eyes, wide and flashing, flicked over Grace's face, brow furrowing when he saw the small smile of release upon her lips. Ved squeezed her hand again and shook his head with anger as her grip loosened still, he squeezed her hand again, his movements more frantic this time. He wasn't going to let this happen – he promised Jay – he promised…Jay was counting on him; everyone was counting on him to look after her, to make sure she was okay…

The first of the tears came as Grace's hand, small and delicate, let go of his and fell onto the bed. Ved wasn't quite sure what it meant but still the tears fell as his lips trembled with fear. "Grace?" He whispered into the darkness, voice eerily calm. "Gracey?"

The room was still and deathly silent; not even the steady breathing of all who resided there could be heard over the hush that had fell over them. Nothing moved, no one stirred, and yet outside in a world that to Tammy and Ved felt like light-years away, life went on, blissfully unaware of the tragedy that had just taken place.


	48. In The Arms Of An Angel

**_In the arms of an Angel_**

 **It's strange how quickly things change, and stranger still is the way that life and time moves forward as though it hasn't noticed. People go on, places don't cease to exist and every other thing that was familiar remains in tact. Even if you look closely, closer than you've ever looked at anything in your whole life still it's hard to pick out the change. But it's definitely gone; that much is clear, and when things like that disappear forever it's sometimes hard to ever imagine how life can continue. But continue it does, for that is the nature of how we live, and the reason why things don't last forever.**

The picnic area was abandoned and had been for many hours, the small benches and tables glowed, the moonlight making everything that her eyes touched seem as though it wasn't real. A water-bucket that someone had forgotten to put back in the kitchen, a small pile of firewood left at the bottom of the steps, Kuger's ball: played with but now forgotten.

Tammy was stood on the porch, hidden in a shroud of shadows, with Kuger at her feet. Her eyes ached with tears and her cheeks felt clammy with the ones that had already been shed. It was cold on the porch but she barely felt the breeze, or noticed the goose-bumps on her bare arms as they wrapped themselves around her. She felt numbed and empty, speechless and dizzy: she felt as though she was going to be sick.

The red-haired girl had seen death before, they had all seen death before, but now all that was different – almost incidental. Those deaths had been of another generation, their parents, this one was different, this death taught them that life wasn't what they thought it was. It was hard for both her and Ved to come to terms with the thing they had both witnessed for it made everything they had once believed mean nothing anymore. It meant that children weren't safe either, that their very own lives were dispensable and could end at any minute.

But it was more than just a fear that numbed the pair as they waited in the night time air; it was a feeling of uselessness. Both of them had been their and both thought in hindsight that perhaps there was something else they could've done, thought that in someway their action would've changed the nature of life and death. But this was untrue, for nature moves forward no matter what actions you make.

The knowledge of Grace's fate weighed heavy on their young shoulders and neither knew quite what they should do, who they should wake, who they should tell. It was hard to know what would be the best thing and the circumstances surrounding them only made this decision harder, for it clouded their judgement with grief and pain.

Tammy wanted to cry, wanted comfort, wanted to be held close as she sobbed harder than she ever had before. She wanted to drop the ice-maiden act that was so easy to hide behind, because it wasn't her anymore – she did care, and she was sad…she wanted to be able to grieve. But she didn't move from her spot, hidden in the shadows, and she didn't avert her eyes that were glassy with tears from the abandoned water-bucket that for some stupid reason she couldn't even remember reminded her of Grace.

Ved's mind was a mess and racing which made everything worse, if that was even possible. He dropped his head into his hands as he sat on the steps outside the cottage feeling drained and totally broken. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting in the cold, but he could no longer feel the tips of his fingers or the ends of his toes.

Ved was waiting for Jay, and refused to move from the spot for a second – not even to get a blanket to warm his freezing limbs. This feeling of utter chill and numbness was the first part of the punishment that Ved was to inflict on himself in the years to come: the years where he would become someone very different to who he was, someone who didn't care for anyone, arrogant, passive, dismissive. Ved would, in time, isolate himself from his brother rather than helping him grieve, he would try to keep his distance and silently inflict all blame onto himself.

But right then and there all Ved could think about was how much this would hurt Jay, how much he had hurt Jay by breaking the one and only promise his elder brother had ever made him make. It was the one and only thing in Jay's life that meant anything: Grace's safety and health, and Ved hadn't fought hard enough to save it.

The young blonde wouldn't have been surprised if Jay didn't want to speak to him ever again, he was irresponsible and useless and everything his older brother wasn't. Ved knew right then that he would never be the man that Jay was, he would never fill one of the older boy's shoes let-alone a pair. Ved also knew that no matter what happened in the future, he would never forgive himself for what had happened that night.

In the darkness of night the tiny cottage in the middle of the forest looked so scary and unapproachable, so much so that it stopped Scott dead in his tracks for a moment as a feeling of unease settled over him. Jay however, was not deterred and continued relentless in his quest to get to their home no matter how much his feet ached and his eyes longed for the sweet-release of sleep.

His happiness from success and his determination of character drove him forward, as did the thrilling prospect of seeing her wonderful smile again. As every tree and stone he passed became more familiar Jay's heart only sailed higher, the gothic silhouette of the cottage doubling the size of his steps.

The ground beneath their feet was now comfortable rather than harsh, for the boys were home, home and safe which let a sense of relief flood into both of their hearts as they finally moved in to the much used and well-loved picnic area. To them it was a scene of calm and divinity and contained none of the bitter-grief it did for Tammy as her cool eyes continued to observe.

As soon as he saw the familiar figure of his brother silhouetted against the sharpness of leaves and branches and bark Ved was on his feet. His movements were still forced and jerky as he rose and he couldn't help but move in slow motion as he did so. In fact it seemed, as everything right now was moving at half it's normal speed, the dark and silence only startling Ved with its harshness. "Jay…" Ved whispered, his voice cracking slightly as he caught sight of the relieved smile on his brother's face.

"I did it Ved!" Jay laughed in spite of himself as he neared his brother triumphantly. "I actually did it…" As if to prove himself Jay held a single bottle of clear fluid up to the light of the moon and moved it slightly so that it caught and reflected the beam.

"Jay…" Ved tried to say it firmer, held up his hand as a warning for his brother to stay back from the cottage, to stay away until he had heard all that the younger blonde had to say.

But Jay didn't notice or heed the warning, his heart and head was too full of the wonder of success that it didn't even cross his mind to wonder if Grace was alright – he just assumed it was so for it had to be. He had succeeded now and now everything would be okay.

As the blonde leader moved to the steps, to move past Ved and tumble into the cottage to give Grace her first dose of the antibiotics Ved placed two hands on his chest firmly and shook his head. "Jay listen to me!" Ved pleaded, eyes wide and teary with frustration and guilt.

"I don't have time for this Ved…" Jay spoke slowly, seeing the look in his brother's eyes and not liking it one bit, not liking the feeling of dread it stirred in the pit of his stomach. "Out of my way little brother - I've gotta get inside – Grace needs…" At the sound of the name Tammy heard a sob escape her lips and struggled to control the rapid flurry of tears that now tumbled onto her cheeks as a result.

Jay's dark eyes flicked from the girl sobbing to his brother's own eyes, wide and grief-stricken and back again. The boy felt his stomach tighten and turn with nausea as he suddenly felt the brutal rip and burning of a loss that up until that moment he hadn't even realised he'd experienced. But now it was all too real, all too obvious. Jay shook his head slowly as his eyes continued to flick between a sobbing Tammy and a blurry-eyed Ved.

The images swam as his own gaze became hazy with the salty sting of tears at the back of his eyes and the blonde-leader struggled with his breathing. "No." Jay said finally and suddenly, his voice so firm and sharp it caused the other three to jump. "No." He repeated pushing Ved out of the way and taking the steps two-at-a-time, entering the house with a crash of the door.

Tammy's sobs continued for a long while through the otherwise silent outside area, even after Scott had pulled her into his arms in a chivalrous act of comfort. The world around them, although silent, seemed to carry-on and move so quickly about them that Scott could do nothing but wonder if the lives of all he cared for meant nothing to nature and whoever controlled it. He felt empty and isolated but most of all he felt let down, let down by God and hope and everything he had once believed in.

The room didn't look much different, in fact it looked so similar that at first Jay wondered if he was in some strange parallel universe where things didn't change and everything lasted forever. He wished he was in that place, for his life had been the way he wanted and he would've happily gone on within that bubble of love and hope he and Grace had created forever.

The candles still burned, giving the room that eerie-glow that the inky-eyed girl had been so fond of. The flickering from the small candles cast shadows on the walls, and brought movement into a room that was otherwise so very still and it was this that made everything seem unreal.

She looked like an angel, sleeping a beautiful slumber of chocolate and marshmallows, suspended in a place filled with the glow of love and wonder…she looked like the most beautiful thing in the world.

Jay was so rapt with the image of Grace, dark hair streaming across white pillows, that he didn't even notice as the bottle of clear liquid slipped from his fingers and smashed into a thousand pieces on the ground. He didn't even care, for he was entranced, speechless, breathless and numb all at the same time. His heart throbbed with love and his stomach turned with sickness and it was the strangest feeling in the whole world.

Jay didn't feel empty like the others did, he felt dazed as he took slow steps towards the bed, the body of his young lover still flushed and looking as though it would spring to life at any second.

"Gracey?" Jay whispered, taking a small hand into his own protectively and sitting next to her on the bed. The blonde-boy gulped back the lump that was rising in his throat and continued with a voice full of shakes. "Hey there Gracey…" He murmured, brushing a stray hair from her face with a tender finger and leaning forward to drop the lightest kiss onto her warm forehead. "I missed you…" He sniffed as a tear dropped from his eye and onto her soft cheek and quickly dashed it away with the back of his finger.

From the doorway, in shadows, Ved watched with his own tears as his brother spoke to his lover with a fierce tenderness that led the younger-blonde to think for a moment that perhaps it wasn't true, perhaps he had made a mistake, perhaps Grace was still…

"She's still warm." Jay commented to no one in particular, not even bothering to look up, knowing that someone was watching and feeling the need to fill the awful silence that Grace had left behind.

Ved choked back a sob and pressed his palms to his eyes to stop himself from crying, his whole frame shook with the violent cries that were threatening, but he couldn't and wouldn't give into them – not yet…

"Someone should tell Sara." Was Jay's next comment, his voice monotone and lifeless, hurt and drained as he addressed his brother once more.

"If you want I'll…" Ved began his voice catching as he spoke but Jay cut him off with a shake of the head.

"It should be me." He decided for them both, knowing the promise to look after Sara he had once made, a promise he would never break.

"Shall…" Ved gulped back tears as he tried to voice his question. "Shall we move her?"

Jay sniffed again and let out a long shaky breath, tightening his grip on Grace's lifeless fingers. "No." He decided finally. "Not yet." He corrected with a voice gentler than a whisper. "She's still warm."

It was later when Jay moved Grace, a frail figure clad in a white nightgown cradled in strong arms: lifeless and limp. As he held her for the last time Jay cried to the heavens, cried his one and only question, the question that would never be answered: Why? Why her.

And as dawn broke over the tiny cottage, hidden by trees and surrounded by the faint crash of waves and the call of sea birds, Jay remained in Grace's room. But he wasn't alone, for he held Sara in his lap, the young girl in turn holding her Sophie doll as she wept, and together they opened Grace's diary and kept the promise that they would read it.

 _We talk about the future a lot now, Jay and I, about how we can make things better in this world of chaos. He has this crazy idea of starting a school, but I have to admit I find his craziness endearing…he was so enthusiastic about it that I suggested we made a schooling-system for Sara, and now, every morning we take it in turns to teach her all the things we know: Maths, Science, English, History…and now we've even started with general living. Teaching her how to tell the difference between poisonous berries and edible ones, things like that. We try to make it fun, practising for the future of our own personal curriculum! We've promised each other that by two winters time we will have found a building to teach in…_

 _I've realised over the past few months that I do want to get married, and I do want children and I do want the happy-ever-after-ending. This may not be the ideal world for a little baby, or the world I would wish for my child but it's not so bad. We all take care of each other, we all work together, we're a family and what more could a little child want but a dozen or more loving aunts uncles and cousins? But for now I've put my wants and hopes and wishes on pause._

 _I used to wish for lots of things for myself. A career, a family, pretty-house – new shoes! – Happiness…but now I've tasted love everything else seems incidental. Love is something that is taken for granted until it has to be fought for and when I look at Jay I know that if I had a million lives to live I'd fight through them all just to feel the warmth his loving gaze. I may not always be happy or healthy or have all the things I want, but I can honestly say that I've been lucky. I'm loving and being loved and I couldn't wish for anything more._


	49. My Sweet Grace

**_My Sweet Grace_**

 **It's strange how quickly things change, and stranger still is the way that life and time moves forward as though it hasn't noticed. People go on, places don't cease to exist and every other thing that was familiar remains in tact. Even if you look closely, closer than you've ever looked at anything in your whole life still it's hard to pick out the change. But it's definitely gone; that much is clear, and when things like that disappear forever it's sometimes hard to ever imagine how life can continue. But continue it does, for that is the nature of how we live, and the reason why things don't last forever.**

 **I never thought that death would be so lonely. I survived the adults dying because it was reality for everyone, we all lost someone we loved, but this time I can't help but feel so very alone. I guess that old cliché is true you never really know how much you love or need someone until they're gone and that's the saddest thing of all.**

 **It seems just like yesterday when I met her on the beach, young and somehow vulnerable but so very beautiful. That's probably the best word to describe someone like Gracey as not many people fall under that category. Her beauty was the one thing that overwhelmed you when she spoke or smiled, even when she cried – even when she was at her sickest – her beauty never failed to touch my heart. She was a wonderful person, beautiful right down to her core with a heart of pure caring.**

 **But I'm not going to say it's not hard, I've never struggled with something more in my whole life. But more than that, I have to strive and fight and live with the fact that if only I would've been a bit quicker then she could've been saved. I know that doesn't help and that it only makes things worse…I try to put thoughts like these to the back of my mind, try to fight everyday and every demon as it arrives but some days are so hard that I can't imagine surviving till dusk.**

 **Every minute is a test, every second I feel as though my heart won't stop breaking and that I'll die from it. But still the seconds pass by – slowly, steadily – and I'm still here weeks later struggling onwards to my next minute and that surprises me, I'm shocked at how much the human mind can tolerate.**

 **Sometimes I want to give up but I know I can't, for her, for Sara I must be strong and for myself. No matter how sad I am or however many tears I may cry, the sorrow and pain can't take away the love I had and still have strong and undying beating inside my chest as every dreaded moment passes.**

 **Grace told me that I could live my dreams, and although a dream without her feels like nothing I know now more than ever that I must fight with all my love for a better future. I want to make Grace's dreams come true as well as my own, I want to build a better place for us all, somewhere where you won't get sick from a cut finger, where antibiotics are available, where children can learn - I will achieve these dreams even if I have to die trying.**

 **And I know that every step of the way she'll always be there: in the beauty of the silent sunsets she loved so much, in the calling of the ocean breeze caressing the shore, in happiness and in laughter. Grace was so much a part of everyone that it would be impossible for her life and energy and memory to ever leave us.**

 **She's in my heart and that's where I plan to keep her. Even if I never hold her hand again or hear her whispering my name, even if I never experience her touch or kiss or see the way her eyes lit up when I called her, even if never again I see that smiling face and those eyes full of wonder as they looked into a new world.**

 **Whatever she was, whatever she is, whatever she will be remembered as can't mean anything to me other than love, because I knew the magic of being in love with her.**

 **She was, she is and she always will be, my sweet Grace.**


End file.
